"Sweet home Alabama…"

The car radio blared, filling the awkward silence that had settled about the car. Colonel O'Neill was driving home with his new "child". He couldn't believe that all of a sudden he was now supposed to be a father to a teenage girl. He knew nothing about kids, let alone teenagers.

"I wouldn't make a good father. Can't she go with someone else?"

"I'm sorry sir, but your sister left her for you to look after."

"Wasn't she supposed to tell me about this?"

"I assumed she had. If you so choose, you can give the child up for adoption, but for now she is in your care."

Jack made a face of his long and pointless conversation with Mr. Davidson, the man who was in charge of Emma's will. Apparently, Mr Davidson didn't understand his reasons for not wanting to look after a child. After what happened to Charlie, Jack didn't think he had room in his heart for another kid.

Sigh

Plus there was the fact that teenagers were rude and moody. The girl hadn't said anything since they'd gotten into the car, but she did sigh periodically to let Jack know that she felt about as happy with this arrangement as he did.

Jack had told the rest of SG1 what had happened. He was hoping Carter would be able to help, seeing as she was also a girl and could maybe see eye-to-eye with this kid more. But no luck. Apparently there was a scheduled meeting with the Tok'ra, and of course Sam wanted to see her dad. Daniel had reassured him that everything would be fine and the girl would be very understanding if he wasn't too good at the whole parenting thing right away, but considering the fact that the only child Daniel had ever had was the spawn of Apophis, one of the universes most evil baddies, Jack didn't figure that advice from Daniel was really worth anything.

Sigh

"Will you cut that out!" Jack yelled, turning around in his seat to look at sure. She gave him a look, rolled her eyes and resumed looking out the window.

Teenagers.

"Well here we are." Thank God, Jack thought. He wasn't sure if he could take anymore of this. He got out and grabbed her suitcase from the trunk. After the funeral they had stopped by his sister's apartment and grabbed some of her daughter's things. Jack had been surprised to see that his sister had lived so close to him without him even knowing. Normally his sister had moved around a lot, since she always had to go wherever stuff was being filmed. About six months ago though, the press had lost track of her. Jack had always assumed she'd gone somewhere far away, like Canada. Turns out she'd come back.

"Do you even have electricity?" Jack's thoughts were interrupted. He looked over to see her staring up doubtfully at his lovely cabin by the lake. She should be ecstatic to live here, he thought. It's a great place, and you can go fishing whenever you want! But apparently fishing was not high on the list of fifteen year old girls' priorities.

"Of course I have electricity. What kind of question is that?" She just looked at him, so he went up and unlocked the door to the house. She followed him in. He watched as she set the bag she was carrying down and took a look around the place. Then she looked back at him.

"I'm hungry". Want, want, want. What was it with kids these days? "There's some stuff in the fridge," Jack replied.

"Do you even know how to cook?"

Jack was outraged. "Of course I know how to cook!" he said.

"So what's for dinner?"

Jack paused. He did of course, know how to barbecue, but he wasn't quite sure how to cook the meat without burning it. Other than that, his cooking skills were pretty much zero.

"How about pizza?"

"Great."

He went to the phone and ordered. He didn't know what she wanted, but he didn't really care right now. Why was she so rude? Couldn't she figure out that this was hard for him too? How was he supposed to know how to raise a teenage girl? Once he was done ordering, he went back into the kitchen to find her examining the contents of the fridge.

"Is beer really the only thing you have to drink here?" she asked, closing the door and placing one hand on her hip.

Jack went to the cupboard and got her a glass. "It's called tap water," he said, handing her the cup. She rolled her eyes and took it. Okay, Jack thought, that's it.

"I think we're going to need to establish some rules here," he said. She didn't reply, so he continued. "Number one, don't touch my beer. Number two, don't touch anything else. And number three…" he said as she stared at him, "stop with the angsty teen looks. And the eye-rolling," he added as an afterthought. "Okay?"

"You don't know the first thing about parenting, do you?" she asked.

"Excuse me?" The nerve of her!

"Well, it's pretty obvious you've never talked to a teenage girl in your life. And judging by the looks of this place I'd say you've never had a kid in your life."

"I did have a kid!"

"Then where are they?"

This was not okay. Jack was not ready to go discussing Charlie with a girl he barely knew, even if she was supposedly his niece. "Alright, bedtime," he said.

She was looking at him again, directly violating rule number three which he had only set moments before. "And where would my bedroom be?"

She had a point. Jack hated guests, ergo no spare bedroom. She couldn't go in the living room, then she could get up and touch stuff. Basement, Jack decided. There was a couch there, she could live with that. "The basement downstairs. Take your stuff."

She grabbed it and went down the stairs. "There's no bed down here!" she called up.

"There's a couch!"

"This sucks!"

"Deal with it!"

"You're a terrible parent!"

"Too bad!"

"I bet your other kid ran away!"

Jack slammed the basement door shut. Enough of all this. What was his sister thinking? Sure, she hadn't known him for the past twenty years, but even then she could have guessed that he wouldn't do very well with kids. Tomorrow, he would find that will guy, and tell him that there had been a mistake. Or he'd find another relative to take the girl in. Or he could talk to Janet. She'd already taken in Cassandra, what more was one other girl?

Ding Dong. Jack was hoping that it was another member of SG1 come to tell him that Earth was endanger and everyone's lives were at risk. That would have been a relief. Then he could have gotten away. But no, it was just some pimply boy in a dumb hat saying "Your pizza's here". Great, thought Jack as he paid the kid. He went to the basement door, opened it and yelled, "Pizza's here!"

"I don't want anything that's from you!"

Oh they were off to a great start.