Saiyuki Belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Thanks for the beta, Kelly!

Chapter 2: What You Are

Sanzo lay wrapped in his quilt, listening to the sound of the night outside his window. The warmth he'd noticed in his heart that morning was growing as he lay listening to Goku breathing on his little futon in the corner. Sanzo hadn't felt this relaxed, this content, since Koumyou's death. Goku's breath was keeping him grounded and his mind was calm and crystal clear. He felt as if the answer he'd been searching for all his life was somehow hidden behind that gentle sound, just a heartbeat away. He sank into a meditative state, trying to grasp it. He found Goku instead, although Sanzo would never be sure how. It was as if they had somehow gravitated together and Sanzo's touch had woken Goku's sleeping mind. The monkey child turned towards him, embracing him. Was he dreaming? He wasn't sure, but Goku's warmth felt so good that he wanted to get closer. Goku turned and looked at him and the expression in his eyes was anything but childish, it was warm, loving and wise. Yes, Sanzo knew he was asleep. He had never seen that expression in Goku's eyes while he was awake. Sanzo felt himself smile and watched Goku respond.

"I'm here for you. I won't always be a kid…" He heard Goku whisper as he drifted off into deeper sleep.

"Why do you keep doing it?" Dougan asked Goku "He's so important and he shows you so much attention but you treat him so disrespectfully!"

"What d'you mean, "disrespectfully"? He's my friend and I love him…"

"That's exactly it! You treat him like he's your friend when he's your master and so far above you that you can't even comprehend it! You're an unclean, heretic, youkai foundling, and he's one of the holiest, most powerful priests in all of China. You're not even fit to touch the hem of his robe and yet you presume to treat him as your friend! I can't even make you see how inappropriate it is! You think that because he brought you here you have some kind of relationship with him. That he actually cares for you…" Goku looked at him, stunned, with wide eyes and a pale, pale face.

"You mean…" Goku began.

"I mean, you're being presumptuous and you need to stop bothering him. He has more important things to do than waste time with you. I'm not saying this to hurt you, Goku, but so that you know your position. You aren't even his official attendant. I am. You're more like his pet or his slave." Dougan finished, gently. If he was rough Goku would be obviously upset and Sanzo would want to know why, if he was gentle Goku would be shamed and slink away, leaving the field clear for Dougan to claim his rightful place at Sanzo's side. Goku's honey-colored eyes filled with tears and he dashed them away quickly on his sleeve. Dougan gazed at him with mock sympathy. He looked so beautiful and so pathetic that Dougan hated him with a passion. "Your presence compromises his purity and you're sure to bring him bad luck…" he added, for good measure.

Goku said nothing. He just stared at his feet, tears running down his face. Then he got up and walked off without another word. He felt as if the world was falling down around his ears. Dougan was right. If Sanzo was everything Dougan said he was then Goku was being presumptuous. He should keep his distance; let Sanzo get on with whatever it was that Goku was keeping him away from. Maybe he should go. If he was actually dangerous to Sanzo then he should certainly go. Dougan had implied that his impurity, his heresy was a threat to Sanzo's well being. He wandered towards Sanzo's chamber without realizing where he was going.

Sanzo was finishing up the week's paperwork and looked up as Goku walked in. The monkey didn't seem to be his usual cheerful, playful, infuriating self at all. Worse still, although he was valiantly trying to hide it, the boy had obviously been crying. His eyes were red, his lashes wet and his face tearstained.

"What's the matter, Saru?" He asked with unaccustomed gentleness.

"Sanzo, am I some kind of threat to you?" He burst out "I'm an itan. Does that somehow make me dangerous?"

"It's not catching, idiot! You can't hurt me just by being what you are. It's what you do that matters, not whether or not you fit into the 'appropriate' category. Who's been telling you this crap?" Sanzo turned his full attention to Goku and the boy moved closer, eyes wide and apprehensive.

"Is it alright that I treat you like I do? I don't know the proper way to behave around you. I don't mean to be disrespectful, I just don't understand…"

Sanzo was alarmed now and realized exactly how much he valued the monkey's honest affection for him, the way he spoke his mind entirely without reflection or editing. He knew he accepted Goku's regard with very bad grace, but he did value it. He remembered the sparring match the day before and how much he'd enjoyed the saru's high spirited play. The monkey had also given him one hell of a match and forced him to work very hard just to be able to stand against him. Sanzo really appreciated that, along with the good natured way he'd protected Sanzo's pride by not thrashing him! He was like a breath of fresh air and Sanzo realized how much he needed that. He remembered the dream he'd had last night and wondered what manner of man this child would become. He wanted to know Goku then, to look into the golden eyes and see wisdom there. He drew a deep breath. He couldn't put Goku off, not this time. He would have to speak plainly because he couldn't risk being misunderstood.

"Goku, around here nobody actually treats me honestly except you. I'm surrounded by hypocrites and sycophants, some of whom would just as soon be rid of me. The only people who tell me the truth are you, Gojyo and Hakkai. Saru, you are a fresh, clean breeze in this dusty room and I'm not going to have anyone tell you not to be who you are. Do you understand?"

"I…I think so, Sanzo." His voice shook just a little. He still looked so lost that Sanzo couldn't resist reaching for him and folding him close against his chest. Goku sobbed a little as he flung his arms about Sanzo's neck.

"This was Dougan's doing, wasn't it?" Goku nodded. "You know what this is really all about, don't you?" Sanzo paused and Goku looked at him, his eyes wide and liquid. The boy really was too lovely for his own good. Sanzo would have to be on his guard in order to protect him. This was just the beginning. "Dougan was officially assigned as my attendant and he fancies himself as my pupil and my successor. You're in his way so he's trying to get rid of you. But the Sanbutsushin gave you into my care and in my care you stay. Nothing changes that. What Dougan wants is immaterial; you stay here, with me."

"He has a crush on you." said Goku in a small voice. "That's another reason why he wants me out of the way."

"Then he's even more of a fool than I took him for." Sanzo replied harshly. He hadn't realized that. Trust Goku to notice. The monkey's thought processes were different to a human's but he was far from stupid. Sanzo had just thought that Dougan was ambitious and because of that would have been the last person he would have chosen as his pupil. This made things more complicated. If Dougan was infatuated with him it had to be nipped in the bud before it became even more bothersome. He didn't want Goku getting caught in the crossfire again. It was about more that the Sanbutsushin's directive now. He had to admit to himself that he wanted Goku with him, needed his unaffected honesty and his honest affection. This place would drive him mad otherwise. Where this would lead Sanzo had no idea but his mind was made up. Goku belonged with him. To his surprise Goku pressed his lips to his forehead.

"Thank you. I was really scared that I'd somehow hurt you if I stayed here. I understand what's going on now. You do want me here?"

"Yes," replied Sanzo and then looked fiercely at the monkey "but if you go crowing it around the place I shall deny it and beat you!" He tried not to smile but Goku wasn't deceived. He grinned sunnily and flung his arms about his guardian, happy and confident once more. Goku was so easy to please. Sanzo tousled his hair and stood up.

"I really think I need to have this matter out with Dougan…" He said grimly. Then there was a knock at the door.

"It's me, Master. I thought you might like some tea…" Dougan's voice.

"Ah, the very person I wanted to see." Sanzo replied. Dougan came in carrying a little tray with a teapot and a cup. He set the tray down and began to pour the tea. Goku retired quietly to the window. Sanzo sat at his desk.

"What's this I hear about you giving Goku a hard time?"

"What do you mean, Master?" replied Dougan, his tone light.

"Don't simper at me!" Sanzo's voice was hard and Dougan realized that he was in serious trouble. Stupid monkey couldn't keep his mouth shut!

"Master, I'm not. I don't know where you heard this but I assure you it's not true."

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Sanzo thundered. "After your behavior yesterday it was obvious what had happened the moment Goku walked in here. What the Hell do you think you're doing? Did you really think he'd consider leaving without talking to me first? That was obviously what you wanted: to shame and frighten him away." Sanzo leaned forward, pinning the boy with his fierce, violet eyes, like a butterfly to a collecting board. "Did you think I'd just allow him to leave and let you to take his place? You are blinded by your ambition and have shown yourself for what you are. I'll tell you a secret. The scripture always goes to someone who neither desires it, nor expects it. It chooses and it didn't choose you."

Dougan was stung by Sanzo's contempt and unwisely answered back. "Did it choose him?" He flung out his arm, pointing to Goku, sitting quietly by the window. "Or did you choose him?"

"Better him than you, who're already corrupted by ambition and envy." Sanzo flashed back.

"He's a youkai! He's dangerous, Master. You're bewitched by his magic. I could never forgive myself if I didn't warn you! How can you doubt the danger after what happened to Koumyou Sanzo?" Sanzo turned on him, incredulous for a moment, then blazing with fury.

"You little shit!" Sanzo hissed, violet eyes narrowed and dangerous. "You're using that to manipulate me? Get the fuck out of my sight!" His whole body spoke of suppressed violence. Dougan realized that he'd seriously miscalculated and fled.

Sanzo sat back down in his ornately carved chair, breathing hard, eyes blazing and his jaw set. Goku approached him, picked up the still-steaming teacup and handed it to him.

"Thank you, Sanzo…I'm sorry…" Goku said quietly, all amber eyes and floppy hair.

"You've nothing to be sorry for." Sanzo replied, a little shortly. "You weren't responsible for his behavior. He shouldn't have mentioned Koumyou, though. Especially not to suggest that you might do the same thing to me." He sipped the tea and drew a deep breath.

"I'm glad -you know I'd never hurt you, Sanzo." replied Goku.

"I know, Goku…" He managed a half smile. He wasn't so sure about the Seiten Taisei, but he had complete faith in Goku.

Dougan ran down the passage and turned twice, seeking a quiet place to think. This was so much worse than he'd believed. That demon really had his claws into the Master, and the Master had no idea, none at all. He hadn't even dismissed the idea of training the creature as his successor! And his reaction to Dougan's helpful, well meant warning… He was surely under some deep, powerful and seductive enchantment. Dougan could think of no other reason why Master Sanzo, his Master Sanzo, would speak to him that way! He had to break the demon's hold over his Master. He would study hard, read everything he could find, practice and he would break the enchantment and free Sanzo. That would prove his worth and his Master would love him out of gratitude, take him as his student and maybe even as his lover. Dougan gave himself up to ecstatic imaginings.

Sanzo wasn't sure if he was awake, or asleep and dreaming he was awake. He was lying curled up in his quilt when he heard Goku stir in the bed in the corner, throw back his covers and pad across the floor towards him. He was aware of Goku standing over his bed, watching him. Then Goku slid under the quilt and snuggled into his arms. It felt really good, and more than that, it felt right. Not now, but someday. He looked down into Goku's eyes, reading love and wisdom there. Yes, he was asleep and yet he was still seeing the truth. His truth.