Well, here's chapter one! I'm not the kind to just immediately leap into the story, so this chapter is basically for introducing the main characters and beginning the plot. Sorry it took so long, and enjoy! .
As I sat at the window with my elbow on the sill and my chin cupped in my hand, looking out into the thousand swirling colors of autumn, I thought about life. Life, in all its millions upon millions of forms had, at one point, dominated this earth.
From the golden warmth of dandelions, to the gentle pounding of the deer's hoof beats, to the almost inaudible scuttling of the beetle, even the rustling of the trees as they whispered ancient secrets to each other, forbidden to human ears, teemed with life. God, Gaea, Allah, or perhaps even no-on had willed this world into existence, breathing life into every corner, every cave, every mountain, into the air, into the sea, into the many creatures of this world, and eventually, into the hearts of men. Not the brightest idea, on the part of whoever it was. I thought sourly.
This, in turn, trailed off into thoughts about death. Where did we go, when we died? Even the shortest lives on this earth were far too meaningful to just dissolve into the air. Perhaps those of us who did good things when alive went to heaven, and those of us who did the opposite went to hell. But what about those in the middle? Purgatory? Or was there no heaven and hell?
Perhaps there was simply a world of the dead where we all went, the good and the bad of us alike, to spend the rest of eternity sorrowful mourning of the things we would have done when alive, if we knew what awaited us in death.
Or perhaps, when we died, we simply died. Along with the death of our bodies, our souls just disintegrated into the air, to become one with the many others who had made this journey before us. We simply became one with the rest of the world, without need to make conscious decisions or the urge to communicate with others.
But what gave us that urge to communicate with others? Our souls? If so, what connected our souls so strongly to our bodies? What bonded them both so tightly that no material or immaterial force could separate them, save death?
"It is not your body or the needs of this world you should be worrying about, but your immortal soul," these words mingled with my thoughts. My friends, family, and all the many faces of the people who had influence on my life had always told me this.
But why then, did our souls just cease to exist, or at least could not exist on this earth, in the absence of our bodies? Life, simply. An unconscious willpower, so to speak. An unexplainable force, day in and day out, willing us to survive, to exist.
As my thoughts tumbled around each other, intertwining, tangling, mingling and blending with each other, the subconscious part of my mind brought me back to reality.
This had been happening a lot recently, the philosophical part of my mind coming to life. In all my seventeen years, I had always strived to be, what the modern society of the early 1900's considered, a lady. I was always polite, was a good painter, reader, walked with my back straight, and never questioned anyone. I kept my eyes dull, sentences short, and thoughts unfinished, as was expected of all women.
Every day I mentally abused and beat down my will to be heard. Every day I forced myself into the dreaded corset, which was more like a form of torture than an attempt to stay modest, making my bosom look more like that of a pigeon's than that of a healthy young woman's. Every day I pinned my long, luscious brunette hair, in which I stored most of my pride, in a tight bun to the back of my head, so as not to seem too flashy or self-righteous. And every day for the past year I had pleasantly yet emotionally detached considered my suitors, all the men my father thought to be worthy enough to marry me.
We had an unroyal, yet exceedingly rich family, so, irregardless of me as a person, single men were drawn to my presence like flies. All of whom were always at least over forty.
Thankfully, none of the men so far had been respectable or clean (my father's word for having good bloodlines) or sober enough to please him as a suitable companion for me, and it was likely none ever would.
My father, being a high ranking general in the army, was a very hard man to please, and it did not help that regarded everything with an indifferent coolness; nothing ever surprised him, nothing pleased him, nothing moved him. What had compelled my mother to want to marry him, would always be beyond me. I had recently begun to think it was an arranged marriage, much like the one my father was currently attempting to achieve for me.
My mother was a very intellectual woman, though society forbade her from bringing that fact to light. She had an answer to everything, life, death, time, movement, and basically everything, besides love.
It made sense that she could not explain love, for I suspected that she never experienced it. She did not really love my father, and she certainly did not love me. I was more like a burden to her, an unescapable bond that kept her from leaving him. It was unlikely that there was some secret love before my father, because aside from her complicated and intelligent spirit, she was altogether unappealing. I didn't think this in cruelty, just as a mere fact. She had likely been lively and beautiful once, but was sucked into the idea that women merely served to keep their husbands company, not allowed to have opinions of their own, then she had lost her charm.
In my recent outburst of mental understanding of the world, I had begun to notice things like this. Details that until now, had remained invisible and un-interesting to me. To be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I loved having a more perceptive take on what was going on around me in the world, and in response, the world had thrown a million things back at me, to clarify for my own personnel enjoyment.
It had taken me awhile to piece together what had brought on this new wave of understanding. It was because my cousin, Sarah, had recently become engaged. Sarah and I had been exchanging letters since we had first learned to write, and we were closer than sisters. She was the only person who I could be honest with about everything, and she would take me seriously. Even though I never had anything intelligent to say, since until recently I was still suppressing my emotions, but she faithfully responded to every letter, making plenty of her own points.
She was a truly creative woman. She had a very strong opinion on just about everything, and never allowed anyone to tell her she had no right. Ever since she was six and I was five, when we would visit each other's houses, she would always ask questions far beyond her years that completely baffled the adults. She never gave up on anything, and that was one of the most beautiful things about her.
Only one of them. Sarah also happened to be exceedingly beautiful, and not just in the eyes of men. Whenever she walked into a room, it always took everyone a moment to recollect themselves after seeing her. She had long blond hair that flowed down to her waist, which she absolutely refused to pin up, and an oval shaped face with very full lips and striking green eyes. She was more than common tall for a woman, but this did not bother her. All in all, she looked not that different from an angel.
She had been my best and only friend, and I hers. I loved her more than anything or anyone could possibly imagine. When we were young, we were absolutely inseparable. When she had moved away, we wrote letters every single week, never missing a beat. She was my only escape from my parents' harsh indifference or if not, their constant nagging about not only insignificant, but already beyond-perfected details of my life.
And now, she was getting married.
I was unbearably jealous and almost hurt because of this. It was selfish, I know, but the one person in my life who actually cared about me and was all my own, was getting married to someone else! She was going to split her love for me in two, and give half to some man! Only now had I realized just how much Sarah had meant to me, and the pain was unbearable. It had started when I received her letter about a week previously.
My Dearest Catherine,
How happy I am! Antonio has finally proposed, and we are due to be married approximately four months from now. Married! There is no limit to the utter bliss that one feels when one finds their soul mate, their destined love! The day he proposed is one that will never fade from my mind. I will relive it every day these coming four months until we are officially wed. Oh, Catherine, my sweet, you will never truly understand what I am writing, what I am feeling, until you yourself feel it. It is a feeling of total joy and bliss that just seeps through your skin, warming you to the core. You will, no doubt, have the great benefit of knowing this feeling soon, I hope.
Sincerely,
Sarah.
Short and sweet. I had thought sarcastically, almost crossly to myself after reading her letter. And she had said "sincerely. Not "yours truly," not "your good friend," not even "love,". But, "sincerely", which meant, she was no longer mine. My only sense of comfort in the world had gone, leaving me hanging by a thread.
With this realization came understanding. It was almost as if Sarah had given me her intellect in replacement for her love. I knew now that I was alone, and with that I realized I would have to know the world for myself now.
Everything started becoming more clear, yet not. Instead of being merely a place to exist, there world had become a door opening into a room constructed of billions of questions. I noticed everything now, questioned everything. Maybe, I had begun to think, Sarah has given me a gift. Maybe I should be more independent anyway, instead of clinging pathetically to every single word she wrote to me. That was before she invited me to stay with her for the day, at her fiancés cottage, in the country.
The whole carriage ride there, a lifetime's worth of questions ran through my mind. Who was this man? Antonio. What was he like? In love with my sister, obviously enough. What did he look like? I was about to find out.
And now, as I waited in the living room for Sarah to bring out tea, with my elbow on the sill and my chin cupped in my hand, thinking about life, it occurred to me that my cousin had finally found someone besides me, her lifeless cousin, with whom she could spend time with and who would likely do anything for her. I should be happy for her, and stop feeling sorry for myself.
"Catherine!" Sarah called, exasperated, from the kitchen, yanking me abruptly out of my daydream.
"Sorry, what?" I muttered, looking up.
"Good heavens, I've been screaming your name for almost five minutes! Milk or lemon?" she asked, calming down.
What a stupid question to be exhausted over, I thought to myself. Clearly, this getting-married thing had gone to her head. Where was the fierce spirit of hers, that I knew so well?
"Lemon, please." I replied, soothingly.
She shuffled back into the kitchen, muttering something or other about need of sugar.
At that moment, the front door was kicked open rather unceremoniously, and swung inward with a bang.
"Sarah, where's my Sarah?!" yelled a cheery, booming baritone voice from the hulking shape in the doorway. So this was Antonio.
"Tony, my love!" responded Sarah in a singsong voice that I did not recognize as her own. She ran forward and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Oh, my Sarah." he breathed.
Tony was very tall and rather handsome, I would give him that. He had a heart shaped face, strawberry blond hair, pale skin, and soft gray-blue eyes that seemed kind. When he pulled away to look at Sarah, they filled with admiration and overbearing love. I felt like I was intruding on the world's most nurtured secret, and had to look away. He noticed the movement in his peripheral vision and looked up.
"Oh, how very rude of me. You must be Catherine." he amended, holding a hand out for me to shake.
"How do you do?" I said politely.
"HAHAHAHAHA!!!!" he chortled, surprising me. "Never better, I assure you."
"Catherine, this is Tony, my fiancé." Sarah said, her words saturated in love.
"It's a pleasure."
"It most certainly is. Sarah has told me so much about you, I feel I know you already." the thought made me uncomfortable, seeing as I had just met him. But it was mostly because I was still feeling a little sore that she had chosen him over me.
"Well, I'm happy you think so." I said, trying to convince myself more than him.
He trailed off lazily into the kitchen, unfastening his cloak as he did so.
"So…." began Sarah awkwardly, "do you like him? Do you think he is good for me?"
I sighed. "I like that he likes you." I gently kissed her forehead. "And I'm very happy for you."
This seemed to relax her a little bit, as she followed Tony into the kitchen to finish preparing the tea.
The rest of the day was very similar to that morning, with Sarah showing me around the small estate that was soon to be her home, introducing me to the neighbors, showing me where her garden would be, always managing to fondly fit Antonio's name into the sentence.
Sometimes, He would suddenly kiss her, cupping her pale face gently in his hands as he did so, making me look awkwardly to the side. He was madly in love with her, I could see that.
Looking around, I realized what a truly wonderful place for them to live this was. It was quiet, full of nature, nothing to distract them from each other. There were neighbors to the right and left on the surrounding lots, but a thick veil of trees that you could just barely see through separated them from each other. There was a nice big backyard that was a good square mile all around behind the cottage, and woods beyond that.
Here, the sound of a stream could be heard gently trickling nearby, the whispers of mother earth could be felt in the wind as it twisted and turned in invisible bliss, her heart beat could be heard in the hoof-beats of the deer as they fled, or in the silent padding footstep of the serene wolf as it trailed them. This was natural paradise at its height, and this was the first and last of it I would ever see.
YAY! By all means, let me know if you think it moves too fast or too slow or if it's boring or whatever, please review.
And no, Catherine is not IN love with her cousin. She loves her, but not like that. :P
-Chapter two coming as soon as possible!