"'S strange." He said, late in the night — another one without her. They piled up around him. Vicious. Uncaring. It took him right back to his lonely childhood nights, wandering helpless, grieving an irreparable loss and avoiding the monsters in the dark.
Except the monsters were now a ghost who he ran to every three days, begging to be haunted.
The nights then felt as long as the nights now and yet, it was his favorite time to attend the well, knowing the low odd of getting disturbed or caught saying something embarrassing, since the villagers were fast asleep.
"You taught me how to feel again." He continued, remembering how naturally Kagome teared his guard apart, a guard he had build out of past sorrows and rebuild — even stronger — out of mistrust, made to be impenetrable. "And I did. Mostly for you." He shrugged. "Now that you ain't here. What am I supposed to do with it?"
InuYasha waited for the miraculous answer he knew not to come. Not that he believed in miracles or any of the sort — not for someone with the likes of him, anyway —, but because he was truly lost.
All the love he held belonged to Kagome and to Kagome only. It was killing him that he couldn't just give it to her.
"Sometimes I still boil an extra cup of ramen. And yes," Kagome answered the comment, made by absolutely nobody, that she knew for sure InuYasha would if he was there. "I know it's stupid. Old habits die hard, I guess."
The more time passed by, the less she wanted to think about it. Days, weeks, months. None of it made sense anymore. She sighed and looked outside the wellhouse, a summer breeze agitating the Goshinboku leaves under the sunlight.
"I also keep waiting for you to burst out here and take me away at any moment, complaining I was taking too long, like you always did."
The fact that he hadn't, after all this time, was a clear indication that their situation was final, because if he could, Kagome was certain InuYasha would have come for her long ago.
"I wish you would." She said, ignoring the lifeless well and the truth she couldn't face just yet.
"You really got me spoiled, I hope you know."
It was true. Hunting was not nearly as appealing as before and whatever food the humans cooked wasn't quite as tasteful as hers.
Besides, since Naraku was defeated, InuYasha oddly found himself wanting to settled down in one place, for a change.
The slayer and the monk had already married and started their family there. Shippo spent all of his free time in the village too. Perhaps InuYasha could do the same. It was about time he stopped bother his friends on every cold or moonless night.
"I don't think they'll mind if I build myself a hut." Far enough so that he could keep some peace and quiet, close enough so that he could be there in a heartbeat if trouble comes to them. With space to spare, for the runt to crash if he so wants. InuYasha smiled. Kagome would like that. "Nearby water. I remember how obsessed you are with those baths of yours."
He blushed at the phrased implication, but never took it back. Simply because he meant it. Of course he did. Kagome has been a part of his future long before he came to realize it and ages before he cared to admit it. InuYasha would be damned if he stopped idealizing how their life together would be like now.
Even if she looked lost for him forever, how was he supposed to believe that when everything was a constant reminder of her?
Every time he stumbled on one of their uninformed old friends they asked about her, not used to seeing one without the other. Every time he wield Tessaiga in battle, he thought about the brave girl who managed to pull it out of his old man's grave when no one else could. And every time he rested next to the Goshinboku, he played back the day they met in his head.
That was why he kept long exorcism trips with Miroku to a minimum, why he could never leave this place even if the whole village suddenly demanded him to, why he was always praying, dreaming, hoping...
Just in case she comes back.
"Keh, even if they did care, I'd like to see 'em try and do something about it. 'Cause I ain't going anywhere." InuYasha informed. "Not without you."
"It's true what they say, you know?" Kagome rested her cheek on the edge of the Honekui no Ido as the fatigue of a long day finally caught up to her. "You do learn to live with it eventually. What they don't tell is that you don't forget. Not ever. You're on my mind when I less expect, even when you shouldn't, even when I idly let myself believe I'm moving on… I miss you so much"
The bottom line, however, was that she didn't want to move on. It could make things easier and maybe her friends would stop pointing out how often she seems to forget to smile lately.
Still, Kagome cultivated his memory pinned deep inside her brain, because the only thing stronger than the need to move on was the fear to forget.
And she was terrified.
In countless occasions she had wished to be an artist, only to immortalize his features when the cruelty of time fatally made it all fade away. The strong jawline, the cute ears, the impossible golden tone of his eyes.
But remembering hurt and Kagome knew InuYasha felt the same way — which made it all worse because she wanted him to be happy. With or without her, his happiness has always been the priority she held highest on the top of her list.
At the same time, the selfish part of her, the one she tried so hard to keep sealed and hidden, was reluctant to let go of whatever little room it had claimed in his heart.
"Don't forget about me, okay?" She said, eyes closing under the low moonlight that entered through the open door.
Sometimes that selfish part wins.
A/N: thank you so much for reading!