I'm escorted through the Justice Building and sat in a room. I've never been in here before and it's nicer than I imagined it would be. I guess that isn't too hard though - I haven't ever properly thought about it.
The wait isn't long before my mother runs in, teary eyed, and wraps me in such a tight hug I struggle to breathe.
"Too... tight..." I choke, and she lets me go.
"Sorry, Johanna. It's just... knowing you might be going from us forever makes me want to hug you even more than usual. I mean, you're my daughter... and you're being put on a train that will take you to die. You're my daughter! My daughter!" She looks like she is going to collapse so I grab her wrists to steady her. "Poppet, you mean so much to me and without you I would be broken inside. You're my baby girl still - you always will be - and I need you home, I need you safe."
I twirl a piece of my hair which has come loose. "I know, Mother. I need you too, I don't know what I'll do without you there." I look up and see my father and brother. "And you both. I'll miss you all..."
I start to cry even more, and I'm sure the whole justice building can probably hear my sobs, but I'm sure they've heard worse still.
I walk across the room to where my brother stands. "Daniel..." I begin but I choke up. "Oh, goodness, I can't... I can't do this. I can't say goodbye to you all, it seems too final, like I have already died. I probably will die, b-but... but there's a miniscule chance of me living. I don't want to die, I'll do whatever it takes to survive, I'll prove I'm capable..."
"Johanna, you were inconsolable back there. Nobody's going to think you're capable," reminds my father, and I begin to panic even more. But then I come up with an idea, and it just might work.
"Whatiftheydon'tthinkI'macontender?" They all stare at me like I'm mad. I sigh, and go about explaning myself. "Well, what if? I mean, if they've all written me off then they won't pursue me so soon, and maybe I'd stand a chance! If I'm feeble, and if I'm weak, then they won't consider me a contender, but I would be. I would be a contender in disguise, disguised as a weakling! Obviously, it's underhand, but my life's going to be on the line so what choice do I have?"
There's silence for a few moments before my father pipes up. "That, Johanna, is genius. Oh, I've always been so proud of you, sweetie..." He tries to wrap his arms around me but I shuffle away. If my mother's hug left me unable to breathe, then my father's would kill me. Lilterally, he would manage to squish me to death. Instead, I hug my brother. He's younger, weaker, so he can't do me any harm.
"Johanna, what if they manage to kill you?" Daniel asks, and I cannot think of an answer.
"I just have to hope they can't get to me." I smile. It's peculiar how, in our most vulnerable moments, we are able to laugh so much more.
I take a look at all three members of my family, and I can't take it. "Oh, goodness, I love you guys. You have to promise to stay strong for me, and to never give up hope for me - can you do that? I mean, if my own family stops believing in me, goodness only knows how I should manage."
My mother tucks the loose strand of hair behind my ear, and kisses me on the cheek. "Johanna, I could never give up on you. I don't think I know of any mother who would ever lose confidence in their daughter..."
"Thanks," I say, and I mean it. Just knowing I have them behind me makes me feel so much better somehow.
A peacekeeper comes to the door. "Mr Mason, Mrs Mason, may I request that you leave now, taking your son with you. Miss Mason has another visitor who requests time with her."
"Of course, sir. Immediately," my mother responds, her voice shaky. They all come and kiss me on my cheek - a humble goodbye - and then they're gone, and I await my next visitor.
Elise comes to see me, and she looks considerably less sad than my family did.
"Hello," I tentatively say, suspicious of her surprisingly collected manner.
"Hello." She takes a seat and I make myself comfortable in the one opposite. "So... this is farewell. I mean, I guess it was nice knowing you..." she jokes, and a manage a small giggle.
"Don't lose all faith in me yet, please don't. I'm intending on coming home. You've seen me in the forest, with an axe, you know I'm capable..."
"You are capable, yes, but are your morals intact? Because killing people- children even, that takes a very immoral person."
"Or a desperate one," I point out.
"Someone would have to be very desperate to kill som-"
"IT'S THE HUNGER GAMES, HOW MUCH MORE DESPERATE DO YOU EXPECT?" She's silent now, shocked at my statement probably. I'm typically so quiet and reserved so this is unusual, even if I have on occasion reacted badly in the past.
"I'm sorry, Johanna..." There's a ghost of a smile on her face trying to fight against the sorrow in her eyes, but it's not powerful enough to win the battle and Elise seems to stay down.
I smile weakly back and I tell her that she needn't apologise, that this isn't her fault, that it was a decision beyond her control. She just cups my left hand between both of hers and she holds it tight. When she lets go there's a charm in my hand, a tiny pinecone carved of wood.
"It's for in the arena. You will take it, won't you?"
"Of course I will, Elise, how could I not?" I'm already crying but if I hadn't have been, her gesture would have still brought a tear to my eye.
We just sit there, in silence, me glad of her presence, her treasuring her possible last moments with me. It'd seem pointless to spend the time like this to most people, but for us it is powerful. It gives me a chance to reflect on all the fun times we have had together. When we were running through the forests aged seven. Or when we were ten and her father was teaching us how to use an axe properly so we could help with the lumber industry. Happy memories that I don't ever want to lose, that I intend on taking with me to my grave, be that now or in sixty years time.
After a while she is made to go. "Goodbye, Johanna."
I can't bear the idea of making our farewell final, so I just say, "See you, Elise."