A/N: I do not own Bones! I wish I did. Please review :)
He sat in darkness, his senses heightened. Every small noise sounded like a freight train to him, which happened often in the vast loud city. The car horns, the motorcycles, the brakes screeching. He felt he could hear the conversation of the couples in front of the bar down the street. The rain and the thunder muffled the noise, but not enough. The thunder itself sent chills down his spine, his head looking around quickly, his pulse beating, his body tense. Dr. Sweets taught him a few deep breathing exercises to take the edge off the transition. He slowly inhaled, letting the cool fresh air fill his lungs. He waited, then exhaled. As silly as it sounded, a few repetitions helped him take the edge off. His body relaxed, his heart pounded at a normal pace. He reached for the glass on the table next to him. He could see the little bit light peaking through his windows reflecting the bottle and the glass. He poured the amber liquid, guessing by the sound of the liquid hitting the glass how full it was. He didn't care how accurate he was. He had practically finished the bottle off already.
The day had been long but rewarding. He has spent the entire day with Parker, catching up. One year, although only a ripple in time, had felt like an eternity to him. He missed his son and missed many events in his life. Rebecca, thankfully, had managed to video record some of the important ones and he had a pile of DVD's sitting on his coffee table he still needed to watch. But nothing compared to being able to play catch with Parker, listen to him, hold him. Parker was becoming a man even though Booth still liked to think he was going to be remain small and innocent for the rest of his life. The happiest moment of his life was Parker's birth. Nothing in the world ever brought him more joy.
But Bones came a second a close. He took a large drink out of his glass, the liquid burning the back of his throat as it went down. It left a bitter yet sweet taste in the back of his mouth. Drinking more was only redundant; he was already completely wasted and unfit for human interaction. He felt his heart ache for a second, the liquid doing nothing to alleviate the pain. It only magnified it a hundredfold until it engulfed his entire body. His chest felt heavy and it was difficult for him to breath. Every breath was labored and conscious. Sadness, frustration, grief, anger, love. It all swarmed over him like a tornado engulfing a small town in the middle of the night. It took every ounce of his strength to keep breathing, to keep fighting this feeling.
He consciously left her at the airport. He purposely didn't call. In over one year, she hadn't bothered to reach out to him. His heart, as much as he wanted to deny it, was shattered. He didn't know what the separation would bring to them. He hoped it would be a sense of closure - out of sight, out of mind. But every day, he longed to see her face. She dominated his dreams. He tossed and turned, hoping that she was safe and out of harm's way. The longer the time, the harsher the reality. He couldn't bring himself to be a doormat again. He loved her, he still does. Yet he wants someone who would fight for him. She never would. Her own insecurities, doubts, and pain too often get in the way. There is not one single individual in the universe that has not been hurt. But most are still able to pick up their tattered, torn hearts and duct tape them back together again. It will never be the same as before, but feeling something is better than feeling nothing at all.
He missed her, more than he had ever before. He had a life before Brennan, but she changed him. She brought a sense of naivete to his life; she was vulnerable and fragile beyond the intellectualized exterior. More often than not, he believed she purposely remained oblivious to the world around her in order to avoid interactions with others. Her mind was brilliant, her knowledge unparalleled. Yet her self - her true self, was damaged. She lost herself in knowledge to fill the emptiness in her life. Evidence proved to be more manageable than the feelings she so quickly dismissed. Chemical reactions, neurons, endorphins, serotonin... Emotions are a part of being alive, they differentiate us as being human. She mesmerized him. He couldn't pull away. She never failed to surprise him. Or to hurt him, apparently.
He needed to move on; life was too short. He would never find someone like Bones, but he needed to try to find someone who would be by his side. As much as he liked to portray strength, he was also vulnerable. But at least he acknowledge his vulnerability. The thought of spending the rest of his life alone scared him. He needed a human connection. He needed love in his life or it wasn't really living.
He would have waited for her. She just needed to say the words. He needed to know that somewhere deep inside her the hope hadn't been destroyed. He could see it in her eyes, a glimmer at a time, but it wasn't enough. Tonight was the first night without her. She was only a few miles away but she might as well be back across the ocean. One final drink of the glass and it was all gone.