Hi people. So a few of you actually want me to continue (thank you for the reviews!) so let's see where this story goes :) I'll try my best to update quickly. This chapter will also be Erin's POV but I wanted to ask if you guys would rather have me switching the POV every other chapter or keep it "one sided"? Let me know what you think :) sorry I couldn't really separate the scenes last time but it should work in this chapter ;)

Alright I hope you like this one!

"Hey." I whisper. My voice is shaking and I know he expects me to say something. Something else than just 'Hey'.

"I...uh I, look I don't really know what to say." I say truthfully. I hear him breathing heavy, I don't really know if it's because he is mad or nervous, and I know that he doesn't know what to say either because let's be honest none of us expected that I'd actually answer the call.

"How are you?" Is the only thing I can get out. I planned to be calm and just lay it all out but suddenly I feel like someone kicked me in my stomach and I can't even breathe properly.

It's almost like he knows, of course he knows, and he just says "Please don't hang up again after I answered this question."

I hear pain and sadness in his voice. Almost like that one time he confronted me outside the club. Maybe even a little more sad and it breaks my heart to know that I'm the reason.

I take a deep breath knowing I have to talk to him for longer than 2 minutes this time. Knowing it'll kill me when I hang up the phone after this talk we're about to have. And before I can run from the situation again I just say

"I won't."

"Good."

And once again he makes it impossible for me to not say anything. I used to love that about him. He challenged me when we were a couple. Made me talk about things I never talked about but right now it was not what I wanted at all.

"So...how are you?"

"Okay, I guess. Glad you finally picked up."

He sounds monotonous and I can't quite figure out if he really wanted to talk at all. Well I guess he wanted me to talk and quit the small talk. He wanted answers. But I don't know if I'm able to give him answers he wants to hear.

"Yeah..." I say as I breathe out. "Wish i could say the same." I say with a chuckle trying to lighten the mood a little. It's not working. Not at all.

"Wow. Really? After 3 months you finally pick up again, which in fact you didn't want to, and then you make fun of it?"

"No, Jay that was not-"

"Just stop, Erin! Stop defending yourself for once would you?!" He interrupts me.

"You fucking left in the middle of the night! There is no excuse for that! So fucking stop defending yourself! Or pretend like small talk is appropriate! I waited 12 months and was patient waiting for you to finally tell me why you did what you did!"

I stare at the wall. Shocked. Not moving. I've never experienced him like this before. My whole body is shaking and I can't form any kind of sentence. I can feel the tears burning in my eyes and don't trust myself enough to speak just yet. I don't want him to hear how much this, much justified, outburst just effected me.

I take a steadying breath. And start talking.

"Jay I never meant to upset you like that. I just..." I wasn't sure if he even knew the whole truth. I mean I called him that night told him I had to take the job or intelligence would be shut down but I never told him I did it for my beloved and very, not, thankful mother.

"I had to." I whisper not sure if he even heard me because there was silence at the other side of the line. So I just repeated myself a little louder, I think.

"I had to leave."

"What?"

"I had to leave to protect her." I say to make sure he got it this time.

"Are you talking about Bunny right now?" I can't really figure out what he's feeling and how he takes it which never happened before. But at least he sounds calmer than 2 minutes ago.

"Yes. I...I took the job to protect her from any charges. That was the deal. And then I went to see Hank. Believe me when I tell you that I had every intention to see you after that. To tell you everything but Hank said something..." I stop talking because I feel the heat rising inside of my body. And I know that I'm about to cry. I hated how much impact that bitch of a mother still had on me. After all this time, after everything that did to me and put me through. But at the end of the day she was my mother.

"Erin, what did he say?"

"He said that I shouldn't look back." My voice cracks and I hate that he knows how vulnerable I am right now. I choke down the rest of my beer and relax a little.

"So that is exactly what i did. I packed up my stuff looked at the skyline one last time and told myself that it was the right thing to do. And I mean at the end of the day it was. I mean there was nothing holding me in Chicago. My mother is a bitch that didn't care about me anyways, my dad is god knows who but he doesn't seem to miss me either, my job was gone and you left me too. Nobody wanted me so I just left. Did everyone a favor." I shrug at that last sentence although I know he can't see me. But it was kind of to make a point to myself too.

I hear a sob escape from his mouth. And I have to admit that I didn't expect that at all. Because thinking back to our relationship I realized that jay never cried in front of me. I know people used to say that I was the one building up walls when in reality it was him. Sure, I was selective. There weren't many people I told personal things but that's why it is called personal life. It's not suppose to be heard by people that aren't close to you. But we were close and it's just now that I realize that I'm the only one who really opened up in our relationship. Suddenly he tears me out of my thoughts by speaking up.

"Do you really believe that?" His voice is shaking.

"Do you really think that nobody wanted you? That people would be better off without you?"

I can feel a single tear rolling down my cheek. "Well, yes. Except Hank maybe."

He is silent. Doesn't say a word. So I continue talking.

"You know what Jay, I'm sorry I...I think i should sleep i have to work tomorrow." I lie.

"No, Erin wait-"

"No." I interrupt him. "I answered your questions. I hope you feel better..." I definitely don't I think. "and that you can move on. Stop calling me everyday because that makes it really hard for me to move on with my life." I know he wants to say something but I cut him off before he can even start speaking. "Goodbye, Jay." My voice cracks and I immediately hate myself for that. So I hang up before he can even respond anything.

I sit there just staring into the air for about 30 minutes I think I cried but I can't really remember. I go into the kitchen to get myself something stronger than beer.

About 20 minutes later I'm shitfaced drunk but I don't allow myself to cry any longer. I think about setting an alarm but then I remember that I don't need to and laugh at myself. I remember how good I am to push important stuff to the back of my head just to feel better. I was about to go, actually wobble, into my bedroom when I hear a knock on my door.

I look at my phone. 2:14am who the fuck is knocking on my door in the middle of the night?

Alright that's it for this chapter. I hope I could clarify the current situation a little bit for you guys(of course not all of it tho). I apologize for any mistakes and hope you don't hate me for that but I'm in fact not a native speaker so it's not as easy as it probably is for most of you guys ;)

Hope you still get the point if there are sentences I fucked up lol.

Let me know what you think and if I should continue this story. Since you have a little more insight now I think it's easier to say if you'd want me to continue the story. Anyways thank you for all the kind reviews you left so far! Have a great day *