Harley Quinn was teaching her new baby, Charlie the Alphabet while The Joker worked on his newest plans to kill Batman. Charlie's original attire: a blue T-shirt and a diaper had been replaced with: a miniature version of The Joker's suit and a miniature version of Harley Quinn's jester hat, complete with porcelain, clown-doll makeup to tie off the appearance.
"Okay Charlie; what letter is this?" Harley asked, holding up a flashcard with the letter .F on it.
"K!" Charlie cheered with a giggle.
"No, it's .F..." Harley corrected before saying, "I don't get it; every time I say .F, you see .K"
"Harleen Quinzell! You know how I feel about cursing so don't you dare teach the kid to! We're clowns not comedians at sketchy nightclubs!" The Joker scolded.
"But I didn't curse..." Harley defended.
"You spelled a curse word!" The Joker accused with a growl.
"No I didn't!" She childishly argued.
"Of course not. What was I thinking?" The Joker rolled his eyes before playfully tickling Charlie to make him smile, "Goochy! Goochy! Goo!" Charlie giggled before reaching up and pulling out three strands of The Joker's hair.
"Ow!" He yelped as baby Charlie attempted to eat his hair before spitting it back out with a, "Bleh!"
"Aww! He's hungry..." Harley cooed as The Joker rubbed his scalp in an attempt to sooth the throbbing as he muttered something about Charlie learning manners and feeding him to the hyena under his breath.
"I like turtles..." Charlie giggled as The Joker groaned and face palmed.
"I'm gonna getcha some food Li'l .J; you stay with Daddy." Harley smiled.
"Okay lady." Charlie replied.
"I'm your Mother Charlie...Call me Mom..." Harley sighed, knowing that Charlie knew her and The Joker weren't his real parents. She then gave Charlie and The Joker a kiss on the cheek before giving Bud and Lou a pat on the head then heading to the store.
~Meanwhile.~
The Mother of Charlie, Chance, Cameron, Cory and Tes, who had survived her last encounter with The Joker but now suffers from a large scar on her throat and problems speaking clearly was being interviewed on The News.
"Please, somebody bring my baby back safe..." She chocked out as she began to cry hysterically. It was then, The Joker shot out the T.V screen with his pistol, snarling lightly after doing so. His glare then softened as he picked up baby Charlie then asked, "You don't want to go back to that wretched woman do you?"
"Mommy?" Charlie questioned, recognizing his real Mother as he reached for the broken T.V forlornly. It was then, The Joker pounded his fist on the top of Charlie's head before shouting, "SHE'S NOT YOUR MOTHER! HARLEY IS GOT IT?!" He growled from jealously as Charlie shrank down in fear.
"Okay Mr..." Charlie whimpered, rubbing his head.
"I'm your Father kiddo...Call me Dad..." The Joker sighed before calling his henchmen, who were dressed like The Three Stooges, "Moe! Lar'! Curl'! Come on boys; we got a bat to catch!" He ordered, carrying Charlie over to his violet Cadillac.
"Yes bos." Moe followed.
"Right behind ya." Larry followed.
"Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck!" Curly laughed as he followed close behind.
~Meanwhile.~
Harley Quinn snuck into the kitchen of Charlie's former Mother's house, stealing all of the baby mush and formula from her fridge when she heard footsteps coming her way. She put the food in her smiley face purse before making a mad dash upstairs to hide.
~Meanwhile.~
Bruce Wayne was driving his Limo to a meeting when he heard The Joker's psychotic, high-pitched cackle from the car behind him. The Joker had unmasked him in front of all the villains a while back but they all decided to let him go when they realized how boring their lives of crime would be without Batman as their challenge but things were different this time, Batman posed as a risk to The Joker's newly formed family; it was only a matter of minutes before he busted Harley and him for kidnapping and took the closest thing they had to a child away from them and The Joker was tired of being reminded that he didn't have a family. Deep down he always wanted a wife and a child but he was too proud to admit it and now that he had a family, he was determined to destroy anything or anyone that posed as a threat to it.
"Oh now..." Bruce gasped as he slammed on the gas peddle, driving a hundred miles an hour. He hadn't even heard about baby Charlie's kidnapping yet so he was confused as to why The Joker had suddenly changed his mind and decided to do him in. He drove over the hills of the street as The Joker's loud, bulky Cadillac came crashing over the hills after him.
"Faster Curl'!" The Joker ordered as he rolled his window down and stuck his upper half out of the window while sitting on the window cill. Curly was practically dancing as he held on to the tail of The Joker's suit to keep him from falling of the window with one hand, steering the car and working the stick-shift with the other and stomping on the gas and clutch peddled with both feet in fast, comical motions.
"I'm goin' as fast as I can boss! Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoo!" He complained as The Joker threw cough drops, loose-change, soda-bottles/cans, beer-bottles/cans, wine-bottles, old bullet-shells, a Tennis-racket and a radio at Bruce's Limo, denting the back of it horribly and cracking the windshield. Bruce put his vehicle in autopilot as he tried to change into his Batman costume so he could properly fight The Joker but much to his misfortune, The Joker had found a hand grenade in his glove compartment and had thrown it at his Limo, blowing it off of the road as it crashed on the beach, near the ocean. Batman crawled from the wreckage of his Limo and reached for his utility belt that had fallen out of the window when The Joker stepped in his hand, making him cry out in pain. The Joker picked up the belt with one hand as he used the other to squeeze the flower on his lapel and squirt Chloroform in Batman's face, rendering him unconscious.
~Meanwhile.~
Charlie's former Mother had hired a normal woman to babysit her remaining children while she went with the police on a search party for her infant. The babysitter was going upstairs to clean the children's rooms while they were out in the yard playing. She entered Cory's room first, seeing that Cory had a lot of clown dolls and statues, varying in size. This made it easy for Harley Quinn to hide in plain sight as she slumped in the rocking chair at the foot of the bed with a disturbing grin plastered across her countenance. She was easily mistaken for a life-size clown doll as the new babysitter winced in fear before covering Harley up with a blanket. She jumped when she heard the phone ring and ran downstairs to answer it.
"Hello?" She answered it to Charlie's Mother who had called to check up on things.
"Yes ma'am, everything's fine but the clown doll at the foot of your daughter's bed is creeping me out. I had to cover it up; is that okay with you?" She asked as she awaited The Mother's answer growing quiet and pale when she received it.
"What do you mean there's no clown doll at the foot of the bed?!" She asked before dropping the phone when she heard a psychotic laughter behind her. She turned around only to get cracked over the head with Harley's mallet as she slipped into unconsciousness.
~Meanwhile.~
When Batman awoke, he was trapped in a purple, cage-like piece of exorcise equipment. He could see The Joker's henchmen fighting in a rather comical, Three-Stooges-like manner before The Joker walked in and yelled, "ENOUGH! Set those tables and chairs back up like they were NOW! This ain't no slumber party!" The Stooge-like henchmen broke up their fighting immediately and began scrambling to clean everything up.
"I've seen a bunch of wild hyenas act like this! No offense Bud and Lou..." The Joker smiled at his pet hyenas.
"Non taken." Bud wagged his tail.
"Daddy's boy..." Lou grumbled.
"Joker..." Batman grunted as The Joker directed his ice-cold glare his way.
"Why?" He asked with a pained groan.
"Like you don't know..." The Joker growled.
"I don't unless you're still mad about the chemicals...That was an accident..." Batman replied.
"Don't play dumb Batsy!" The Joker snapped before jokingly saying, "As if you were ever really playing..." This remark caused Batman to glare at him.
"But I know very good and well that you know about mine and Harley's new baby!" He snarled as Batman raised an eyebrow in confusion and said, "Uh...congratulations?" With a shrug, making The Joker growl in frustration.
"It's not mine; I swear!" Batman defended, thinking that Harley must have cheated on him and he was a suspect.
"It's not mine either! Or hers..." He walked away from the cages before Batman asked, "So...you adopted?"
"NO! Yes? SORTA!" The Joker replied.
Can I...see the little guy?" Batman asked, provoking a rather surprised and confused look from The Joker before he pursed his lips and picked baby Charlie up out of his crib with a dull expression.
"What's his name?" Batman smiled.
"Charlie?" The Joker replied, raising an eyebrow.
"Like Charlie Chaplin?" Batman asked as it finally occurred to The Joker that Batman really had no clue what was going on as he forced a polite grin and said, "Yes...like Charlie Chaplin..." Through gritted teeth.
"So why am I locked up?" Batman questioned.
"Just testing my new trap..." The Joker smiled nervously before ordering his henchmen to release Batman. It would be wise to release him at this moment since he were left in the dark about the whole situation and keeping him locked up in his lair would be a higher risk of him catching onto them, plus he still had Batman's utility belt and without that Batman would be powerless even if he did find out.
"Bye Batsy! Come again!" The Joker waved as the confused Batman left his house, still unaware that he was missing his belt.
"I don't get it Jo'; why'd ya let Batsy get away?" Curly asked.
"Simple my dear boy, Batman doesn't know where Charlie really came from and no one will as long as he has this disguise. No one except those snot-nosed brats but I can put a stop to that and I have Batman's belt. He won't be stopping any crime for a while. "The Joker victoriously explained before plotting the demise of his real problems.
Chapter 2 of 4.