I was going to hold off and publish it on Writing Spree Day, which is tomorrow. But I thought "fuck it, I'll have plenty of updates to do tomorrow, why not update now?" So I updated today. Besides, it's probably Saturday in New Zealand by now, so why not be the first to start off the occasion?
The next day the news was focused all on one topic. That evening, the TV was turned on as soon as Mike returned.
"Good evening; you're watching the six o'clock news with Josh!" said Josh. "For the first time in fifteen years, someone would be able to visit Chris McLean's Chocolate Factory! According to posters and notices spread throughout Canada, Chris is allowing five lucky children to visit his factory. The following extract is from the notices he has put up:
"I, Chris McLean, have hidden golden tickets in five McLean Bars that were selected entirely at random! That's right! Five lucky children from all over Canada will get a chance to visit my factory for just one day! Details are described on the inside of the chocolate bar wrappers! Further details will be printed on the tickets – assuming you've found one, that is! Heh! So what are you waiting for?! Go on and buy as many bars as you can! See if you can get lucky!"
"Oh, this reminds me of my favourite song," Josh chirped, playing Get Lucky from his phone. Before he could continue, Blaineley snatched the remote out of Mike's hand and switched off the telly.
"Sorry, but that song is overrated," said Blaineley, rolling her eyes.
"But Izzy thought you liked that song," said Izzy.
"True, but everything the idiot on the telly likes turns into something I hate," Blaineley replied.
"That's why Izzy used to beat him up all the time while she still had the energy," Izzy chirped. Zoey rolled her eyes at her mother's craziness.
"Surely that song must be over by now," she contributed.
"That guy may be too full of himself to notice the sudden drop in ratings," Blaineley commented. "Besides, the majority of his demographics are morons anyway. As soon as we can afford a better cable connection I'll definitely be watching the other news channels… except for Fox News of course."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys!" Geoff interjected. "Do ye dudes realise what's just happened here?!"
"Josh took something that was good and turned it into something bad again?" Bridgette rolled her eyes.
"Don't let him dictate what ya dudettes like," Geoff rolled his eyes. "But what's really important is that there's a chance to see McLean's factory!" He turned to Cody and asked: "Cody dude, wouldn't that be rad if you opened a McLean Bar and found a golden ticket inside?"
Cody got excited. "Of course it would! Too bad I can only have one bar a year, and for my birthday," he frowned.
"Well it's your birthday next week," said Mike, brightly, getting up to do the dishes.
"So does that mean I'll have a chance?" Cody asked.
"Everyone has a chance Cody," Bridgette assured her grandson.
"But there is one guarantee," Blaineley smirked. "The first person to find that ticket will be so obese it will amaze the world how he or she is still alive."
News of McLean's golden tickets spread across the globe (popularity of McLean brand sweets was not confined to Canada). Everyone assumed that the whole world had a chance of finding a ticket. After all, Chris is Canadian, and nobody would believe Chris to be a racist for that reason thanks to propaganda about the Canadian people created by the Canadian government to encourage tourism and to explain why many tourists never came back. Many countries such as Ireland, the US, the UK, Australia, the Philippines, Japan, the Nordic Countries and pretty much every other country in the world descended into anarchy in a tense battle to grab the golden tickets. The exact same thing happened in Canada, but at least it wasn't in vain there.
Blaineley was right. The first ticketholder brought a whole new definition to the word obese. Standing in the kitchen somewhere in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan with his mother Staci Gloop and father Beverly Gloop was a 16-year-old boy named Owen Gloop. In front of Owen was a table supporting a ton of meat that Owen was munching on greedily.
"So Owen? Tell us how did you find the golden ticket?" Sierra, one of the reporters asked.
"I was eating a McLean Bar once when all of a sudden I coughed out a golden ticket," Owen happily replied.
"So how did you celebrate?" Sierra asked.
"I eat more candy," Owen shrugged, withdrawing a large pot of molten McLean Cooking Chocolate and pouring it over the rest of the meat before devouring.
"Ya, we knew our son Owen would be the first to win," Staci bragged. "My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-gr eat-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grea t-great-great-great-great-great grandfather invented winning. Before that, everybody lost. How sad?"
The Anderson-O'Halloran family were watching this on the telly back in their house. None of them looked too happy about what they saw.
"Told ya," Blaineley shrugged.
"What a revolting women," Bridgette rolled her eyes. "I hope her son doesn't end up believing her lies."
"I wouldn't get my hopes up," Blaineley advised.
"The father hasn't uttered a word at all," Mike commented. "Is he camera shy?"
"Maybe," Izzy chirped. "Maybe his wife did something to him that caused him to be permanently mute."
"Right," said Mike. Then he gasped and became Chester.
"Back in my day, we had no candy!" Chester moped. "We had only horse meat!"
"Whoa, son, I've been here longer than you, and I can tell you we had no horse meat," said Geoff cautiously.
"I think Owen was eating horse meat," said Cody.
"Well that's enough telly for you young man," said Zoey, turning off the telly.
A few days later, another ticket was found. Standing in the great sitting room of a mansion situated on the outskirts of Victoria, British Columbia, was the founder. Her name was Eva Burromuerto. She was accompanied by her parents Alejandro and Heather Burromuerto. Eva held the ticket in her hand, smiling at the cameras.
"We knew our Eva was going to find the ticket," said Alejandro. "As soon as the news about McLean's golden tickets came out, I instructed all the employees at my nut factory to shell McLean bars instead of nuts. The process somehow took longer than we anticipated, however. Our precious Eva grew more and more upset by the day…"
Alejandro and Heather were sitting in Alejandro's office in the factory, calmly watching their daughter as she savagely beat a hapless employee.
"DADDY, YOU SAID I WOULD HAVE THE FIRST GOLDEN TICKET!" Eva screamed, bending her victim's leg at the knee in the wrong way. "BUT NOW SOME GREEDY PIECE OF SHIT TWO PROVINCES AWAY ALREADY HAS ONE NOW! YOU LIED TO ME! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"
"Miqueridanovia, I do!" Alejandro calmly protested.
"BULLSHIT! I'LL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!" Eva shouted, ripping the employee's arm off and beating her over the head with it.
"Don't worry sweetie, Mommy's got it covered," Heather assured her daughter. She marched over to the window that overlooked the factory and opened it. She stuck her head out.
"HURRY THE FUCK UP! WHAT'S TAKING YOU LAZY DOUCHEBAGS SO LONG?!" Heather bellowed.
"They're not listening," Eva grunted, ripping her victim's head clean off. "They don't care about me because they have no empathy."
"I FOUND ONE! I FOUND ONE!" squealed someone from outside the office.
"FINALLY!" Eva shouted, darting out of the office and downstairs into the work area. She grabbed the employee who found the golden ticket and – instead of thanking her – snapped the ticket out of her hands and shoved the unfortunate employee into the furnace that was (in)-conveniently placed nearby.
Heather and Alejandro watched this from above. Heather withdrew some marijuana and began rolling it up. Alejandro did the same.
"Happiness is the most important quality of a child," a relieved Heather smiled at her husband, "happiness."
"Agreed, mi amor," Alejandro replied, before inhaling.
"So Eva? How did you celebrate?" asked Sierra, the reporter.
"Daddy bought me another set of weights," Eva proudly replied.
The Anderson-O'Halloran family were watching this in disgust once again.
"Spoilt brat," Vito sneered. He took over Mike's body during the news segment.
"I don't think that was fair," Cody protested. "She didn't even find it herself. Plus she's killed two people," he added.
"Don't worry about it Cody," Geoff assured his grandson. "That dude spoils his daughter, and nothing good ever comes from spoiling a child like that."
"Happy birthday Cody!" cheered Grandma Blaineley.
"Happy birthday Cody!" cheered Grandma Bridgette.
"Happy birthday Cody!" cheered Grandma Izzy.
"Happy birthday Cody!" cheered Zoey.
"Happy birthday Cody!" cheered Mike.
"Happy birthday Cody!" cheered Grandpa Geoff.
"Thanks guys," beamed Cody.
Zoey handed Cody the bar and kissed him on the forehead. "Here you go, sweetie."
Cody held the bar in his hands as he sat on the centre of the bed. It was a milk chocolate, 14-piece bar. Cody took his time unwrapping the present. He hesitated.
"Maybe I should open the bar tomorrow," Cody suggested.
"Altogether we are 381 years old, we don't wait," said Geoff.
"Good point," said Cody, continuing unwrapping the present.
"Now Cody," said Zoey, "please don't be disappointed if… you know…"
"Whatever happens, you'll still have the candy," Mike assured his son.
Cody nodded and continued unwrapping. Removing the decorative gift-wrapping, the bar revealed itself to the family. Slowly, carefully, Cody removed the outer wrapper of the bar. With that out of the way, all of the plausible scenarios were going through the boy's mind. As Cody peeled away the silver foil, everyone grew more and more anxious.
Finally, Cody grabbed the foil and ripped it from the bar.
The moment of truth had arrived.
There was no golden ticket.
Everyone in the room looked at the bar in shock and disappointment. They had so much hopes for a golden ticket inside, because that golden ticket was their ticket out of poverty.
"Oh well," Geoff sighed, "that's that."
"I'll share it," said Cody, quickly.
"But it's your birthday present," Mike protested.
"It's my present," Cody insisted. "I'll do what I want with it." He broke the bar into seven equal pieces and distributed them among everyone in the family. Everyone thanked Cody in whispers before eating the pieces. They ate very slowly. This may be the last time they'd eat sweets for another year. Even Izzy ate slowly. Mike further divided his share of the bar into six further pieces, to represent all of his personalities and himself having a bit.
To say they were disappointed that they won't be getting any more food would be an understatement. However, on the bright side, Cody did not put up much of a fuss and shared his only chance of chocolate for the year with the whole family.
There was still hope that the poverty would end.
So what did you guys think? Who knew Eva was going to fill in for Verruca Sault? I could've picked Heather instead and have Alejandro still be the rich dad. But as an AleHeather fan, that would lead to this fic being raised up to T so yeah… besides, I thought Eva would make the better candidate.
The show is going to have elements from both movie adaptions of the book. I loved both movies and I thought both should contribute. I've noticed that many people thought that Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was bad, but I liked it. Still, I prefer Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, mostly because it had more elements of a fantasy movie, a genre which I am quickly growing to like.
I am also writing the characters as if they are still teenagers, because that's just how messed up I am. I'll Cover Angel and Collins and Torie Rilistkrytcat are writing their AleHeather fic in a twisted way that will put my sordid thoughts to shame. Well the way I am thinking up this fic, I might stop them from beating me in the twisted department.
I have the next two or three chapters planned out in my mind already, but the third one won't be out until maybe a few weeks. We'll see.
Until next time!