When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
Myka and Helena sat in silence as the rain beated on the windows of their bedroom at the B&B. The last 2 days had been pretty rough on the agents. They went on a mission to retrieve an artifact in Paris; they ended up snagging it within a few hours. They decided to take a couple of days off and just stay there for a while, a romantic getaway. But things definitely didn't go as planned.
"Myka," Helena broke the silence. "We can't keep doing this. We need to talk about it." She stood from the bed and walked over to the chair by the window, where her girlfriend was sitting, just staring off into space. "It doesn't mean anything."
"I asked you to marry me," Myka, finally looked at the older woman, her eyes filled with hurt and anger. "And you said no. It's pretty evident how you feel about this relationship."
We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
"Myka," Helena pleaded. "you need to understand, this had nothing to do with you." She tried to put her hand on the other woman's thigh but Myka just jerked away and stood up.
"But doesn't it?!" Myka yelled as she walked to the other side of the room, away from her girlfriend. "It has everything to do with me! You are doubting our relationship, if you weren't than you would have said yes."
"I just-" Helena ran her hand through her hair trying to search for the right words. "I've never been one for marriage. I don't feel the need for it."
"But I do!" Myka threw her hands up in the air. "It's a sign of commitment and love; it shows that you are truly willing to be serious with this person for the rest of your life. And that is what I want with you. Marrying you shows that you're different to me than any of my previous relationships, even Sam."
If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain
"Myka you have to look at it from my point of view." Helena crossed the room towards her lover. "I grew up in a different time, when it was very unacceptable for a woman of my age and stature to not be married. I hated that I was seen as deprived in some way just because I didn't have a man to take care of me, as if I was some child who needed looking after. I feel like by getting married I would be giving into them.'
"But Helena like you said it was a different time. By marrying me you're not giving into to anything except your love and devotion for me." Myka's voice cracked a bit towards the end.
"I do love you." Helena stepped a little closer toward the taller woman so that she was only a few inches in front of her. "and I am devoted to you. I don't need some paper signed by a judge to prove that."
"But-" Myka trailed off trying to fight the new tears that had welded in her eyes. "we were in Paris. It was our 3 year anniversary. We were having such good time I thought that-"
"I know what you thought." Helena brought her hand up to Myka's cheek and wiped a tear away with her thumb. "And you weren't wrong in any way for thinking it. You couldn't possibly have known how I feel about marriage, you were just doing what you felt was the right thing to do."
Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time... on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you
"I just keep feeling like I'm not enough." The anger in Myka's eyes was gone now and all that remained was hurt and pain. The sight of her lover breaking down in front of her caused Helena's heart to ache. "I mean you are this amazing woman. You're H.G. Wells for crying loud! And who am I? I'm just this poor, pathetic, little girl from Colorado who can't even get her girlfriend to marry her."
"You're thinking way too much into this." Helena brought her forehead to Myka's, trying to get the younger woman's attention. "I told you, it's not you. It's me, it's always been me. I am the one who has hurt you time and time again. Every time I think about you I can't even fathom why you would spend more than ten seconds looking in my direction. You should hate me by now but you don't, and I don't think I will ever figure out why."
Sometimes I need some time...on my own
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time... on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain
"I do hate you." Myke whispered. " I hate you for bringing out the worst in me but also the best. I hate you for leaving me all of those times but I still waited for you. I hate you for turning down my proposal but me still caring for you all the more. I hate you for doing all of those things to me and still making me love you." She didn't take her eyes away from Helena's the entire time. Helena never seen that look in Myka before, the intensity of her stare was enough to destroy an entire city. Out of all of the years they had been together Myka had never said anything like that, her heart and soul was poured out for her lover to see. And Helena had never found Myka as sexy or as beautiful as she did right now.
"I love you so much." Helena crashed her lips to the taller woman's. Myka was a bit surprised, there was something different about this kiss, it was passionate yet loving, rough yet soft. She knew that Helena loved her and she knew that they would be together for the rest of their lives, married or not.
Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one