Supernatural and its characters are not mine

CHAPTER TWO

Dean pulled away and a childish smile spread across his face. His smile was like a rainbow of bright colors splashed against a canvas that had long been blank and in need of a streak of colors. "I thought you were indifferent to sexual orientation?" he laughed and Cas smiled in return.

"That was then, Dean. When I was an angel of the Lord. Not that this necessarily means anything about my sexual orientation as a human. To answer the question that is no doubt lingering in your mind, I'm assuming that since I have no attraction to women, this makes me gay." He smiled shyly. It was so cute when he tried to understand himself as a human.

Dean nodded understanding. "Yeah, I guess it does. Castiel looked at him, suddenly wonderous.

"Wait- what. What does this mean to you? Now that we've….become close in other terms?" He asked Dean.

"Cas, I've always loved you. But this is different than before. I always thought of you as a pain in the ass little brother, but now. Its different. I still love you. Just more." Dean knew this was how he felt about Cas. He really did love him. He didn't know if Cas would think of him as a weirdo now or what, but he didn't care.

"I love you too, Dean. It's of import that I tell you this now. I really love you." Dean smiled and pressed his lips lightly against Castiel's one more time before taking Castiel's hand in his own and lifting him up to his feet.

"This is going to be hard. But I'll be there for you the whole way through, babe." Dean said. Both of their eyes met and locked onto each other, as if they were speaking to each other without words. They didn't need words.

"I'm just going to freshen up now and I'll be out. Are we still going to eat or would that be weird?" Castiel asked.

"I'll tell the waitress we'll be another minute or so and you can come out when you're ready, okay?" Dean looked at Castiel and gave him a once over before redirecting his attention to Castiel's face, trying to read it.

"Yeah, I'll see you in a minute!"

Dean winked at Cas and exited the bathroom.

The cool water felt amazing against Castiel's face. Even though he had felt much better after Dean comforted him, his face was still burning red and his cheeks were puffy from tears. He grabbed a white towel and dragged it across his face in every which way. The mirror before him showed a smiling, happy man. Although that was who Castiel wanted to be, it wasn't anyone he thought he could ever be. Happiness was an illusion that fools dreamed of. In his life, it didn't matter who or what he was. He would never be able to stop fighting the pain. Wherever he went, it followed

When Castiel returned to their dining table, the waitress, Katherine was telling Dean and Sam the day's specials. "We have the garlic and tomato soup and cherry pie!" Cas saw Dean's face light up when Katherine mentioned pie.

"I'll skip lunch and just go straight for the pie, sweetheart." Dean said.

An annoying feeling filled Castiel. It was ridiculous, but he was. Dean was attractive and could get anyone to fall head over heels (or in Cas' case, wings) for him, including Castiel, but Castiel was just some lonely ex angel with nothing much to offer but his loyalty. Dean seemed to see that this action had bothered Cas so he gave him a joking flirtatious wink.

Cas smiled and looked down at his feet. The speckled tiles were suddenly spinning in circles and before he knew it, his body hit the floor with a thump! "CAS?!CAS!" Dean screamed. Sam grabbed ahold of Castiel and placed Castiel's right arm around his shoulder and Dean did the same with Castiel's left. "There's never any damn pie! This is just awesome!" was the last thing Castiel heard.

The familiar smell of cats and beer that flowed throughout his house entered Castiel's nose. He stirred for a minute before attempting to sit up but falling right back down on his side. A fit of coughs escaped his mouth and almost instantly Dean rushed to his aid. "I'm-" Castiel paused to cough, afraid he would cough up his organs "-I'm fine. It's okay." Dean knew Castiel was lying but didn't want to bother him so he just gripped his hand and rubbed it. They sat there staring blankly into each other's eyes before Sam walked into the room and Dean quickly let his hand escape from Castiel's.

"Hey! You're awake!" Sam rejoiced.

"Yeah, it's probably just a slight symptom." He explained.

"Right." Sam replied.

Worry lines spread across Dean's tan forehead because he knew that Sam was very unaware of the pain Castiel was in and Castiel wanted to keep it that way.

"I'm gonna go fix you some soup. We'll talk about this when you're fed and well." Sam's boots heavily hit the floor without him trying as he left to fix the soup.

"Are we going to tell him about the pain and us and everything or do you just expect to keep this all a secret?" Dean hissed, sounding more blaming than he meant. Castiel looked confused and hurt, like some sort of lost kitty. "I'm sorry, Cas. But. This is a lot. What we're going through. I just want to figure it all out." Dean explained. As usual, Castiel didn't reply but just looked at Dean to show he was paying attention. What the hell was he supposed to say? 'Yeah it'll all be rainbows and ponies and everything will be okay'?

"Dean, please. Calm down. We'll figure something out. If what-" Castiel drew a large breath in "- if what we feel for each other is real, we'll find the right time and tell him. But that's not the biggest problem on our hands right now." Although Dean was paying attention to the words pouring out of Castiel's mouth, he was by far more interested in Castiel's pain.

"I know that near the beginning you were sure you could fight this pain, whatever it is. But, after the restaurant incident, I just don't think it's a good idea for you to try to simply block it out by yourself."

Castiel frowned. "Dean are you implying that I can't deal with my own problems? Has the change in my grace really caused me to come across as that weak?" Even though Castiel tried to act angry and tough, Dean could see that behind his harsh words was just a scared ex- angel. Dean's warm hands enclosed around Castiel's dry hands and he craned his neck down to kiss Castiel's cheek.

"I know you're strong, honey. This is just a really big job. I don't want you to- you're just not an angel anymore, Cas. You're not invincible. Do you know how long I lie awake at night worrying that the next hunt might be the one that kills you?" Gradually his words became angrier and his eyes became red with the tears he held back. "I need you to open up to me. Tell me what's going on. The pain isn't just random, Cas. And if you have any of what is causing this, please. Please. Tell me." Dean pleaded.

The cushions squeaked beneath them, the weight obviously a little too much for the couch. Castiel ran his fingers along the scratchy surface of the fabric and let them gently rest on Dean's thigh. "It's a new thing for me, too. Sort of." He didn't know whether to tell Dean what had been going on behind everyone's back. If he truly loved him, and cared for him, he'd tell Dean straight away. But telling him also meant putting Dean at further risk of harm than he already was. "I don't know what it is." He lied. The easiness of it all, of letting the words slither out of his mouth was scary. Scary that it took so little to deceive Dean. Yet Dean nodded, assuming he could trust Cas.

"We should let Sammy in on this. He deserves it."

Castiel nodded.

"Let me in on what?" Sam asked as he entered the living room with a bowl of piping hot soup. His eyes traveled down and settled on Castiel's hand, peacefully resting on Dean's thigh. The intense look in their eyes gave off the impression that something was on between them behind-the-scences, something they didn't apparently want to let Sam in on. "Guys, what's going on?"