Thank you so much for the kind reviews! People are right when they say the reviews help them go on and feel encouraged! :)
So, I had this chapter ready already too, I just had to fix a few things, and that's why it is coming so early! Hehehe... Next week will be very busy for me, but for the week after I think I can write chapter 3.
I have this Idea in my head how I want it to end, but I'll accept suggestions! Please, keep on reviewing and telling me what you think... Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Thanks again! :D
Chapter 2
That's all
Truth is I love you
More than I wanted to
There's no point in trying to pretend
There's been no-one who
Makes me feel like you do
Say we'll be together till the end
Owen opened his eyes in his bed, turned to the side, stared at his empty bed, looked at his cell and knew immediately which day it was... In his new house, such a beautiful, comfortable house. He had finally decided it was time for him to move on from the trailer, so he bought the house. How was it even possible that he had lived in that trailer for 4 years, how could time go by so fast? It is true he had slept most his nights in the hospital. He was such a practical man, very minimalist. And so he didn't see the point in keeping so many things. He had no family, no partner, not the love of his life anymore... So what did he need a house for? But that changed when he met Amelia, she was beautiful, intriguing, impulsive, a bold neurosurgeon but, personally, she was a mess. She struggled so much, that suddenly he felt there was a connection, his savior complex kicked in, made him think he was in love, and she had said she wanted a family. Maybe, this was exactly what he needed, he thought. So, since he couldn't be with her, he made his peace with it, and really believed he could have a family with Amelia. Believed he could make himself love again... Such a foolish mistake, how could he have been so blind!? He was a man, he had his needs. But could he really move on from her? As much as he tried, from time to time, he caught himself thinking of her... Her sense of humor, her impulsiveness, how much she knew and understood him, and they would just look at each other and know how the other was feeling... they conveyed so much through their eyes, they had this mutual understanding. This wordless conversation, this bond... Like their souls could touch each other just by their looks. He felt so vulnerable around her, like an exposed nerve, yet, he couldn't feel stronger anywhere else. He knew she felt the same. He also knew exactly why they were so far away from each other, so he sighed, closed his eyes, took a very deep breath, because whenever he allowed himself to think of her, his entire body responded, and most of the times the air escaped from his lungs. Still that never stopped him from believing he wasn't whole. There was a part of him missing. It always brought joy to his mind remembering how much they were invested in making it work in the beginning, how hard he fought to be with her, how understanding and supportive she was when he struggled through his PTSD. How she pulled him out. Once he said she lit up his life, and today, more than ever, he needed her to light up his life...
He was so heartbroken when she left, he understood why she had to go. He knew very well why she left. Of course the opportunity for her career was a once in a life time deal. But that's not why she didn't ask him to come with her. That reason that they had to come to terms so many times before was still a reason neither of them should compromise. She had told him so many times she didn't want him to give up things for her, and he knew all too well she couldn't compromise her career for something she didn't want. So he didn't push! He let her go, go live her dream, go be a force of nature, go be outstanding. And he was right! She became everything he had hoped she would. He couldn't feel prouder, yet it stung that she was there being happy without him. And he couldn't help but wonder where would they stand now, had she not gone. Just the thought of it was enough to steal the air from his lungs again. He desperately wanted to feel (there's that word again) happy again. He had experienced it, he had felt pure joy, but now, it just got harder and harder to replicate. To feel again, he was so numbed, just got used to pushing his emotions to the back, drowning himself at work, tried not to think so much about the disaster that had become his life. All his frustrated expectations, all his sacrifices, everything was making him so angry at all of them for leaving, first his father, his platoon, his friends, Her, Amelia, and now his sister again. Still so angry for not having anything he wanted, but mostly really angry at himself, for accepting all the crap being thrown at him! If he wanted to be happy again, to experience more, to LIVE, and not only get by, he would have to stop waiting for something right to come along, he would have to be bold!
He had rushed again to another marriage that failed, believing that that was going to make him happy. He had this image of himself married with kids to come back home to. He really longed and held on to that fantasized life.
Now, his sister had returned from the dead, could he be more overjoyed? He could finally sleep at night knowing for sure now that she was safe. Still she decided to go live her life away from him, hadn't he had his heart broken enough times already? Hadn't he been abandoned by those he loved enough already? And he felt that his sister should stay, be close to her family. So he decided to talk to her, try to convince her to stay, so he shared his life dream with her. Told her he had always pictured them living near each other, near their parents and raising their kids close together. It was when Meghan brought him back to reality, and what she said next made his heart sink, it stung so bad that it rendered him speechless. She reminded him that their father was no longer among them, and he had no kids. She reminded him he was such a loyal man, had always been since he was a boy, so loyal that his loyalty extended to his ideas! Using her words, she made him realize he was just being stubborn and idealistic about his life. He was holding on so tight to the idea of a wife and kids, that he hadn't noticed that life was passing by, and it is short. Was that how he wanted to spend his life? Just sitting, waiting, wishing? She told him he didn't have to sacrifice so much. He should be happy and live his life. That's when it hit him, he was accepting what was coming, trying to adjust, only to pursue this idea of happiness, and now he had nothing, not the "family" he had sacrificed so much for, not a child, and definitely not the love of his life. His sister's words kept playing in his head. Was it really worth it? Waiting to be happy in a fantasy future, watching time go by as a spectator rather than being the protagonist? Get joy out of his life again!. Did he even know how to be happy again? How to let himself feel again? How to be himself again? He asked himself. He had jumped from one serious relationship to another, but they all failed. First he had what he wanted in a partner, Beth was loyal, she wanted to be his wife, and she wanted to have all his kids, but he wasn't happy, he only felt trapped, invisible, unheard. Then Cristina, smart, feisty, driven, ambitious, stubborn, so strong and yet so tender, so caring, so sexy and all the things she was only with him, an entire side of her she saved only for him, and he couldn't feel more overjoyed and special to be allowed in. She truly made him happy, he could be himself with her, he felt seen, loved, but it did not erase their past, and she could not make herself less of a surgeon by investing in their family. So he was left devastated, because all that he had dreamed of was with her. He thought he would never climb up from the hole he was in when he let her go, again. And then came Amelia, young brilliant surgeon, beautiful, who needed him, and who wanted the same things, until she didn't, until she wasn't the same person anymore, until she didn't need him anymore. And while his sister's words echoed in his head, he couldn't, he shouldn't be with someone without being happy. He had experienced the feeling, he knew exactly how to be happy, the question was would she take him back? Could he accept her for who she was now? Could he let go of the fantasy of happiness he held on to for so long? Was she even available? He wondered if she had moved on. Just the thought of another man making her happy, pleasuring her was enough to make his heart freeze, and make him regret every decision he made after letting her go. How could it have taken him so long to realize?
So he looked at their picture, he looked around his house, he looked in the mirror. He stayed there looking at himself in the mirror, replaying his sister's words, remembering the happy moments in his life, she was there for most of them. She changed him, she saved him, she loved him, he loved her so much still, and every time he thought of her he felt his body tingling, his breathing shifting, his body reacting automatically to the thought of her smell, her hair, the touch of her skin, her smile, their kisses and most of all, their lovemaking, their intimacy. It was like their bodies were shaped for each other, and their connection was so powerful, So how could he not love her? He had to do something, he could be very impulsive too, but this needed a plan, it couldn't be something on a whim.
Every year on her birthday, he got a little drunk, and couldn't resist sending her a message. After all, every year they were together he prepared her a surprise only for the two of them. Now, even though he knew they had agreed to move on, he had to let her know he still thought of her. The messages were simple, short. Never something that would hurt Amelia when they were together, and never something that would hurt either of them, just a little reminder of how important she had been for him, and that he saved the good memories, the healing memories. This date was always difficult for him. For some time he had Amelia to distract him from these thoughts, but today, he was decided to let himself think, and feel, he needed all of it to be out, to be unlocked, exposed, addressed. He once told her he would never love another woman, she was the love of his life. He had fought for her, he told her they mattered, he told her he wouldn't go anywhere without her! He told her she was unique, that he loved HER! So he unlocked his cell phone, and before he knew it he had already pressed send... -Thinking of you! xx O.