Chapter TWO
*****
I laid exposed in my bed for I don't know how long listening to the steady hum of my portable fan. My comforter kicked to the floor sometime during the night. The sheets where sticky with sweat against my naked body. My hair was damp and I felt little beads of perspiration roll down my back. I cracked my eyes open slightly, unwelcome to the blinding sunlight I knew hid behind the navy blue blinds of my one window. I searched for the door knob to make sure the door was locked. The last thing I wanted was for my mother to walk in and see me in all my pathetic glory. It was locked. Thankful that I didn't have to pull myself from bed I shifted so my body was against the artificial wind of my fan. The air was cool against my body and I debated on getting out of bed at all. But of coarse I had too.
Knock, Knock, Knock. My mother tapped on the door.
"Jamie, Are you up yet. Your going to be late for school if you don't get up soon"
"I'm up" I groaned back, sleep still heavy in my voice. I heard her walk from my door and back into the kitchen. I pulled my damp hair off of my face and sighed. It was nearing the end of the school year, and even in the mornings the summer heat was smothering. School… My graduation was only days away. I only had hours left of the boring lectures, and pointless assignments. I used that knowledge to push myself off of the bed. My feet skimmed the comforter as they touched what should have been the ground. Unwilling to open my eyes, I explored around it feeling with my toes. I brushed past an old pair of socks and sank my feet firmly onto the carpet. It was rough against my manicured soles and I fought the urge to pull them back and lay back down.
I finally forced my eyes open but let them lounge half way. With my eyes still half shut I skimmed my floor for an old t-shirt. I sighed when it didn't produce one. I glanced at my alarm clock, (which was never set because I hated waking up to anything but my mothers voice) My eyes bulged open and my eyebrows reached for my hair line as the red analog numbers blinked 7:30.
"Shit" I cried to myself and jumped the rest of the way out of bed. I raced to my bedroom door, grabbing my towel off the closet doors on my way and threw it around myself before lunging out into the hallway. I practically ran to the bathroom and turned the shower on. Not even testing the temperature before jumping in. I was really running late this morning.
The water was cool running down my back, but it felt nice. I let it drain the sweat from my back and front before soaking my hair in conditioner. I didn't bother with shampoo this morning, it would take to long. I rinsed my long golden hair out quickly and turned the shower off. I jumped out and quickly blow dried my hair with the cool setting.
"Jamie You have fifteen minutes before I'm leaving" my mother called through the bathroom door.
Fifteen minutes later I was riding in the passengers seat of my mothers red ford explorer. I watched trees pass by lazily at my mothers slow pace. The window was rolled down and the breeze lightly explored my hair and face. The ride to school was always uneventful and I wished as I did every morning that my mother would just let me drive myself to school. I had my own car, it sat in the garage unused, wasted space. I would tell my mother I was going out, and she would insist on driving me. It was very irritating.
The familiar drive to school was almost made more irritating this morning, mainly because I had a boyfriend now. And I couldn't wait to see him. He would be waiting at my locker for me dutifully when I arrived. I could hardly keep my anticipation suppressed, I bounced in my seat impatiently while I thought of his smile. Urging my mother psychically to move the jeep faster. But it appeared my mother was picking up something different on my psychic link. She looked at me thoughtfully, her brow pushed down. Making her deep blue eyes… my eyes even more thoughtful. I stared back at her numbly, waiting for her to say what ever it was she wanted to say. She seemed to decide against saying anything because her look diverted back to the road. I turned my attention back to the window and to Mike. I was lost in thoughts of him, his hair, his lips, his arms.
"Jamie….?" my mom asked. I looked at her agitated at being pulled from thoughts. She said my name, to get my attention yes, but there was a trace of something ells in her tone. It was unfamiliar to me, it sounded like reluctance no… that wasn't it. She sounded scared. I looked up at her confused by the tone. She gave me a meaningful look back, again with the fear. I was becoming more confused by the minute. Me and my mother never kept anything from each other. We talked easily to one another, about everything… well to one exception. She took a deep rattled breath in before going on. The stress apparent in her expression.
"Jamie, I want to talk to you about… Mike" There it was. My heart stopped. I had never told my mother about him. And she knew he was off limits. A complete taboo in our relationship.
"what about him" I replied harshly. I was mad at her attempt to intrude. She looked at me curiously while pulling her chocolate brown hair back and letting it rest on one shoulder. Something she did only in her most uncomfortable moments.
"I don't want to…intrude" SEE she knew she was doing it. Anger spiked in my chest and licked my fingertips. "But… I know how serious you guys are getting… and I have to tell you…. I-I-I want it to stop. Now, I don't want you anywhere near him"
I glared at her in disbelief. How in gods name did she know how serious we were. I never told anyone… But did I really need too. I thought about it. How we would sit in class's hand in hand. He would stroke my hair playfully and tell me he loved me. No… I guess I didn't need to say anything.
"WHY" was all I could sputter out. The rage think in my voice, and I could feel it heating my face. She didn't look back at me, her hands were trembling on the wheel now. Was she scared ? I know I had a temper sometimes but I wasn't that scary.. Was I. Oh who cares, she walked into this one. It is non of her business what I did with Mike.
"Because.. I know what he dose to you… When no one is around. And I wont allow that to happen to my daughter. I wont let what happen to me happen to you." Her voice grew more confident as she spoke, her own passion and anger spilling out in the syllables. "Don't you understand what you are, what you mean to me. You are going to be something so much more than this Jamie. And I wont let my daughter be involved with someone like him."
The blood that was only moments ago pounding in my ears retreated. My eyes popped open in disbelief, and my limbs felt numb. How did she know about…about that. Thoughts of Mikes clenched fists contacting my body flooded me like a virus. I cringed from them instinctively, I never let myself think about that side of Mike. He Didn't mean to hurt me, he didn't mean too. I just brought that our of him sometimes.
"You just make me so angry Jamie…I'm sorry…please don't cry like that, it just makes me angrier" he had said. So I spent every moment walking on egg shells. I would do everything I could to make him happy. So that he would want me, because he really did love me. Didn't he say that too, after the rage had evaporated. He would cradle me in his arms and tell me how beautiful I was, and how much it pained him to hit me like that. I was livid at my mother for making me think of this… throwing it in my face when I spent so much time avoiding it. She glanced at me every so often, assessing my expression. I refused to look at her, or rather I couldn't look at her. I was frozen with undiluted rage. I waited for it to simmer down, but it only continued to build. I was close to exploding as she pulled up in front of the school.
Kids laughed noisily as they lounged in the grass and on the school steps. Girls sat in close circles gossiping and giggling at the boys, who were doing Ollie's, and other unimpressive skateboarding tricks for there entertainment. I closed my eyes tightly, my eyebrows hugging my eyelash's. I forced myself to calm down. I would not have a screaming match with my mother in front of the student body.
"Jami…" she started. But I raised my hand up to silence her. I opened my eyes, but still refused to look at her.
"I would choose Mike a thousand times over again before I could give even a moment of time caring about what you think, you mean nothing to me. And your too late… I already agreed to marry him after graduation" My voice came out in nothing but a whisper. But I knew she heard me. She sat there motionless, her expression devastated. But I didn't care, I opened the jeep door and got out. I walked up the steps to the school and didn't look back. I could feel the tears only moments away and I ran. I ran as fast as I could away from the public eye… away from my mother. The mother who cared about me more than herself. The mother who would do anything to make my life better. I left her there, and everything about my life with her. It was the last time I ever saw her.
"Mike stop" I half giggled under my breath. His hand was reaching up my blouse and playing along the lines of my braw. We were sitting in the back of our math class. His desk moved out of place to be closer to mine. Mr. Baker stood up at the front of the room, lecturing on the fundamentals of Trig. He was so absorbed in his own lesson that he was oblivious to the lifeless class before him. My class mates laid there heads on there desks and the others dozed upright. No one paid any attention me or Mike in the back. He pulled his hand out from my blouse and started to trace lines on my thighs. Slow circles that landed on the seams of my denim short shorts. He tugged on them playfully and I had to move my legs away to release his grip on them. He grinned at me and moved his desk closer. He was just about to reach back under my blouse again when there was a knock on the classroom door. He pulled back sharply and crossed his muscular arms across his defined chest pouting. Mr. Baker looked up from the white board obviously irritated with the interruption. His voice was sounded bored when he invited the knocker to enter.
I glared at the door as it opened, only mild curiosity playing across my eyes. The principal Mr. Sidwin walked timidly into the classroom. He was a short man, his stomach bulging awkwardly from behind his tie and shirt. Evidence of his divorce last year. His glass's hung loosely on his narrow nose, and his hair was thinning and greying at the roots. It was rare too see him outside of the office. The grade vice principals handled most of the discipline and other grade functions. So when he stepped into the classroom and quickly waddled over to Mr. Baker. The Class all erected from there math naps and gawked with curiosity. Even me. We listened intently as Mr. Sidwin whispered hastily in Mr. Bakers ear. Most of the hissed whisper was unheard, but than I heard my name. And they both turned to look at me. The rest of the class all turned in there seats to look at me too, there eyes searching for some evidence of my guilt. I looked up at the teachers confused. Hoping I had heard some other name in the whispers. I looked around at the class, Was there another Jamie in this class ? I really hadn't paid attention. But when MR. Baker called my name, and looked at me, his eyes filled with concern. I knew there had been no mistake.
"Jamie sweetie, can you please go with Mr. Sidwin" His voice was thick with worry. I cringed as my heart stated to pick up in my chest, I gave Mike one pleading look before raising myself from my desk and started gathering my things.
"You can leave those hun, someone will bring them to you" Mr. Sidwin said, his voice raspy from lack of use. I gave him a confused glance before dropping my binder and pencil case. I grabbed my purse quickly, unable to leave that behind and fallowed him out of the room.
We walked into the deserted hallway. Lockers lined each wall, with an occasional classroom door. He kept giving my worried glance, his face cringing with concern. I was getting more confused by the minute.
"We can take this to my office hun, there will be more privacy in there" he leaded. I didn't want to take it to his office, I was confused and I hated it. I felt to… naïve when I was confused.
"Can we please just talk about it here?" I asked him. I didn't know what my voice sounded like. I hoped it didn't sound as irritated as I felt. He looked at me questionably, but stopped abruptly. I had to take a few steps back to reach his side again, caught off guard by his sudden stop.
" Are you sure….?" he asked.
"Yes" I replied shortly. I crossed my arms and prepared for the worst., what ever that might be. Maybe I would be expelled for public displays of affection. Maybe my grades were so horrible they were going to hold me back. I ran different scenarios through my head, dismissing each of them as they got more ridicules. Mr. Sidwin studied my face thoroughly, his face crumpled in thought. He switched his weight from leg to leg, obviously uncomfortable. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"Jamie…Hun…I don't know how to tell you this… But there has been an accident" He started.. But stopped. He seemed short of breath and I watched the blood retreat from behind his skin. He was starting to sweat and I was getting impatient. What could be so bad, did they mix one of my finals up. Surely it wasn't as bad as he was letting me believe. Was this just his way of dealing with embarrassment.
"What kind of accident?" I asked impatient now. I wanted to go back to Mike.
He bit his lower lip frustrated. He took another deep breath and started again.
"Y..y…your mother. Its about our mother Jamie. She was in an accident" Now that he had started telling me the real reason behind all of this it seemed he couldn't stop. He raced threw the explanation, beads of sweat gushed from his pores and dripping down his brow. "She was on her way to work, and I guess the semi didn't see her as he switched lanes. She hit the brakes as he moved in to her lane. But the car behind her couldn't stop fast enough. It hit her…and well…You don't need to hear all the details.. She was rushed to the hospital, but they couldn't do anything. She died instantly.. A broken…." I watched his lips continue to move, but I couldn't hear the sounds he was making. Why was the room spinning. Did a tornado hit the school and we were flying through the air. I couldn't breath properly, my breath caught in my throat. I felt my stomach twist and fell to the ground. Arms caught be awkwardly before I hit the floor, but that didn't stop the spinning. My mouth opened and I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could, tears running into my open mouth. And I screamed louder…I faintly heard doors open and someone murmur words of comfort. I didn't stop for air, I let my lungs push out the tremors of pain. Didn't these people school was falling down on us? Didn't they understand the world was ending…? Why didn't they scream with me…. Why wont the room stop spinning?
********