It's been three months. Some days I can't sleep. All that blares remotely through my mind is her. I cry myself to sleep sometimes. My brain flushing away the pain I find unbearable yet when I wake up it's like a repetitive feeling of guilt I get. It starts to feel my head with words, causing me to do nothing but believe everything. I know things happen. But why this? Why me? Why…her?

I crave her everyday. Some days I just stare at my reflection, wondering continously 'Where did I go wrong?'. Others I don't even bother trying anymore. I haven't eaten in weeks. I would repeatedly poke with my utensil on my plate, staring blankly at the chair rowed in front of my vision. Hoping she would come in any second. I can't even bare the thought of moving on. Holding her close was all that mattered. Knowing she had her fighting chance on this earth and I failed her still couldn't process through my brain. I could still feel the pure disappoint when I neared her. I felt cold.

I reminiscence alot. I think of the better times. Sometimes I sit in the empty shop of Sonic Boom and I run my fingers cautiously over the keys of the black marbled piano. I could still hear her tiny squeals when we would come up with a lyric for our next song. The tension still lingering through my exsaperated eyes. I would smile at how her eyes lit up and she would suddenly grow nervous beside me.

"Perfect!" Ally jumped up a little out of her seat on the piano bench.

"No, it doesn't get better. Better than this." I trickled my fingers over the pale keys as I repeated her. "No it doesn't…No it." My eyes perked up with intensifying eagerness.

"Oh…Oh." Her small fingers trampled against the keys as she dragged out the next part.
"If we could stop the world…"

"Tonight?" I suggested.

"Okay." Ally took her pencil and carefully noted it in her songbook.

"If we could stop the world, tonight…" I bit my lip in bewilderment.

"I think that we should try." We both suddenly blurted in pure unison.

Both of our hands had neared each other and I could feel her body's energy bolting through mines.

My eyes slowly scanned her face and I think in that moment. I realized how special she was to me. I never had someone who knew me so well. Just the simplest touches from her drove me off the edge. Her smile was enticing and her heart was pure.

I felt like I had defeated the purpose of what love meant. To actually feel safe around someone scared me but with everything I had, I knew she was worth it.

I was emptying through old scraps and for the first time in a long time, I felt okay.

My parents had pondered around my apartment for weeks. They knew how much she meant to me. Her life was my life. She was my life.

They would always claim I could never define what it meant to love someone until that day I came back from the hospital.

"Austin?" My mom asked as I peered through the front door.

My eyes ejected with bemusement. "Mom?" I said a little groggy. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you," She stood up from her previous placememt in the chair below her and grasped my arms tightly.

"You ok?" She almost whispered.

I pulled away unhesitantly and sighed. "She's gone…nothing more to say."

"Sweety…it's been weeks. You need to let it out. It's okay to hurt." She retorted.

My face dropped suddenly as I shook my head. "I'm not going back there anymore. I can't be reminded of what I caused. It'll always be my fault."

"Austin…" She began.

"No!" I tensed up quickly, holding my hands up to my face. "No one cares about how I feel! I lost the one thing that meant the most to me. I can't face it any more."

"I see her face everywhere I turn. I can't let this erie feeling of guilt out. She could be alive right now but it's my fault! I don't deserve to be here as much she does. She could've done bigger things. Excelled with her dreams but because of me, it's all gone. If I could change it, I would. With every burning desire in my body, I regret it all. I'd do anything to be with her again. Anything." My voice began to crack slowly.

"But…" A tear slowly brimmed down my blankless face. "It'stoo late. It's alwaya
S too fucking late!" I broke suddenly, catching my mom off guard including myself even.

I made my way to the couch and tossled with my hair as I shaked repeatedly like a broken record. My eyes were puffy and I strained myself not to cry. "I wish I could reverse it all. Everything."

I knew in my heart, I'd never be able to move on. No one would ever really be able to replace her.

They pulled the plug on her yesterday. It was my call. I felt an emptyness in my heart disappear. I had closure. It felt wrong but I know it's what had to be done. I'll always love her.

She was my home. The light in my life. And she will continue to be. I promised to myself that I would no longer dread from my loss but to embrace everything she brought to my life. Happiness, acceptance and love. I'll never forget her. I will always remember her.

It would never feel right knowing she wasn't beside me. I could almost still hear the faintess of her soft voice and sometimes I still felt her touch. There would never be direction, absolutely none, in my life without her.

She was what kept me on my feet everyday. She was my gravity. The only reason I honestly ever even believed in myself. She was the first person who saw the potential in me and wanted me to suceed.

There really was no other that could compare to how she made me feel. The pain still hasn't gone away. Whether I'm smiling, it's still hiding deep in my heart because a part of me still wishes she was here.

She was this big ball of light. Her personality flared up everyone's lives. But no one knew Ally like I knew her. She was always open with me and she had her problems but she wasn't selfish, she cared more about others and how she could make their day better. She could never really hide how she felt, it would always hender her face.

I knew this was real life. I knew she would never return. But it still hurt…worse than anything had hurt before.

I made her a promise and I wasn't going to break that promise. I might've moved on through my life but I never have and will never move on from her.

I miss her more and more everyday.

And I will,

Never ever.

Stop loving her.