"I'm bored."
"We thought you might be." Phineas said. "We brought you some of your old squeaky toys. You still like those, right?"
Perry picked up a plastic hamburger and squeezed it half-heartedly. "Yeah, I still do. I'm not exactly in the mood for squeaky noises, though. You know who's taking over for me while I'm immobile? Rocky. This crazed raccoon."
"He'll do fine." Phineas reassured his pet.
"Look at this. Look at the text he just sent me." Perry pulled out his videophone. "Yo dude, I just fought Doofenshmirtz and it was like, totally rad. He had this inator-thing and I was all like BAM and he was like NO and I was like YEAH and then I like won and was all like VICTORY and man you should have seen me, I was like EPIC RACCOON or something. G2G." Perry deleted the message. "That is the only intelligence level he has, you two. Talking like some weird skateboarder."
"Far out." Ferb said.
Phineas and Perry looked at him.
"Just kidding." Ferb said.
"He's not taking his job seriously." Perry muttered.
"Is he new?" Phineas asked.
"Yeah, but…"
"Maybe all new guys act like that."
"I didn't."
"You're different, buddy. But believe me, all new people, no matter how they act, are a different kind of annoying to people. When I first moved here, Buford didn't like me."
"No way." Perry said.
"He thought I was really annoying. And I thought Baljeet was annoying. But now we're all friends."
"It's true!" Irving called from outside the bedroom window. "I saw it happen!"
Phineas closed the shades. "Irving… well… he hasn't exactly gone past the annoying yet."
"Rocky equals Irving."
Phineas shrugged. "You'll get used to it. I hardly notice Irving's there anymore. How does your leg feel?"
"Stiff. Can we watch something?"
"Sure." Phineas turned the TV on.
"This is the new bagalicious bag!" An announcer on the TV said. "It's portable, and can hold up to three items! It also fits into any larger bag."
"Any larger bag? ANYTHING fits into any larger bag!" Perry said. "Here's a giant mammoth, it has tusks, wooly fur, and fits into ANY LARGER BAG. However, it won't fit into any SMALLER bag."
Phineas started petting him on his favorite spot on his back. Perry felt calmer.
"When my leg gets better, I'm taking you to Disney." Perry said.
"To reward me for petting you?"
"Just thought it'd be fun."
"Where are we going?"
"To a café. It'll be good."
As soon as the walk light turned on, Perry dragged Palmer and Pamela across the street.
Palmer prodded a few people that were crossing in front of them with his closed umbrella.
"Palmer, cut that out!" Perry hissed.
"They're going too slow."
Perry hoisted Palmer up by the scruff of his neck. "Keep up, Pam."
He put Palmer down in a chair when they were inside the café. Pamela sat down next to him.
Perry sighed and plunked down into a booth across from his platypups. He'd only been watching them for ten minutes, and already he was exhausted. "How have you been?"
"I've been good." Palmer said. "Since I last saw you, I mean. I play around with my friend King a lot. Last week we tied the back of a car to a traffic light and it drove off and the traffic light stopped it from going. It was so funny."
"We're moving to a bigger house." Pamela said.
"And then I painted a picture of a cow on this guy's pants when he was talking to someone."
"Wait. Slow down. You're moving?" Perry asked.
"Yeah. Mommy bought the house that is with the garage. Now it's ours. She said I'm not allowed to draw on the walls of the big house, though."
"But you're still keeping the garage?"
"Yep." Palmer picked up a menu that was sitting on the table. "What should I get?"
"Want hot chocolate?" Perry asked.
"I'm hungry." Pamela said. "I want bread and butter."
"Me too." Said Palmer. "And hot chocolate."
"Me too." Pamela said.
Perry scribbled their orders down on a napkin and handed it to a waiter. The waiter came back a few minutes later with hot chocolate.
"He gives you sugar with it, but believe me, it's sweet enough." Perry warned them.
Pamela opened the sugar packets and poured them into her drink.
Perry shook his head. He spooned a bit of hot chocolate into his mouth.
Palmer poured some of his cup into the purse of a woman passing by. "When do we get to see you again?"
"I don't know. I'm going to have my hands full for the next few months."
"I have a friend named Kiki." Pamela said. "Her parents live in the same house."
"Are her parents part of an elite force of animal agents? I'm sorry, guys. I have more stuff to take care of now. I'll visit when I can."
"I train at the O.W.C.A." Palmer said. "But I still have time to do stuff."
"You don't have a host family." Perry's videophone buzzed. He reached into his fur pocket and pulled it out.
A dark shape was visible on the screen. "Woah, I thought I was beating you." It was Devon the dog's voice.
Carrie the cat's voice was less audible. "No. I always win at Go Fish."
"Dang. Um… do you have any threes?"
"Go Fish."
"Dev?" Perry said.
"Gosh, I thought I just heard Perry. Is he under my chair?"
"Dev, I think you sat on your phone and butt-dialed me again." Perry said.
Palmer started to laugh. He came over and looked at the screen.
"What?" The image changed as Devon pulled the phone out from underneath him. "Oh. Sorry Perry. Is that Pal in the background?"
"Yep!" Palmer said.
"Hello, Pal! You're getting big."
Palmer beamed.
"Well, see you later." Devon hung up.
"Hey, if I get more brothers, can we name them Payton and Berry?" Pamela asked.
"You aren't getting more brothers." Perry said.
"Pam, that's going to make us all sound like desserts." Palmer said.
"No, it won't."
"Yep. -BerryPam. Sounds like an expensive dessert. And maybe we can name one Chocolate Mousse!"
"Change of subject." Perry said.
"Okay. Yesterday Pam and I watched the Carlos the caring clown show…"
Perry was completely worn out by the time he got back home. He slunk over to the couch, jumped up, and lay down in Ferb's lap.
Phineas and Ferb were watching a movie with Candace.
Perry fell asleep almost instantly.
He was in a wooden building. A big inflatable heart was sitting in a corner.
It was singing about a tree.
Perry tried to pick it up, but it was heavy.
"You'll have trouble carrying that down the stairs." A voice said. Dennis the rabbit appeared from the shadows, holding a candle in his paw. "But if you love it enough, anything is possible… I suppose."
"Why do I need to carry it downstairs?"
"It can't walk in its condition."
"It can stay up here."
Dennis dropped the candle. The floor caught fire.
"I suppose that is an option." He smiled evilly, and then leapt down the stairs.
Perry woke with a start, his heart pounding furiously. Ferb was stroking him.
He had a feeling that dream wasn't one of his confusing, useless dreams.
It was one of those dreams that showed him a bit of his future.
"I like taking planes."
"Good for you. I hate them." Perry picked up a magazine that had been in the seatback pocket.
"At least we'll get to Disney faster." Phineas said.
"Look at this. Apparently you're supposed to order something from this and you can get it on the plane. And they're selling tasers. You're not even allowed to BRING a taser on a plane. I tried once."
"Maybe they mail it to your home." Ferb said.
"Look at the ad for it. It shows a bunch of people holding hands and smiling. Buy a taser today! Have fun paralyzing people to no end!"
"I have to go to the bathroom." Phineas said.
"Seatbelt light's on. You'll have to wait." Perry licked his finger and turned the page. "Or, you could just buy this portable toilet seat. Five ninety-nine."
"You know what sounds really good right now?" Ferb asked. "Lemonade."
Phineas glared at him.
"Cool, refreshing, watery, liquidy lemonade." Ferb sang.
Phineas growled.
The seatbelt light turned off.
"Finally. I'll be right back." Phineas unbuckled his seatbelt and got up.
The seatbelt light turned back on. "Ah, this is your captain speaking. We've run into some sudden turbulence. Please remain seated."
Phineas sat back down.
"Automatic hair remover. Nah, we have adhesive bandages at home. Just tell Pinky to get the darn thing off of your arm. Oh, cool! A water dish shaped like Vance Ward!"
The seatbelt light was off. Phineas stood up again.
It turned back on. "This is your captain speaking. Sorry, I accidentally turned the light off. You have to stay seated."
"OH, COME ON." Phineas slammed his head against the seat in front of him.
"What's this?" Perry demanded. "Pizza-free yogurt? ALL yogurt is pizza-free! That's like an advertisement for walnut-free milk!"
"Ooh, can we get that fountain?" Ferb asked, pointing at a picture on the magazine.
"Why? It's a fountain that shoots out thirty jets of water at once. Not exactly a work of art."
Phineas gave them a murderous stare.
"Sorry." Ferb and Perry said in unison.
The seatbelt light turned off again. Phineas waited a moment, and then got up.
The man sitting in front of Ferb leaned his seat back as far as it would go and promptly fell asleep, snoring loudly.
Ferb didn't look comfortable.
"For five dollars, I'll touch his nose with my pinky." Perry offered.
Ferb shook his head. He yanked his arm free from underneath the man's seat.
Perry poked the man in the shoulder. "Hey, buddy. It's only a forty-minute flight. I know! Let's see how many gumdrops we can fit in his mouth."
By the time Phineas returned, Perry and Ferb had squeezed twenty-three gumdrops into the sleeping man's mouth.
"How many more will fit, d'ya think?" Perry asked.
Ferb squeezed a pink gumdrop in between a yellow and green one. "I think we have almost reached the limit."
"Guys, you'll wake him up!" Phineas warned.
"That's what we're aiming for." Perry tried to fit another gumdrop in and failed. "Dang. He's full. Should we try his nose?"
"Ladies and gentlemen, this plane will be landing soon. Please put your seats back into the upright position…"
The man woke up and adjusted his seat. Ferb was free.
They heard a coughing sound. "Whaht in da nahme…" A spitting noise. "How did all of those things get in my mouth?!"