This chapter brought to you by my Cash Cash playlist.

Bathtubs are not as comfortable as they make it look in comics.

That's probably obvious, but I've never really had the occasion where I can't sleep in my own bed for fear of being mobbed.

I mean, a part of me likes the idea, but there's five or six years of conditioning to ignore this stuff for my own sanity to actually enjoy it. Glancing at the clock, it's five in the morning. I better get up and get out before everyone else wakes up.

I carefully unlock the door and peek out. Everyone else is strewn about, mostly dressed, and mostly dressed in my clothes still. Looks like I'll be doing laundry extra early this week.

Among the chaos, I spot Hata, still clutching her camera even while fast asleep. That reminds me, I need to take out those SD cards so she can't print those. I carefully step over Shino, who has a death grip on an empty bottle and is murmuring in her sleep. Then I step around Aria, who somehow looks relaxed despite... wait, this is Aria. The bondage gear probably feels comfortable to her. Once beside Hata, I crouch down and start looking for the SD card cover.

I hate to say it, but in the past few years, I had grown used to Hata drunk. She'll cling onto that camera through life and death, and it's futile to try to rip it from her grip. Instead, finding the little SD card and removing that works. it's just a matter of whether she's blocking the slot or not...

I'm in luck. I slide a fingernail under the tab and flip it up, revealing a small purple card. Gently, wishing I had thought to grab a pair of tweezers, I luck the delicate chip out of the camera.

Wow, 64 gigs. Maybe I should format it and keep it. I could use a bit more storage.

As I turn to head back out, Aria lets out a long, low moan.

I stop in my tracks, hoping that she's not waking up. After a few seconds, I slowly resume moving.

Suzu's arm shoots up to a sleepy cry of "NOHT SIGSDEEN! 'M Tweny one!"

Startled, I take half a step back, right onto Uomi.

She reaches out and snags my leg and holds on tight, throwing me to the floor with a loud bang!

Slowly, the rest of the girls rise from their slumber, stretching and rubbing their eyes to try to figure out where they are.

"Hey! Tsuda! What in the hell are you doing in there?" A heavy had beats on my door, and then I hear the metal scratch against the lock.

Ah, that'd be the landlord.

I take a look around my apartment. Seven attractive girls, at least three of them faces that are seen on television frequently. All of them are barely dressed in my clothes, and all of us (Aside from Mori) are on the floor. There's lots of sticky liquid on the floor, which I'm going to say is spilled alcohol.

When the landlord opens the door, he stands there speechless. I stare back at him, my hopes of still having a home past today crushed as the veins start to bulge in his forehead.

"Iyaaa, Taka, don't..." Aria mutters, then splays back out on the floor, asleep.

"So, yeah, I don't have an apartment anymore."

"Aw, don't worry! Your big sis will take care of it!"

"Kotomi, I'm older, not you."

"But I'm the one who's doing all the cool things, and you're homeless!" She crows.

In the background, I can hear a high pitched "What?" from Mutsumi. "Anyway, the reason I called is I wanted to crash at your apartment until I can find a new place."

"Oh, yeah, that does make sense. Sorry, but I sold it."

"...What?"

"Yeah, i needed some more money to buy the champ some dinner, so I sold it."

"What were you going to do when you got back?"

"What's yours is mine, lil' bro. I was gonna crash at your place."

"You're my younger sister, not my older sister. Stop that."

"Is your brother alright?" Comes Mutsumi's voice.

"He's fine, he just got evicted. One of the girls he shacked up with will put him up for the night, so he's fine."

Something approximating the sound of a party balloon speaking comes from the other side of the phone.

"Kotomi, stop making things worse."

"But she's so fun to play with!"

I can't actually deny her that one. Mutsumi is pretty fun to mess with. Not that I'd ever participate in such hurtful actions. Nope. Never.

"No, tell her what actually happened."

"What, that that harem you've been collecting finally made a move and you're too much of a wimp to act on it?"

"Kotomi..."

"Fine, I'll put her on." Much faster than last time, breathing comes from the other end.

"Mutsumi?"

"Are you okay? Do you need a place to stay? I can ask my parents-" The words burst forth like a dam bursting.

"Ah, no, don't worry. I got it covered. Thank you for your offer though." I grin despite myself. "How are you doing? My sister getting to be too much?"

"Kotomi? No, she's very helpful! In fact she just bought us all an expensive dinner the other night, to make sure we're ready for our next fight!"

"That's good, that's good."

"But what about you?" She fires back. "She said you got evicted?"

"Yeah, some of the regulars of the student council met up last night, and some of them got to rowdy. My lease wasn't tolerant of that sort of thing, so..."

"Are you sure you've got a place to stay?"

I think back to the last time I went to Mutsumi's house and involuntarily shudder. "Yes, I'm sure, but thanks for the offer."

"Alright. Talk to you soon!" And with that the phone hangs up. Ah, That really cheered me up.

Of course, now I have to actually figure out what I'm going to do. I could call mom, but I try not to call to ask for favors unless I really need to. I could ask my manager, or Kenji, either of those guys would let me crash for a few nights.

As I was debating who to call first, my phone rings of it's own accord. "Hello?"

"Ah, is this 'Takatoshi Tsuda'?" Comes an unfamiliar male voice from the other end of the line.

"Yes, that is me. Who is this?"

"I'm with Kendo Construction, I just wanted to ask you a few questions about the layout of your house."

"...I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"Tsuda, right? We need you to come over and look at some plans for your house."

"I'll... I'll be right over. Er, where is it?"

He gives me an address, and I start walking, since it's not exactly far. When I get to the site, all of the puzzle pieces finally fall back together,

"Aria."

"Oh, there you are!" Aria beams at me, then slides of the hood of her limo. A driver moves to polish her butt-print off the top. I can only pray that that was just due to the cold weather and sweat, and not... well, this is Aria we're talking about. "I was just about to finish up the design. Now that you're here, you can make some decisions!"

I look at the large plot of land behind the vehicle. It looks at least two times bigger than my old house from when I lived with my parents. "Aria, what is going on?"

"I told you I would take care of it." Aria beams at me. "I bought you a house that will accommodate your many visitors."

"Many..." I look at the house. I could probably turn it into an inn of some sort and still feel it was too big. "How many visitors should I be expecting?"

"Well." Aria smiles brilliantly, always a warning sign. "There's me, of course. Shino and Suzu will probably over a lot. Mutsumi, Kaede and..." For once in her life, Aria actually looks a bit disgusted. The expression really doesn't suit her. "I suppose Mori will also be there. Uomi's probably going to set up residence."

"That's still only eight people including me." I point out. "This house could probably hold four times that comfortably."

"Maybe." Aria shrugs and points over my shoulder. "But then we wouldn't have room for the pool."

I turn to find a cement mixer backing up and a slide for the wet concrete leads around the house. "W-what-"

"Come in! I still need you to make some decisions. It's your new home, after all."

"Let me get this straight." Suzu bits the tip of her straw. "Aria bought you a house."

The quiet coffee shop is, I am told, one that is popular among high-school students. I've never been here before, but Suzu looks like she fits right in... I hope she can't read my mind. "Yeah."

"And inside this house is..." She struggles to find the words. "A... love hotel?"

"Not exactly, but... look if there was an onsen out back, the place would be half inn and half love hotel." I rest my head in my hands. "I thought rotating beds were a joke, but no, they're real."

I can feel her eyes burning into the top of my head. "Did Aria actually raid her collection or something?"

"No!" I sit upright, startling the girl slightly. And some of the other patrons. I can see a waitress giving me the stinkeye. "Er, no. She had everything custom ordered."

"I wish I could say I was surprised." She sucks down some more of her shake. "So, how many bondage themed rooms? I'm going with two."

"Three." My eyes glaze over at the mere thought of the house. "Well, technically, one is a bedroom, but nothing in there looked particularly comfortable."

"Wow. She must really like you." Suzu says in a deadpan. "When she showed me the designs for her new mansion it had four, but that was an entire mansion."

"...I'm not going to touch that one. The reason I called you was I wanted to know what I should do about it."

She shrugs. "Easy. Say no to the house. I'm sure you can find somewhere else to live."

"Yeah, but Aria doesn't ever take no for an answer, does she?"

"Restraining order then?"

"She probably has the connections to get past that." I stare out the window at the busy street. "I don't get why she's so adamant. I told her that the entire thing was unnecessary and that I'd find myself a good apartment somewhere else, and she just ignored me and kept leading me through room after room. Seriously, that place would take at least three people to maintain."

Suzu finishes her shake and glares at me. "I know you're not that dense. She's obviously planning on moving in with you, and possibly that crazy maid of hers."

"And you and Shino and Mutsumi and-"

"She made rooms for us?" Suzu drops her forehead to the table with a thunk. "Uhg, I thought she was joking."

"Um."

"Yeah, back in high school Shino and I occasionally quarreled over who gets to keep you when we got out of school."

WHAT?

"Aria suggested that we all just... 'cohabitate'. I thought she was joking, but... You said the master bedroom has a big bed?"'

I nod. "It rotates too. I'm just glad there wasn't a mirrored ceiling."

"Yeah. I bet she's actually trying to do the cohabitation thing." She swirls the straw around the glass, lost in thought for a moment. "Let me call Shino really quick."

As Suzu presses the screen of her phone a few times, I take a moment to look around me at the rest of the shop. The majority of the patrons are girls, with me being the exception. In addition, the majority of them are high school age. A few of them shoot worried glances over our way, and it dawns on me: I'm unshaven, early twenties, and I'm with what looks like a high school student in a cafe. If I saw me, I'd be suspicious too. Before I really get a chance to dwell on that, Suzu starts talking.

"Ah, Shino. Say, do you know what Aria's up to? Yeah, a big house... No, Tsuda says she gave rooms to you and me and some others."

One of the girls at a neighboring table actually turns around in her seat to look at me in consternation or something. I raise my hands in a gesture that I hope shows "not what you think."

"Yeah, come on over. I'm going to inspect the place for myself." There s a bit of buzzing on the other side of the line. "Well, it would be more convenient to get to the office from there."

Suddenly, I feel the pit of my stomach dropping out. I reluctantly stand up as Suzu organizes her things and prepares to go, heading to the counter to pay for the shake. Once there, the woman behind the counter glares at me.

"I hope it's not what it looks like." She says, a bit of a threat in her voice. "I don't tolerate compensated dating around here."

"Heh. No, that's not... She's Suzu Hagimura, you know, the lawyer. I needed some legal advice." I press a bill on the counter that covers the shake.

"A lawyer? But she's just a shrimp! Don't go telling me lies, boy!"

"Tsuda? What's the hold up?"

I point at the woman. "She said you're too young to be a lawyer."

I see the vein on her forehead pop out, and wisely back towards the door as Suzu winds up and pulls out her credentials.

"Wow!" Shino bursts into the oversize bedroom. " I like the mirrors on the ceiling! Very love hotel!"

"...Those weren't here three hours ago." I groan.

Shino moves to inspect some of the dressers off alongside one wall and Suzu presses her forehead into the small of my back. "Okay, I knew this was going to be crazy, but has Aria gone even farther off the deep end?"

"What? Why do you say that?" I ask.

"Because back in high school, she never mentioned adding pillories to the room."

"Pillories?" I look around and locate the one object I didn't immediately recognize. "You mean the thing with three holes?"

"Yeah. Head goes in the center, hands in the smaller ones. See how it splits down the center? It opens like a movie clapboard, and you can stick someone in it and lock it down."

"...I'm going to regret asking this, but-"

"Why's it in the room? Well strip someone naked and lock them in, and it fit Aria's tastes."

"...But there's four of them."

We fall into silence, contemplating the sight in front of us. At least until Shino starts shouting excitedly. "Hey! She got my size!"

She turns around to present something that looks like a few bits of ribbon. It's only once she stretches it out that I can see what it is: Crotchless panties. "It looks like she got a pair for everyone."

Suzu peeks out from behind me. "Everyone?"

Shino nods and pulls out another pair and tosses it at the shorter girl. Suzu catches it and splays it out with a grimace.

"And look! Matching bras!"

"Okay, I'll just be leaving now." I turn to go, but Suzu grips at my shirt. When I look back, she has "Don't you dare leave me alone in here" written all over her face. "Or, maybe I'll..." I look up at the ceiling, but I see my own face, slightly red from embarrassment, in the mirrors. I'm actually surprise I still get embarrassed, after what happened in high school.

That's it. I need to talk to the crazy lady.

"Hey, Suzu, you should try yours on." Shino turns towards us brightly. "I'll go get the others, and we can all try them on together."

"The others? What others?"

"Well," Shino starts ticking off names on her fingers. "Uomi is currently making something to eat in the kitchen, Kaede got too flustered and is sleeping in one of the guest rooms, and Aria is talking to the last of the builders."

I raise my hand. "I need to go complain at Aria out of principle."

Suzu nods. "I need to go with him."

"Aw. You're no fun." Shino pouts for a fraction of a second before returning to her normal good cheer. "Oh well. We'll just all use them later tonight."

"Already planning a sleepover?" I mumble to myself.

"No, if we all live here it's not a sleepover." Shino says assertively. "Uomi, Aria and I already picked out our rooms. I figure we're letting Kaede keep the one she's in now, so there's a few rooms left for Suzu to choose from. You'll have to fight it out with Mutsumi and Mori for the better one though."

Suzu sighs heavily. "Why."

"Because, you obviously want the one connected directly to this room. There's only four rooms that connect to this one." Shino says, then points to one of the other doors exiting the room. "By the way, that door leads to my room. Feel free to use it."

"So..." I begin. "I'm assuming this is my room then?"

"Obviously. Who else would need access to the rooms of the pretty girls of the house?"

"The maid."

Shino looks confused. "But I don't want Dejima busting in on us in the middle of the night."

"Good point." Wait, doesn't that mean she expects me to-

"Shino, where's the lettuce you- Oh, hey Suzu, Taka." Uomi pokes her head in. "Checking the place out?"

"Yeah."

Uomi beams. "I like the mirrors on the ceiling. Very love hotel."

Dinner was an interesting affair. I'm used to eating with a bunch of women, and I'm used to eating with this particular bunch of women. Included around the long table are myself, Shino, Suzu, Aria, Mori, Kaede, and Uomi. I'm sat at the end of the table, with three of them on each side. Shino, Uomi and Aria to my left, Suzu, Kaede and Mori to my right.

They're still making rude jokes, poking each other, and discussing things no man wants to hear. The problem is that for the first time, the house isn't someone else's, but mine. And the main subject they are discussing is how everyone is going to be sleeping in a pile of flesh tonight.

I get it, you're all really open sexually. I still like to think of myself as normal though.

It's a losing battle, I know. Most guys I know don't have six... seven? girls chasing after them, so I've already lost any claim to normalcy.

Maybe if Aria, Uomi and Shino would stop referring to my house as the love shack, I'd be more comfortable.

It is my house, by the way. Aria and I argued over it for fifteen minutes after I had finished my tour of the building. She had, a usual, ignored my complaints and twisted my words with selective hearing and clever double meanings to suit her own needs, primarily setting up a place to fulfill all of her weird fantasies.

When I threatened her with a restraining order, she cheerfully called up a lawyer on her cell phone and handed the phone to me. He and I had a polite conversation that boiled down to "There's pretty much jack shit you can do."

"Tsuda?"

I look up from my food at Mori, one of the two other sane people at the table. Then again, they had both accepted the offer to move in. "What's up?"

"I was thinking. You don't call me by my first name. Can we be on a first name basis like all the others?"

I blink a few times. "Uh, sure. Why not."

She smiles. "Thanks, Taka."

I feel my heart quicken and see the other women at the table start to panic slightly.

"Um!" Uomi clears her throat loudly. "I made dessert! It's chocolate mousse."

Attention rapidly shifts to dessert with a kind of desperation. Privately, I find it kind of funny that they still feel so threatened by Mor- er, Nozomi even when they're all attempting to move in with me on roughly equal standing.

"Thanks for the meal, Sis." I tell Uomi. "It was delicious."

"You're not staying for dessert?"

I shake my head. "I need to clean up and get some stuff down before I go to bed."

I leave the table, and head up to the mirror room. Inside, someone had turned the bed on and it slowly rotates around in circles, Shino's two over-sized teddy bears placed in suggestive positions. Didn't Aria give her one of those, the one tied up in the tortoise-shell pattern? ...And with a ball gag?

I have to get a change of clothes. I grab a plain green tee and a pair of clean, so far unworn boxers, and head for the bath.

I wasn't exaggerating when I was talking to Suzu at the coffee shop. The main bath is almost resort like, with enough space to fit at least four people comfortably, or as Aria put it, "If everyone sits in each other's laps, will can fit everyone who live here in at once!"

After verifying that I am indeed alone (No discarded clothes lying around) I carefully look into the bath and, upon finding it empty, proceed to wash myself off then carefully lower myself into the water, discarding my towel to the side just out of reach. I need to be able to grab it on a moments notice if Aria, Uomi or Shino come in.

I put up an "Occupied" sign, but who knows how effective that will be.

Remarkably effective, it seems, as after fifteen minutes I was still alone in the water. I have to say, actually having my boundaries respected is a new feeling. It really shouldn't, but it does.

I really should be getting out, the others are probably waiting their turn.

This is when the door opens. "Hey, Taka, are you still in here?"

"...Kaede?"

The brown haired girl's eyes latch onto my face and a slight blush comes to her face as I hurriedly grab the towel and tuck it around my waist. thankfully, she's got a modesty towel on as well. "Oh, you are in here." She nods to herself. "I wanted to ask you some questions."

"It can't wait?"

She shakes her head, and heads over to the wall mounted shower head. "Wait until I s-scrub myself down and get in."

She's forcing herself. The stutter was a dead giveaway, but I had already heard the hesitation in her voice. "I'll face away, don't worry."

"T-Thanks."

A few minutes later and Kaede slips into the water. Her face is already burning red, and I quietly pray she won't pass out. "S-so. I needed to talk to you."

"I'm listening." Staring at the thankfully un-mirrored ceiling, but listening.

"Are you really going to live here with all of us?"

I sigh. "Well, I don't really see a good reason not to. It would be really ungrateful."

"All of those girls out there like you." I hear the water shift as she moves. "And you're still the only guy I really get along with."

"Yeah."

"If you had to marry one of us, who would you choose?"

I think to myself for a few minutes before answering. "Honestly? Probably Suzu. I've spent more time with her than anyone else over the past five years." I look down at the blushing girl. "No offense."

"None taken. I kind of assumed it wasn't me anyway." She slips lower into the water. "I am surprised you didn't pick Nozomi."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm. Everyone and their mother can see how compatible you two are. Shino tells me that the first time you met you had already given her your home address and had a comfortable atmosphere going."

"Well, that's because her introduction didn't involve getting strangled by my own tie, kicked by a flying shoe, A conversation about hymen shapes, or a severe case of androphobia." I explain. "Also, I didn't need to tsukkomi her every three seconds."

"That would do it, wouldn't it." Kaede says glumly. "And here I am, still afraid of guys touching me."

"Well, you managed to get in here with me, which is... really extreme, now that I think about it. Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine." She grumbles. "What are you planning on doing about sleeping though?"

"I think I don't have much of a choice but to use the giant mirror room." I shake my head. "Hopefully, I'll be able to get a decent amount of sleep despite the size of the room. I have work tomorrow."

"Hmm. I do to." Kaede sighs again and closes her eyes. "This bath feels great."

"I agree."

"...Are you really worried you're not going to get enough sleep because the room is too big?"

I snort. "No. I'm worried I'm not gonna get enough sleep because there's going to be five people fighting five feet from me all night, not to mention copious amounts of physical contact."

"As long as you know what you're in for."

"Mmm."

I get out of the bath first, leaving Kaede to soak in peace. I throw on the clothes I had previously selected and head for the dreaded mirror room.

It's empty. Both of people and furniture. During the day, with more people in here, it didn't feel this cavernous. The one room is bigger than my entire old apartment. I head to the bed, stop the rotation after fiddling with the controls for a minute, move the teddy bears out of the center of the bed, and flop down.

In the dim light, I can just make out my outline in the mirrors above me.

My life since high school has been odd. It's been outrageous, full of double-entendres, and just plain crazy. Yet, this whole house situation clearly takes the cake in terms of ridiculousness.

Damn, it's kind of lonely in here. It feels like I shrunk.

At least, until there's a commotion outside my door and it suddenly bursts open to deposit a pile of girls onto the carpet.

Shino gets off the floor first. "I told you to stop pushing!"

Aria smiles. "But we left them in here. If I didn't push, we would have to wait until tomorrow."

Suzu extracts herself from under Nozomi. "Which would have been fine! We can wait another day."

"But we've already interrupted him." Kaede says. "So we might as well."

Uomi heads right over to the dressers and starts collecting bits of purple string. "Either way, we should get them now."

Nozomi smiles at me wanly. "Sorry about the intrusion."

I slowly cover my face with my hand. "Well, I can't say it feels too big anymore.,,"