AN: An alternate scene from Through the Eyes of Madness. It would have been located right before Rachel Dawes goes to Arkham and things go to hell. You know, if my night in was ruined, I might be homicidal, too.

Fallenangel9005-We get that a lot, oddly enough. I never get it. If you had nicer manners, I could let you out more. I have great manners! Mm-hm. I do! You're just jealous because you don't have my charm. What charm? You asshole! Point proved. Jerk.

Jasmine Scarthing-You used to be so adorable. What's that supposed to mean? It's true! I was not 'adorable'. I have never been 'adorable'. Yes, you were. I was emotionally traumatized and fairly malnourished. Hey, I tried to hug you and feed you. You were successful.

Jonathan lay back on the couch with his wine glass in his hand, listening to the rain mingling with the stereo. They'd come home early tonight-one of his more loyal employees was overseeing things, no one needed his urgent attention…ah. At last, a night in. It had been too long.

Then the phone rang.

I didn't hear that.

God DAMMIT, who is it now?

Nothing short of a suicide was dragging him down there, and that was only if a pack of lawyers was descending on the asylum at that very moment. And that. Was. FINAL.

"Crane."

"Doctor Crane? This is Amy Morris, from the DA's office?"

Really? Really? It was eight o' clock at night! And it was his first night off in months!

Calm. I am calm. Namaste.

That BITCH!

Truer words were never spoken.

"What can I do for you?"

Kill you horribly? It's tempting. Perhaps I'll start by removing your vocal cords.

I like that.

"Rachel Dawes wants to see you about Carmine Falcone."

He should have known.

He took a sip of his wine and tried to keep his voice level.

"I'll see her first thing in the morning, then."

"Sh-she's…um…she's already on her way there."

"I see." More wine. Losing his temper with this girl wouldn't get him anywhere. "I will be there as soon as I possibly can."

He hung up and drained the glass. Damn that Rachel Dawes, damn her to the ninth circle of Hell!

We'll have to get rid of her. You know she'll want him to pee in a cup or something.

Yes. I know.

Yay.

He got up and went to knock on the bathroom door. Kitty wasn't going to like this.

"If you're a serial killer, I've got a razor blade and I'm not afraid to use it!"

"It's only me."

"I have a headache."

Can tonight get any worse?

Shut up.

"I have bad news. May I come in?"

"If you must."

His glasses immediately fogged up upon opening the door.

"We have to go back to Arkham."

"Why." He knew it! She was mad. Well, that made two of them.

Aw, a united front!

"Because Rachel Dawes is on her way there to see about Falcone."

She stuck her head out of the shower. There was a puff of soap on her shower cap and he would have started laughing if the situation hadn't been so serious.

"Say that again."

"Rachel Dawes is on her way there to see about Falcone."

"Okay."

She ducked back in. The water ran for a few more minutes. Then…

"That whore!"