Session 2
Nightmare: And now we're back!
Cheerful Tira: We now move on to our next set of performances!
Nightmare: Next up is the hero hailing from Hyrule: Link, showing us some of his fighting skills as well!
Emo Tira: You should take note, honey…
Nightmare: Are you implying that my fighting skills aren't top notch?
Emo Tira: …Yes.
Nightmare: Meanie…
The audience cheers as Link steps onto the stage and bows before everyone, drawing his sword, preparing to show off some moves.
While Link got himself ready, Link's arch-enemy: Ganondorf, sneaks in from out of nowhere and grabs Raphael from behind, pulling him away from the judges table and proceeds to kick the crap out of him. Afterwards, Ganondorf slips back in wearing Raphael's' clothes and sits in his spot.
Link begins his performance with several sword fighting techniques, evasive rolls, and other such abilities he knew.
All the while, Ganondorf was pulling out a rather large gun and carefully aimed it at Link on stage.
Before he could fire, Xianghua leans over toward him.
"My, Raphel, you sure look different all of a sudden! No matter…hey! What's that you've got? Can I see it?" Xianghua asks as she began messing around with Ganondorf's gun. Both of them start a tug of war for control of the gun…
BLAM!
…ultimately ending with the gun being fired toward Link, which narrowly missed him by a few inches.
Link stops his act and glares at Ganondorf. He whips out a lit bomb and begins pursuing Ganondorf, who had now got up and was fleeing the Cathedral.
Again, everyone looked at each other with a 'WTF' expression. Cervantes stands up and began to speak.
"Someone send a cameraman after those two. I wish to see the footage of how this ends later on," Cervantes says with an anticipating grin.
Raphael, meanwhile, eventually regains consciousness and wobbles back toward the judges table, in his underwear, wondering who the hell knocked him out and jacked his clothes.
Cheerful Tira: …Uh…Wasn't that exciting, folks?
Nightmare: If…you say so…not much of a performance if you ask me…
Emo Tira: Shut up, bucket-head, I wasn't talking to you!
Nightmare: Sorry…(Whimpers)
Cheerful Tira: On with the next act then! We now introduce you to Voldo, who will be performing…a lap dance?!
Nightmare: What?! That's not allowed, is it?
Cheerful Tira: Oh well, let's just bring him out and see what happens!
Nightmare: You would…
Voldo slinks his way onto the stage and bows. Suddenly, some high tech, interpretive dance music began blaring through the speakers around him. Voldo immediately began shaking his moneymaker as he moves to the music. He continues by grabbing his crotch and performing a provocative pelvic thrust motion before turning toward the judges and strutting up toward them. Voldo reaches the table and stops in front of the half-dressed Raphael.
"Oh no…no…no…you're not going to lap dance on me you filthy freak!" Raphael protests, but Voldo flips over the table and begins dancing provocatively in front of Raphael.
Nightmare: This is…scary…
Emo Tira: This is sick!
After Voldo was finished, he leaves Raphael, who was looking redder than a ripe tomato from embarrassment. Voldo returns to the stage and bows before leaving.
Emo Tira: Uh…yeah…that was totally gay…judges, what do you have to say?
"That was…different…yeah! I give it a (Five)," Xianghua replies.
"I've never been so embarrassed in my life! That horny bastard gets a freaking (Zero)!" Raphel responds, putting on a spare change of clothes he brought with him as he spoke.
"That dance reminds me of the time I spent in India several years back. Good times. Mr. Bandage-face gets a (Nine)," Cervantes responds.
Cheerful Tira: And there you have it!
Nightmare: Now to our next act. We now have Lizardman and his troupe of dancers performing a classic dance routine.
Emo Tira: Oh great, another dance. Better not suck like the last one.
Lizardman walks out onto the stage and looks at the audience. Then, with a quick clap, Lizardman summons twenty more Lizard Men to appear behind him on stage.
"GRR!" Lizardman growls, signaling the DJ to start he music.
The music began, as all of the Lizard Men began dancing in unison to Michael Jackson's 'Thriller'. Lizardman and his troupe performed the entire routine perfectly without any faults throughout the duration of their turn. The display even had the judges standing up and dancing with them, including Raphael. When they finished, they bow to a cheering audience.
Nightmare: This was without a doubt the best performance yet!
Cheerful Tira: For once I agree with you! Let's hear what the judges have to say!
"This was much more tasteful than Voldo's disastrous display of…dancing. I say a (Seven)," Raphael responds.
"That was super cool! I give it a (Ten)!" Xianghua states happily.
"This new music and their dance moves the young ones play these days are not bad. I give it a (Seven)," Cervantes says.
Nightmare: The best score yet!
Cheerful Tira: Yep! Just in time too! If these performances got progressively worse, I might have had to take my frustration out on you!
Nightmare: Don't be silly, you wouldn't do that…would you?
Emo Tira: (Is now holding a very large mallet that could be used to crush Nightmare into a can of tuna)
Nightmare: (Gulps) I see your point…well, time for another short break! We'll be back soon for the final part of the show! Stick around!
Continue on to the final chapter!