Push me out to sea
On a little boat that you made
Out of the evergreen that you helped your father cut away
The cab was driving quietly through the rainy streets of London and I was lost in my reverie. Alice was texting with someone, most likely her brother who was studying abroad at the moment, and I was left thinking about her earlier question.
When, please tell me, when did your life start to evolve around him? He's just a guy we worked with on a project!
Alice was, of course, right. He was just a guy we had to work with on a project together, a client who needed our help to organize a mammoth charity project. Charity! I shook my head. Charity… Alice was right, he was a decent gentleman, a selfless one, too, apparently. I took a sip from the wine bottle Alice had brought with her to my place and sighed, leaning my head against the window. He was an enigma. Why did he treat me this way? Why go out of his way to ridicule me in the most fanciest manner possible and leave me standing, staring after him with nothing but rage pulsing through my veins. And maybe a tiny bit of longing…
Woah, hold your horses there for a moment! Where did that come from?
More wine…
Alice grabbed the bottle from my hand before I could take another swig of the sweet liquid. "Nope, a lady never arrives intoxicated. She waits politely for everybody else present to make a fool out of themselves first. Only then does she follow suit…", she said laughing.
"Oh bugger off!" was my grumbled reply.
She gave me a weird look. "Alright, what's the problem? It's not like you to get all… insecure to the point where you try to replace courage with alcohol."
I looked her in the eye and saw her features soften, an action brought on by whatever she must have seen in my face.
"It's about him, isn't it? His presence there?"
I stayed silent.
"Tori, he's friends with Arthur. That's why he worked together with us in the first place. It's only natural for him to attend his friend's party. And we are Arthur's friends and colleagues, so we're attending, too. It's his birthday, so cheer up, okay?" She nudged my side. "I heard there'll be karaoke!"
I gave her a weak smile in return.
The cab pulled up in front of a cozy-looking pub and we got out, only to make a run for the door through the rain. Once inside, I felt relaxed. It was warm and noisy and I saw Hanna, Marie and Josh waving at us from the other side of the pub. Alice and I made our way over to them, hanging our coats up to dry. Josh thrust a cider into my hand and whistled at me.
"You certainly clean up nicely, Miss Addams", he drawled at me and kissed my hair, making me giggle. There once were rumors that the two of us were dating, but I knew for a fact that Josh was gay, and so did Hanna, Marie and Alice. Josh didn't care who knew about his preferences or not, but he thought it was funny to keep people guessing.
I leaned against his side and smiled at my friends, bathing in the comfortable atmosphere. I fought the urge to scan the room.
Arthur made his way over to us to greet us and we hugged and laughed and wished him a very happy birthday. "Thank you for inviting us!" I beamed at him.
He laughed. "Thank you for coming and celebrating with me! If you're hungry, just order something from the kitchen, will you? Oh and, as promised, there'll be karaoke later, so better cut back on any strong drinks!" We all shared a laugh and he went on his way to talk to the other guests.
I heard the door open and even though I stood with my back towards it, I knew it was him. The hair on my neck stood up and a shiver ran down my spine. Josh sensed my discomfort and hugged me to his side.
He made his way over to where we were gathered to hang up his coat. Old-fashioned, stylish, timeless… I caught a whiff of his cologne and it made me feel something.
"Good evening, lovely ladies and, of course, Josh. I hope you're enjoying your time here so far." They all agreed heartily and he hung up his coat to reveal dark jeans and a black shirt. He finally turned to me, gazing at Josh's arm at my waist so fleetingly, I almost missed it.
"Miss Addams", his voice falling in to a deep drawl, it almost sounded like a growl.
"Mr. Armitage", I said trying to keep my voice even.
He stared into my eyes and I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. He abruptly turned and left.
Leave me on the tracks
To wait until the morning train arrives
Stunned silence.
"What the hell was that?" Hanna burst out.
They were all looking at me. "If you want an answer to that question, I'd advise you to follow him and ask him." I emptied my cider and ordered a new one.
"I just don't get it. He's nice and civil to everyone… expect for you" Alice mused.
"No shit!" Josh chimed in and we all laughed, even me. What else was there to do?
My gaze followed him through the pub. He greeted everyone and smiled, sometimes even laughed. Seeing him so at ease and genuine with others made my insides ache. And in that precise moment I realized that I would give everything to know him in this particular way. I didn't know the cheery and laid-back side of him, the unguarded. It seemed to be reserved for everybody else, apart from me. I got the brooding and intimidating version of him and it confused me and frustrated me to no ends. It robbed me of my sleep.
This man left me feeling helpless… like hanging in the air.
Don't you dare look back
Walk away
Catch up with the sunrise