2.5.2013

I got an "F" in math. That's my best subject. I'm not sure how that happened, but I do know I have to get my grades up, or Dad gets to take away my car.

Ana, I've been exhausted lately. It's hard for me to stay focused during school hours. I usually zone out, get lost in my fantasies but today, I was knocked from my thoughts because of one word.

Anorexia.

Kathleen, the health volunteer smiled at us, satisfied that she had our attention. She tells us to call her Kathleen because she is a volunteer, and not much older than us. She says anorexia is very serious. She says anorexia is a psychological disorder. Anorexics eat very little, or nothing to feel a sense of control over his or her body. 45% of anorexics are female. There has been no determined cause and anorexia is-

And I couldn't take it anymore. My hand shot into the air, I whispered the magic word "cramps", grabbed the pass and forced myself to walk calmly out of the room.

I stayed in the bathroom, dry heaving until the end of the period.

2.6.2013

Why was I so affected?

2.7.2013

Am I anorexic? Or worse?

2.12.2013

Ever since Kathleens lecture, I've been eating everything that's on my plate. I go back for seconds, thirds, fourths. When I'm done, I go to the bathroom, vomit and calmly walk out.

Does that also make me bulimic?

2.13.2013

Maybe I'm not anorexic or bulimic. Maybe I just have bad eating habits.

What do you think Ana?

2. 14.2013

Valentines Day. The worst holiday ever in my opinion.

My math grades didn't improve, so I had to walk to school.

You left me as I ate alone in the cafeteria Ana.

The principal called me to his office during 4th period. He talked about my lack of attendance in health. After that day, I just couldn't bring myself back to the room. I just stayed in the bathroom until it was over.

After my lecture, I was free to return to class. I walked down the halls, staring at the red and pink decorations in disgust.

Why cant I have a someone special?

2.16.2013

Ana,

I haven't seen Troy for our "date".

2.17.2013

You left me with your friend, the one who cut my wrists. You left me with your friend and a plate of brownies.

2.19.2013

Kathy told Dad I have a "problem".

2.22.2013

Ana,

I hurt all over. My wrists are sensitive. My throat burns when I swallow. Im always experiencing constant cramps and pangs. I'm always cold, even in the warmest rooms.

I usually attempt to eat most of my food before excusing myself. Today I just pushed my food around and left the table.

Nobody stopped me.

2.23.2013

I saw Kati kissing Troy.

My wrists hurt.

2.24.2013

Ana,

I gave my report to Mr. Lane. I was the only one that didn't have to present it to the class. I fainted.

Just. Like. That.

Mr. Lane carried me to the nurses office. When I recovered, Nurse Swan offered me an apple. I could feel you poking at my stomach, so I politely refused.

2.26.2013

Today was the twins birthday. Chad and Kati turned 17 and I had to sit in a corner watching my ex best friends have fun without me.

When I brought out the cake, I noticed Chads friends laughing at me.

I'm sorry we didn't stay for cake Ana.

2.27.2013

Troy brought Kati flowers.

3.2.2013

I watched the moon glow over our yard. Everything was covered in a beautiful silver light.

3.4.2013

Our science class took a trip to the planetarium. The miles and miles of endless space seem so peaceful.

3.6.2013

I cleaned my mothers grave. I left fresh flowers for her.

I miss her so much Ana.

If you read this, I'd appreciate it very much if you could review. I've been writing this for months, and finally decided to upload it. I would enjoy some input.

Please and Thanks3