Meredith smiled as she let herself into her apartment after class, her mind still wrapped around her experience in the coffee shop that morning. She never flirted with guys like that, but there was something different about him. He was….nice or something. And safe, which she knew was ridiculous.

Dr. Derek Shepherd.

The man was attractive. She had thought that from the moment she'd spilled her coffee all over him, but she wanted to lead him on. There was something about him that was completely loved to tease him. And the way he tried to flirt with her…it was completely adorable.

"Mer?" Lexie's voice came from the kitchen, and a moment later she appeared. "How was your test?"

Meredith shrugged as she dropped onto the couch. "Fine I guess," she said. "It was a test."

"Fine you guess?" Lexie frowned, standing over her sister. "How is a test fine? You're in med school."

"It wasn't hard," Meredith shrugged. "But…there are more important things on my mind."

"More important things?" Lexie frowned. "What's more important than a test in one of your last med school classes?"

"Just…things," Meredith shrugged.

Lexie stared at her sister for a moment before she narrowed her eyes. "You met a guy!" she cried.

"What?" Meredith asked, sitting up quickly. "No I didn't! Why would you…I don't meet guys. I sleep with guys."

"Usually on test days you wear sweats," Lexie observed. "You're wearing your tight jeans and the purple sweater. Your hair's straight, and…are you wearing mascara? I've never seen you wear make up before!"

"I didn't meet anyone," Meredith said, standing and moving towards her bedroom. "Maybe I just wanted to dress up for my test."

"You never dress up," Lexie said firmly as she followed her sister into her room. "Who is he?"

"There is no he!" Meredith insisted.

"I don't believe you," Lexie said, collapsing on the bed and staring up at Meredith. "Does he go to Columbia med school?"

"No."

"Ha!" Lexie cried. "I knew you met someone!"

"It's times like these I really wish that you went to Harvard med," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You'd miss me," Lexie said as she rolled off of the bed, following Meredith into the kitchen. "What color hair does he have?"

"Purple."

"Okay, now you're just being mean," Lexie frowned. "Why won't you tell me about him."

"Because there's nothing to tell!"

Lexie slammed the fridge closed and looked at Meredith closely, not saying a word as she waited patiently, holding her gaze evenly.

"Fine," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Yes!" Lexie squealed, pulling Meredith back into the living room and sitting on the couch. "Okay go."

"I spilled coffee on a guy."

Lexie's smile slowly disappeared, and a confused expression took over her face. "You spilled coffee on a guy?" she repeated.

"Yeah."

"And?"

"And nothing," Meredith shrugged. "He bought me a coffee for the one I'd lost and I bought him one to apologize. And we had coffee this morning for like half an hour. That's it."

"That's it?" Lexie frowned.

"That's it," Meredith said. "I told you it's nothing."

"But you got all dressed up for him," Lexie shrugged. "That's not nothing, even if you won't admit it."

Meredith shrugged. "I just…I don't know. He was nice. I don't have a lot of experience with nice guys."

"Oh Mer," Lexie sighed. "I hate what Dad to you. He was such a good dad, but I wish you could have gotten that experience too."

Meredith shrugged as she looked down at her hands. "I got over that a long time ago, Lexie."

"You still don't talk to him," Lexie said.

"I don't need to," Meredith shrugged. "Or want to. We didn't have the same dad, Lexie. You know that."

Lexie shook her head slightly. "Whatever," she said. "Let's get back to coffee guy. Where were you?"

"Uptown," Meredith shrugged.

"Uptown?" Lexie asked. "Your test was downtown."

"I know," Meredith shrugged. "But…I wanted to see if he would show up again after yesterday."

"You so like him!" Lexie giggled. "Mer, this is so exciting! You're actually going out with a guy!"

"It's not exciting," Meredith sighed. "It just…is what it is. I'm not going out with him yet."

"Why don't you ever get excited about anything?" Lexie asked. "It's kind of depressing."

"Because when I get excited about things they explode in my face," Meredith replied. "I'd rather not get excited until I know things about him and I know that things are real with us."

"You don't know anything about him?" Lexie asked. "You're this excited about a guy and you don't even know him?"

"He's a doctor," Meredith offered. "His name's Derek. I don't…that's it. That's all I know."

"Oh," Lexie nodded carefully. "So…are you going to go back tomorrow? Are you meeting him?"

"Is it bad that I want to?" Meredith whispered.

"Of course not," Lexie smiled softly. "It's about time that you had some romance in your life."

"This isn't romance," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"But it could turn into romance," Lexie insisted. "You have to go. You have to see him again."

"Lexie," Meredith sighed. "This is why I didn't want to find out about this. I don't know if I want to go."

"You have to," Lexie insisted.

"It's my life, Lexie," Meredith said. "And as much as I'd like to know about him, there's something…off about him."

"Off?" Lexie asked.

"Yeah," Meredith shrugged. "Like he's not completely happy or something. His eyes are sad."

"He's probably just waiting for you," Lexie smiled.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she pushed herself off of the couch. "I need a new roommate," she muttered under her breath.

XXXXX

She was stupid.

That was all that she could think as she sat in the corner of their coffee shop the next morning. She was completely and totally stupid as she cupped the delicious beverage in her hands, trying to wonder why he wasn't here.

She never did this. She wasn't the type of girl who jumped at the chance to make the hot doctor fall for her. She was usually the one to sleep with a guy and kick him out of her bed before he got too comfortable. She never flirted or ked guys on, but it was easy. With Derek it was easy.

But he hadn't come.

She shook her head at her disappointment. He was a doctor. A real doctor, in a private practice, who didn't have time to spend time in a crappy coffee shop every morning talking to a med school student. She had no reason to be disappointed, but that didn't mean that she wasn't completely and totally disappointed. And angry. She couldn't understand why he wouldn't have told her that to begin with, why he had led her on for the past two days.

She sighed as she downed the rest of her cup, standing and making her way towards the door, freezing when she saw him push the door open.

He looked good, as usual. The trench coat was a little much, but his hair was pretty much perfect, his chiseled features handsome in the dingy light of the coffee shop. She swallowed hard as his eyes met hers, and she stepped closer to him. "Um…hi," she said.

"Meredith," he greeted, a tiny smirk playing on his lips. "Very clever with the business card."

"I thought so," she smiled.

"Are you staying?" he asked.

"I already drank my coffee," she said.

"Oh," he said. "We…can we talk for a minute anyways?"

She looked at him closely, taking in the sadness in his eyes. He had nice eyes, but there was definitely something there that kept them from sparkling as much as they could. And now he wanted to talk to her when he barely knew her. "Sure," she nodded, gesturing back to the table where she had been sitting.

He sighed as he sat down across from her, looking at the ceiling for a moment. "I'm not sure what to say," he finally admitted.

She felt herself suck in a breath. This had to be bad. Really bad.

"I can't do this."

She tilted her head to the side. "Do what?" she asked.

"This," Derek sighed, gesturing between the two of them. "I just…can't."

"Oh," she nodded softly, looking down at her hands where they were resting in her lap. "I…okay."

"I'm sorry," he said. "And I don't know what you were expecting from me, but I can't do it. And maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but I just wanted to tell you that before you got the wrong impression."

It was a little late for that, but he didn't need to know that. She took a deep breath before she looked up to meet his eyes, offering him a sly smile. "It's your loss," she said, moving to stand.

"If things were different," he murmured. "God, if I'd met you twelve years ago, things would be so different."

She froze, her curiosity sparked and she dropped back into her seat. "What happened twelve years ago?" she asked.

He sighed as he brought his hands together in front of him. "That's when I met my wife," he almost whispered.

"Oh," Meredith breathed, her eyes flickering to his left hand and widening when she saw the gold band there. She wasn't sure how she hadn't noticed it before. "I…I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Derek shook his head. "You didn't know. And I shouldn't have led you on."

She nodded slowly. "Okay," she said. "I guess…this is goodbye then."

"It kind of has to be," Derek said with a sympathetic smile.

"Okay," she repeated, staring down at her feet. "I have to get to my clinicals anyway, so…"

"Clinicals?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," she said, wishing that he would just let her go. "I'm in med school. Columbia."

Derek smiled as he stood. "Class of ninety three," he said proudly.

"Really?" she asked.

"New York born and raised," Derek said. "If you ever need anything…referrals, job openings, let me know."

She smiled as she shook her head slightly. "Thanks," she said as she turned to walk out of the shop. She held her head high until she was sure that she was out of his vision, then ducked into the nearest store, quickly making her way to the bathroom where she locked herself in a stall and sank to the floor, wondering exactly how she had gotten screwed over. Again.

XXXXX

"Meredith!" Lexie's voice came from the kitchen as soon as she opened the door to their apartment later that afternoon. "How was it? Was he there? Did he ask you out?"

"He's married," Meredith announced, not stopping as she walked past her sister into her bedroom.

"Married?" Lexie frowned.

"Yes, married," Meredith sighed. "So it doesn't matter."

"I'm sorry, Mer," Lexie said softly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Meredith said.

"You're always fine," Lexie said. "That's why you never let yourself have a real relationship."

"Lexie," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Not now."

"Sorry," Lexie sighed. She squeezed Meredith's hand before she turned towards the door, closing it gently behind her.

Meredith sighed as she collapsed onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling for a long moment. She couldn't believe what had happened, that this thing with Derek had ended before it had even started. She knew she was naïve, but she had really thought that she might be able to really have an adult relationship for the first time in her life.

But he was married, and nothing was going to happen between them ever again. She knew it was stupid to be mourning the loss of a relationship that she had never had, but she was. And she didn't know why.

With a sigh, she reached over to her dresser, looking at the information from his business card that she had copied down. Derek Shepherd, of Shepherd and Scott neurology. His phone number and office address were printed on the bottom, and she positioned her hands to rip the paper. A tiny tear in the top was even made before she stopped herself, moving to place the paper in her nightstand table, wondering if maybe she could use it someday.

And then she curled up in bed, squeezing her eyes closed as she tried to fight off the thoughts of what could have been.

It wasn't until the next Sunday that she was finally able to go for an entire day without thinking about him. Between arguing with Lexie about whether she should have dinner with their dad while he was there and preparing for her next round of clinicals, she was completely distracted from spending any time thinking about Derek Shepherd. By Monday, she was sure that she was completely over it.

Until she arrived in her meeting to prepare for the neurology clinicals in the coming weeks. She doodled in her notebook as the coordinator went on and on about hospital protocol, how they weren't allowed to speak to patients or doctors, and went through the rules she had already heard hundreds of times before. But then something caught her attention.

"And we have quite an unusual opportunity for a few select students this year. A private neurology practice uptown has offered to allow five students to rotate through in their clinicals so that you can all get a glimpse of what private practice is like. It's a very rare opportunity, but I contacted one of my former students who is a partner there, and he was very excited about the idea. He's here to talk briefly about some of the differences between working in a hospital and a private practice, so I'm going to hand it over to Dr. Derek Shepherd."

Meredith's head snapped up as she saw him standing from the front row of the lecture hall, shuffling some papers behind the podium before he looked out over the class and began speaking. His words were completely lost on her as she lowered herself as far down as she could in her chair, desperately wishing that she would disappear into the ground. This was bad, so completely bad, and if this would end in the next moment it wouldn't be soon enough.

"Meredith Grey?"

Her head snapped up at the sound of her name, and she saw Derek Shepherd looking through the audience, waiting for someone to respond to his call.

"Meredith Grey?" he repeated, frowning slightly, and her professor turned to look at the class, obviously searching for her. She took a deep breath before she sat up straighter in her chair, tentatively raising her hand. Derek's eyes widened slightly, and he nodded. "If I could see the five of you when class is over, that would be wonderful," he said, nodding to the professor before he moved back to sit in the first row of the lecture hall.

Meredith buried her face in her hands as the professor asked for questions. She hated her life. She really hated her life. She wasn't sure what she had done to deserve this horrible and awful karma, but right now she really hated everything about her life.

There was a bustle of activity as everyone closed their notebooks and shoved them into their backpacks, moving towards the door. She slowly stood, clutching her notebook to her chest as a protective measure, using it as a shield as she approached the front of the classroom where Derek was speaking with her professor.

"Dr. Shepherd," she murmured. "It's nice to meet you."

"And you, Miss Grey," he said softly. He cleared his throat before he handed her a piece of paper. "This is the schedule we've drafted for the rotation between the five of you in the practice. Our address and contact information is on there as well. Do you have any questions?"

Meredith shook her head silently. "No," she said. "I don't."

"Good," Derek nodded, his eyes meeting hers. "So I'll see you…"

"Tomorrow," Meredith nodded with a sigh. "Of course."

Derek looked at her closely for a moment before someone called his name, forcing his attention away from her. She took the moment to her advantage and quickly moved towards the door, ducking into the next empty classroom and sinking onto the floor. This was horrible.

She couldn't believe that this was her luck. Tomorrow she had to work with the man that she had thought that she could actually date, a man that had completely led her on before he'd told her that nothing could happen because he was married. And now she had to learn from him, he was going to be her teacher, and he was going to evaluate her on her performance.

She tried to swallow the tears that were threatening to fall. She knew she shouldn't be this upset, but there was some kind of huge loss filling her heart as she felt the sobs start to wrack her body. She allowed herself to cry for a few minutes, until she was out of tears. Only then did she allow herself to take a deep breath and stand, straightening her hair and clothes before she slid out the door, looking up and down the hallway. She could see Derek step out of the lecture hall and she quickly moved back into the classroom, waiting for a long moment before she was positive that he was gone. She moved towards the exit of the building, looking down at the ground, hoping that she wouldn't run into him again.

She felt a deep sense of dread wash over her as she crashed into a very strong male body. She closed her eyes tightly, praying above all else that she wouldn't look up to meet Derek Shepherd's eyes.

She swallowed hard as she lifted her head, looking into a pair of deep blue eyes, blond hair framing his chiseled face. "I…sorry," she breathed.

"It was my fault," he said, offering her a bright smile.

"Oh," she said. "Right, well…um yeah. Have a good day or whatever."

"Wait," he said, reaching out to grab her arm. "Do you want to grab a drink?"

She regarded him closely for a moment before she nodded. "Yeah," she nodded. "I could definitely use a drink."

Thanks for all your reviews! I'm glad to know that people are excited about this story. I'm trying to challenge myself with this story, so I really appreciate any suggestions and opinions you have about the story. Please let me know what you like about the story, as well as any (constructive) suggestions for improvement. Thanks so much for reading :)