Author's Note: I've currently got a lot of inspiration for this little fic at the moment, so I'm just going to keep pumping these out until it leaves me. I hope everyone is okay with that. There'll be quite a lot of time jumping in this fic - just little snippets of Padme's life. Thank you for all the support so far. Please keep it up! :)
look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide
...
It's always a welcome distraction when her sister comes to visit. Padme adores her nieces and needs their company more than she's willing to let on to anyone else. Sola Naberrie is more perceptive than most, though, and Padme's loneliness doesn't get past her. The two sisters sit out on the front porch in the matching white rocking chairs Padme just purchased from Home Depot, sipping coffee and watching little Ryoo and Pooja playing in the front yard. Padme admires them fondly. Children are something that is definitely in their future; she and Anakin had many conversations about starting a family before he was deployed. Of course, she is worried about having to raise a child on her own, basically, with her husband constantly being away. She worries about what that would do to their child, if that is a fair thing to do? A right thing to do?
"How long has it been?" Sola asks quietly.
Padme brings her legs up to her chest, crosses her ankles and takes a sip of her coffee. "Two weeks," is her soft response. That was the last time Anakin had contacted her. It had been a short Skype call, barely longer than a couple of minutes. He'd told her that he was embarking on a new mission, though he couldn't tell her where he was going and he didn't know how long he'd be gone for, only that he would contact her as soon as he was back at the base.
That was two weeks ago. The anxiety is eating her alive. Her dreams are filled with what ifs... if he'd been hurt in some way, or taken prisoner or worse...if he'd been killed. Try as she might not to dwell on the latter, it is nearly impossible. It haunts her every waking moment and has every day since he'd left. She can barely concentrate at work, and is thankful she is resigned to a mundane receptionist job rather than something that requires her complete attention.
Sola reaches across and takes hold of her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm sure he's fine," she soothes her, somehow reading her thoughts. "It won't be long now."
Her sweet gesture only makes Padme scowl into her mug. It is easy for Sola to say; her sister's husband is an architect, a relatively safe and secure occupation. There is no need to worry for his life, wonder if he is never going to come home again. Although she means well, Sola just doesn't understand. No one can, only the wives or girlfriends of other soldiers. Satine, the wife of Anakin's commanding officer, Ben Kenobi, is the only person Padme feels she can fully confide in. The only person who understands the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the crippling anxiety Padme is dealing with daily.
Still, she appreciates her sister's concern all the same and gives her a watery smile of gratitude. At least she has her family to help her through this. Sola visits as often as she can spare, with or without the girls, and her parents are constantly inviting her around to dinner. There are many women she knows in this military community who don't have this luxury. But, Padme hates being pitied; she doesn't want her sister or her parents feeling sorry for her that Anakin is away on deployment. It's the way of her life, and she has to grin and bear it, regardless of how painful it is to be apart from Anakin for so long.
"When is he supposed to come home?" Sola queries a little while after, breaking the still silence that exists between the two sisters, interrupted only by the occasional peal of laughter from the girls chasing each other around the yard.
A tiny, hopeful smile pulls at Padme's lips, and she rests her chin on her drawn-up knees, staring off into the horizon as the sun slowly makes it's descent behind the pretty, white rooves of the neighbouring houses. "Eight months." She says it almost wistfully. A part of her hopes that somehow, he'll be allowed to come home earlier, but either way, they've made it over the hurdle. He's already been away for ten months, what's another eight?
"It won't be long now," her sister repeats again, as it's all she really knows how to say. Padme doesn't mind.
Instead, she lets her legs drop back to the concrete floor of the porch and stands up, stretching slowly, before fixing her sister with a kind smile. "Did you and the girls want to stay for dinner?" Darred, Sola's husband, is away on a business trip, and, if Padme is being honest with herself, she doesn't feel like being alone in her house tonight.
Brightening at the suggestion, Sola smiles at her and stands as well, calling to her daughters to come inside, as it's beginning to get dark. "I'd love to, Padme," she says sincerely, and the two sisters head back inside to organize dinner. For there's no reason for two women to spend the night alone while their husbands are away, when they can spend the night together.
It's nice, and her sister and nieces end up staying the night; the two girls in the spare room, and Sola shares the bed with Padme. The last time they shared the same bed was when they were teenagers, when Padme used to crawl into her sister's bed in the middle of the night, and they'd stay up for hours, talking about boys and their 'troubles' and anything else that plagues the tender mind of a fourteen year old girl. Such things seem trivial now.
But, it brings Padme a sense of comfort to fall asleep next to her older sister again, and, for the first time in ten months, she is free from nightmares.