"The sensors are detecting Giygas-phenomena levels of energy!" said Dr. Andonuts. Lucas had stopped lying in a foetal position and was now randomly swinging his bat around, still screaming. Dr. Andonuts was worried about the immanent fate of his lab equipment.
"Gewgaw what?" asked Duster.
"It means we're in apocalyptic levels of danger! We need to leave NOW!"
"We can't just abandon Lucas!" said Kumatora, "Isn't there any way of fighting this thing?"
"Well, the last Giygas-manifestation was defeated using prayer..."
"OH GOD OH GOD HELP US WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Duster fell to his knees and started praying.
"... But Paula was a psychic of unprecedented levels of power, nobody else in the history of Eagleland has ever been able to replicate the effect."
"Damn."
"The original Giygue was defeated using a song." continued Dr. Andonuts.
"A song? Well, that is something I CAN do!" said Duster.
"Well, I'll teach you the song, and you see if you can perform it. It goes..."
If you see a swirl/
That looks like a girl/
And it is red/
And you wish it was dead/
Don't worry, just sing this happy song/
And when you're finished the nightmare will be gone!
"Er... Dungeon Man added the lyrics. I think the original lyrics were a bit different." admitted Dr. Andonuts.
Duster tried singing the song, playing the bass guitar in time to them, but the tune became distorted as soon as it escaped from his lips, his voice becoming high pitched and warped. He shut his mouth quickly.
"Er... ah, that didn't work! Come to think of it, I think it has to be a song that is significant or has sentimental value to the Giygas-level being in question... oh dear... this is POKEY we're talking about! Nothing is sentimental to him except stuffing his big fat piggy face with pies! Compared to Pokey, Giygas was a saint!"
"Wait a minute!" Kumatora snapped her fingers, "We need to go back to the Thunder Tower! Now!"
"What? But that's the other side of Nowhere Island!" said Duster.
"We can use the DCMC Tour Bus!"
"I'm afraid we can't!" said Duster, "The soundsystem was completely screwed by the distortion. I'm not driving around to music that sounds like that! I might go mad and drive the bus off a cliff!"
"Then we could take the train..."
"This is a secret underground lab! I'm pretty sure we don't have a rail service!" said Dr. Andonuts, "Of course, we could... hm... I wonder if that works on Nowhere Island?"
"If what works?"
"Its an Eaglelandish method of transport. Its extremely fast and can get you anywhere, but it can be a little uncomfortable. It doesn't really have proper music as such, so the distortion won't be too much of a problem."
"You mean PK Teleport?"
"Not exactly! Do you want to go first class or second class?" he picked up his phone and started rifling around in the desk drawer with his other hand.
"First class!" said Duster enthusiastically.
Dr. Andonuts reached over and stuck a first class stamp on Duster's head. "Hello, Escargo Express?"
---
Duster picked himself up and spluttered. He saw the delivery man zoom off into the distance. While it had been possibly the least comfortable way to travel he had ever experienced in his life, he had to admit it was fast. Only half an hour had passed between their being at the lab and arriving outside the ruins of the Thunder Tower.
"It was nice of them to agree to keep Lucas in cold storage until we find a way to bring him back to normal!" said Kumatora.
"Yes, it was. Remind me never to do this again. Now, what are we doing here exactly?"
"Do you remember the room with Ms. Marshmallow?"
"Thank you for reminding me. I still have nightmares about that!"
"Do you remember the jukebox that played two songs? They were called 'Pokey's memories' or something!" said Kumatora, "I think maybe they were Pokey's favourite songs!"
"Do you think those songs might work against Pokey?"
"Maybe he stored them there for that very reason – he knew he was going insane and made a contingency plan."
"He knew something of what happened to this Gewgaw, and he thought it might happen to himself." said Duster, "I hope the jukebox survived!"
They climbed into the tower, pushing the ruined door aside. Now that the Pig Mask scientists were gone, the lab experiments had taken over the tower and made nests everywhere. Kumatora could feel the sinister red eyes of cybernetically augmented hamsters boring into her. Mysteriously animated pencils scuttled underfoot. They climbed onto the scaffolding – at which point the screws all leapt out of their holes and started attacking them – and managed to get to the top with only a few cuts, bruises and a few less PP.
The room was still there. The twisted heaps of metal and fused wires, charred cloth and small piles of fake hair where the android girl had been still littered the floor. Duster avoided looking at it. In the corner of the room was the jukebox. He pressed a button and it played the Store Theme. It wasn't distorted. This was the first song he had heard all day that hadn't been distorted. In fact, it sounded louder and clearer than before, a cheerful, tacky, addictive song designed to entice customers. He found himself humming along to it.
"Come on, Duster, help me carry this downstairs!"
"Hang on a minute, how on Earth are we going to lug this all the way back to the lab? For that matter, how are we going to get ourselves back to the... oh no... oh NO!"
Kumatora smiled and produced another pair of first class stamps from her dress pocket.
-
"Are you sure these songs are the ones?" asked Dr. Andonuts, "I mean, this is just department store and hotel music!"
Kumatora shrugged, "Not everyone has the same musical tastes, or finds significance in the same sort of memories. The Green Train song always makes me cry, I have no idea why, it just gives me a funny feeling. I remember the first time I went on a Green Train... DUSTER! STOP LAUGHING!"
"Anyway, its worth a try. Lucas can't last out for much longer under that much psychological strain. Er... where is Lucas anyway?"
"You gave him to Escargot Express."
"Oh, yes I did! I'll go and get him back! Could you give me a moment?"