Match Making Mayhem
Nightshade: Now that I forced those idiots out of here, me and Sasoku shall be continuing our useless attempts to make people feel better. Next is Kakashi. What seems to be your problem?
Kakashi: Well, you see, whenever I'm late for training the real reason for that is that I'm with Kurenai. But I think she may be dating Asuma behind my back. How do I win her over?
Nightshade: It's things like this that make me hate this job. Well, you could always just tell her what you think. She might admire honesty in a man.
Kakashi: So I should tell her that I think she's a-
Sasoku: You know, I really don't like the path this conversation is going down. Let's stay age appropriate, shall we?
Kakashi: Okay. But with me reading this make out violence book, it's hard to stay within this age range. So all I have to do is tell her what I think, right? Easy! (Walks out)
Sasoku: What a-
Nightshade: Follow your own advice for once, and stay age appropriate.
Sasoku: Right. Next is...Sheshruke?
Sheshruke: Psst. Is this the European drug dealer? I need some...oh snap. Hey Nightshade, Sasoku.
Nightshade: Dude, what are you doing here?
Sheshruke: I dunno...I thought I was in Europe.
Sasoku: Then hit the dusty trail man.
Sheshruke: Well, long as I'm here I may as well ask you guys something. I'm a bit unlucky in love at this point.
Nightshade: Gee, I wonder why that is.
Sheshruke: Shut up. It goes like this. The other day I saw this girl. She was carrying bacon. Now how can I tell the bacon my tru feelings about it?
Sasoku: Your kidding right?
Sheshruke: Dude, bacon is like a god. And it's not everyday you come across female bacon.
Nightshade: Marrying bacon is like marrying a girl pig. Man, were is your sense of decency?
Sheshruke: I barely know the meaning of that word. I gotta go to the bathroom. Be right back. (Walks out)
Two seconds later...
Random Girl: Eeeeeek! (Slapping noises) pig!
Sasoku: It's a little known fact that Sheshruke gets lost wherever he goes.
Sheshruke: (walks in looking like rag doll) You know, I think they should make a bathroom dedicated to me so I don't end up in the girl's room all the time.
Sasoku: Well anyway, next is Shino.
Shino: ...I love this dung beetle, but I don't think she loves me back.
Everyone: 0o
Shino: What? (Suddenly one of Shino's bugs gets a little to close to the lamp...)
Bug: (is set on fire) Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! I'm melting...melting!
Shino: Noooooooooo! My friend! I will have my revenge! (Kicks lamp and throws it out the window) There, my work is done.
Nightshade: Okayyyyyy...we now have an exclusive interview with Orochimaru himself! Like we care.
Orochimaru: Yes, yes thank you. I'm glad to be here. I have something I'd like to confess...I did my own plastic surgery!
Nightshade: Gasp!
Sasoku: Gasp!
Shino: Gasp! (Inhales bug) Nooooo! Steve! Why did you have to go?!
Sheshruke: (is lighting cigar) What? Oh...gasp!
Orochimaru: Yes, I did a fantastic job...I love myself.
Nightshade: That is the stupidest thing I ever heard! Get out!
Orochimaru: (puppy eyes)
Sasoku: Get out now! (Kicks Orochimaru out window)
Nightshade: Thank goodness that's over with. Now we'll be- Shino?
Shino: (is wearing all black mourning over two tiny grave stones)
Sheshruke: (looks at grave stone) In loving memory of my good friends, Steve and Bob, two loyal bugs. Damn the lamp that killed them. Touching...just touching.
Nightshade: Next up is George Bush.
George Bush: Yes, I have a problem.
Nightshade: And not just one buddy.
George Bush: I'm in love with my nuclear weapons but they never respond when I tell them my feelings. What should I do?
Nightshade: I'd help you if it weren't for one thing; I'm a democrat. (Takes out fold-able pocket machine gun)
Several not to pretty M rated minutes later...
Sasoku: Man, the garbage dude is gonna have his work cut out for him. Say is that...? (presses face to window) Yes, it is! It's a new coffee machine! The Hyper Helper! (Jumps out window in pursuit of Hyper Helper)
Nightshade: Anyway, we will now- what the?!
Orochimaru: I have just climbed all the way up the side of this building so that I can-
Nightshade: Fall out of the window again? (Pushes Orochimaru out the window) There is only power, and those to weak to seek it.
Sheshruke: Dude, that's plagiarism! Darth Vader said that!
Nightshade: Yeah, but George Lucas never copyrighted it.
Naruto: Hi everyone! Me and the gang came to do the pink umbrella dance! (Comes in carrying pink umbrella) Pink...pink umbrellas! They bring joy on rainy days! Pink...oh so pink! (Music keeps playing in backround)
Nightshade: (slaps head) Man is this stupid.
Sheshruke: (dancing with pink umbrella) Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Nightshade: (eye twitches) Good lord no.
Sasoku: I did it! (Holds up pot of coffee) I have obtained that which I crave! (Hugs coffee) Coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...(pot breams spilling coffee in his lap) Eeeeeeeeeeeeee...(high pitched voice) Damn it...the painnnnn...
Nightshade: Oh lord. This can't be good.
Naruto: Now that we have finished our pink umbrella dance, we will now sing an ode to ramen. Ahem...ramen ramen, it tastes so good. I like it with miso. It is the best food. Instant and cup, I've tried 'em all, after I eat to much I spin and fall. Thank you.
Nightshade: Ok then. Let me just clear this up... (whacks Naruto and friends into next Tuesday)
Sasoku: You know, I think Sheshruke should take over for me for a while. I've got to go to the hospital for a few hours.
Nightshade: Right. Next is Kinzu.
Kinzu: (walks in with U.I.G.(unidentified un-introduced girl)
Nightshade: Look out Kinzu! There's a girl behind you! (Takes out machine gun)
Girl: (poofs into thin air and reappears behind Nightshade with coffee) Take this! (Pours coffee on Nightshade's head)
Nightshade: This is not my day.
Kinzu: I see you've met my girlfriend, Kyorusa.
Kyorusa: Pleased to meet you. (Holds out hand to Nightshade)
Nightshade: I think I'll skip introductions, as I could burn your hand with the coffee. I'll go join Sasoku now...
Kyorusa: So, do you think he'll accept me as your girlfriend?
Kinzu: No, I think he'll just go throw up.
Sheshruke: Well, I'm Sheshruke. Pleased to meet you. (Holds out joy buzzer)
Kyorusa: (grabs joy buzzer and throws it at Sheshruke)
Sheshruke: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(gasp)eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I got tazed!
Kyorusa: I'm not stupid you know. You, on the other hand, are.
Nightshade: Um, right. I'm good now. That stainless steel cup helped more than I thought. Join us next time if you value your life.
Nightshade's Corner
Nightshade: Special thanks to Sheshruke and Kinzu for the inspiration. The next chapter has a very interesting twist that will surprise all of you. Cliff hanger!