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Pretty Lies - When It Rains

The sun was setting over Forks, its golden rays losing the battle with the hands of the fast approaching darkness. The wind was no longer gentle across my cheek, rather it was harsh and rough coming in hard gusts over and over, taunting me almost. I pulled at my coat, wrapping the fabric around me tighter, believing for only a brief second that it would shield me from the brutal reality.

I turned around to look at my childhood home. It was difficult to believe that only a couple of months ago I sat on that same porch, my legs draped over the arm of the wicker sofa, my head so comfortably protected by the soft pillow beneath it, reading the afternoon away. It was something so routine that the very thought of never being able to do it again brought a new wave of pain to my already aching heart. I would be leaving tomorrow, leaving the safety and comfort of its walls to embark on a new journey. A new life.

It's been four months since Edward threw away my heart. I've tossed and turned night after night, praying that maybe, just maybe the dull pain in my heart would numb itself enough to just let me sleep. I've let the tears fall freely as I curl up on my bed, each new tear bringing with it shattered pieces of my heart. Pieces shattered too small to ever be stitched back together again. And so I've cried, I cry until all there is left for me to do is scream. And so I've screamed, I scream because it hurts; I scream because I'm lost and alone; I scream because it cuts me inside.

But there is always no escape as I wake up to another morning with blood-shot eyes, the pain continues. His face haunts every free moment I have. Every thought, every wish, and every dream is of him. There's always a sickening tightness, pulling and contracting reminding me that the pain is real, tangible almost. I hate him just as much as I love him.

But slowly I'll let this part of me die; the part that loved him.

"Can you believe we're leaving for London tomorrow?" Alice asked, breaking my thoughts as she took her place beside me. Alice, what would I have done without her?

I turned my head in her direction giving her a small smile. I've been a complete mess since that fateful night, never leaving my room unless it was absolutely necessary. Charlie had been livid. If it wasn't for Alice, I'm beyond certain I would have been on the first plane to Florida and back into the arms of my mother. But I couldn't leave Forks, I refused to allow the decision of one boy to determine the outcome of my life. Alice understood and she was kind enough to speak to Charlie on my behalf.

Graduation came and went and so did Edward. He left the day after our high school careers ended. Last I heard he took off with his band to tour in what ever town that had a venue for them. Music was always his passion. It never surprised me that one day he would actually do something about. I would never admit that I was happy for him, but deep down I knew that I always would.

"It is a bit surreal isn't it?" I answered as I turned my attention back on the setting sun.

Alice and I made the decision to attend the University of the Arts in London together. To study in London was always a dream of mine, one that I shared with him. But life doesn't end after your heart breaks. Life begins the second it does and I wasn't about to live my life in the shadows of heartache.

We stood side by side watching our final sunset in Forks as youthful adolescents. But even before the sun sank into the dark abyss, thunder crackled above our heads. Lightning streaked across the horizon and soon the sky opened up and cried. Alice shrieked as she ran for shelter on the porch.

"Bella, what are you doing?" she screamed at me. "You're going to get sick and I for one would rather not have you contaminating my breathing space!"

I laughed at her reasoning. "Oh come one Alice, its just water."

From the corner of my eyes I could see her arguing internally with herself. After a quick shrug she placed a small hesitant step toward me. I smiled at her childishness.

I loved the rain. I didn't at first; it was always such a nuisance. Me and puddles aren't what one would call a match made in heaven, given my face and its oh-so-healthy relationship with the floor. But slowly the pitter patters upon my window sill became a permanent fixture in my heart.

Edward had first kissed me in the rain. We were sitting on my front porch working on biology homework when the familiar sound reached our ears.

-Flashback­-

"I don't get why anaphase…." I drifted off as I watched Edward move toward the railing, extending his hand out to catch the raindrops.

"Have you ever played in the rain?" He asked me, his eyes filled with childish joy.

I smiled at the innocence I saw in them. He looked so carefree at that moment that it was contagious. "Not since I was a little girl."

"Well then it's about time that you do again."

Before I even had the time to process his words, his hand shot out to grab mine. I gave a little tug, refusing to get wet. "Oh, don't be such a baby," he mocked. "It's only water."

I sighed before I allowed him to drag me out onto the yard. As soon as our feet had hit the wet grass he dropped my hand and took a few steps forward. He stood there, eyes closed, arms stretched out on either side of him, his head tilted up in complete contentment as the rain pounded all around him. It was at that moment I knew I had lost my inner battle.

For years I had kept a wall around my heart. A wall that I had promised would never come down. If I had no expectations, there would be no disappointments. But watching Edward at that moment, I wasn't so sure if I could hold true to my convictions.

As if he could hear my thoughts, he turned around and smiled that dazzling crooked smile of his. It was the smile that aided in shaking the foundations of my wall. So there I stood, my thoughts in chaos, my heart beating wildly out of control, my secret waiting to be unlocked… and there the brick rested, waiting for a small breeze. Now was my truest test. Will I allow that small breeze, or will I calm the perfect storm?

"Edward, I…" But before I could even form my thoughts, he took me in his arms and placed his soft lips gently onto mine.

My head was swimming with the sensation of his lips. It felt so right to be in his arms, to feel his body pressed up against mine. In no time at all I dug my hands into his hair, deepening the kiss. I gave a small moan as the kiss began to pick up speed, our lips battling for dominance. But the need for air brought us back down to Earth as we pulled our lips away from each other.

"Say you'll have me Bella," he whispered, still slightly out of breath. "Because there is no one else for me but you."

-End of Flashback-

My heart gave a painful squeeze as the memory came rushing back to me. No, I won't let this get to me. I've wasted too many tears on you. I took a deep breath trying to still my traitorous heart.

I felt a small hand on my shoulder as Alice one again took her place beside me. "Are you okay?" Concern etched on her beautiful face.

"I'm fine," I lied. "Just taking in the moment."

I could tell she didn't believe me, but I was thankful that she let it go.

Let it go. I told myself. Let him go.

Stretching my arms out on either side of me, and raising my head up toward the sky just as Edward had that night, I let the heavens do the crying for me.

It was time.

Author's Note: I hope you all enjoyed it. Please review and let me know what you think. )

Always,

desire IS poison