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Locked Away

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Taken place in Water Tribe Arc. After their tense encounter with Hiyou and Soo Won, Hak who has shown how terrifying he can be in his outburst rage, withdraws himself from the others even from the princess to lock away the demons and the beast inside him. Yona wonders since when he stops showing his true feeling or at least, talking about what is he thinking to her.

For HakYona Week 2018 Day 1 – Promises

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In the past, Hak has always been the one who locked his feeling away from Yona so she doesn't know and as if be granted by Gods, it seems red-haired princess always oblivious when it comes to this matter, only if this come from other to her as subject of love. Hak is man of actions, he is always able to handle his feeling and contemplate what to do considering the but Hak has totally lost all of his composure today. Not that he can be blamed at all, after their tense encounter with Hiyou and Soo Won.

Vaguely he remembers how his knees give away beneath him as he loses all of his strength before he closes his eyes and Jae Ha props him into his back, carrying him back to their inn. After they check out of the inn, they settle the campsite outside, on the woods near Sensui. Yun comments about how he has recklessly gotten injured again, it seems. He doesn't too listen to what Yun says when he treats his wound, but he can make it out when Yun orders him to rest.

Maybe what happens after that only his dream. It's rain outside and here they are, inside the tent Hak is laying and pretending to fast asleep as Yona comes inside, not long after Yun goes.

Yona sits on her shinbone beside him, obliviously he can't see it but at least he still can feel it when Yona leans her forehead into his with something wet, maybe her tears fall into his face. She kisses his forehead as she cupping his face and whispering weakly "…I'm sorry that I failed…".

He doesn't move at all, not even for open his eyes, too tired to wake, to move and argue her right now and he's failed to hear what she says as he drifts off into deep slumber. He forgets that and thinks of that as dream, because there's no way Yona will kiss him, even if he knows not only once that the princess will cry because of him.

For several days, he knows but he doesn't too care because he still must calm himself down, to lock his demons and put back his own feeling into its previous place. Not all that can be placed into its right place, he knows, but at least till he can act around them without invite awkward tense into the situations again after his outburst.

It's nearly dark and princess hasn't come back to the tent yet, so he asks Shina to where is princess and what is she doing? Hak is sauntering into where Yona is gathering firewood before asking her to come back. They're walking side by side, before he takes the firewood from her hands that as quickly as he takes it, she snatches it back "no?! The injury on your arm is not healed yet!?".

"it's no problem if only this much", Hak takes back the firewood before carry it with his uninjured arm.

Yona tries to convince him that he's not good enough due to his injured arm's lack strength to grip and carry something. He narrows his eyes before grabs her hand tightly. She flinches before she protests about what kind of muscles he has, since he's gravely injured. It lightens his mood and unconsciously, his face pulls into little chuckle. He wonders why the princess stop following him after few step and he is surprised as he sees her starts crying.

"wha—?".

Yona states that it's not because of his grab, and how she hates it because she always shows her weak side to him. Ridiculous, but he's never mind at all about it. So, he leans her face on his chest, looking over above her head "I don't see a thing".

"this person, even though he's in such a state, he's still worrying about me", Yona cries louder and wraps her arms around his torso "please, God, to whoever God who hear me… please, heal all of Hak's wound…".

Hak sighs heavily as he patting princess's head "…princess, actually what's wrong?".

Yona mumbles in the middle of her sobs with muffling sound "…it's nothing…".

Hak narrows his eyes in disbelief "you say nothing with that face…".

Hak is not the type of someone who will show his flaws so frontal in front of others, especially not in front of her. Because if he can't be strong for the princess, what's the good of bodyguard he is? She knows it, she understands his feeling but it's frustrating, how she has failed to see how deep his wound? Should she able to see it sooner, Hak wouldn't be enraged like that in front of others once he met Soo Won, right? Why does she so dumb to not realize this sooner?

"because it's not even fair, you know? Despite everything that has happened, you stay sticking close to me and protect me, but I'm too selfish?! I was supposed to more aware of your—".

Now he knows to where the conversation will go, and he cuts her off "princess, I really don't want to speak about it. I'm alright—".

"don't say that you're alright when in fact, you aren't?! How do you expect me to believe that you are alright when you looked like you didn't care even if you lost your life!? what frightened me the most when you have tried to kill him is because I thought you will do it even if it means to throw away your life as its cost?!", Hak is a little taken aback with that, not expecting the princess will know one of his goal, the one that he solely claims himself even though that Yellow Dragon has warned him to not think about throw away his life.

"what I told you before that I wouldn't forgive you if you died, you moron?!", Yona hiccups, still wiping her tears "actually… since when did you stop showing your true feeling or at least, talking about what are you thinking to me?".

Hak is stunned by that statement. Does he? Maybe right, but since when? Since he realizes his own feeling to her? Since he should turn on his guard every time the princess is around him after become her bodyguard? Since Soo Won has betrayed them? He always stays strong and never let his guard down in order to protect the princess and do everything with all of his might in order to really take a good care of her after King Il's death, till he forgets sometimes, that his heart also has shattered ever since that night. The pain, grudge, anger, hatred, all of his demons re-surfacing once he sees him in front of his face, which in result make him outburst into tremendous rage. Only when the princess has stopped him, he's stopped, because she's asking him to stop, to let that man go. The man who has betrayed her and the one she has dearly loved. That's why she has protected him from him, right? he realizes it, so why it bothers him now? For now, he only needs to calm princess down.

"princess, I'm sorry for make you worry… I can't promise you to not throwing away my life if it needed to protect you. I know you hate that idea, but at least, I can promise one thing for sure…", Hak leans his forehead into hers and takes her hand in his "no matter what, I promise I will not betray you, ever. Not in this life, not even in our next life if we meet again in next life".

"If only his wound can be totally healed up…", Yona blinks away her tears before continue "and promise me, please… take care of yourself more carefully because I need you to stay alive… take care of yourself, both your body and your heart… don't hide anything about what you think or you feel from me. This is not an order, only a request, because I promise I will listen to whatever you think or you feel whenever it is when you're ready to tell me".

It doesn't mean he never tells him about what he feels, he simply doesn't want to make her worry of him, that's why he thinks he needn't to talk about it to her "princess, you needn't…".

"don't say no, Hak?! You can't keep locking your own demons and your feeling for your own?! If this goes on, you can be broken and I'm not going to let you be broken down by your own demons?! I know I'm not that dependable but at least you can believe me to listen to you and to keep your weakness", Yona cups his face with her usual determinate looks "maybe I'm still not that good to handle weapons, but at least I can listen to what you feel or what you think?! I need you to stay with me!? If I let you killed him that time, I'm afraid that what has left on your heart would shatter into nothing… I don't want you to lose from your grudge. I don't want you to lost your own heart like him. I can't afford to lost you... my promise that day is not a mere lie, I have promised to myself to never abandon you and I would take whatever it cost if it was for protect you, so don't burden yourself too much that may break yourself…".

Realizing that he is the one that she's tried to protect, Hak drops the firewood from his hand. Yona is afraid if it's because of his wounds? She's asking him, where does it hurt but Hak doesn't answer her. For the sake of his promise to King Il, he is the one who supposed to protect her, right? now, for the sake of him, she's promised to herself to protect him.

Hak doesn't say anything, only hugging her back and burying his face into her tiny shoulder before weakly whispering "…thank you…".