"Sacrillia, Morgan won't drink her pumpkin juice again" came the whiny voice of one of the healer interns, Chelsea I think her name is.
I sighed and set down the files I had been organising, it had seemed like it was going to be a quiet afternoon- apparently not. "Can you not make her? Aren't you supposed to be training to do my job?"
Chelsea shrugged insolently, popping her droobles gum in a loud fashion. "She don't like me"
"I'm not suprised" I muttered until my breath before replying to Chelsea. "I'll see to it"
The most annoying witch in the planet sloped off and I locked up my office and wandered down to the second floor, trying to avoid other healers as much as possible- I wasn't in the mood for solving every problem ever today. I loved specialising as a Pediahealer, I adore children, but unfortunately all the healer interns get sent to me under the belief that just because I specialise with children I get on really well with insolent students.
When I finally reached the Magical Bugs and Diseases ward Morgan was sat, covered in dragon pox, with her arms folded and a look of pure determination on her face. I cast the protective charms, fixed my smile, and bounced over to her watching her face work very hard not to brighten.
"Hey Morgan" I said brightly, pouring the pumpkin juice into a goblet and sitting on the edge of her bed.
"Hi Lia" she said quietly, hiding behind her long brown hair.
"What's this I hear about you not drinking your juice?"
"Don't wanna. It's boring." Morgan said bluntly, coming out from behind her hair to study me, and the goblet, critically.
"I think it's yummy" I shrugged, pretending to have a sip.
Morgan noticeably started for a moment, as if she was about to jump up and rip the goblet out my hands, but thought better of it. Instead she shook her head and frowned, for a seven year old she drove a hard bargain.
"How about I turn it a different colour? Mix things up a bit?" I suggested, smiling at her noticeably more enthusiastic expression.
"Pink?"
My smile widening I tapped the liquid, watching her delighted expression as it turned a very sickly pink.
Taking the drink from me, Morgan adjusted her face into a more serious expression. "I'm only having it because you went to all this effort"
"Whatever gets you drinking it" I laughed, rising myself from the bed and making a mental note to get somebody to discover a way of mixing the Gunhilder Remedy Potion with anything other than pumpkin juice. Morgan hates pumpkin juice more than hospitals, or maybe even dragon pox.
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An hour later I was surprised to see that the little carriage clock on my desk was reading 7pm, signalling the end of my shift. With a grin I removed my healer robes and was left in my muggle street clothes, so I'd be able to exit through the entrance easily. It was Friday night and all I could think about was getting home and having enough glasses of wine to help me sleep through the night.
I walked through to the reception with little harassment, when I was in my streets I was rarely noticed. However when I reached the exit I felt a drop right in the pit of my stomach and a sharp pain in my chest, for a moment I was sure. So, so sure. That it was him. That glimpse of long black hair. But the man carried on walking, and I knew I was getting my hopes up. He's in Azkaban I reminded myself, before taking that step forward back into reality.
When I reached the little, shabby flat I shared with Remus on the outskirts of London I was pleased to see that it was empty. After setting down my coat and bag I walked my usual path over to the cabinet in the kitchen. With a shaking hand I drew out the cheap wine we bought and slowly made my way over to the spindly, wooden table and sat at it. My hand shook as I poured a generous measure of it, swilling the deep red substance around in the glass before swallowing a large measure of it. I drew out my wand and flicked it over at the Wizard Wireless in the corner of the kitchen. The sounds of some cheerful new pop song filled the flat the words meaningless, singing about enchanting some poor wizard in love with this girl...
It was so warm where I was, was I in bed? Yes I could feel the covers I must be. Tentatively I opened my eyes to see my own room around me, and found I was in my pajamas. Lifting myself out of bed I felt the full effect of a bottle and a half of wine hitting me as I raised myself up, and wandered towards the kitchen. When I reached the kitchen I found my brother, reading the prophet, his sandy hair still messy and wearing his usual jogging bottoms and tshirt for sitting around the house on. My padding across the floorboards of the living room alerted him of my prescence and he set down his newspaper.
"Hi" I said sheepishly, pouring myself a cup of coffee and sitting opposite him.
"When are you going to stop this?" Remus asked, sounding more tired than I'd ever heard him.
A jolt ran right through me at his words, never ever had he actually called me on it. It was routine, just like putting out the bin or feeding the goldfish. I chose not to answer and looked down at my coffee. He audibly sighed.
"I hate it so much Lia. I shouldn't have to come home to find my little sister passed out at the table, I shouldn't have to help you into your pajamas. One Friday night or Saturday night I'd like to come home and not have to it. It hurts too much" he said, his voice thick and his eyes full of pain I didn't want to see.
"You used to help me when we were little" I said lamely, that comment hurt him too. Why did I keep hurting him?
"Yeah. When we were little. Then I went off to school and you became independent and strong. Please be that girl again, it's been two years now, two long years"
My eyes flashed. "Don't talk about that Remus, don't talk about...about...him I can't do it. It hurts too much" I croaked, my heart beating faster than it ever had.
"You're never going to feel better if you don't! We sit here and pretend it all never happened and it's wrong! Pretending it never happened means pretending James and Lily and Peter never existed! How could you do that? Lily was your best friend Lia!" Remus was stood up and shouting now, the repressed pain of two years spilling out of him now.
"Because it's too hard Remus, too hard" I sobbed "When I think about Sirius I feel grief. Like I lost him. And it's the worst pain ever, okay?"
"Unless you feel things you will never know you're alive. You're a shell of who you once were and no more, Sirius took too many lives. Don't let him take yours too" Remus pleaded, standing up and holding me in his arms.
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I never thought I'd be able to do it, but I was here the very place I thought I'd never make it to. Their grave.
"The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death" I breathed, overcome with emotion.
Remus had wanted to come here with me, but I told him if I was going to get better I was going to have to do this alone. Although I felt grief wash over me I felt relief too, and my heart seemed lighter than it had in years. I could recognise the feeling now, the feeling was acceptance. Acceptance that I could never have changed things, that Sirius had just changed into a different man. He wasn't the same man I fell in love with and now it was time to move on, and just be greatful I was spared in his betrayal.
"I miss you Lily, James" I whispered, wiping away a few stray tears.
I conjured some flowers and left them before walking down the little winding path leading away from the graveyard and back out into the quiet, street. As I reached the gate I heard a twig snap behind me. Turning quickly round I saw a flash of black, then it was gone. My mind must have been playing tricks on me, trying to make me spiral back to how I had been behaving the night before. This time however, I would not go home and drink it away I would ignore it. It wouldn't be him and I was foolish to even let myself hope that it is.
When I got home I felt myself automatically walking over to the kitchen cabinet, but I stopped myself. No drinking tonight, it wasn't going to help. Instead for the first time in a long time I would make a proper meal for myself, and Remus if he wanted to join me.
As I was peeling some potatoes Remus walked out carrying his travel bag. His face brightened when he saw me.
"You're cooking again" he said happily, walking over to inspect the pot full of stew. "You weren't expecting me to join you were you?"
"No, not really" I replied returning his smile and now chopping them up. "I just thought it's been a loooong time since I have cooked so I thought it must be about time"
"That's really good Lia" Remus smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. His eyes were animalistic.
"Oh Merlin! I forgot that it was full moon tomorrow" I gasped, inwardly cursing myself for forgetting.
"Yeah, sorry that I won't be around sis" he said guiltily, inspecting me worriedly.
"I'll be fine Remus, going to the grave today...it's...it's...really given me some perspective on things"
"Good, I'd better get gone. I'll see you in a couple of days" Remus said, walking forward and wrapping me in an awkward hug.
"Bye, be safe" I said, smiling wryly.
Remus gave one last smirk before leaving the flat. I put the potatoes in and decided to do something I hadn't done for a while, floo my parents. Since that night where everything had been turned upside down I had avoided my parents, I'd still owl them but not see them face to face. I had only seen them at Christmas. My Mum and I used to floo each other about five times a week just to chat but I didn't want to see them, it reminded me too much of when I was happy. She cried when she saw me, and my Dad got choked up. We talked things through and I felt ten times lighter than I had in years. Today I was healing, and it felt amazing.
I felt like nothing was going to get at me now, that I had been through some of the worst things in my life and maybe now things will be okay. There was a rap at the door and I frowned, checking the clock. It was ten 'o clock and I couldn't help but wonder who would be round at this hour. I walked over to the door with a knot of dread that I had in my stomach every time I opened the door at night after seeing Remus there on that night.
Then I saw him. Severus Snape.