Issei Hyoudou is doubtlessly a pervert obsessed with harems and oppai. The question is, what's his source material?

I present to you...

Harem Master Hyoudou!

Chapter Two

Once Issei entered school, Murayama and Katase de-attached themselves from his arms with an air of disappointment before leaving to their classrooms. He waved and smiled at their retreating forms, and then dropped his hands. He kept his smile up as he looked around for anyone else he could talk to on his way to class. He saw one and called out to her.

"Hey, Yura-chan!"

While Yura Tsubasa was not in his class, she was also a second year and was in the class 2 past his. She was also part of the student council, although he didn't really know why. She was more of a sportsy girl, and while she got good grades she wasn't on the level of Souna-kaichou or Tsubaki-senpai. She seemed like a good - but not exceptional - student.

But that ass though...

Yes, while Tsubasa wasn't the greatest at schoolwork, and while her oppai weren't actually that big comparitively, she was a practical girl - and that was reflected in her body. Large oppai, while attractive, would get in the way of the demanding physical exercise she seemed to enjoy.

No one ever saw Akeno-sempai winning any sprints, after all.

So yes, Tsubasa's smallish oppai fit her tomboyish character. But like a true harem member, she made up for it in other areas. Like her butt. It was toned and small, and...

No! No perving over girls that aren't in my harem yet! I must stay true to my beliefs!

One other thing of note about Yura Tsubasa was her taste in men. She liked seeing guys that got down and dirty. She loved watching the sweat drip from their exhausted bodies. She found it ungodly attractive when a guy would leave practice or gym class sweaty, muddy, and maybe even a little scraped. She liked to see physical proof that a guy wasn't afraid to go down and actually do stuff. So, no bishounen. Sorry Kiba.

It was for this very reason that Yura Tsubasa harbored a slight crush on Issei Hyoudou. He was renowned in Kuoh as being unafraid to get into scrapes to fight for what he believed in, and had walked into school covered in bruises and scratches a few times throughout the year. And then there was that one time a girl had left her art supplies outside on a rainy day, and he fearlessly ran through the rain to rescue them from getting overly damaged. Needless to say, his clothes were unwearable afterwords from all the mud that was splashed on them.

This lead to Issei being hailed across Kuoh academy as "The Honorable Pervert." He was a far cry from the Pervert Duo who shamelessly peeped on girls; nay, Issei Hyoudou actually stopped and turned in the cowardly duo multiple times! Indeed, while Issei wholeheartedly admitted to being a pervert, he also had a strict policy for not perving on 3D girls that weren't in a relationship with him. In fact, his declared dream of having a harem was met with more indulging giggles than it was sneering disgust.

Back to our newest heroine...

Tsubasa, still blushing slightly, replied to Issei. In the event that you've already forgotten, he had just greeted her with a familiar "Hey, Yura-chan!"

She didn't even turn around. Instead, she merely slowed down a bit and Issei fell into step beside her. Once he had done so, albeit with slight panting, she gave a small twist of her head and smiled at him.

"Hello Issei-san. How are you today?"

Now, keep in mind that while Yura held a crush on Issei, she still had an image to uphold. A member of the student council has to represent the school at all times; polite and calm, even when facing the object of their hidden desires.

And thus, Yura did not call Issei "Issei-kun" or "Houdou-kun", instead using the more polite - yet still familiar - "Issei-san."

"I'm doing well, Yura-chan. I think I've almost got two new girls into my harem!"

She smiled politely, but there was mistaking the Aura of Pain (copyrighted 1997) around her that had the hallway's other occupants backing away in fear.

"Issei-san, what have I told you about girls and how to treat them?"

He nodded eagerly, ignoring the strange feeling emanating from her smile. "It's alright Yura-chan, I remember." He cleared his throat and mimicked a high, girly voice. "Now Issei-kun, you must always remember to treat girls as people, okay? Don't become like Katsuragi Keima." He went back to his normal voice after that. "It's alright Yura-chan, I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was that I think I've almost finished courting them!"

A sweatdrop formed on Yura's head. I don't really understand, but okay.

"How has school been for you, Issei-san?"

"Pretty good actually, Yura-chan. By the way, thanks for re-teaching me Law of Cosines! I had forgotten it was going to be on the test."

"It was no trouble at all, Issei-san. Should I take that to mean that you're doing fine in math right now?"

"Yeah, I'm doing okay. How's student council work going?"

Here she craned her head up, looking off into space, and put a finger to her cheek demurely. "Well, we're in a lull as of now, but we all know it won't last. We have parent visiting day, the sports festival, and those other events that we're keeping a secret for now..."

"Ehhh? Kaichou is planning a secret event?" Issei jumped in front of her and looked at her pleadingly. "Can you tell me what it is, Yura-chan?"

She smiled sweetly at him, and pointed to the side. "Issei-san, this is your class, isn't it? You don't want to be late, do you?"

He gave her a deadpan look, because they both knew exactly what she was doing. "I'll retreat for now, Yura-chan, but I will get that information out of you!"

She smiled back and waved once at him. "Have a nice day, Issei-kun!" Turning back to face forward, she started walking to her class when she realized something important.

I called him Hyoudou-kun! In public! Where people could hear me!

She took a quick look around, checking to see if anyone was looking at her strangely. The hallway seemed normal, but...

Did he notice? I hope he didn't! That would be so embarrassing!

She just called me Issei-kun, right? Right? Whooop! She likes me! Mwahahahaha, Issei you glorious bastard! With this, your infiltration of the Student Council will begin! First Yura-chan, then on and on until I reach Tsubaki-senpai and Souna-kaichou! My time is coming!

"Hey, Issei."

This greeting came in a slightly sarcastic, but still friendly tone that immediately got Issei's attention. He knew the owner of this voice, very well in fact. To be truthful, the voice's owner came from one of the few people in the class

"Oi, Issei. Are you paying attention?"

He greeted the person with a smile.

"Hey, Aika-chan. How're you doing?"

She gave him a smirk in response, then gave him a once-over.

"I see you haven't gotten any smaller. In fact, have you grown a bit?"

Now, most people would find this question strange. After all, why would someone get shorter overnight? Especially as a high school student. But the truth of the matter lay in the fact that Kiriyuu Aika could instantly tell the size of a man's manhood, for lack of a more appropriate-yet-still-specific word, with just a glance. She kept this ability more or less under wraps, though a few of guys confessed to being strangely self-conscious in her presence.

Not Issei though. Both of them knew that he had nothing to be ashamed of in that department.

Now, before we continue onwards, the omniscient narrator has a few words to say, begginning with a timeless quote from US President Obama: "Lemme be clear:" Now, Issei and Kiriyuu Aika was most definitely a girl, and Issei Hyoudou was most definitely a guy, and both were most definitely strait. Issei had plans to make a harem, and Aika viewed Matsu from Sekirei as a good role model.

However, despite this, both of them were firmly in each other's friendzone, and neither desired anything other than that. They weren't even "friends with benefits". End of story. They both talked frequently and hung out, and most of the time their conversations were perverted and sexual in nature. They found each other attractive, if only modestly so, and they even went on "practice dates", which mostly consisted of them sitting in a cafe.

Well, in reality, they sat at a cafe and pointed out people passing by they were attracted to.

So why weren't they "together"?

Mostly, it was due to the fact that they did get along so well. It wasn't like they were afraid of ruining their already existing relationship or anything; nah, they already had enough fun with each other, why complicate something perfectly okay with romance?

Sometimes, friends are just that - friends.

Back to the classroom now that that's all cleared up, Aika just asked Issei if his "Mini-Issei" had grown at all.

Issei responded with a pensive look as they walked back to their desks (hers was directly in front of his), and responded as he sat down. "Well, I've been doing plenty of 'excercise', but from what I've found online that doesn't really do all that much. By the way, have you found any new source material for your 'excercise'? Mine's been getting pretty stale lately..."

And the conversation continued in that vein until class started.

Yo! What's up?

Man, do you guys know how good it feels to finally get out a chapter? I've had a pretty harrowing, what, 1 and a half weeks? More? 2? I don't know. I've just started as a counselor at a summer camp; not legit counseling, just watching them and making sure they do no permanent damage, and all that. We've also gone away this weekend ('we' being my family), so yeah. I'm not sure if you should expect faster updates or what, but we'll see.

Another proximate cause for the delayed update would have to be ARK Survival: Evolved. I just got it on Steam, and it's pretty awesome. I've liked dinosaurs since I was a kid.

So, review and respond! Do you guys play ARK? What other games do you guys play? Do you exist? Have any questions, comments, or concerns?

Do you enjoy reading my rather obvious attempts at fishing for reviews? I dunno, it seemed to work last chapter. 17 reviews for 1 chapter! And a chapter less than 2000 words at that! That's absolutely incredible! Thanks!

Also, before we end, do you guys think that should put in a filter for "Words per Chapter"? I mean, there are plenty of good stories which are small right now, but I can't find them because I have to sift through everything less than 10,000 words in order to find those diamonds, and I'm not really looking forward to doing so.

Re-uploaded on 7/8/2015 to fix some spelling errors, grammar mistakes, consistency, and all that good stuff.

See you in the next chapter!