Halcyon Days
….
Allen sang every day.
It wasn't bad per se, and it was actually quite good. The problem lay with the songs that Allen sang.
Usually he picked something that fit his mood. On sunny days, he sang of the sun and the life she gave. On cloudy days, he sang of the clouds and rain. In the morning he sang of the birds chirping and the wind in he leaves. In the evening he sang of the water lapping at the shore and of the thousands of stars that would twinkle in the sky.
It wasn't in Kanda's nature to question any of this. He'd just listen and allow Allen do his own thing, after all, what did he know about flowers? But when Allen sang the song for the fifth day in a row, Kanda finally felt the spark known as curiosity tug at him.
"Why do you always sing that?" Allen smiled at him.
"Can't you hear it Yuu? In this song you can hear everything, the stars, the wind, the sun, the moon, the waves and the birds. It's the song of the world."
Kanda could only nod confusedly, not really understanding but not wanting to ask what it meant.
He turned around.
Uh-oh, he forgot what he was about to do.
…
Death was a strange concept. A great deal of ambiguity surrounded it, it was the unknown, it was the darkness, it was the road from which no traveler returned. At a young age, Yuu had come to accept it, not staring at it directly in the face so he didn't have to deal with it, turning a blind eye to it whenever it decided to appear in his life.
This was why he was utterly confused when he thought of Allen dying. It felt like his lungs were being squeezed and grabbed at, with his stomach doing queasy flips. Tears would spring unbidden to his eyes and his head would spin. He didn't know why it would happen, it just did.
It didn't help that he could even see Allen dying. The rich, red of his petals slowly faded out, not turning brown like most decomposing flowers, but a pure, pure white. It was beautiful in a sickening way, the colour that usually symbolized innocence turned into one of death.
Kanda would stare at Allen with an intensity and depth that usually wouldn't be associated with someone of his age. If Allen noticed anything, he didn't question it. Kanda liked that about Allen, he understood the respect of privacy and wouldn't dig too deep unless given permission, they were similar in that way.
And then suddenly, just like that day that seemed so long ago when he asked Allen about the song, he asked him, "are you dying?"
Allen was startled by the suddenness of the question. It came out of the blue, something as serious as that not correlating with the mood of the late afternoon. The orange light that filtered through Kanda's glass window suggested something of lighter topic, not of…death.
Slowly blinking, Allen then realized that he honestly had no idea how to answer.
Forcing out a smile he said, "all things have to die one day, Yuu."
With a frown, Kanda turned away – just like the day when asked about the song – with his lips puckered out and brows furrowed.
…
They didn't mention that ever again, choosing to settle into a routine to provide a fake sense of normalcy. Kanda watered Allen every day at the same time, occasionally putting fertilizer on Allen at his discretion.
The days would be filled with the singing of Allen and the nights would be filled with hushed whispers of the stars. Only later would Kanda wonder why Tiedoll had never questioned him.
This was all an act though, carefully put together by two individuals who were adept at the art and more than happy to comply. Kanda would ignore the rapidly greying hair of Allen's and Allen would ignore the petals falling off of his flower. They both knew what was coming and didn't want to dwell on it. It was just easier to ignore the truth…right?
That was why, when Allen went, Kanda didn't cry. He didn't scream, he didn't wail, he only buried Allen – or what was left of his flower – in the backyard. He chose to mourn silently, brooding by himself, knowing that he couldn't blame anyone or anything. It frustrated him to no end, he wanted to hit something, strangle something, just do something and not be useless.
He looked at the spot where Allen's flowerpot used to sit. It was right up near Kanda's window, giving Allen a clear view of the world outside. Kanda tried listening, trying to remember the song of the stars, the wind, the sun, the moon, the waves and the birds – the song of the world. He could almost hear Allen's soft, tinkling voice in the breeze, or maybe the bright, bubbly quality of it in the birds each morning.
He'd look at Allen's spot, still reserved and clear and clean for reasons that eluded Kanda, and then he'd look at the spot in the backyard where he buried Allen.
Kanda's eyes grew wide as saucers, seeing a flower bloom right there, a flower that looked just like Allen's. He tore down the stairs of is house, out into the sunlight and wind, chest feeling like a bubble about to burst.
But instead, he found only the flower, and no Allen.
His chest deflated and the energy just seemed to suck out of him. He walked back home, feeling emptier than ever.
…
Hahaha, yeah this really sucked. I still don't know how to write properly I guess…?
Anyways, only one more chapter left!