Here's another song-fic. And just like the last one, a million points to the first person who can correctly identify the song. This one is probably much easier than the first one, which was "Still", by Reba McEntire. Just as before, I don't own anything but two storage units worth of crap and 4 cats. A few more things and you'll be seeing me on the next episode of Hoarders! Lol!

I can't believe I'm in this position again. I know that I need to get on with my life, and I've been trying. On the outside, I'm looking like I'm getting my life back. I bought out our sub-letters yesterday, and I've been moving our things out of storage. I'm trying to sort through our possessions, so that when she comes back (in two years, ten months and three weeks, but who's counting?) she'll be able to just get her things and not have to deal with me at all. And so I won't have to see her either. But it's hard, as all of our things are all mixed together, and the memories are getting the best of me tonight. So, I finally gave in to the memories and let them take over for a few minutes; letting them play themselves out. Maybe that'll help me be able to move on. Right?

I still remember that first night… The night that Alex and Izzie got married. That was a great night. Arizona Robbins came home with me, Callie Torres, after the wedding and we made love for the first time well into the wee morning hours, stopping only to eat some pizza and talk. God, she looked so sexy with her face and naked form lit only by the blue digital alarm clock readout as she whispered words that seemed to bypass my ears and go directly to my heart. If it'd been up to me, we wouldn't have even gone to the wedding and just come straight to my apartment, but Arizona made us go. And, even with my history with Izzie, I'm glad now that we did go. It was the right thing to do.

But, she's gone now, and she's been gone for almost a month, in Africa saving the "tiny humans", and I'm sitting on our bedroom floor, wrapped up in one of her hoodies that smells just like her. I found it in a box earlier today as I was moving back into our apartment, having. And I know that I should get up and do something productive, but right now, I just want to sit here and think; try to figure out how to be someone she misses instead of her girlfriend. I don't know how to do this, and I can't believe I'm here, again. Starting over, again. And I wish I could remember our last kiss. Our last good, real kiss, not just a peck on the lips or cheek in passing. But, I'm having a hard time remembering it. And I wish I couldn't remember half the stuff floating around in my head right now.

I'll never forget the night of her birthday, the one that Lexie talked me into throwing that surprise party. The party itself was a flop. Arizona walked in and started crying. I know it wasn't about the party but her patient instead. She gets so invested in her patients; it's what makes her a great surgeon and physician. And it's one of the many things I love about her. I should have just taken her out for dinner. Some wine, candle light, whatever. But, I didn't. And when she came home again, she found me asleep on the couch in my lingerie. I guess it was ok, because she told me that she loved me right then and there, before she'd even taken her coat off. I'd been dying to tell her that I love her too, but I was waiting for her to say it first. I think I knew that I was going to fall for her after our ill-fated date, after which I pushed her away instead of telling her why I was so uncomfortable on our expensive, fancy date. I've never really had to worry about money, and it's humbling, to say the least. Then, suddenly, I'm blurting out that I can't afford to go out and do expensive dates. The look in her eye when she told me that she "likes the girl with the sandwiches," it was almost too much. I almost told her then that I love her. But, I didn't, because I always fall too hard too fast, and I wasn't going to be the first to say it this time, even though I'd known that I loved her for a long time.

But if she loved me, why did she leave me, again? I never thought we'd have another last kiss. I thought we'd worked through our problems, especially after I told her that I didn't want to have a baby any time soon, just sometime in my life. It's not like I was wanting to go get donor sperm that night and get pregnant right away. Just sometime, preferably before I hit 45. So if she loves me, why did she go away?

I remember all our little get-togethers. She was always the life of the party, singing and pulling me out to dance with her, even though she isn't the greatest dancer. She doesn't care, she just gets swept up in the music, letting her hips swing and driving me crazy with want.

I remember the time my father came to town and threw George against the wall for cheating on me and then proceeded to throw Mark against the wall for sleeping with me before George and I were divorced. Then, in the heat of the moment as I'm trying to placate Daddy, I accidentally said spilled the fact that I was dating someone, not thinking that he would want to meet "them" right that minute. I panicked and spluttered some gender-neutral words, and then I glanced over to her and saw the look in her eyes about how I described her, and I couldn't hide her from my father. And even though she'd just seen Daddy throw two grown men against the wall, she didn't even flinch as she stuck her hand out to greet my father.

I think of all the times I'd be in the middle of some long-winded, half Spanish-half English rant about something or another, and she'd just listen and nod for a while, and when she was done listening, she'd just kiss me to shut me up. There's not a day that I don't miss that. I'd give just about anything to have her interrupt me like that, even just once more. And I wish I could remember our last kiss.

So, I'll keep her on my Facebook and Twitter feeds and watch her through the pictures that she posts. There haven't been many, but the ones I have seen… Every time I see one, it's like an icy hand comes out of nowhere and clenches my heart. Kind of like the floormasters and wallmasters on the Zelda games I played in college. You don't see them until they're right on you, gripping you and throwing you for a loop, making you lose your place. And I talk to Teddy, but she doesn't really say much to me about what Arizona's doing, just that she "jumped right into the medicine". Bullshit. I know that they talk, and I just want to know that Arizona is ok, that she's adjusting and if she's happy. But, I get nothing except told that I need to get on a plane and go to Africa. And I would, except Arizona made it perfectly clear that she didn't want me there. I've been to Africa; I know what it's like there. And I hope the sun is shining there, because it seems like it doesn't here anymore. Ever.

I find myself hoping that something reminds her of our life here and that she wishes she had stayed, but I do want her to be happy. I just don't know how to be something that she misses. And I wish I could remember our last kiss.