A/N: Own nothing as always. Onwards…
Shadows in the Darkness
Rose heard the familiar thump of the oxygen generator as it protested against the Doctor's fiddling. It had become his latest obsession, couldn't sleep, go and fiddle with the oxygen generator. It was one of the reasons Rose had secretly swiped one of the small oxygen canisters from the med bay and stashed it in her bedside table, they'd had no accidents as yet but she knew the Doctor and wasn't taking any risks.
She had finally coaxed him to bed and sleep after he'd spent several hours fretting over how the TARDIS had moved on its own with no one else on board. The thought of someone changing their course had soon been dismissed despite the TARDIS' insistence when the scans showed no other life forms present. The Doctor had fallen into an emotionally exhausted sleep barely five minutes after climbing into bed and Rose soon followed him but now she was alone in their room. It didn't surprise her, quite often she'd wake to the familiar noise of his tinkering before it lulled her back to sleep. Tonight however she knew that his tinkering wasn't born out of his waiting for her to wake and more through the pain he was going through. Her old Doctor had tinkered whenever he was upset and she had gone to him with hot chocolate and an open heart to receive all his problems, tonight would be no exception. She slipped out of bed and groped around in the dim light, her hand falling on his long trench coat rather than her own dressing gown. She pulled on the coat, rolling back the sleeves and wrapping her arms around herself as she shuffled her feet into his discarded converse, tucking the laces down the sides to stop her tripping.
More darkness greeted her as she stepped into the corridor and headed towards the console room. The sound of tinkering had ceased and she hurried her steps, worried another bout of tears had taken him or that he'd fallen asleep on the hard grating without anything to keep him warm. She was surprised when she entered the silent and lightless console, the only light being the eerie green glow from the resting central column.
"Doctor," she called softly, somehow feeling the need to whisper, "Doctor are you in here?"
She heard the clang of heavy footfalls on the grating down the corridor and followed the sound. She looked down at her feet and realised wherever he was he was without his shoes and he rarely wore any others. The footfalls before her definitely sounded booted and she began to hurry her steps as she followed them. She turned a corner and found herself in the library, the darkness casting eerie shadows around the high ornate book cases. She heard a rustle of material and walked over to the nearest case.
"Doctor?"
Her breath stilled in her throat as she saw a movement up ahead, black on black, a figure so familiar. She took a tentative step forward and another until she was close enough to raise a hand and lay it on his shoulder. Her hand met the cool leather and her fingers curled into it as she fought the emotions inside her.
"My God its you, Doctor?"
She felt cool fingers reach up to envelop her own and she couldn't help but raise her free hand to her eyes to wipe away her tears. She felt the fingers leave hers and the coolness of the leather was replaced by the warmth of the artificially heated room. Her eyes shot up and she found herself staring at the book lined wall, no one standing before her and no way he would have got passed her.
"Doctor?"
She nearly jumped in alarm as a light behind her illuminated the room with a red, flickering glow.
"Rose?"
She whirled round to be met with concerned brown eyes beneath black rimmed glasses and messy chocolate hair. She took in the pyjama's and dressing gown and then regarded her own appearance.
"You ok?" asked the Doctor, extending a hand to her.
"Yeah," said Rose, relaxing as his cool fingers curled around her own and he drew her to his side, "I was looking for you, what's with the candle?"
The Doctor looked at the slim candle holder in his hand, the light from the flame highlighting his angular features, "Electrics went out when I was working, I went to the bedroom to warn you not to turn anything on and you weren't there. Figured you'd gone walk about when you saw I wasn't there. You usually come to the console room though and I've only just left there."
"I did go to the console room," said Rose, "It was empty, then I…"
Rose trailed off and sighed, resting her head against his shoulder, "I think I was sleep walking," she said, "I thought I saw…the old you, in here. I must have been half asleep."
"This afternoon must have brought up some memories for you too," said the Doctor softly, "Do you fancy helping me sort the electrics out? Don't fancy cold tea in the morning."
"I doubt I'll be much use," said Rose, her spirits lifting as she heard a semblance of his cheeky nature returning to him.
"Sure you will, you hold the candle and I'll change the fuse."
"Are you serious?" said Rose pulling back and raising an eyebrow, "Change a fuse?"
"Yep!"
"Fantastic time machine and the electrics are knackered whenever a fuse blows?"
The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes trailing to the floor, "Sort of, yeah? They're very fantastic, futuristic fuses though and…I'm really not selling this am I?"
Rose gave a huff of laughter, "You know what? I think its pretty cool that despite all the confusing stuff you've got under that console of yours, you still have a fuse box."
"Well sometimes the simpler something is the better it is," said the Doctor with a grin, "Probably why I decided to bring you along for the ride."
Rose smiled as the Doctor pressed a kiss to her hair but then she felt his lips curve into a smile and realisation came to her face.
"Wait a minute…"
The Doctor took off down the corridor before she could hit him and she broke into a run to follow him. As she reached the door she stopped, straining her ears in the darkness but shrugging as nothing came to her. She followed the sound of the Doctor's laughter, not able to shake off the eerie feeling that crept up her neck at the memory of what she heard, the deep, northern tones she remembered so fondly, softly murmuring her name.
XXXX
Rose tumbled through the TARDIS doors before being sent crashing into the grates as the Doctor staggered in beside her. She heard him kick the door closed and his ragged breaths as he pulled himself up to his feet and raced to the console. She heard the whirr of the engines and the explosions they had run from faded into nothing. She picked herself up and dusted herself off, frowning at the scorch mark that now marred her favourite denim jacket. They'd come a little too close that time but they had been victorious, felling the dictatorship of Crasnol and saving the innocent Thollians from certain extermination under its sub-particle ray, on something like that, Rose was sure that the Doctor knew what they'd been doing.
She leant on the support beam as the TARDIS settled into the vortex and let her eyes flutter shut. She was sure she had been up for at least thirty hours but she didn't mind. She knew the Doctor's default setting whenever he was upset was to find as much trouble as possible and she would stay beside him until he felt better once more, she just wished her fragile human form wouldn't protest so much to the long hours. She barely noticed the figure move in front of her and startled as she felt the cool hands on her cheeks and the soft kiss on her forehead.
"Forgive me," was the murmur against her hairline, "I've run you ragged haven't I?"
"Mmm s'alright," she managed to mumble, feeling the tiredness seep into her as one hand dropped from her face to rub the tight muscles at the back of her neck, "Where d'you wanna go next?"
She felt the soft butterfly kisses against her skin as they trailed down to her ear.
"Bed," said the Doctor, "You need to sleep."
"But…"
"But nothing, " said the Doctor as he pulled her up against him before lifting her up into his arms, "You're exhausted."
She let herself be carried down the corridor and laid down on the familiar comforter she had brought from London. She lay back against the pillows as the Doctor pulled off her trainers and socks, gently rubbing her feet. Rose hummed gently at the gentle touch, only realising how much they ached when the tension washed from her. His hands left her feet and went to the fastening of her jeans, loosing them before coaxing her to raise her hips so he could slip them off her. Two strong arms supported her as she was raised to sitting and her coat and jumper quickly discarded, leaving her in a vest top and knickers. Rose felt the comforter and duvet pulled out from beneath her and the cool of the sheets brush her skin as she was laid down on them and covered over. She focused on the rustle of clothes and the soft pad of bare feet on the wooden floor before the bed creaked and a slim arm curled around her waist.
"I don't need the adventures," was the soft murmur against her ear, "Right here, right now. This is peace."
"Its always gonna be here," said Rose, her fingers closing over those resting on her stomach, "I promise."
The last thing she felt was the brush of his lips in her hair before sleep claimed her.
XXXX
She found herself on the control deck but everything was upside down. Jack was smiling and she smiled back before being pulled back to standing and held against a firm, warm body. She buried her face in the familiar leather on his shoulder and smiled as she felt him laugh against her.
"Told you I had the moves."
"No arguments here," she said, "By far the best 'dance' I've ever had."
"You haven't seen anything yet Rose Tyler."
"Mmm promises," she murmured against his neck, "I think we're forgetting about someone."
"Ah yes," said the Doctor, pulling back from her with a familiar manic grin, "Right Jack, this is the TARDIS and this for you for the time being is home. Only rules are that you don't bring anyone home and you buy me a drink before trying anything on."
"You're gonna be hard work I know it," said Jack, his handsome features drawing into a dashing smile and Rose felt a little jealousy rising inside her but it was quickly subsided by the Doctor's cool fingers slipping beneath her Union Jack top to caress her skin.
"You have no idea," said Rose, finding enough confidence to raise herself up and press a kiss on the Doctor's cheek, "Come on then Captain Jack, let's find you a room. You coming Doctor?"
"I think you know your way around by now, I've got a few things to do before we move on anyway. Come find me when you're done," said the Doctor, turning to the console and clicking on the sonic screwdriver.
Rose wandered back into the darkened console room, Jack having crashed out as soon as finding a suitable sleeping space. She saw the booted feet sticking out beside the console and walked round to find the Doctor with his head in his hands. Concern immediately filled her and she knelt beside him.
"Doctor? Doctor what's the matter?" she said.
He raised his head to look at her but it was anger, not remorse that she saw in his stormy blue eyes. He gave a half smile but it filled her with dread as it failed to reach his eyes.
"Bored with your pretty boy already?"
"Oh don't go getting all jealous now," said Rose, "I thought we'd got passed that."
"You expect me to get passed my replacement?"
"Replacement?" said Rose confused, "What on Earth are you talking about?"
"Him, my replacement. I have to say Rose that was very clever back there, open the TARDIS, make me save your worthless ape life."
"I don't understand, what are you talking about? You were fine before I took Jack to his room," said Rose moving to stand but finding herself anchored as his hand held her wrist in a vice like grip.
"Jack," said the Doctor, a touch of sorrow in his voice, "Saw that you got rid of him too didn't you?"
"Doctor…"
"My murderer, did you even cry for me? Truly for me and not for yourself?"
Rose tried to yank her hand away, "Doctor please let me go, you're hurting me."
"You don't know pain, you don't know what pain is until you've had the Vortex burning you inside and seeing that your sacrifice was in vain. You've forgotten me Rose, moved on with that Pretty Boy, you wouldn't even come to me when you knew I needed you."
"You're frightening me, please let me go. You're not like this, you're gentle, you…you love me! Doctor please!"
Rose felt herself pulled roughly to her feet and dragged to the doors, her shoulder nearly dislocating as she stumbled and he yanked her back to her feet. She felt the sobs racking her frame and the pleas for him to stop echoed in the cavernous room. He threw open the TARDIS doors to show the swirling blackness of space, the space were Gallifrey once existed.
"I did that Rose," said the Doctor pulling her in front of him and holding her at the very edge of the door frame, "I destroyed the whole planet, a whole civilisation, the entire Dalek race, do you believe I can't destroy you too?"
Rose whimpered and gripped onto the leather jacket at her back. He roughly pulled her hands away and pinned them to her sides. She felt her feet moving forward, the force field that so often protected her in deep space nowhere to be found.
"Please," she begged, "Doctor why are you doing this to me?"
"You betrayed me Rose, replaced me," said the Doctor, his whisper low and terrifying against her ear, "You wanted to see Gallifrey Rose Tyler, go see it."
Hands released her arms and pushed hard into the small of her back and she was falling. Rocks and debris sailed passed her in silent terror as she flailed wildly in the vacuum, feeling her lungs constricting and her consciousness slipping from her with every passing second. Then she saw it, in all her terror, the casing of bronze and gold, its deadly weapon directed at her. She heard no sound but the lights atop its domed head let her know its words.
"Exterminate!"
She squeezed her eyes tight and with every last piece of strength in her form, Rose Tyler screamed.
XXXX
The darkness was shattered by the piercing scream causing the Doctor to sit upright, senses on alert and body coiled to run. The scream echoed again and he looked down at the thrashing figure beside him, knotted in the bed clothes and brow soaked with sweat. He reached out a hand to the pale, ivory shoulder and squeezed gently.
"Rose? Rose wake up darling, its just a nightmare," he said, shaking her gently, "You're dreaming, you're safe."
Terrified and confused eyes looked up at him in horror before Rose sat upright in the bed, searching her surroundings and then running desperate hands over her own form as if checking she wasn't injured. The Doctor stilled her hands and turned her face to his, giving her a reassuring smile.
"You're alright," he said, "You were dreaming."
"You…" stuttered Rose, hot tears beginning to rush down her cheeks, "You…Him…"
"Rose calm down, " said the Doctor pulling her into his arms and stroking her hair, "You were dreaming my love, a silly dream that's all."
"He said I murdered him and replaced him, I never meant to. I didn't know, you have to believe me, I didn't know."
"You're not making any sense. Just breathe, calm down. You're perfectly safe, you're in the TARDIS, in our bed, in my arms and no one has plans to harm you and even if they did I wouldn't let them. Now tell me what you dreamed."
Rose quieted against his shoulder, clinging tightly around his waist as her breathing calmed, "I dreamed about the night Jack first came to live with us, when we danced and then I took Jack off to his room. I remember Jack went to bed as soon as he'd found a room and then I came back to find you in the Control Room."
"I remember," said the Doctor, "We stayed up for hours with that cheesy forties music on and drank far too many cups of tea. We were talking about what we would do if we'd lived in the forties and you insisted you would have gone to war with the boys rather than stay to be a land girl. We fell asleep together on the console chair, woke up all aches and pains. Why would that scare you?"
Rose sniffed and buried her face into his neck, taking some comfort in the slightly elevated double pulse she found there. She pressed her lips to the point where it was strongest, reminding herself of the taste of his skin, "It was different this time. You were sitting on the floor looking really upset so I went over to you but you were angry with me," she sobbed.
The Doctor rocked her gently as she told him the outcome of her dream, hushing her as fresh sobs racked her small frame, "Rose I have never ever blamed you for what happened that day and I wouldn't have if somehow my old form could be here too. I loved you so much back then, that's why I took the vortex from you. I knew I would regenerate and I regretted I couldn't explain the process more to you but I never ever blamed you. You're feeling guilty because we didn't go back to Gallifrey when you realised I was there and that's what is causing the nightmares. We've had such a crazy time of it lately its not surprising that our subconscious's are mucking about."
"S'pose," said Rose, still muffled against his shoulder, "You must think I'm a great big baby, getting all upset over a silly dream."
"Yeah you're nearly as bad as me throwing my toys out of the pram when the TARDIS goes off course," said the Doctor, smiling as he felt her giggle against his shoulder, "Tell you what, now I don't make an offer like this very often so feel privileged Miss Tyler; how about we go to your Mum's for a few days? No TARDIS, no monsters, no Time War. Just you and me, chilling out in twenty-first century London with nothing to do but spend some proper time together."
"I'd like that," said Rose, "You really wouldn't mind, Mum won't let you sleep on the TARDIS you know."
"I know but I'm sure we could persuade her to let me share your bed," said the Doctor, "I'll go set a course now, I don't think either of us much fancy going back to sleep again."
Rose watched as he clambered out of bed and pulled on his discarded suit trousers before grabbing a clean shirt from the wardrobe and disappearing into the adjoining bathroom. Rose slipped from the warm cocoon of the duvet and pulled on her dressing gown, wandering over to the wardrobe and rifling through the clothes there, her own main outfits interspersed with the Doctor's various shirts and t-shirts. She felt a tug on her heart strings that only echoed occasionally now as she allowed her hands to reach the very edge of the old, oak cupboard and come into contact with the leather jacket that hung there. He still wore it on occasion when he was 'off duty' but for the passed few months it had hung forgotten at the back of the wardrobe. She pulled it from its hanger and held it to her face, frowning as she realised the old scent she still remembered in her dreams had all but disappeared and had been replaced by the fresh, youthful scent of the Doctor now. She felt the tears at the corners of her eyes once more but refused to let them fall.
"I am sorry," she whispered to no one in particular, "I'm sorry I never told you how I felt about you, I did love you. I wouldn't have changed you if I had the choice but I do love you now as well. If there is any way that you can hear me please believe me."
Two strong arms crossed about her waist and she felt soft lips against her hair. She relaxed slightly and was about to speak when she heard the long remembered sensual tones in her ear, rough and pained rather than the light and jovial voice she knew now.
"I can't."
Rose span around on her heel but her eyes met with nothing but their unmade bed and the closed bathroom door, muffling the Doctor's gentle off key rendition of some ancient Gallifreyan song. She quickly returned the jacket to the cupboard before grabbing the first set of her own clothes that came to hand. Hurrying across the room she opened the bathroom door and stepped inside, closing it with a defiant slam to the room behind.
XXXX
The TARDIS materialised in her new favourite spot, beside the swings in the children's playground, just west of her housing block. Rose stepped out with her bag in hand and breathed in the familiar, polluted air of her home town. She turned to the Doctor as he came to the door, a small, canvas army issue bag slung across him. He pulled the door shut and locked the door, taking her hand and smiling as the warmth of the day chased away the daemons of the previous night. Rose gave his hand a gentle squeeze in thanks before they set off across the bouncy tarmac. He opened the small metal gate before stepping back to allow her through and took the moment of separation to wrap his arm around her waist rather than taking her hand once again. Rose lay her head on his shoulder and they made slow but steady progress towards her mother's flat.
As they reached the floor Rose felt the Doctor's strides slow slightly and she looked up at him with a knowing grin, "You did offer," she said.
He groaned but smiled down at her, "I know, its just…do you think she'll hug me again. She's dangerous your mother, my ribs can't take another of her hugs. She nearly re-broke them last time."
"You're such a baby!"
"Hey! You try having your ribs broken by a ghost and then have your mother hug you to death, she's like an over-excited Rottweiler, slobbery and dangerous!"
"You can be so rude, do you know that?" said Rose, trying to keep the smirk off her face as the image of her mother with slobbery jowls and a tail threatened to break her calm.
"It's a talent from birth I assure you," said the Doctor as they reached the front door and Rose pressed the bell.
They heard the pad of feet on the carpet and then the creak of the rickety door as it was opened before Jackie shrieked at the sight of them both.
"Oh you're home," she cried hugging Rose before lovingly shoving her into the flat and turning her attention to the Doctor, "Hello pet, oh look at you looking all skinny. The pair of you really need to take better care of yourself, have you been eating properly. Rose has he been eating he looks all thin…oh come in and lets get some tea on. You're just in time as well for the party."
"What party?" said the Doctor, finally extracting himself from Jackie's grip.
"Oh its Shelley's birthday but her flat's in such a mess since that Derek of hers went all DIY crazy so I said I'd have it here tonight," said Jackie, not noticing the look the Doctor threw Rose as he wished he'd never asked, "You went out with that son of hers for a while didn't you Rose? He was a lovely boy, we always hoped you two might make something of it but as always you just went back to that useless Jimmy Stones. I told you that would end in tears and look, I was right. You should listen to your mother, I know these things…"
"Mum!" said Rose, blushing at the mention of two exes in two seconds in front of the man who by far surpassed either of them, "What time is this party then? We'll go out for dinner, get out of your hair."
"Nonsense," said Jackie, as the Doctor made pleading faces behind her back, "I've been going on about Himself to the girls for ages and they're dying to meet him. Just make yourselves comfy and I'll call you if I need any help."
Not caring for her daughter's pained look Jackie breezed back into the kitchen and proceeded to sing along to the dreadful eighties sounds coming from the radio. The Doctor flopped on the sofa and shot Rose an exaggerated grimace. Rose settled next to him and tried to suppress a giggle.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"If I kill her will you forgive me?" said the Doctor, "I promise to make it quick and look like an accident."
"You wouldn't stand a chance against her," said Rose, "She'd slap you to death."
The Doctor shuddered and reached his hand to his cheek, "Hmm, maybe not," he said, "Do you think if I really misbehave though she'll make us go out."
"I wouldn't risk it, she might make you serve drinks!"
The Doctor's retort was cut off by Jackie's shrill tones echoing from the kitchen.
"By the way, if the girls ask you've been in Siam for the passed two months!"
The Doctor's eyes widened in surprise and he bit his lip to repress a laugh, "Does she realise…"
"Don't!" giggled Rose, "Geography was never my mother's strong point. She argued with Mickey and I for hours when we told her it was called Thailand now, she insisted that they never would have got in wrong in a Hollywood movie."
"Of Lord," said the Doctor, "Why do I have a feeling this will be a long night?"
A/N: A bit domestic and confusing I know but all will become clear in the next few chapters. Please review.