A/N: I'm so glad people like this story; I didn't know how well it would go over, with how out-there it is. :3 It's been so fun looking things up for ideas—and I have so many plans for this, so please keep reading! Review please? Let me know what you think!

Mail Jeevas, P.I.

2

Oh man. I am so fucked. Ohhhh man.

I don't have a lot of time, but this is really important so I should probably write it down.

So I went to that kid's house to check out that Devalpa, hoping that maybe it was just an actual normal human hobo. Of course, it wasn't. It was definitely the real deal. When I showed up it pulled all of its best moves on me—you know, limping, puppy dog eyes, etc.,- but of course I ignored it and tried to find the kid. I mean, yeah it's a monster but it's not going anywhere anytime soon, and I don't work for free. It was a really bad part of town, so I was scared to death for my beautiful car and these creepy guys kept eying me up like they wanted to sell me on the black market or something. (What? I said I wasn't delusional, I never said I wasn't paranoid.) But anyway, I knocked on the door and after about five times of knocking the boy finally answered. In person he had a slight middle eastern accent and once he calmed down a bit, (I had to show him my gun before he'd believe he was safe with me. Go figure.) he explained how his grandmother had raised him on tales of strange creatures. That explained how he knew about the Devalpa.

Unfortunately, for me, and now his brother, his gram had never told him how to kill them.

You see, after that, things got hairy. One of the guys I'd caught staring at me earlier decided to come inside—and when he saw me, with a gun, next to the kid, he freaked. He started screaming at me to get away from his little brother, and then I knew nothing was going to end well. He grabbed the kid—whose name is actually Chris, by the way—and pulled a gun on me. Then, doing the stupidest thing possible, he walked me out of the house at gunpoint, taking Chris with him.

Then we were all outside. WITH THE DEVALPA.

Now you'd think, oh, that's okay, no one's going to pick it up or anything, so no danger. But of course not, not with some cocky, brash teenager around. I can't hate the guy too much, cause he reminds me too much of how Mello can be sometimes, but this one isn't smart like Mello.

In fact, he's really an idiot.

Right when I thought things couldn't get much worse—I'm in a terrible neighborhood, with a gun in my face, being screamed at by a jerk with anger issues, and SOME DOUCHE WAS SITTING ON MY CAR SMOKING A JOINT, and then the Devalpa decides it's a wonderful time to come up and ask the really scary angry guy for a lift.

And then, of course, the cocky imbicile decides to JUDO FLIP the Devalpa, thereby PICKING HIM UP. So within two seconds flat we went from bad situation to oh my fucking jesus that guy is being attacked by snakes. Chris was screaming, his brother was screaming, the guy leaving ashes on my car was screaming, and somehow in all of that chaos I was like

CALM.

BE CALM, MATT.

IT'S GOGGLES TIME.

(The relationship between me and my goggles is really quite simple. They stay on my head all the time, and when things get hairy and I might lose an eye, it's fucking goggles time. Plus for some reason they make me feel invincible. Please tell me that's not a mental disorder too?)

So I put on my goggles, and with some unlikely stroke of half genius, I shot the Devalpa in the head. The great thing about creatures like this is they've usually been around so long, guns are a new thing to them. Being hit in the face with a hunk of lead isn't fun for anything, so for a few seconds—well; I had an extra few seconds. So I grabbed Chris and his dumbass brother, kicked the reeling Devalpa back a few paces, and somehow managed to shove them both into the backseat of my car before it recovered. I didn't have time to shoot the stoner (ugh why) but he did go flying when I took off like a bat out of hell.

To put it shortly, now I have one very confused dumbass named Julian and one very scared little boy, and they are both hiding in the safest room of my office until I can figure out how to get the very very angry Devalpa off our trail.

They're in my bathroom.

And I have to pee.

Usually I don't like to bother Mello with my cases unless he's already interested, but I really could use an extra guy with a gun around here so that I can relax enough to do research. Maybe he could teach Julian some restraint. Or at least maybe something better to do when frustrated than Judo flip hobos.

Eh who am I kidding, Mello would have done the exact same thing. They'll probably get along swell.

Doesn't change the fact that I need help. Time to call Mello. I hope he's not busy; cause that's all I need now is a pissed off Mello in my shop. Maybe I should write down this call too, so Ramona will stop questioning my "overly-dependent and needy" relationship with him. Hopefully he'll be helpful like he usually is, and I can prove that bitch wrong.

It's not "dependent" if he offers. I mean come on.

Dial his number. Ringing…

"Hey Matt, what's up?" (There's loud music in the background. Lots of chatter. I hear the sound of a door opening and the background noise fades.)

"Uh, hey Mello, think you could do me a favor?" (I never ask for favors unless something screws up. This sucks. I love my job but I don't like asking for help. Usually I can deal with shit myself.)

"Uhh..." (thoughtful pause) "Yeah, I can spare an hour or two. Fire away; I'm guessing you've got a little problem?" (He pretends to sound like he's inconvenienced, but I know him too well. He loves this stuff. Give him an excuse to shoot things and play detective and he's all over it. He just likes to sound aloof.)

"I've got a Devalpa on my ass and two jerk-offs in my bathroom, and it really wants to get to 'em. I've got no clue how to kill it, but technically I just stole its newest toy and it's definitely not too pleased with me. So I'd guess that qualifies as a problem." (Huff. Sigh. Bang head off desk. Punch window frame then immediately regret it.)

"Well, You'll have to tell me later what exactly a Devalpa is, but if it's my help you need my help I can easily bring enough guns to arm everyone. Want me to keep a lookout while you look stuff up?" (RELIEF. YES MELLO. YOU ARE MY SAVIOR.)

"Yes! Yes that would be great. Thank you so much." (Sigh of relief. No idea why I'm so relieved, but it will be much better with someone else here to keep me from wringing Julian's neck for getting me into this. If he'd have had a little more common sense, I could have just killed the big badie and been on my way. But noooo. Too easy.)

I hear Mello's car start up—the Ginetta I saw him in earlier—and the motor barely hums as he puts it in drive.

"I'll run home and get some supplies, and I'll be over in a few."

He hangs up, and I'm left with dial tone. (Why does everyone keep hanging up on me today?)

Okay. I'll check on Chris and Julian, while the computer is starting up.

But before I do that, I think I'll take a leak in that potted plant in the corner.

They're fine. Chris explained to Julian who I am and what the Devalpa is, saving me the great trouble of dumbing down everything to his level, and now he's thanking his luck that I was there to save his ass.

I can't wait till Mello gets here. Somehow when Mello's around, everything seems under control.

That's another cool thing about Mello. He practically oozes confidence. Not that I'm unconfident or anything, but generally, I like to take it easy. I'm a sloucher, I chew on my pens, and when I question people, I like to do it with an air of casual relaxation. I don't really do loud or stressful. Mello—he's a whole 'nother story. He's more of the "I'm in control, and I know what I'm doing" type. He's not really a jerk about it—unless he gets too much caffeine—but usually he's just the active, strategic type. I've heard that in his job, he doesn't just profile; he can tell enough about the criminals to tell the police exactly where to go to catch them, and when. Like I've said before, damn smart. And whatever else it is that he does…well, I'm sure he's the same way there too.

I'm hoping that whenever I find out what kills this ghoul, he'll help me formulate a good plan.

Anyway, Google search time. Time to take notes. Wow, this journal is actually coming in handy more than I thought it would. That's disappointing.

Devalpa Facts:

-If you refuse to work for them, they kill you. So Julian is pretty fucked unless I solve this.

-Apparently there is a Devalpa in "Sinbad"

-According to the oh so reliable sources of the World Wide Web, it was killed by either having its brains bashed out or beheading.

-Actually I'm getting more things that say brain-bashing works best, so I think I'll go with that. Well, this will be pleasant. And so easy to clean up. (Ugh.)

-One thing is always the same: to get rid of the Devalpa, you have to get it drunk. How on earth am I going to pull this off? I don't even have any wine. Which, apparently, is preferred. Great.

Time to call Mello again. He's bound to have some wine. Hopefully nothing too expensive to waste on a leech like this one.

Where is that damn Devalpa anyway? Why isn't it breaking down my door by now? Mello had better get here soon. The suspense is killing me. There's no way I can do this by myself and protect Julian and Chris.

Hurry up, Mello. And bring some wine.