Chapter Two

Meeting Jay

BPOV

3 months later

I was done. Period. I had been making an effort for Charlie's sake to make it look like I had moved on. However I wasn't fooling anyone and Charlie had made it quite clear this afternoon that if I didn't pull it together soon, I would be shipped off to a shrink in Jacksonville. I had been doing my best to live like I had before He had been in my life but my best obviously wasn't enough. So after Charlie had lectured me all afternoon I decided that I would end this for both our sakes.

I got into my beloved truck and headed for Port Angeles hoping that I would be able to find some way too end my dreary existence there. I shuddered as memories of a certain family ran through my mind. I quickly got rid of the mere thought of their name. I couldn't think about them unless I wanted to end up curled up in the fetal position on the floor though, so I quickly pushed all the memories deep into the back of my mind with all the others that were screaming to get out. I drove around town a little bit until I found a part of town that looked like it had promise. Then I sat quietly and waited for it to get dark.

It didn't take long for the sun to disappear over the edge of the horizon making the lights on the streets turn on, one by one. I got out of the car and began to walk slowly around the block looking for anything that might be fatal or any sign of trouble that I could find. I was busy trying to find anything that may end my life when I noticed three men a little older than myself huddled in the middle of a dark and dirty alleyway. Suddenly memories of that night in Port Angeles flooded my mind. I shuddered as I recalled Him rescuing me and telling me to get in the car. This seemed like the perfect way to die.

As soon as I saw the group my heart rate picked up in speed and I felt the rush of adrenaline pulse through my arteries. I smiled as I noticed my reactions to the dangerous looking men in the alleyway. This was exactly what I was looking for. This was exactly what I needed. I started walking toward the men in the alley and one by one they looked up at me. They were truly scary looking guys. All three of them were pierced and tattooed from head to toe and looked meaner than a buck of anger hornets. The man that was closest to me looked like he had been greased from head to toe and smelled even worse than he looked.

He turned to really look at me and a slow smile spread over his oily face. He nudged the man who was standing next to him without taking his eyes off me.

"Hey Jay, I think you have a new customer."

The man named Jay stepped around his greasy friend and began to walk toward me. He looked to be about 6' 1" and had dark blonde hair that was pulled back into a sloppy ponytail.

"Hey sweetheart, what can I get for you? Crack, Ecstasy, Heroine, I've got them all."

Reality hit me like a slap in the face as I realized that they weren't looking to kill me or leave me for dead in the streets of Port Angeles. Jay saw and misunderstood my hesitation and smiled at me.

"Oh, it looks like we've got ourselves a first timer boys."

The other two men came over and stood right behind me like they wanted to prevent me from backing out now and making a run for it. The greasy one spoke.

"Well sweetheart if I were you, I'd try the crack. It gives you one hell of a high."

I shrugged and turned to Jay.

"Sorry guys but this wasn't what I was looking for. I'm just not interested."

"Oh really, Well what exactly are you looking for?" Said the greasy one as he looked me up and down in a perverted way that made my heart pick up speed and change my mind about the way that I wanted to die.

"I just wanted to find something that will make all of my problems go away for a little while. Something that will make me happier than I am now." Jay had been listening intently to everything I had said and was now digging into his pockets.

"Here," He said handing me a small baggy filled with a fine white powder, "Try this." I shook my head and replied,

"I don't have any money on me right now."

"Don't worry about it. This one's on me."

I took the baggy and headed back to my truck when Jay called after me.

"I'll be here tomorrow night if you're interested." I ignored him and quickly headed back to my truck and drove home thinking about the bag that was burning a hole in my pocket the entire way home.

I raced upstairs to my room as soon as I got home. Charlie was dead asleep even though it was only 10:00 pm and for that I was grateful; I didn't want him coming into my room if I was going to do this. All my life I had been told that drugs were bad for me and I should do everything I could to stay away from them. But was it really so bad? As far as I could tell this was my last option that I had before suicide, and anything was better than suicide, right? Charlie had made his position clear when he had lectured me this afternoon and as far as I could tell he just wanted me to be normal. I had to perk up or I was headed on a one way flight to Jacksonville. Drugs would help me "perk up" and as far as I could tell I didn't have anything left to lose. It took me less than ten minutes to finally decide that I would try the drugs just to see if it helped at all. Now I just had to figure out how to do it.

I had seen it before on T.V. so I wasn't entirely clueless. I carefully created two lines on my deck with the fine white contents of the baggie. I grabbed a piece of paper out of a discarded notebook and rolled it up into a straw. Then I used one finger to plug my other nostril and I snorted the pure drug into my system.

I quickly cleaned up the evidence and then I sat and waited to see if the pain would go away. I didn't have to wait long. After about two minutes I began to see things differently. Things became sharper and more defined and yet I was also in a trance like state, definitely out of it by any standard. It was pure bliss. For the first time in a very long time I felt whole again. This was exactly what I had been looking for. All my problems had vanished. I was happier than I had been in a very long time. I lay there for a while and then finally drifted off into a deep Cullen free sleep.

When I woke up the next morning I had a killer migraine head ache but I was pumped. I had finally found a solution to all my problems. I immediately retrieved the baggie from its hiding place and snorted the remaining powder. Then I grabbed all of my money that wasn't in my miniscule college fund and got ready for school. I knew that I would go and see Jay again tonight and that I would need all the money I had so that I could get all the drugs I would need to last me through the week.

Charlie was in the kitchen when I headed in there for breakfast and when he looked up at me I smiled at him. Charlie looked back down at the paper that he was reading and then gave himself whip lash as he turned back and did a double take. I quickly grabbed a granola bar and a water bottle as Charlie stared at me.

"Good morning Charlie."

"Morning." He replied looking more confused and happy with each passing second. Charlie was still scratching his head when I walked out the door with my water bottle in hand.

School was great. Everybody gave me the same look that Charlie had when I smiled at them. I frowned as I realized how out of it I must have been to have everybody react this way. But then I smiled as I realized that everybody was going to get to know the new me. I walked over to Mike and greeted him with a warm smiled and a good morning leaving him completely dazed. It was utterly fantastic. I wasn't until lunch that my high started to wear off and I began to feel uncomfortable. Time seemed to slow down tremendously as I waited for school to end. I wanted more drugs. No, I NEEDED more drugs in order to survive the day. Already I could feel the gaping hole in my chest open up like an old wound.

As soon as school was over I made a bee line for my truck. I was beginning to feel anxious and I didn't like it. I finished my homework after what seemed like forever and made Charlie's dinner. As soon as it was finished and sitting in the oven I was in my truck and on my way to Port Angeles. It didn't take long for me to find the same parking space that I had occupied to night before. But then I had to wait. Waiting was pure torture. I couldn't take it. I was so close to happiness and relief that I could taste it…and I had to wait. I waited for as long as I could stand and then I got out and walked around for a while.

I smiled to myself as I thought about what His reaction would be to my drug use and to my new behavior. It served Him right. I didn't see any reason to keep my promise. He'd never kept any of His. The sun finally set and I decided that it wasn't too early to go and find Jay. So I hurried over to the alley and sure enough Jay was standing there with his back pressed up against the alley waiting.

I quickly walked into the alley and headed over to where he waited for me. Jay smiled when he saw me and began digging around in his pockets.

"So," He said casually. "You liked it."

"Yes. I want more of whatever you gave me last night." Jay smiled at me again and said,

"I don't have any more of what I gave you but try this instead." He replied handing me a large and intimidating needle.

"What is it?"

"Just try it." I looked at him for a long moment and then decided that I trusted him enough to take his word for it.

"Alright, how do I do this?" Jay gently took my arm in his hands and turned it so my inner arm was naked and exposed. Then he took the syringe and held it just above the crease in my arm where he hesitated and looked up at me.

"Can you pay?" I nodded and handed him the wad of cash that I had brought with me. Jay fanned through the money and then continued with his lesson after he was satisfied.

"You want to get it into the vein." He said quietly. Then he stuck the needle deep into my arm and injected the drug into my system. The results were immediate and amazing. It was pure bliss. After Jay had given me the rest of the drugs that my was of money had bought, I asked him,

"What was that anyway? It's incredible."

"Heroine." I nodded and smiled to myself at the irony of the entire situation. I may have been His special brand of heroine but now I had my own and unlike him, I wasn't going to give it up any time soon. I began to walk back to my car when Jay grabbed my arm and wrote a number on it.

"Call me when you need more, or when you want company." I smiled and gave him a little wink and then started walking toward my car again when he called after me.

"Hey, what's your name?"

"Bella and you are Jay?" He shook his head at me and replied,

"No, I'm James. Call me James." I nodded and then got into my truck and drove home as I enjoyed my first taste of Heroine.