Reviews are love. No spoilers for any episodes and I don't own anything...
Alex went to work the next morning and she still hadn't made any kind of decision on what she was going to do. Getting pregnant had never even entered her mind. The thought had never entered her mind. She knew that she loved Bobby with all of her heart. However, she also knew that he didn't feel the same. The words that he'd whispered to her when they made love were simply words that he felt were necessary to say to a woman that you were having sex with.
If he remembered their night together, she was sure that he would have said something to her in the six weeks that had passed, but he hadn't given her the slightest clue that he could remember that night. That one, wonderful, special night.
Sitting in her car that afternoon she felt the tears coming to her once again. She let her hand drift down to her stomach and she suddenly knew that she couldn't get rid of this baby. She couldn't have Bobby, but she could have a piece of him. She could have this baby and she would love him or her simply because of who it's father was.
She heard someone tap on the window and she looked up. She saw Bobby standing there and sighed. Great, just great. The one person that she didn't want to see at that moment was the one person that was standing there right now. She rolled down her window and asked, "What?"
She saw him pull away and felt bad for being so short with him. She knew that he was probably concerned about her. However, she felt on edge and he was the easiest person to lash out at.
He looked at her and asked, "Are you okay?"
She smiled softly and nodded, "I'm fine."
"Are you sure Eames?"
Eames? Eames? Why the hell did he have to call her Eames. She knew that was her name, but she wanted to hear him call her Alex again like he did that night weeks ago. Sometimes she would close her eyes and she could hear him whisper her name softly. She cried herself to sleep some nights thinking about how wonderful his voice was when he whispered her name.
Was she ever going to be able to forget how his voice sounded as he made love to her? The way his hands felt on her most intimate parts. The way his lips found the sensitive spots. The spots that drove her absolutely out of her mind with desire.
She nodded sadly and then said, "I'm fine Bobby."
With that, she started the car and drove home. She couldn't tell him the real reason that she was upset was because she was pregnant with his baby. That in a little over eight months she would be a mother and he would be a father. Even if he didn't know it. Even if he would never know that he was her child's father. She didn't want him to be with her simply because she was expecting a baby. She wanted him to stay with her because he loved her. But, he didn't love her. Not in the way that she loved him.
She went home and ate dinner in silence that night. She didn't turn on the tv or the radio. She pulled out her baby book and flipped through the pages. She smiled at the little baby that was her. Would their baby look like her or like him? Or would it be a wonderful combination of them both?
She smiled as she flipped through the pages and saw herself at her first birthday party. She'd been surrounded by her parents and her brothers. The toothless grin on her face brought tears to her eyes. She wanted her baby to have a family like that. To have a mom and dad, but Bobby had no idea that she was expecting his baby.
Should she tell him? Should she lie to him? Should she give him a way out? She knew that he would doubt that the baby was his. He obviously didn't remember sleeping with her. So how could he believe that the baby that she carried was his? God, what a mess she'd made of her life. Of all of their lives. Especially this baby that she carried.
She heard a knock on the door and sighed and put the book on the table. She looked out the peephole and saw Bobby standing there. She sighed and thought about pretended that she wasn't there. However, she knew that he saw her car in the driveway, so she opened the door a crack and asked, "What do you want Bobby?"
Bobby smiled and asked, "Can I come in?"
Alex sighed and nodded, "Sure."
Bobby walked in and watched as Alex sat down on her couch and stared straight ahead. He could tell that something was weighing on her mind. He saw the baby book sitting on the table and smiled as he said, "You were a cute baby."
Alex sighed and asked sadly, "What do you want Bobby?"
He realized then that she was more upset than he had thought. So, he asked, "What is wrong? Don't say nothing because I can tell that there's something wrong with you. Did I do something to upset you Eames?"
She wanted to scream at him for calling him Eames. She longed to hear him call her Alex. That was her name afterall and they weren't at work right now. She sighed sadly and whispered, "No. You didn't do anything to upset me Bobby."
"You're sure?"
Was she sure? No, she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure about anything right now. Her emotions were all over the place these days. She finally shook her head and whispered, "No, but I'll be fine Bobby. You don't have to worry about me."
"Really? Because you look incredibly sad."
She wanted to tell him about the baby. She wanted to tell him and let him decide what he wanted to do about it. Whether he wanted to stay and raise the baby with her or if he wanted nothing to do with the baby, she wanted to tell him. However, she knew that he wasn't fair to her or the baby. She closed her eyes and whispered, "I'm fine Bobby."
With that, she proceeded to break down in tears. The next thing she knew, Bobby's arms were around her and he was hugging her tightly. She wasn't sure how long he held her, but it felt good to be in his arms once again. God, she felt so weak, so desperate. She closed her eyes and tried to find the strength to push him away. No matter how much she wanted to though, she couldn't find the strength to do it. The feel of his arms around her felt too good to let go.
Finally her tears stopped and she pulled away and whispered, "Thank you. I'm sorry."
He shook his head and told her softly, "That's what partners are for Eames. Are you sure you don't need anything else?"
She shook her head and got up and went into the kitchen. By habit, she pulled out two coffee cups and then she realized what she was doing. She put hers back into the cabinet and grabbed a juice glass instead. She filled them both and then walked back out into the living room. She handed him the coffee cup and then she sat down on her couch. They sat in silence for a few minutes and then she told him softly, "I'll be fine now Bobby. Thank you."
Bobby smiled as he got up off of her couch and walked to the door. He turned around and asked, "Are you sure that there isn't anything that you want to talk about?"
Alex smiled and shook her head, "No. I'll be fine. There are just a few things that I need to work through. You're a good friend Bobby."
He looked at her for a moment and then nodded and walked out of the door. Alex put her hand on the door and whispered, "I just want you to be more."
She wanted to open the door and tell him that she wanted him back. Wanted to tell him about the baby. Their baby. She put her hand on her still flat stomach and whispered softly, "I want to tell you about our baby. I want you to love us. I want to hear you whisper my name softly. I want you to call out my name as we make love."
She leaned her head against the door and the tears fell softly to the floor. She watched as they pooled onto the floor. No matter how hard she tried though, she couldn't seem to make them stop. She wanted Bobby to come back and tell her that he loved her. That he wanted her and their baby. A baby that he didn't even know existed.
She finally managed to drag herself away from the door a few moments later. She dragged herself into bed and covered herself with her blanket. She fell to sleep almost immediately.
When she woke the next morning, her head hurt from all the crying that she had been doing. However, she was determined to carry on like normal. If there was any such thing as normal in her life anymore.
When she arrived at work that morning she felt like being anywhere else. She wanted to be back in her bed where she could hide herself away from the world.
They managed to close their latest case quickly and Bobby smiled at her and asked, "Want to stop and get a drink to celebrate?"
She smiled at him sadly and shook her head. They'd done that once and it was what had caused her to be in this position now. Bobby gave her a funny look and finally asked, "Okay. I have to ask you a question. Something that's been bothering me for awhile now."
Alex looked at him softly and whispered, "What?"
Bobby took a deep breath and asked, "Are you mad at me for some reason?"
Alex shook her head quickly and told him truthfully, "No, Bobby. I'm not mad at you."
He turned his head to the side and looked at her. She had seen him look at evidence that way before and it had always impressed her before. Now however, she felt like evidence and she didn't like it. Not one bit.
So, she lied to him once again, "I am meeting Liz for dinner. It's been awhile since I've seen her and we have a lot of catching up to do."
He seemed to accept this and then he smiled and said, "So, I'll see you at work tomorrow. Night Eames."
Alex turned away from him before he could see the pain in her eyes. Damn him. She hated the way that she turned into a crying mess whenever he said her last name. He'd always called her that, but she found herself suddenly craving more. She finally whispered, "Night Bobby."
With that, she walked to her car and picked up her cell phone. She needed to talk to someone and she decided to call Liz and see if she would mind meeting her for dinner that night. She needed to confide in someone and Liz was always agreeable to meeting up with her sister.
Her sister agreed to meet her at the local diner in an hour. Liz knew immediately that there was something wrong with her sister. Even though she had a smile on her face, Liz could see a sadness in her eyes. She hadn't seen that look in Alex's eyes in years. Ever since she had lost her husband. She knew that it was something serious and she wanted to know what was happening to put that look in her eyes.
Alex stood up and gave her sister a hug. Liz knew that something was up because Alex held on for a moment more than necessary. When they sat down, Liz looked Alex in her eyes and asked, "What's wrong? And don't tell that there's not something wrong. I've known you my entire life and I know when there's something wrong."
Alex looked at her sister and knew that she wasn't going to be able to lie her way out of this one. Her sister knew her almost as well as she knew herself. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she looked down at her hands and whispered softly, "I'm pregnant..."
She knew that she had shocked her sister. She heard the spoon that Liz had been using to stir her coffee with hit the table. She looked at her and almost laughed at the sight of her normally composed sister. She looked like a fish out of water. She knew that she couldn't have been any more shocked. After a few long seconds, she heard Liz say, "I didn't even know that you were seeing anyone. I..."
She told her sister softly, "I'm not. I..."
Liz took her sister's hand and asked, "What happened?"
Alex hated this. Hated admitting to her sister that the baby she carried was a mistake. However, she still hadn't made a decision as to whether or not she was going to keep the baby. She told her sister, "I would like to say that it was a mistake, but..."
"You love him. Don't you?"
Alex started to shake her head no, but stopped at the look that Liz gave her. She finally lowered her head and nodded softly. Then she whispered, "But he doesn't love me."
Liz wasn't used to her normally happy and upbeat sister being so down. It definitely wasn't like Alex. Liz asked, "Does he know about the baby?"
Alex shook her head softly and then whispered, "No. I'm not even sure that I'm going to keep the baby. So, telling him would be a mistake. Especially if he doesn't want me. I already made the mistake of falling in love with him..."
Liz looked at her sister and then said, "Bobby's the father. Isn't he?"
Alex took a deep breath and thought for lying to her sister. It seemed like lying was all that she was able to do. However, she knew that lying to Liz was a mistake. Her sister would be able to tell that she was lying. So, she nodded softly and whispered, "Yes. Yes he is."
"What happened? When? And..."
Alex was able to laugh for the first time in a long time and said, "If you ask how I'm going to revoke your adult card."
Liz laughed at that one and said, "You are really thinking about terminating the pregnancy?"
"Yes. No. I don't know Liz. When I went to my doctor I thought I had the flu. I was run down and sick to my stomach. Then, she tells me that it isn't the flu. The next thing I know she's congratulating me on my pregnancy. What am I going to do Lizzie?"
Liz was used to a lot of things. She wasn't used to seeing her sister so sad and not sure of herself. She wasn't sure that she liked it. She finally told her, "What does your heart tell you?"
Alex would have laughed, but the look on her sister's face was telling her that laughing would have been a very, very bad idea. She thought about it for a moment and then whispered, "I don't know."
Liz watched as her hand moved to her stomach. It was a totally protective gesture and Liz was sure that Alex wasn't aware of it. She smiled softly and then said, "I think you would make a great mom. Whether things work out for you and Bobby or not. You love Nate."
Alex smiled, "He's easy to love."
Liz smiled at her words and knew that she was speaking truthfully. Her son was easy to love. She took her sisters hand and whispered, "Be that as it may, I think you will make a wonderful mom. Don't do anything rash without thinking about it clearly."
Alex nodded and took a drink of her juice. Then she whispered, "I just wish it hadn't happened like this."
"What exactly happened between you two? I thought you and Bobby were just partners."
Alex smiled and wondered if they would ever be able to be just partners again. She finally told her sister, "Bobby drank too much and I drove him home. One thing led to another and we slept together. I can't say that it was a mistake Liz."
Alex closed her eyes and pictured the way that he held her that night. The way he said her name. The way that he made her feel that night. He made her feel special and precious. In a way that she hadn't felt in a long, long time.
Liz smiled and whispered, "If that night wasn't a mistake then the baby can't possibly be a mistake."
She could tell that Alex didn't believe her. She didn't want her sister making any rash decisions. She knew that she would make a wonderful mom and just needed to get Alex to see that. Alex shrugged and whispered, "I don't know Liz. I don't want to think about this tonight. I just want to have lunch with my sister and be happy for awhile."
Liz cocked her head to the side and whispered, "Okay, but promise me you will think about it. Please?"
Alex finally looked at her sister and whispered, "I'll think about it. I promise."
Liz smiled and then told her sister about the amazing things that her son had been doing at school. It took her mind off her troubles for awhile and she was able to smile for the first time in weeks...
A/N- I couldn't remember if Liz is older or younger than Alex. I've been trying and trying to remember, but my mind is coming up blank. So, if any of my readers know I would be highly grateful...