The Merc

Some parts of this story are inspired by fan art on DA.

"Sir, are you paying for that?" The apathetic bartender spoke to the weird guy.

The weird guy was dressed up like a damn retarded superhero or something. He had guns, grenades, and swords attached to his body like jewelry. His suit was schemed in black and red. If I didn't know better, he looked like Spider Man.

"What did you just say, Moe?" Oh dear, the weird guy was looking at him. He could feel to the man's stare burning on him just behind that red and black mask. Why did he call me Moe? The guy's mouth moved quickly under the mask, jabbering without hesitation. Must be one of those loony wise guys he heard of. In this town, it's more than common as to see crazy blokes running around here in England. I asked the guy again my question.

"I said pal, are you going to,"

"OF COURSE I HEARD YOU! I just didn't like your tone." From the expression under his face he looked like he pouted like a child. A very unstable challenged kid.

The guy chugged down more shots.

"Alright then pal, what's with you?" I prepared to brace for a frigging punch. God knows how many times I was punched in the jaw.

"What's wrong? There are lot things, but let's go to the beginning!" Oh god, a damn monologue. Just like in Hollywood.

"I had cancer, errr, I had used to have wonderful yellow textboxes that follow me around! I have so much fun with those. I had found a zombie version of myself, left as a rotting skull. He was so much fun to talk too! Then I had teamed up with a muscle bound douche with silver hair and an arm I bet he jacked off with."

God damn this guy, he is going to go on and on! He is more annoying than a damn broken musical box!

I poured the weird guy another two shots of vodka with his mask on as I listened in. Weird how he isn't drunk from the shots yet. From the random bits of information, not that it mattered to me, I was able to make some sort of sense of it.

"Oh, you mean right now? Hmmm, oh yeah, I had to kill someone ten minutes earlier, and next thing I know, the guy's already dead! Some kill stealing asshole took my paycheck!"

"Sorry to hear that."

"Damn straight."

There was an awkward moment of silence between me and the bloke.

"Really, well that settles it! I'm going to find the jackass! Thanks bub, I'm going right now!"

He was about walk out when suddenly.

"Oh yeah, did I mention I can break the fourth wall?"

"What the bloody fuck is the," BOOM!

Deadpool walked out of the bar with his money in tow as the smoking bullet casing rolled outside with him.

Damn asshole. Pity he had to waste a bullet. He could sliced him up like a watermelon and blown his parts into ashes with his grenades. Ever since his current gig, he had lost some things. No yellow text boxes? This really sucks! Well at least he could read other people's minds thanks to his shining! Or maybe he has the whole script to this whole story in his pocket.

Boy, he really missed being in the Marvel versus Capcom game. That Morrigan chick was hot as hell! Well, not as sexy as his current girlfriend!

Beating his enemies to death with his Heath Bar and doing what he did was just so much cooler. Oh wait. Why was he here again? Oh yeah, someone took his kill. He thought it was going to be easy for tonight. Just kill the target, get some fish and chips, get drunk as hell and celebrate.

The gig was for some quick cash, to renovate the Deadpool Crib. After the Hulk had gone through Deadpool's mansion during his recent rampage, Deadpool had to stay with his wimpy sidekick, Bob, in the former HYDRA agent's apartment. Needless to say, they weren't getting along very well. Nobody touches his Twinkies and gets away from it. Several times already, Bob ended up in the hospital for bullet holes or odd injuries. Bob did not tell them what really happened since Deadpool had saved his ass time and time before, despite he was kicked around like a puppy dog. Deadpool could had chosen Cable for his temporary roommate, but he is not, calmest guy to stay with.

Deadpool had decided to download a shit load of things related to sweet, sweet porn. It's a treasure worth to die for. However, Cable found out, and responded to this, but not in the "Oh come on man" tone.

"YOU PERVERTED ASSHOLE!"

SPESH! SMUSH! SQUISH! SQUASH!

"STOP DOWNLOADING YOUR PORN ON MY COMPUTER! THAT SHIT GOES ALL THE WAY TO MY BRAIN! AND ANOTHER THING! I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANOTHER GOD DAMN SPAM MESSAGE SAYING MY PENIS SIZE IS NOT LARGE ENOUGH!"

SPLATTT! CRUCSH!

Deadpool shivered at the memory. His guts were spilled out on the floor in the living room. That won't kill him since he has the healing factor like Wolverine thanks to Weapon X program, making him immortal, but still, it was painful as hell. Cable had ripped his internal organs out and stomped on them. After all that, his guts looked like spaghetti as he vaguely reminded.

Shaking off the chain of random as hell thoughts, what had happened to his target? Deadpool quickly teleported back inside the hotel room. He examined the body and found out that there was an enormous impact on the guy's abdomen.

"What the holy fuck? " It had to be someone very strong to bust in someone's gut like that, but who could it be? He decided to get back to the Bob Cave to rest up. He'll need another gig by tomorrow.

Meanwhile in SIN HQ, located in a disclosed loaction

"Juri, I have a task for you." Seth's cool voice chilled the air around him.

"Yes, Seth?" Juri appeared without a sound and loomed over Seth.

"I prefer you to call me Master, but that is not needed in this matter. I want you to assassinate a man."

"And who is the lucky boy?" She turned her head in curiosity and twisted interest.

"A fellow deemed an annoyance to Shadaloo." He activated a holograph of the person.

"He is called Deadpool, or Wade Wilson. He has been troubling our business associates as their heads are on the most wanted lists."

"So he's just a mercenary? Why do I have to kill him?" Juri looked to Seth in boredom. She yawned in amusement.

"He's not a normal hired gun. The usual packs of mercenaries are in all in for the money or the reputation. On the other hand, Mr. Wilson is a mad man who has a very unpredictable and errant behavior."

"So you're sending me to give him a brutal lobotomy?"

"That would be a bonus to relieving our allies' minds, but Deadpool is nearly invincible. He can heal from the most gruesome of injuries in a matter of seconds."

"He's a real challenge huh? Where's he hiding at? Juri laughed at that. Every so-called invincible person she killed begged for their lives. This Deadpool would not be different. She could see right now.

"He is located at this address, in this country."

Seth pinpointed an area on a massive screen; he was in the USA, in an apartment residence in Chicago. Darn, and she was about to have fun with her trophy.

Juri stretched for a bit boringly and walked to the teleportation device. This was going to very fun. She did her trademark wide grin and disappeared in a flash of light.

To be continued!