Chapter 2
Jackson sat in his chair looking at the TV in front of him; looking, but definitely not watching it. He could hear Hazel clattering around upstairs. He glanced at the clock for the eighteenth time in the last ten minutes. Aaron usually had lunch at half twelve. It was now 12:40… 12.41. He worked literally metres away. Sometimes Jackson could hear Aaron and Cain shout playful obscenities at each other through the brick. Jackson loved that. He'd often hear Ryan verbally try and break up their war of words making the whole situation sound even more comical. He was usually here by now. Aaron always popped in for his lunch. Maybe today he wouldn't. He's probably bypassed the cottage completely and gone to the Woolie, Jackson thought. He wasn't going to come. Not after their argument this morning.
12.43.
12.44.
Just as Jackson was about to give up and finally admit defeat and become immersed into Cash In the Attic, the front door creaked open. Jackson tried, and failed, to hide the excitement in his big brown eyes as Aaron sheepishly stepped inside. His head was down. He looked nervous. He rounded the bed that jutted out into the room. He held onto the rail as he began to speak.
'I'm sorry. For what I said… the 'paralysed' thing'.
Jackson swallowed.
'You're forgiven.'
There was an awkward silence.
'So…where's your mum?' Aaron turned Jackson's chair to face the side of the bed. He sat down exactly where he'd sat this morning.
'Upstairs. Has been for ages now. No idea what she's doing.'
'Maybe she's having a cheeky nap.' Aaron laughed nervously, 'I swear she never stops these days…'
'Aaron, we're doing it again.' Jackson's faced turned serious. Noticing it, Aaron's smile dropped.
'What?'
'Ignoring the massive elephant in the room!' Jackson spoke slowly and sighed, his voiced edging towards anger again. 'I'm serious. We need to talk about this.'
Aaron rubbed his hand over his cropped hair in exasperation.
'Oh not this! Jackson, it was a stupid idea that we…I, am not even going to consider! It's insane!'
'Is it?'
'Yes!' Aaron jumped up, the physical distance between them increasing to mirror the mental one. 'Are you really saying that you'd be happy to see me with some other bloke? Be happy for me to come over for tea at night knowing all the while where I'm going afterwards? Be happy for me to come over and visit you at night after seeing him? Are you really saying you'll be fine with that?
'I can deal with it. I can. It's fine.' Jackson choked down a sob.
'Fine? Really? So it's fine for me to kiss you, and you can still taste him on my lips, you can smell him on my skin? That's fine is it? You'd be fine with that?' Aaron spoke with with a spiky tone, the hurt he felt inside manifesting itself in verbal daggers.
Unbeknownst to them, Hazel, alarmed by the sudden raised voices, had crept to the top of the stairs and listened to the scene unfold, questioning herself as to when, not if, she should intervene.
'I can learn to be fine with it. I can' Jackson whimpered, tears rolling down his face for the second time that day, telling himself as much as Aaron.
'Well I can't Jackson. I can't. I can't go out and do… whatever knowing that all the while you're sat here waiting for me to come home. I can't.'
'You don't have to feel guilty for me…'
Aaron threw his head up to the ceiling.
'You don't get it do you? It's not that! Well it is, of course it is, but it's more than that. The last thing I want in this world is to hurt you. And I would do. I cannot enjoy myself whilst I'm hurting you. And either way, I can't, I can't… do those things without you. It's just, it's just, kind of not right. I don't want or need, anyone else.'
Hazel smiled to herself. To her at least, this was a declaration.
' 'Yeah, you might feel like this now…' Jackson started quietly.
'Am I talking Spanish here?' Aaron snapped, 'Can you not hear what I'm saying?' Unconciously, Aaron clenched his fists, turning from Jackson. 'You know what… forget it. Just forget it.'
And with that, he'd gone. The door slammed behind him, the sound reverberating around the small cottage and around Jackson's head.
He sniffed, attempting to hold back more tears. They'd splattered his face until it was sore. It dawned on him that he couldn't wipe them away. At this thought, his stomach dropped all too familiarly. Something else quickly dawned on him too.
'Come on then Mum, come and have your say.' He growled, knowing there was absolutely no need for him to raise his voice, Hazel was bound to already be close enough to hear.
Hazel crept down the stairs and turned Jackson's chair to face her. She forced a smile and knelt down to his level. It was clear that she had also been crying.
'What did I do to deserve a son so loving and special as you eh?'