The Bad, the Good and the Weird chapter 2: The Team meets.
The Bad.
Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha. The two best people for her plan. Sakura lowered the telescope, clicking it shut. Then, she opened the pack on her shoulders and pulled out a small envelope, titled 'Blackmail.' While they were the best candidates, it was going to be hard for her to even get them to listen to her without some… leverage.
First, Sasuke Uchiha. The boy was very kind, if a bit aloof due to his parentage and was generally one of the nicest clan head children in the area. He'd impressed a lot of kids his age with his good nature and natural friendliness that was usually only in civilian children like herself. Well, even if she was a civilian, she really needed him, and not only due to potential ability. The Uchiha clan was the largest and most influential clan in the whole of Konoha. Getting access to the clan head's son was only going to help her rise to power. If she could marry into the clan, then she could experience the benefits, such as the Uchiha weapon smiths, who supplied the Uchiha with unique weapons. Getting exclusive weapons, clan rights and a fairly intelligent, good-looking husband who was very nice was a pretty good deal.
Naruto Uzumaki, on the other hand… as an orphan, the boy was an enigma, wrapped in a conundrum, covered with a layer of mystery over mystery. He was extremely loud, brash and cocky, but smile nicely at him and he'd just shut up and fawn over you like a dog. He pulled off pranks that should have gotten him caught, but when he pulled them off, only a couple of ANBU had the skills to catch a boy who by all rights shouldn't have been able to detect ANBU. He was a clan less nobody, but her spying on the Hokage from a distance had revealed the boy barging into the Hokage's office like he owned it. And throughout it all, the boy boasted that he was going to become Hokage, the most influential person in the village. Naruto, in total, was a complete menace, a loose cannon that had amazing potential. Sakura knew that the real reason why she was putting Naruto on her side was simply prudence. Sure, the power was the obvious reason, but she was really doing it because Naruto was a person you wanted on your side more than you wanted him against you.
With Sasuke and Naruto both with her, she knew that she would be in an incredible position. If she could befriend them both, then she would have access not only to the Uchiha clan, but also a connection to Konoha's resident prankster. Since the Uchiha trained their best to be the best ninja in the whole of Konoha, only accepting the best from their clan members, and Naruto was displaying an incredible level of evasion for a five-year old boy- indeed, for a jounin level ninja- apart, those two boys would tear up the ninja world, but together…
Sakura chucked. She could see them now… Her on a throne, with them as her two most trusted advisors. Now, for the leverage she needed. Naruto was going to be the easiest. After watching him for the past six months, she had an incredible amount of blackmail material to use against him. First, there were a couple of glue traps that he'd placed where he'd thought ahead significantly, in order to trap some shopkeepers he disliked. Then, there were the glitter bombs. He'd also rigged up a lot of stink bombs that no one had yet found in the toilets in the police station. There were a lot more of these simple yet cunning pranks, and those pranks were only the ones that she'd found. Naruto had managed to evade her easily, despite his loud mouth and her constant observation. It galled her to admit it, but Naruto was the master of sneaking around and popping up unexpectedly, and compared to him, her stealth was at best novice. Compared to ANBU, she knew that she was nothing, and Naruto outmanoeuvred them like it was nothing. So Naruto was never going to be brought low by stealth, but rather, through her own luck and skill at listening to gossip.
Sasuke, on the other hand, was going to be much harder to fit in. While she'd decided not to go after the Hyūga that were her age, due to some sort of rumour going around, the Uchiha had lost a lot of respect in the village, and the rumour mill had no information on why this prestige was lost. It was maddening. She'd only gotten that it had been around the time of the Kyūbi's attack on Konoha five years ago, and after she'd pressed for details, even her own mother, a notorious gossip, had hastily changed the subject. Whatever the reason, the Uchiha were, to her mind, a safer bet than the Hyūga, if only due to the fact that the Uchiha were even better known, and that Sasuke, as the son of the head of the Uchiha clan, would attract more scandal than the shy, timid Hinata. However, she'd managed to slip past the tight security of the Uchiha clan by using a telescope from a hidden position. While a couple of them looked a bit suspicious, she'd been almost completely undetected. She'd spied the young Uchiha practising a fire technique near the lake, and felt that she'd found her leverage.
Since she now knew that Sasuke was now aiming to train himself, she could now convince him to join her little group as a bodyguard. She had to remember to thank Ino. While she couldn't join her little group of convenient bodyguards due to being a Yamanaka, her close proximity to the local gossips made her an invaluable friend- not only because she'd defended her from bullies, but also because of her knowledge of what was going on, especially when it came to Naruto's whereabouts. For some reason, the gossips hated Naruto with a passion, and the boy's location was transmitted across the village like wildfire. If they knew how dangerous Naruto could be, they'd be a little more cautious when slandering the boy, lest he actually get it into his head to start making his pranks lethal. A Naruto who wanted to kill could probably only be brought down by the Hokage and one ANBU in a dog mask, and even then, that was debatable.
The Good.
When Sasuke woke up the next morning, it was to cheerful sunshine and the sounds of birds chirping. Stretching, he rolled out of bed and walked over to the cupboard. Once there, he pulled out… a green shirt? Shrugging, he pulled it on, then put on a pair of white shorts and, confident in the morning sunlight, strolled down to breakfast. The sound of his father and his brother talking in the living room piqued his curiosity. Careful to stay out of the way, he knelt near the keyhole and listened in.
"…I'm telling you, the brat's going to pay for this one."
Itachi rubbed his eyes. Once his father had gotten back from his meeting from the Hokage, he'd been a little angry, but was willing to put on an expression of aloofness to reassure his clansmen. However, this morning, he was telling Itachi about the young Uzumaki's crimes.
"Father, I'm telling you, you know that the Hokage claims that Naruto Uzumaki had not left the orphanage."
"The report I got from the matron there was different. According to her, the boy was not sleeping where he was supposed to be sleeping-"
"The boy is currently sleeping in the boiler room." Fugaku glared at him.
"The Hokage cannot make a move here without evicting the boy, and if we make a fuss, then the civilians will think we're doing it to gain power. It's the third orphanage that the boy has gone to, and the last two were much worse. In the last one, there were clear signs of abuse, and aren't we glad that the boy is at least warm, rather than trying to kill us?"
Sasuke blinked, and almost gasped, before remembering his training.
Don't breathe a word. Breathe a word, and you might die.
Determined, he continued listening. He knew Naruto. Everyone did. The loudmouthed fool, with the spiky blonde hair and blue eyes, always loudly yelling to the heavens about how he was going to become Hokage and challenging everyone. Adults chased him away from them, but they just left their parents to talk and play with the forbidden boy. Strangely enough, it was only the other clan members who chased away the boy. His mother just encouraged him to play. Why then, did his father and brother think he might start killing people?
Naruto Uzumaki… what are you?
"Father. I still think that we should just drop this matter." Fugaku sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I know, damn it. It's the wise thing to do. Naruto is the ward of the Hokage, the Professor himself. But I still think he should be punished, not given more attention."
"You know, due to his circumstances, it's attention he wants. The whole village hates him, for a secret that not even we can talk about in front of those who don't know." So saying, he walked over to the door, and opened it.
Sasuke stayed perfectly still, not even breathing. His father looked at him.
"Hn. Well done, Itachi. Even I couldn't tell." Sasuke stayed stock-still. His father couldn't tell that he was eavesdropping, but he was praising Itachi, not him. He decided to stay silent. His father looked at him.
"You are dismissed." Sasuke stood up stiffly, bowed, and then went off to breakfast.
Fugaku turned to Itachi.
"Well, Itachi?"
"He followed all of my advise regarding stealth. And he certainly had the composure, even after we found him." Fugaku looked away.
"Well, he's certainly impressive." Itachi looked at his father.
"Why not just tell him to his face that you're as proud of him as you are of me?" Fugaku looked away.
"Because I'm afraid of him not believing me. If I said I was impressed with him, he might feel that I was lying." He sighed.
"And our clan will just twist my words, making it out that I'm proud of him because you're his brother. I'm impressed with him because he's not you, exactly. He's got a different genius to you, Itachi." Then he smiled, slightly.
"He's certainly got more chakra at his young age than you did." Itachi silently nodded.
"That's true enough."
After breakfast, Sasuke went out to the lake again, with his brother. For once, he'd actually gotten his brother to help him. While out there, he decided to ask the question.
"Say, Itachi-nii-san."
"Hm?"
"What were you and father talking about?"
"You know what we were talking about, Sasuke."
"No. Why did you think that Naruto might kill people?" Itachi stiffened slightly, then relaxed.
"I don't think Naruto might kill people the way he is now, but he had the potential to be a killer." Sasuke frowned.
"What do you mean by that?" Itachi shook his head, and then smiled.
"I thought we were training, Sasuke." Pouting, Sasuke started to mould chakra in his lungs, preparing the fireball.
Someday, I'll figure you out, Naruto. But not today.
This time, rather than smoke, there were some sparks. Itachi clapped.
"Good effort, Sasuke. Much better than I did on my third try."
"You're just saying that."
"No, I mean it. Nobody has ever mastered the Fireball technique straight off the bat. It's all a matter of practise. Keep it up, and you will master the technique." Sasuke nodded, blowing smoke out of his mouth.
"Got it, aniki!" Eyes folded up as he smiled, he started moulding chakra for his fourth attempt.
When he came in for lunch, he was exhausted, but really happy with his progress. Maybe tomorrow, he'd actually breathe a fireball! As he dug in to a plate of onigiri, his mother came in with a letter.
"Sasuke, this is for you." Mumbling a thank you, Sasuke took the letter and opened it.
Dear Sasuke,
I really admired your dedication to the ninja arts. Maybe we could play ninja together tomorrow at the old training ground? That would be fun, right?
See you there!
Sakura Haruno.
Mikoto looked over her son's shoulder at the letter.
"Oh, she sounds nice." Sasuke spun around.
"Mother! I was reading that!"
"Well, you'll be going. Won't you?" Sasuke identified the toe of voice that mothers used when you were being forced into doing something that they thought you were supposed to do.
"Yes, mother."
The Weird.
When Naruto awoke early in the morning, expecting the chief of police, he was surprised that the man was not there at the usual time, i.e. four in the morning. Taking this unexpected windfall for what it was, he slept in a bit more, until the dormitories were officially opened at six. After looking around, Naruto shifted the loose tile and climbed down the ladder into his hidey-hole.
He'd found it when he'd first been moved to the boiler room. While he felt lonely at first, that had changed when he found the loose tile when he'd kicked it in a moment of anger. Feeling curious, he'd shifted the tile to discover a trap door. Opening it had revealed a ladder, which led to a surprisingly spacious area in the sewer system, nice, clean and dry. Cold, but nowhere was perfect. And anyway, it was always slightly warmer than outside, due to heat leaking from the boiler. From this hidey-hole, Naruto could get to an old, abandoned training ground, and from there, it was a straight road towards the Hokage's tower along side streets and rooftops. Only ninja used the roofs, and you were less likely to get yelled at and be ignored by other people if you went along the roofs. He moved the cushions he'd thrown down there to another room, which was warmer and more spacious, filled with old, slightly torn furniture. He'd learned to be neat and tidy, and to check furniture for rats. He'd learned how to sew, and had patched up the holes in furniture with a couple of patches. All in all, there weren't many better places to hide form the villagers than down here, in the secret places.
Naruto shook his head. Don't think about the villagers, think about the Hokage hat. Best hat of all, any who wore it had the respect of the village. If he became the Hokage, then everybody would look up to him, and he couldn't be ignored. He hated being ignored. Orange was noticeable, and pranks got him attention. But he had to hide in order to pull off his pranks. But that was part of the challenge. Put in a little effort not to be noticed and you get a huge payout.
As Naruto exited his little trapdoor, making certain that the door had no lines where the grass on top met the grass, he stretched out, enjoying the sunlight on his skin. Man, this was the life. No annoying matron, no nasty ANBU, just the quiet of the training ground. Naruto grinned. Now, time to plan the next wave of pranks.
First of all, go to the hot springs and rig up a glue trap under the hole in the boards on the women's side of the bathhouse. That way, when perverts tried to peak on the women, all he'd have to do was yell out about perverts and even the most skilled would be unable to move, allowing them to be beaten on by loads of women and thus granting Naruto some sort of kudos, even if there was none. What he was doing was a service to the community, and as such should be rewarded. Of course, if it was the Hokage, he wouldn't yell about perverts. He liked the Hokage, and as such, the Old Man was immune to his pranks, as was his clan.
Second of all, there was the ANBU masks. He disliked those masks- they were worse than the disapproving looks that the villagers gave him. So, he had a good idea of where the ANBU were generally located, and then he could fool around with their masks. Permanent marker would allow him to scrawl on the masks of those he didn't like, such as Clam and Lobster. Those guys were usually the ones chasing him. Sure, they couldn't actually catch him, but they usually forced him to go straight towards ANBU like Dog and Crow, who could actually catch him, and Naruto, despite their meanness sometimes, still liked them too much to actually prank them. After all, at least they were nice enough to give him a bit of a head start.
As for messing with the police… Naruto decided that he would back off. After all, they were going to be really pissed off due to his rash of pranks against them, so he'd leave them alone. Since Crow was an Uchiha, that meant that he was now exempt from the ANBU mask prank.
Naruto might have been a bit loud, but nobody could really call him stupid. Not book smart, but he was definitely interested in anything that he really enjoyed. If that was something like making paint bombs, glue traps and making convincing fake kunai that would release paint on the user when they tried to hit anything with them, then Naruto would avidly read it, puzzling out the few kanji that he couldn't really read yet.
"Well, that was unexpected."
Naruto whirled around. There were two people around his age here! One of them was a girl, with REALLY bright pink hair and a little red dress, along with a pair of sandals. The other one, who was looking at him in a strange way, looked like an Uchiha. Wait… his shirt was green. Naruto briefly considered laughing, but chose to keep quiet. Why were they here? He thought that this place was off limits to people like this. The girl sighed, and brushed her hair in an anxious way.
"Who are you people?"
Author's note:
Please, read and review.
Thanks, Ninishly! It's comments like yours that make me want to write.
I read a fic by Rorschach's Blot called What if? It had a lot of little story fragments, and there was the most recent one, with a slightly evil genius Sakura. I simply chose to make her even more of an evil genius. Sasuke is now going to be more likeable and saner thanks to this, and will also be instrumental to their success. And crazy awesome Naruto is just going to be a bundle of love and joy, and also be important towards the group's wellbeing. Oh, and I like comments. Don't feel afraid to comment on this story! Reviews motivate me to update!