Still belongs to Stephanie Meyer and company.
Jasper still doesn't exist.
If anything confuses you, tell me, and i'll explain.
I love Alice. It's simple, she means everything to me... except it's not that simple, I still love Edward, I mean how can you just forget your first true love? Of course I don't love Edward as much as I love Alice, not in a million years, I used too, but that was two weeks ago. And now i'm riding to Seattle with Alice, on a "shopping trip". I'm pretty sure Edward knows what's going on between Alice and I, it's pretty obvious, between the less passionate kisses, going every chance I get to be with Alice and the biggie he can read minds, especially Alice's. I have to tell him, and I will when we get back from this "shopping trip". I must.
I feel a small, cold hand on my own trembling hand. I choke back a sob, and stare out at the passing trees outside the window.
"What's wrong?" Alice asks.
"Just thinking." Was my reply, of course it wasn't wrong, but I still stare out the window.
She pulls the car over and shuts off the engine. That's Alice for you, always so stubborn and eager.
"I'm listening." She says so simply and strongly, grabbing my other trembling hand in hers. I look at her, avoiding her eyes. I've hurt so many people, I want to tell Edward so badly, because I know this is killing her, but it's going to kill him even more. Gah! You know? Why don't I just leave. Hurt them both evenly!
I just sigh and get out of the car, trying my hardest to hold back sobs. I don't get to far when I feel her hand on my arm, pulling me to her. I put my arms around her waist, forcing my face into her neck, her cold skin cooling my own rapidly heating up face.
"You better have not been thinking about leaving, those thoughts are the kind that never solves problems." She says, a hint of sadness in her voice. I look into her beautiful, and mystifying eyes.
"I will tell him, tonight, I promise." I pull away and fall to the ground, pulling my legs to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs.
"Bella, you don't -"
"No!" I yell at her, well actually at the ground. "I owe him this, he knows something wrong, but I owe you this more. I have to tell him. I don't belong him, anymore, I belong with you. I hate knowing that i'm going to hurt, but I hate knowing even more that i'm hurting you, too." I feel her hand under my chin, and she lifts so i'm looking right into her eyes.
"Let's not think about it right now." Then she did something for the first time, she put her lips against mine, it was only a second, but I forgot my name. "We'll worry about it when we see Edward tonight. Let's get going." She stood up and held out her hand, and we walked to the passenger side, fingers laced. As I was going to open the door myself, she was already pulling it open. I smiled and she smiled back, running to the drivers side. I buckled up, but she didn't start the ignition. I turn to her and she's staring intently at me. "Just knowing you want to tell Edward is the world to me, because Bella all I wanted since the day I thought I lost you, was you, now I have you." Then she looks away and starts the ignition. I was smiling from ear to ear.
"Alice, I will tell Edward. Just promise me, you'll be there." She looks back at me, with a kind of glare on her face.
"I wasn't planning on being anywhere else." She says with force, then looks away and starts driving. If I didn't know any better i'd say she was a little mad at me, maybe I should ask or - "What were thinking?" And I look at her startled, she still has that glare in her eyes, but now she's smiling a breathtaking smile. "Didn't we already establish that I love you? Of course i'd be there." I laugh as she links fingers with my hand, I lean my head against the window, thinking of what I should say to him, I know he wouldn't to anything to un-rational, but I don't want him to leave or anything.
We sit in silence the rest of the way up the road, comfortable silence, except for the nagging pain in the back of my head. I push it away, i'll worry about it later. As we pull into Seattle, the sun starts shining. Alice pulls into a parking lot, shuts off the engine, leans on her elbow and stares out the window. I wait for her to say something but she stays like that for a couple of minutes.
"Alice?" She turns around with the most adorable pout on her face.
"We can't do anything." She says and I laugh.
"Maybe it will clear up, let's just wait a little while." Did you hear that? I just offered to stay, when I know Alice is going to want to go shopping and I don't even care, as long as i'm with her, everything seems right. She leans up a little way, and looks out the windows, before I can ask her what she's doing, she opens the door and reappears in the back seat. In a blink of an eye, she opened the front door, shut it, opened the back door, got in and shut that door also. I stare agape at her.
"Are you going to join me, or do I have to wonder why my arms aren't around you?" And with that i'm already shutting the front door, opening the back door, getting in and shutting that door. She scoots closer, wrapping her arms around my waist, and leaning her head on my shoulder.
"Alice, it kills me." She looks at me, then leans her head back down. "Everytime he wraps his arms around me, everytime his lips meet mine, it kills me because I can't return the passion, the passion that is only meant for you." My voice gets louder towards the end and cracks, I can feel that painful lump in my throat rising, for two weeks all i've done is shed a few tears, I couldn't cry around Edward, he would think something's wrong, but nothing's wrong, it just the thought of what i've done to him. I've tried not to cry around Alice, i'm happy with her, it's just that one thought. I must've tensed up... or she heard my heartbeat speed up because she lifted her head, but I'm looking at her i'm staring straight ahead. But I gasp as I feel her lips right on my pulse point in my neck, I can feel her smile, her lips are pressed so close. My heart starts beating even, as she leaves a trail of feather light kisses leading down to my heart, where she stops and leans her head against my heart. She moves both her hands to my back, and I find I'm moving, she somehow moved me so I was laying, my head on her lap. I turn so I can look up at her, and she's taking off her coat, folding it and lifting my head, so gently, laying me back down on her coat.
I think it was the way she did it so gently, so perfectly. Or the she's smiling at me, that I think of how much more she deserves than this. That thought leads to Edward, and it hits me hard, I turn into her coat, and start sobbing. Angry that i'm getting her coat wet. One of her hands gently leave trails arounds my back, the other in running through my hair. But she wasn't asking me why the sudden tears, it's like she just knew.
And she probably did. I recall how stock still she was sitting when we pulled into this parking lot. I remember that she can always know when it's going to be sunny out. My tears slow down, and I realize she saw this coming, and how earlier she wasn't planning on going anywhere, but suddenly changed her mind. I think she drove me out hear for privacy. And what better way than 'a shopping trip'. As my sobs slow down, my eyes get heavier. Probably from the restless sleep. There will be no more of that. My sobs stop, and just a few stray tears run down my cheeks. I feel her wipe away a tear, but I don't see it, I can't seem to open my eyes, so heavy.
Alice...