Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranger's Apprentice or Sesame Street.

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Halt jerked awake. "What the—" Then he saw Erak and Svengal grinning down at him. "What are you doing here?!"

They grinned and Horace, Will, Gilan, and Crowley came into the living room. They were all laughing hysterically. Halt glared at them. "Well, Halt, you see, we heard that you were going to be pumped full of awareness striping drugs. We just couldn't resist!" Erak said evilly.

"Halt," Gilan interrupted, "how could you have not heard them?"

"Because I was pumped full of drugs, like Erak said. You need to get your ears checked. Anyway, I was having a really weird dream. . . ."

"Was it about Pauline?" Crowley teased.

If looks could kill, Crowley would be long dead. "No."

"Is that so?" Erak asked, grinning. "If you would be so kind, could you enlighten us on what that dream was about?"

Well, it didn't look like Halt was going to get out of this one. "I don't really remember what it was about. . . ."

"Try to remember as much as you can," Horace told him.

"I did."

"No, you didn't."

"Fine. It was something about a happy captain and a tube."

"No Pauline?" Crowley was grinning and Gilan and Will were trying overly hard to hide their smiles. Horace, Svengal, and Erak were outright chuckling.

Halt decided to ignore Crowley, and said to Svengal, more to irk him than anything, "I think Wolfwill is a better ship than Wolfwind."

Svengal glared at him. "What's wrong with Wolfwind?"

This was starting to get interesting. "Because it doesn't have that triangular two-sail thing, that's why."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Halt," Svengal said flatly.

"Uh-oh, big mistake, Svengal," Will warned, his eyes wide.

"What did you just say?" Halt thundered.

Svengal's eyes widened in terror and he squeaked, "Nothing, Halt, nothing at all." It was quite comical, actually, to hear such a high-pitched voice come out of such a large man.

Gilan snorted, "You sound like a girl!" Everyone sniggered impolitely. Svengal gave them all world-class glares.

"Halt, do you like kittens or puppies better?" Will asked irrelevantly.

Halt knew it was useless to try to dodge the question, so he just sighed and answered the question, "Puppies."

"Awwwwwwww," everyone said. Halt glared at them.

"Do you like unicorns?"

"No."

"How about dragons?"

"Better than unicorns."

"How many scoops of honey do you put in your coffee?"

"Three."

"Do you like Tug or Blaze better?"

"Blaze."

"Yeah! I told you, Will! I told you!" Gilan exclaimed.

"Nooooooooo . . ." Will cried.

Halt glared at him. "If you keep that continuing 'nooooo' sound up, I'll make you sleep in a pine tree."

Will stopped. He remembered the day when he had decided singing "Graybeard Halt" when Halt was around. "How can you like Blaze better than Tug? Tug will be so disappointed!"

"Blaze doesn't eat all the apples. And I don't care if Tug is disappointed."

"Well, Halt, you're—you're a meanie!" Will screamed.

"Halt, are you absolutely sure you were Will's mentor?" Crowley asked.

"You know, one would think that Will could think up a better insult, being your apprentice and all." Erak was having way too much fun.

"Crowley, shut up. You too, Erak."

Out of the blue Will asked, "Is 'down the well' a prepositional phrase?"

"Yes," Halt answered warily.

"Let's throw Halt down the well!" Gilan screamed.

"I'll kill you if you do," Halt warned.

"You wouldn't, Halt!" Gilan exclaimed, incredulous.

"Oh, yes, I will."

"Yeah," Erak agreed manically, "and when Halt sees all Gilan's guts all over the place, we'll shove him on a boat and give him Svengal's helmet to throw up in."

Halt glared at Erak so hard that everyone else in the room swore they could feel Halt glaring at them, too.

It was a good thing then, that Horace broke the silence by announcing, "I gotta pee."

Everyone stopped staring at Erak and Halt to stare incredulously at Horace. "Why, exactly," Halt started, stressing the 'why', "do we care if you have to pee? In fact, I can see many reasons why we would not like to know that you have to pee."

"Well. . . I dunno where the bathroom is. . . ." Horace mumbled.

"I can fix that," Halt was grinning evilly. "All you have to do is take a four-week ride to Gallica, visit the ruins of Deparnieux's château, find a half-burnt chamber pot, and pee."

Unfortunately, very unfortunately, Horace was not as hard to fool as he was when he was younger. "I do not. In fact, I would probably die because my bowels would probably explode. Where's your bathroom, Halt?"

Everyone cringed at Horace's description of what would happen to him. "Halt, just tell him where the bathroom is," Crowley pleaded.

"Fine," Halt sighed. "It's down that hallway and second door on the right."

"Thanks, Halt," Horace grinned and started down the hallway.

"Why are you so happy that Halt told you where the bathroom was?" Will asked to Horace's retreating back.

"Don't ask questions like that, Will," Crowley admonished. Will gave him a curious glance but let it go.

"COOKIES!" Gilan yelled.

Everyone gave him you've-finally-gone-insane looks. "Does anyone have cookies?!" Gilan screamed.

They all exchanged ah-ha-so-that's-why-he-likes-Jenny-so-much looks. "No, there are not any cookies." Halt said slowly, as if talking to someone very stupid, which wasn't that far from the truth.

"I like cookies! Like Cookie Monster!" Gilan shouted, grinning ecstatically.

"Who the heck's Cookie Monster?" Will asked.

"He likes cookies!"

"I gathered that," Halt said drily.

"He's blue! And Furry! And was briefly replaced with Veggie Monster! I hate veggies!"

"Me too," The Skandians said in unison.

"You're blue and furry?" Crowley said, deliberately misunderstanding. Horace returned from the bathroom at the exact moment Crowley asked the question.

"Who's blue and furry?" Horace asked.

"Erak and Svengal," Crowley said, grinning.

"Whoa! No way!" Gilan gasped. "Are you like Cookie Monster?"

"For heaven's sake, no. I have no idea what this Cookie Wargal is." Erak groaned.

"It's Cookie Monster!" Gilan corrected. "C stands for Cookie!"

Halt sighed. This was going to be a long day.

I purposely made the characters (especially Gilan) a bit weird. OK, please review. Even to tell me any mistakes I made! Tell me how much you hated or liked it! Tell me your favorite part! Tell me if it was funny! Give me ideas! If I like them I might use them (I'll give you the credit of course)!