Sirius walked into the dorm room after a very long study session with a few Ravenclaws. He hated all-nighters, but he was certain Professor Slughorn was going to give the class a very hard exam the next day.
He changed amidst the soft sounds of his friends breathing. He climbed into bed the quietest way he could and sunk down under the covers. He pushed his arm under his pillow so he could get better support for his head, when he felt something under there. Something that felt strangely paper like.
As excited as a kid on Christmas morning he grabbed his wand off the nightstand and ripped open the envelope to pull out Remus' letter to him and a few more pieces of paper fell onto his bed covers. With his wand giving off just enough light to read from, he soon engrossed himself.
Dear Sirius,
What are you talking about? That sounds perfectly ok. It's formal, but a bit endearing. Writing something like,
Yo! Sirius! What is up my friend?!?
Ugh. It sounds so vulgar and American. Besides, don't worry about writing down questions that you're asking yourself, I do it all the time. It helps me study for exams.
Now, about exams. I'm pretty sure that by the time you're reading this, it's around three in the morning and you just snuk into the room after many long arduous hours spent in the library cramming for the test from Slughorn, while the rest of us are asleep. If I'm right you owe me five bars of Honeyduke's finest dark chocolate. And if you don't give it to me, I'm never going to write you again.
Oh and by the way, I LOVE YOU TOO!!! Just thought I ought to return the favor. I'll try to help kill your boredom. The other pieces of parchment are few crosswords and word searches you might like. Here are a few riddles for you.
What has no beginning, no end, and nothing in the middle? It's not 'nothing' by the way, Sirius.
I am the warmth you feel on a cold night, the sound you hear when all is silent, the pressure destroying you when you are angered, and the color you see when you are in pain.
I am a white, ivory chest that holds golden riches inside. I have no hinges or keyhole. Once I am opened I can never again be closed.
I am both a hunter and a protector. Some people find love in my radiance, while others discover their darker side when I reveal my complete self.
As for the essays. I want you to write me a foot long parchment on the advantages of being a Black, and the joys of seeing Snape and Malfoy throughout your childhood. Actually, make it two feet. I want to make you think. As much as it hurts, it's good for you. As you always say, 'pain is just weakness leaving the body'. Great Sirius, that really helps every 28 days. And no, I do not get my period. As much as you like telling the entire school, I am not a girl.
By the way, thank you for telling Professor Rorret that you cheated off of me. That makes all of our lives easier.
Now to answer your questions.
Q: Why did I write this?
A: I felt sorry for you. That's it. Just pity.
Q: Why did I choose you?
A: James didn't write to me and from what I've been told, Peter can't read or write. Darn, I guess he's just a pretty face.
Q: Why don't I just talk to you?
A: I never do. You always talk to me and I pretend to care. It's a great symbiotic relationship. Since I'm sure you don't know what that is, look it up. Animals and Their Behaviors page 267 third paragraph down.
Q: Am I expecting a response from you?
A: That's just how I thought the process worked. I write to you…you write to me…I write back…you write back to my write back… it could go on forever if we so desired. Until one of us died.
Q: What's my favorite color?
A: Black. It's arrogant, yet pompous.
Q: What do I want Santa to bring me?
A: Something to help keep you in line. A whip and leach sound good.
Q: How long does it take for the light from the sun to reach us?
A: a) who gives a bloody damn, and b) what would you do in the eight minutes that would be worth while if the sun was exploding?
I hope you get to bed soon. I don't want to keep you up. Goodnight Sirius.
P.S. If you just got into bed I would suggest you go take a shower now. James was doing something in there that looked suspicious.