And... we're back! It's been a while, I know, but DILFward is finally here. I hope those of you who enjoyed the first chapter will continue to follow this story.
Just a few things: As you can see, this chapter is about half the length of the first - I am going to try to keep them all around the 6-8k word mark. Writing chapters over 14k words all the time is very taxing, and while I know that long chapters are nice to read, just think of it this way: shorter chapters mean faster updates.
Much love to my awesome unofficial beta, bouncy 72 - what would I do without you, bb? If the summary of this story drew you in, that was basically all her. I suck at summaries.
Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you all get on with it.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 2: The morning after
EPOV
Every weekday, I was used to waking up promptly at six a.m, my dreams ripped away from me courtesy of the blaring noise of my alarm. I would roll out of bed, stumble into my bathroom, undress in a daze and take a shower.
Usually this shower would enable me to deal with my raging case of morning wood, after which I would feel marginally more relaxed and I could actually function like a normal person.
In between waking Maddie up three or four times before she actually crawled out of bed, I would prepare breakfast and basically inhale a cup of coffee. After Maddie was sufficiently sticky from whatever she chose to eat that morning, I would help her clean up, remind her to brush her teeth and then supervise as she got dressed. She was eager to learn how to button her own shirts, pull on her own socks and close her own zippers, and I for one was kind of happy that those things were no longer my responsibility.
Especially not when she would grace me with her beautiful smile as she proudly showed me what she could do.
I would drop her off at kindergarten, sometimes having to deal with a few tears and clinging hands, before heading off to work.
Weekends were nicer. I would leave the waking-up part to Maddie, sleeping until she barged into my room and decided to jump on my chest to make me get up. As I vainly tried to convince her that 'daddy's sleeping' she would pester me with questions about what we were going to do today, not leaving me alone until I was out of the bed and had placed her in front of the TV to keep her occupied while I took a shower.
This morning, however, was different.
I woke up with a very warm, very soft body draped over my chest.
Bella's amazingly silky hair covered my shoulder and arm and each time I inhaled, the sweet scent from the brown strands would fill my lungs. Her tiny, slow exhales fawned out over my skin, and I could feel the rise and fall of her breathing with my hand on her back.
I have no idea what exactly woke me up, but I just opened my eyes – feeling more relaxed and refreshed than I had in over five years – and looked down at the woman sleeping in my arms.
Our date last night had been better than I could've imagined, and I'm not just saying that because I had my dick in her later in the evening. Several times, in fact.
That was definitely a bonus, though.
No, our date had been better than I could have imagined because Bella was just... I don't even have words. It was so easy to just talk to her; we connected so effortlessly. I had been acting like a nervous, bumbling freak the entire week as the first date I had been on since I started going out with Emily loomed closer and closer, but of course my fears had been completely unfounded.
I had been deathly afraid of fucking it all up, of saying or doing something wrong. Would I inadvertently offend her, disgust her? Make such a complete fool of myself that she never wanted to see me again?
My nerves and inner freak-outs were on par with a 16 year old girl going to the prom; I acted so weird that even Maddie picked up on it, asking me if I was sick or something. Of course, despite the fact that I said 'no', I was still treated to a delightful story about how Tommy from kindergarten acted weird one morning before throwing up all over the place.
You can't really blame me for freaking out, though – the last first-date I went on was in high-school and I ended up marrying the girl for fuck's sake. I was entitled to a little freak out and spontaneous break-outs of nervous sweat.
I looked down at Bella, feeling a small smile tugging at my lips as I took in her face. Her hand lay against my chest, curled in sleep. Was it weird that I noticed how pretty her nails were?
I studied the delicate curve of her cheek, remembering how it had blushed the most beautiful shade of pink several times last night. I remembered how her eyes had lit up with enthusiasm and delight as we discussed our favourite music, how her lips had created the softest, warmest smile I had ever seen as I talked about Maddie, and how her teeth had sunk into her bottom lip every now and then, making me think some very dirty thoughts.
Without even trying, I started remembering how those lips had felt against my own; how her hands had slid over my skin, touching me in ways no one had touched me in so fucking long; how her breath caught in her throat as I flicked my tongue against her pebbled nipple; how her hips moved beneath me, continuously thrusting faster and harder against me; how she threw her head back and moaned, oh god, her moans... Her moans, groans, sighs and breathless exclamations had been so fucking beautiful.
When all the moans and groans you've heard in five years have been emitted by faking porn stars, the real deal, emitted by a gorgeous woman currently arching into you, is better than anything I could even describe.
I was brought back to the present as the part below my belly button decided to wake up and pay a fuckload of attention to the tantalising images of Bella swimming through my mind. I gave an exasperated sigh, glaring down at the tent now covering my groin. I wasn't so sure about how people normally proceeded after this kind of thing, but some part of me didn't want Bella to wake up and immediately come face to face with my hard, throbbing dick.
It wasn't really the kind message I wanted to get across to her.
As I occupied my brain with thoughts of reports, meetings, mathematical equations and meatloaf, I absentmindedly drew random patterns on the skin of Bella's back. She had the silkiest skin.
Suddenly her fingers on my chest twitched and I felt her breathing pattern change – a quick inhale preceded a slow gust of air leaving her parted lips. I paused my random-pattern-drawing activities as I felt her move slightly next to me; her muscles stretched in that slow, languorous way you move when you wake up naturally, and her cheek rubbed against my chest just a little.
Then she tensed and she stopped breathing for a second as she probably realised that she wasn't in her own bed. I started up my pattern-drawing on her skin again, hearing her gasp slightly before her body relaxed back into mine.
She shifted a little, turning her head up to face me. Her eyes were still half closed and she wore an adorable sleepy smile.
"Hey," she croaked, blinking slowly as she started fully waking up.
"Hey," I whispered back, smiling down at her.
She covered her mouth as she yawned before moving a little further up my body, so that her head settled on my shoulder instead.
"What time is it?" she asked in a soft, hoarse voice as her eyes slid closed again.
I turned to my bedside table, taking in the fluorescent red numbers. "9.15," I answer, sighing. We were going to have to leave my very warm, very cosy bed – that had never felt this warm or this cosy before – very soon. I needed to pick Maddie up from the sleepover birthday party and then go over to my parents house for Sunday lunch.
Dammit.
Bella nodded absentmindedly against me, on the verge of falling asleep again.
"Bella?" I asked softly.
"Mmh?"
"I really wish we didn't, but we need to get up..." I said regretfully.
Bella frowned and emitted a displeasured and feminine grunt, making me chuckle under my breath.
"Tell you what – I'll go take a shower and you can sleep for a little bit longer. How does that sound?"
"Mmhm..."
I chuckled again, extracting myself from her arms and making my way other to my bathroom. I could hear her slow and rhythmic breathing fall back into sleep before I even closed the door.
I offered Bella the use of my shower once I was done, which she accepted with a grateful smile. I went about fixing us some breakfast, pondering what she might like to eat in the morning. Since Maddie and I were both huge cereal enthusiasts, that was basically all we had at home. I shrugged and clumsily gathered all the boxes in my arms, dumping them on the table before I went about the highly important task of fixing some coffee.
When Bella joined me a while later, wearing the boxers and shirt I laid out for her to borrow – partly in an effort to be nice and gentlemanly, but also for the more selfish reason of it being totally fucking hot – I was tilting my cup back as the last of the life-giving beverage slid down my throat.
Bella tucked some damp hair behind her ear and smiled shyly at me as she entered the kitchen. I silently held up my coffee cup, shaking it a bit with a quirked eyebrow. She bit her lip as her eyes flickered from mine to the counter behind me.
"Uhm..." she said hesitantly, "tea?"
"Oh, right – yeah, hang on a sec." I refilled the kettle and set it to boil, taking out a cup for her and fishing out a tea bag. I never drank the stuff myself, but my mother would always have it when she came over. I smiled as I entertained the thought of now having tea not only for my mother, but for Bella too.
That's when I noticed the slightly uncomfortable and awkward silence that had settled over the room. I turned around to see Bella's eyes quickly dart away from me in favour of studying the floor, her cheeks blushing that beautiful pink again.
I frowned, trying to understand the situation. Was it maybe not customary to have breakfast together the morning after? Because, well... how the hell would I know?
She swallowed, almost nervously, and she chanced a quick peek at me through her lashes. When she caught my gaze she promptly looked down at the floor again, curling and uncurling her toes.
I desperately tried to come up with reasons for her behaviour; maybe she wanted to go home? Was it making her uncomfortable to be here still? What if she hadn't meant it last night when she said she didn't want this to be a one-time thing? What if she regretted last night?
These thoughts filled me with a mild sense of panic, and feeling very much like a woman, I tried to reign in my emotions. I didn't want Bella to regret last night – I certainly didn't. So, yeah, maybe we had moved a bit fast, and maybe we barely knew each other, but I'd thought we'd connected really well and had a good time and then she'd started talking about sex, and how she hadn't been with anyone in 14 months, and she'd looked at me like she just wanted to attack me, and I couldn't stop thinking about kissing her and touching her and making her feel good, and she'd told me to kiss her, and then I couldn't fucking stop, and then she'd touched me and... fuck.
No, I certainly didn't regret last night, and I could admit to myself that if Bella did, I would be more than a little crushed.
Then it occurred to me that if I were having these kinds of thoughts, what was stopping Bella from having the same ones? Maybe she was also freaking out, wondering what I might be thinking.
I looked at her as she stood in my kitchen, wearing my clothes after having used my shower and slept in my bed, toeing my floor. I then realised that I should probably say something to reassure her, to let her know that while it certainly felt a little different this morning, it felt different in a good way. At least for me. I had to tell her that nothing had really changed in regards to how I saw her or felt about her because of last night. If anything, it had only made me want her more.
I swallowed, trying to think of the words that I might use, how I should phrase myself and my thoughts.
It was incredibly difficult.
Just then, Bella looked up at me again, her teeth sinking in to that delicious, plump bottom lip of hers as the brown depths of her eyes zoned in on me.
Before I could even contemplate what the fuck I was doing, I pushed away from the counter on which I had been leaning, crossing the kitchen in three large strides.
Bella's eyes widened in surprise as stepped up to her, cupping her face in my hands fluidly. Almost before I'd even come to a full stop, I bent down and kissed her.
A second later I realised that maybe it wasn't necessary to be so dramatic about the whole thing – I could have just slowly walked up to her, slowly cupped her face and slowly kissed her with a reassuring smile. Instead I chose to stride up to her, grab her face and crash my lips to hers like some overzealous douche. I felt like a complete moron.
With that thought in mind, I gradually softened my lips against her until I was barely brushing them. I leaned back, opening my eyes that I hadn't realised I'd closed, and looked at her.
Her eyes were also closed, her mouth hung open just a little as her pink, now slightly puffy lips seemed unsure of whether or not to smile, and her cheeks were as blushed as ever. I hoped it was because of another reason this time, and not because I'd made her even more uncomfortable.
Her eyes opened slowly, and as they found mine, her lips made the decision to smile.
I smiled back before looking down at our feet, mumbling softly. "Look... I don't-... I don't have a lot of experience with these things. I don't know how you're, you know... supposed to act or what you're supposed to say, or... I just-..."
I sighed, struggling to get my I'm-really-inexperience-and-clueless-about-dating-but-I-really-like-you-a-lot-message across to her. I glanced up at her eyes.
"I really like you, and I wasn't shitting around last night when I said I want to see you again."
Bella raised her hands and gently wrapped them around my wrists, holding my hands to her cheeks as her smile grew wider. I swallowed heavily, feeling a bubbling sensation of relief fill my chest.
"Last night was... unbelievable. And I'd be a complete idiot if I didn't make sure we-... we see where this leads."
There. That was the best I could do. I've only had one cup of coffee, what do you want from me?
"Ok," she whispered, before her lips broke out in a delighted grin. "Good."
I chuckled under my breath, and since I was feeling a little proud of myself, I bent down and kissed her again. She pressed her lips against mine with the softest of pressure, both of us keeping the kiss gentle and still.
We broke apart when the kettle clicked, the rolling boil of the water slowly ebbing out and leaving the kitchen comfortably silent.
As I watched her separate the mini marshmallows from the cereal in her bowl of Lucky Charms a while later, I felt a seed of confidence planting itself in me. I could make this work with Bella. I could potentially have a relationship with her. We could explore this thing between us together, and maybe... maybe it would turn into something really good.
~»«~
"So..." Bella stopped outside the door to her building, turning around to look at me as I stopped one step down from her. "Thanks for last night. It was... amazing."
Then she blushed and looked down at her feet, pushing some hair behind her ear.
"Yeah, it was," I replied, making her shyly glance up at me. When she looked at me like that, I just didn't want to say goodbye to her.
After a long and lazy breakfast, which I'm pretty sure both of us tried to drag out as much as possible, I had regretfully told Bella that I needed to go pick up Maddie. I had offered to drive her home since she lived on the way to Tanya's house.
Of course, I would have driven her home regardless, but it was just really convenient this way.
"So..." I said this time, fiddling with my hands before pushing them into my pockets. "I'd really like to see you again... soon. We- we could maybe go for coffee or something, dur-during the week, like a quick coffee, because I have... work, but uh, yeah... and then, uhm... dinner? This- this weekend?"
Oh good god, Cullen. Smooth. No, really – smooth.
I cleared my throat awkwardly, choosing to study the banister rather than Bella's face.
"I'd love to," she said softly, making me look back up at her. Her smile was warm and gentle. "Call me?"
"Yeah," I said, grinning happily.
Then followed another few awkward seconds were we just looked at each other and smiled. Bella grew a pair of balls before I did, and she leaned in and kissed me. I'm sure she meant for it to be something quick and sweet, but once her lips touched mine I didn't want it to end. When she slowly started pulling back, I only followed, prolonging it as much as I could. She giggled soundlessly against my lips as she moved further back, only to have me take the one step up that was separating us.
Bella angled her face up to accommodate the sudden change of height, no longer trying to move away – in fact, she only stepped closer, pressing us together.
I could have stood there and kissed her for hours, but regretfully I knew that if I didn't leave now, Tanya would have my balls for being late to pick up Maddie, and my mom would have my ass for being late for lunch.
I liked my balls and my ass intact, thank you very much.
With that in mind, I opened my mouth just enough for the tip of my tongue to slip out. I caressed her bottom lip gently, savouring her taste, before pulling away with one last peck.
Bella swayed forward a little as I moved back, her eyes closed and a slightly dazed look on her face. I chuckled as she swallowed and opened her eyes, blinking rapidly as if trying to get her bearings.
Yeah, I'm that good.
She giggled like a little school-girl, staring up at me wide-eyed. "Uhm... ok, tha-.. that was... uhm." She giggled again, looking exceedingly flustered, stepping back and fumbling with her arm stretched out behind her, no doubt looking for the door handle. "Uhm... Ok, well... ta-talk to you later, then?"
She almost tripped as she continued blindly fumbling for the door, but she managed to catch herself before falling on her ass. "I'm fine! I'm fine," she assured me quickly, sparing a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure she actually connected with the door this time.
I chuckled as I lowered my hands, my arms having flown up reflexively as I saw her stumble, and she only bit her lip and blushed adorably.
"Yeah, I'll call you soon," I promised her, slowly walking backwards down the steps as I kept my eyes on her. She nodded and then abruptly turned on her heel and flew through the door, waving at me as it swung closed.
I was still thinking about her as I parked my car outside Tanya's house 10 minutes later, a nearly inerasable grin on my face. Bella was conjuring up emotions in me that I hadn't felt in ages, which was both exciting and scary. Scary in a good way. It was... new. I was just praying I wouldn't fuck it up.
However, as I turned to look out the passenger side window, taking in the familiar house, my thoughts shifted to Maddie. I wondered how she'd fared during the sleepover – I'd been half-worried that Tanya was going to call me last night, saying that my daughter was in hysterics and wanted to go home.
I worried sometimes about how hard it was for Maddie to meet new people and makes friends. Tanya's daughter, Michelle, was Maddie's closest friend, but sometimes I thought of her as Maddie's only friend. The other girls she talked about from time to time seemed more like acquaintances, no matter how weird that was for a five year old to have. But that was Maddie; she just didn't open up to people.
I didn't know if her behaviour stemmed from fear or simple indifference, but she always seemed so content with the bubble she had created with me and our family. She really didn't seem to need more than that.
I still encouraged her to play with the other kids of course, but I was often told by her teachers that she and Michelle would stick together like pieces of Lego slathered generously with super-glue.
Knowing this, I couldn't help but imagine different scenarios of Maddie ignoring the other girls invited to the sleepover, or perhaps hiding somewhere just so she wouldn't have to talk to anyone.
I sighed as I got out of the car, walking up the slightly overgrown pathway leading to Tanya's door.
Tanya, being a single-parent just like me, was well aware of how difficult it was to raise a child all on your own. Ever since our kids became BFFs we had had many opportunities to talk and exchange stories and tips; I had learnt a lot from her, and she had helped me through situations where I otherwise would have fallen flat on my face. I considered Tanya a friend, someone who actually understood what it was like waking up at 3 a.m because your child just had a nightmare, and their heart-wrenchingly panicked screams jarred you out of sleep.
Tanya knew exactly what I was talking about when I confessed the time I had almost, for a split second, wanted drop Maddie out a window when she was just as baby, because she hadn't stopped crying for hours and hours due to a tummy ache. Tanya had been able to describe that horrible, sickening sense of guilt and shame that accompanied such thoughts much better than I ever would have thought possible, and it felt so good having that kind of support. I could never talk about those things with Alice, for example – she just wouldn't understand. Tanya and I had set up a sort of support-system with each other – I would almost always turn to her with my child-related issues, and vice versa.
I pressed my finger against the doorbell, hearing the muffled ring of it wavering through the house.
Tanya was a very kind and loving woman, and an amazing mother to Michelle.
She could also be absolutely terrifying when she was angry, and she had no problem handing me my balls on a silver platter if I pissed her off.
I glanced down at my watch, seeing that I was supposed to pick up Maddie 10 minutes ago. I gulped, hoping against hope that Tanya would leave my balls out of this if she was angry with me.
I barely had time to finish that thought before the door swung open.
"You're late."
I grimaced sheepishly at Tanya, scratching my head as I waited for her to rip me a new one.
"I know, I'm sorry."
Tanya narrowed her grey-blue eyes at me, looking me up and down intently. She wouldn't open the door fully, nor move aside to let me in as she appraised me.
Suddenly her eyes narrowed even more and she leaned forward just a little bit as she stared at me. I furrowed my brow at her, just about to ask her what the fuck she was doing, when she gasped. Her eyes shot to mine, wide in astonishment.
"You got laid!"
My draw dropped. "How the-...? Wha-what are you-" I attempted to splutter, but she interrupted me before I could pretend to not know what she was talking about.
"Don't even try it, Cullen! You can't get that smug grin off your face and I haven't seen you this relaxed and happy in the three years that I've known you!"
And then she started laughing, leaning against the door with a hand on her hip.
"You got lucky!"
She was still laughing as she held her hand up for a high-five, which I studiously ignored.
She rolled her eyes at me. "Oh, come on – lighten up a little! Aren't you happy?"
At this I couldn't stop the grin that spread on my face. Tanya laughed louder, nodding at me.
"I knew it. So come on, tell me – how was the date?"
I raised my eyebrows. "Can I maybe come in first if we're going to have this discussion?"
"Oh!" She moved out of the way quickly, allowing me to step inside the house. "Sorry, I just got a little carried away." She sighed wistfully as she closed the door behind us. "It's been a while since I went on a date myself... let alone had sex. Tell me, is it still the same or have they changed it?"
I snorted at her desperate question, making her snicker.
"No, they haven't changed it."
She wiped a hand across her forehead. "Whew! Thank god – I wouldn't want to have to learn a bunch of new tricks when my old ones work so well." She levelled a teasing glare at me. "Not that you would know."
I sighed playfully, shrugging a little. It didn't bother me too much when she made comments like that, but they still made me feel just a little bit guilty. I had rebuffed her advanced twice since we had known each other, mostly because while I liked her as a friend, it wasn't really more than that for me. It was clear that it wasn't really more than that for Tanya either – what she had... propositioned... were more like booty calls or some sort of 'friends with benefits' deal. Thankfully she hadn't been offended when I turned her down, but she liked to tease me with small reminders of it from time to time.
I decided I needed to change the subject before we got into dangerous territory. "Where's Maddie? Did everything go alright yesterday?"
"She and Michelle are watching TV – the other girls were picked up an hour ago." She narrowed her eyes at me in a mock glare before laughing. She waved me through the house, indicating the kitchen. "Yesterday went well – Maddie was a little... silent," she looked at me as she said this, smiling reassuringly against my worried frown, "but she joined in the games anyway. I think she had fun."
I sighed in relief – that was better than I had hoped. "She didn't go and hide or anything?"
"Only when they played hide and seek," Tanya informed me happily, winking. She was almost as invested in making Maddie more sociable as I was – she and Michelle spent so much time together that they were almost like sisters, and Tanya had a weak spot for my daughter.
I heard the noise of the TV and the two little girls laughing as we entered the kitchen, and I continued through to the living room to get Maddie.
I came in to see them sitting on the floor in front of the couch, rather than on the couch itself, as usual. I shook my head at them with a chuckle. Maddie heard me; her head snapped around and her face split up in a brilliant smile as she saw me. Her expression sent warmth spreading through me – I would never get tired of how happy she always was to see me. I knew that would change the older she got, but for now I could just pretend that she was always going to be my little girl and that she'd never become 14 years old, screaming that she hates me and talking about boys all the time.
"Daddy!" she exclaimed ecstatically, scrambling off the floor and running towards me.
"Hey, honey," I greeted her, smiling as bent down to grab her. I lifted her into a hug, making her squeal delightfully.
I settled her more comfortably against me, wistfully thinking back on the times when she fit in the crook of my arm.
"Did you have a good time last night?" I asked her.
"Mmhm!" She nodded vigorously, pulling on the collar of my shirt. "We had cake and watched movies, and we all slept on the floor!"
"You did?" I asked, exaggerating my enthusiasm. "Did you save any cake for me?"
She giggled and shook her head. "No. It was a girl cake!"
I have no idea what a 'girl cake' is, but I assumed it was either pink or Barbie-themed.
"No cake for daddy?" I pouted.
"Nu-uh!"
"Hmm..." I hummed contemplatively. "Well, then I guess... I'm just going to have to eat you!"
I grabbed her hand and started pulling it to my mouth, watching her eyes turned wide and her smile even wider. She screamed and laughed as I brought her fingers to my mouth to munch on them, pulling against my hold – which was admittedly not very strong.
"No, no!" she laughed, wiggling her fingers out of my grasp. I sighed in disappointment.
"But I'm hungry," I told her.
"You can't eat me!"
I pouted some more. "But you're the yummiest thing in the whole world."
She giggled and buried her face in my neck. I chuckled under my breath, heaving another despondent sigh. "Guess I'll just have to eat grandma's food."
Maddie gasped. "Grandma?" she asked, raising her head to look at me. I could practically feel the excitement building in her.
"Mmhm. We're going there for lunch."
I grinned as Maddie started bouncing in my arms.
"Grandma's cookies?!" she squealed hopefully, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head.
When your mother owns a bakery and knows how to make fuck-awesome baked goods, there will be nothing your child loves more than the prospect of going over to her house.
"Maybe..." I nodded teasingly, "if you hurry up and get your stuff. We need to leave now before we're late, honey."
"Put me down!" She kicked her legs frantically, just barely missing my nads, and I quickly put her down on the floor, watching her and Michelle take off to gather up her stuff.
While I waited, Tanya forced me to tell her about my date with Bella, wanting all the sordid details. I refused to tell her much about our walk down the pier or the things that happened afterwards, and thankfully, Maddie came bounding up to me before Tanya could press me for information, saving me from the clutches of Tanya's inner gossip-monster.
I left the house with a self-satisfied smirk in my friends direction, laughing as she stuck her tongue out at me.
My daughter was basically buzzing with excitement – a trait worryingly similar to Alice – in the backseat as I drove over to my parents' house. I tried to inconspicuously ask her about the sleepover and how she'd interacted with the other girls, but she wasn't having any of it; all my questions were answered with monosyllabic hums and silent nods before she started talking about something else.
I gave up when we arrived at my parents house, knowing that there was no way I was getting any information out of Maddie now. After I helped her out of the car, she ran ahead of me, barging through the door without knocking.
She had already located her grandmother by the time I made it over the threshold. I could hear my mother's delighted voice from the kitchen as she greeted Maddie and I quickly made my way there.
I arrived to see Maddie sitting on the countertop, watching with unparalleled fascination as Mom vigorously stirred something in a bowl.
"Hey, Mom," I said as I came up beside her, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "What are you making?"
I glanced down at the shiny, brown batter – it was the exact same colour as Bella's hair. That I even noticed that was insane.
"Hi, sweetheart," Mom answered, giving me a quick glance before returning her attention to the bowl cradled in her arm. "Cupcakes. Just something I'm trying out for the shop."
"Mmhm," I hummed suspiciously, throwing a glance of my own over to my daughter. She was leaning closer to Mom, her eyes wide and greedy as they followed the movement of the spatula. "Mom, Maddie already had cake and god knows what else last night – I don't want her to-"
"Oh, hush," Mom interrupted me, giving me a teasing frown. "Let me spoil my granddaughter. I don't see her very often."
"Mom, you see her every other day," I said, as if I needed to remind her of the fact that she watched Maddie for me every Monday, Wednesday and Friday after preschool. With Maddie's inclination to avoid social interaction, we had compromised on the amount of time she spent in school. On her days, Mom would pick her up in the early afternoon until I got off work at five, and the two remaining days Maddie would go home with Michelle for a few hours.
I hated that she had to spend the majority of her waking hours without me, just because I had to work. I tried to make it up to her on the weekends, but it still felt as if it wasn't really enough. I just didn't know what else to do.
"Yeah, yeah," Mom muttered dismissively, giving my daughter an impish smile.
I sighed before leaning in and whispering quietly to my mother. "One cupcake, alright? I'd rather not have to deal with a sugar-high tonight."
A slightly disappointed pout appeared on her face for a second, before leaving room for a resigned expression, followed by a nod.
I smiled and stuck my finger in the batter with lightning speed.
"Hey!" Mom admonished, slapping at my arm lightly. I only grinned, winking at Maddie when she giggled at us.
"Is Em here yet?" I asked before sucking the batter off my finger. Jesus Christ, my mother could bake. "This is fu-... this is delicious, Mom."
Even after five years I found it hard to control my verbal filter around Maddie. At this point she probably thought 'fu-' and 'shi-' were actual words.
"Thanks, sweetie. Yeah, he's out on the deck with your father. Alice and Jasper should be arriving soon."
"Alright," I nodded before circling my mother and stopping in front of Maddie. "Wanna go see uncle Em?"
She lit up with a bright smile and nodded vigorously, stretching her arms out so I could help her off the counter. She and Emmett had a special relationship that even I had problems understanding sometimes, and whenever she got to see him she was a happy girl. I swear, they'd come up with their own secret language any day now.
Technically, Emmett was my cousin, but we all considered him a brother or a son. His parents had died in a car accident when he was four years old and Mom had immediately brought her sister's son home without a second thought. As I grew older, and especially after having Maddie, I was in awe of my mother when I thought back on that time – how she managed to take care of a four year old, a three year old and a one year old, while at the same time mourning the loss of her sister, was beyond me.
I put Maddie on the floor and watched her run off. I was just about to follow her when I felt a hand on my arm, making me stop and glance at my mother.
"Actually, Edward, I wanted to talk to you about something," she said as she turned around to the kitchen island, bowl in hand. A pan sat there waiting for her, colourful cupcake liners just begging to be filled.
Much like Bella last night... fuck, Cullen, stop it!
"Oh, yeah?" I asked as I moved around the island, leaning against it opposite Mom. I watched as she methodically scraped heaping spoons of batter into the paper cups, once again reminded of Bella's hair.
"How did your date go last night?" she asked, eyes cast down on her task.
I groaned and dropped my head down on my arms, lying crossed before me on the countertop. "Mom...!" I whined, enjoying the added effect of how muffled it sounded when I spoke against my arm.
"Oh, come on, Edward!" Mom whined right back. "I'm your mother – I can't ask how the first date you've been on in five years went?"
I groaned again at the touch of hurt that weaved through her voice, feeling the guilt only mothers can bestow on their children rise in me.
With a long, deep sigh I straightened out and levelled a resigned look at her. "It was great."
Mom's eyebrows rose slowly as she waited for me to elaborate, dipping her head down and everything. When I didn't speak, her expression abruptly turned frustrated.
"Edward..." she warned, and I felt like stomping my foot and groaning like a little child because she was forcing me to talk about my date with Bella.
"Fine! It's was really great – I took her to my favourite restaurant, we talked about anything and everything, and we really hit it off. We took a walk down the pier and then I drove her home."
I was technically speaking the truth; I just omitted the fact that I drove her home like 12 hours after the walk down the pier. Details like that weren't really necessary for my mother to know about.
"Mmhm..." she hummed slowly. Her gaze was contemplative. "And you like her?"
I paused before nodding. "I do. We're going out for coffee later this week, and I'm taking her out to dinner on Saturday or something."
It worried me a little that my mother wasn't smiling. I would have thought this would make her happy – happy for me, that maybe I had finally found someone.
Instead, she asked the one thing that was sure to dampen my mood. "Does she know? About Emily?"
I scowled, the old resentment and hate that her name conjured up in me every single time it was mentioned boiling to the surface.
"I've told her enough for now," I said in a clipped tone – my anger wasn't directed at Mom, and she was well aware of this and took no offence against the venom in my voice.
"Alright..." she said doubtfully, eyeing me for a few seconds before dropping the spoons into the bowl; she reached over with her free hands and lightly squeezed my fingers. "Just... be careful, Edward. For Maddie's sake?"
I frowned at her, a touch of irritation flaring up inside me. What was she implying?
She correctly identified my expression and sighed before elaborating. "Just think about it, sweetie. I'm not saying this will happen, I'm just talking about the worst-case scenario, ok? What if you and Bella rush into a relationship, and you bring her into Maddie's life, and everything is great and wonderful... until it maybe isn't anymore? If Maddie learns to accept Bella into her little bubble, allows Bella to come close to her... you've said yourself that you've never seen her take to a stranger so quickly before - if Maddie starts to care about Bella, how do you think it will affect her if Bella leaves?"
I opened my mouth to argue back, to vehemently ask why she thought things wouldn't work out between Bella and I, why she was so sure Bella would leave, but she held up a hand to shush me before I could speak.
"Again, I'm not saying that this will happen, Edward. I really don't think it will. You and Bella might... well, it might work out wonderfully. Just think about the possibility that it won't. There's always a risk for that, in any relationship. But you have to think not only about how your and Bella's lives might change, but about Maddie's as well." She said this softly, warmth and concern radiating from her eyes.
"You're a great father, Edward, and I know that Maddie's welfare is the most important thing to you – just remember that as new as this whole dating-thing is to you, it's also new to Maddie. If Bella becomes a permanent feature in your lives, Maddie will have to learn how to share you in a way she hasn't had to before. There's no telling how she might react to that, and you need to be prepared for anything."
She paused to let her words fully sink in, squeezing my fingers tightly as my shoulders dropped in realisation. She was completely right, of course. The budding sense of joy and hopefulness that had been growing in me in regards to Bella was now being challenged by insecurities and potential problems. I could feel myself slowly sinking into a dejected state of mind, even as I tried to fight it off.
"You just need to keep it all in mind as you and Bella go forward. You know better than anyone that once you have a child, it's no longer just about you. It's about them, too. Let Maddie slowly get accustomed to having another person so close to you, and gradually explain to her what's going on. I think that as long as you don't overwhelm her, and let her work things through at her own pace, you'll be fine."
I sighed deeply as questions, concerns and millions of scenarios started volleying through my mind. I couldn't believe I hadn't really given this much thought before – I think I just assumed Maddie would be totally fine with everything, but my mother's wise words made me realise that she might not be.
I needed to think about this carefully; formulate some sort of plan. Mom was right – this wasn't just about me and Bella, as it might have been in another situation. I had a daughter who was my number one priority, and I needed to proceed with care as I introduced Bella into our lives.
I sighed again and stared dejectedly out the window as I realised I should probably talk to Bella about all of this – make sure she understood that things had to go forward a little differently with us. I could only hope it wouldn't scare her off.
Fuck, this was going to be harder than I had thought.
So, a little peek into DILFward's head. Did you all enjoy it?
I'm going to do something a little differently with this story than I did with my other one. From now one, reviewers get teasers.
My review replies might therefore take a lot longer than some of you might be used to, but as soon as I have something to tease you about, I will send it out.
Also, from time to time I will be submitting teasers in the form of pictures: www (dot) pictease (dot) blogspot (dot) com.
If you haven't heard of it, it's a place where every Monday, authors submit picteases for their upcoming chapters. I will try to do this as often as I can, so just keep an eye out on the site if that sounds interesting.
Oh, and one last thing before I try to shut up: My one-shot "Up To Scratch" is currently in the first round of voting in the FML Contest. The round is open until February 24, and I would be über jazzed and ecstatic if it made it to the second round.
If you feel like it, you can go here and cast your vote: http://www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/2187120/FML_Contest
From now on I will work harder to not write such long and annoying a/n's, I promise.
Until next time ladies and gents (because I know that there are at least two guys reading this! *waves*),
xxxx
/Victoria