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It took me about 30 minutes to compose myself. Kate couldn't do anything but comfort me. I had no idea what was going to happen next but I did know that was the last thing John and I needed in our lives. I was almost finished with college and John's wrestling career was picking up. After my emotional broke down I talked to John on the phone that night but only for 5 minutes because I was tired and because I had the urge to cry. I didn't want him to know what was going on. It was a conversation to have face to face and not over the phone. I cried myself to sleep that night. I cried myself to sleep lots of nights after that. I finally broke down a week later and scheduled an appointment with an OB/GYN to get confirmation. Sure enough it was confirmed I was 8 weeks pregnant. I knew exactly at the moment when the doctor told me how far along I was when I conceived the baby; the same night I lost my virginity. It would be just my luck to get pregnant the first time. Tears filled my eyes that day when the doctor printed off my ultrasound picture with a baby that looked no bigger than a bean. I wanted to cry as the doctor told me my due date was the beginning of November; November 3rd to be exact. He discussed my options; abortion, adoption or raising the baby. I didn't know what I wanted to do. It was all too much for my mind at the time. It was something I had to process. It was something John and I needed to discuss together. The doctor went over the things I should avoid and gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins. I didn't know what I wanted to do. John was gone for another week but I did plan to discuss it with him. I wanted him to know we were expecting a child. To this day I remember how I felt; scared, scared shitless.

The week flew by as I spent most of it dealing with the worst morning sickness. I couldn't eat anything and I couldn't even look at food without getting sick. School was taking a hit because I was so sick I didn't get out of bed to make it to class so my grades started to drop and I was falling behind in my work. That was not what I wanted. John arrived in Boston on the one day of the week I felt well enough to get up, shower and eat a few saltines. John picked me up from outside of my dorm and we headed off to his hotel room. The car ride was pretty much done in silence. I really didn't have the words to say. I could feel John look over at me occasionally and he would ask if I was all right. I told him I was but I had to cover it up. I'm aware now that my yes was not convincing as he put his hand on my thigh to comfort me as he drove.

We arrived at his hotel room and the first thing that he said to me when we got in his room was, "Nat, are you okay? You look like something is up."

"I'm fine," I said as I felt my stomach turn. "I am not feeling that great," I said before running to the bathroom.

I was in there for at least 10 minutes throwing up and when I came out of the bathroom John had a look of worry on his face. "What's wrong? Stomach bug?"

"Yeah," I said feeling guilty for lying.

"You didn't have to come out with me tonight you know that right?" he asked.

"I know but I wanted to. I think we need to talk," I said.

"I think we should talk too," he said with a smile. "You go first."

"No, John, you go first," I said. "I would rather you go first."

"If you insist," he said. "Well, I had a meeting with Vince and the rest of the creative team. They are gearing me up for a championship run."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah and they want me to start filming a movie."

"A movie?"

"Yes. I'm heading to New Orleans in a couple weeks to start filming then I go back and my schedule increases. They are going to push me more."

"That's great," I said. I suddenly felt that if I mentioned that we were having a baby he wouldn't be happy. He had some really big things coming up. I didn't want to ruin that for him. I sounded less than thrilled.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "There will still be plenty of time for us, Nat. I want you to come to New Orleans with me."

"John, that's great but I can't go to New Orleans with you. I have school. How long are you going to be there?"

"I leave next month. I will be there till August," he said. "Please after school come with me."

"John, I'd love to but…" I started to say.

"But what, Nat? What is going on with you?"

"Nothing," I said, "but I really think we should talk."

"All right," he said. "Let's talk."

"John, I'm not sure this is working out."

"What?" he asked. "What's not working out?"

"Us," I said. "We're not working out. This long distance thing is not working for us."

"I thought it was Nat. What do you mean we're not working out? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, John, it's not you. It's me," I said. "I can't handle this life. And now you're going to be gone for three months and getting a busier schedule. I just think it would be better if we broke up."

"Natalie, I don't want to break up. I want this to work out. Please, Natalie, we can make this work," he said with his blue eyes filled with intense sadness. I felt so bad for breaking up with him but it was what I had to do. I couldn't ruin his career. He had a road paved for him. I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk a baby ruining that for him.

"John, I know but this is what's best for us. I'm sorry."

"Natalie," he said as his voice cracked.

"John, please don't," I said. "Please. This is hard enough but this is how it has to be."

"Natalie, it doesn't have to be like this," he said in a begging tone.

I knew I was breaking his heart but it was for the best. That's how I felt. It was better for all of us; for me, for John and for our baby. It was the best way to go. "I'm sorry, John. I'm going to take a cab and head back to my dorm room."

"Natalie, I don't know why you're doing this to me. If this is what you want then.."

"It is," I said, "it is what I want." It wasn't really what I wanted but I had my reasons.

"All right but at least let me take you back to your dorm."

"Okay," I said.

John drove me back to my dorm that night. Our car ride was done in complete silence. Neither of us had anything to say to the other. He dropped me off at the dorm, I kissed him softly but quickly on the lips and got out of his car. "Nat," he said.

"Yes," I said turning back to face him.

"If you change your mind you have my number. I really wish this would work out. I know we can make it work…" he said before I cut him off.

"Goodbye, John." I shut the door and headed up to my dorm room.

After that night I didn't talk to John at all. I never saw him again after that night. He called me a couple of times but I never answered the calls. It was better that way. It was me, myself and I. I made plans a couple days after I broke up with John to get an abortion. Kate went with me but as they were getting ready to start the procedure I couldn't do it. I could not go through with it. It just wasn't in me to do something so horrible especially to that little bean inside of me. I still had school to finish. I had ambitions and I planned to graduate from college and reach all of my dreams. John was out living his dreams so I made my decision to put the baby up for adoption. I talked to my mom about it and swore her to secrecy. I didn't want anyone but my mom and Kate to know about the baby, especially since I was putting it up for adoption. My mom helped me find a wonderful adoption agency in Boston. They had found a couple to adopt my baby. I checked them out and I approved of them. They were a young couple in their early 30's. I did not know their story but they had no other children. I chose them because they seemed like the best family for my child.

Over the months I heard the baby's heartbeat, felt it move, felt it kick and even found out it was a baby girl. I found out for the adoptive family because they wanted to know to prepare for her. I wasn't planning on finding out because it would be that much harder for me when the time came. My mom kept telling me how proud of me she was for making this decision. She even felt it was what was best for me. She didn't know John was the father and she didn't need to. She just thought the father was some college boy that didn't want to be a father. My mom was my rock through the entire thing. Kate and I slowly drifted apart over those months I was pregnant. I'm still not sure why but we weren't best friends anymore. I didn't return back to school for the fall term of 2004 because of the pregnancy but I did plan to go back after I had the baby, put her up for adoption and moved on with my life. That was my plan give her up and never look back. The agency asked me if I wanted the adoption to be open but I chose no. I wanted it to be closed. They asked me if I wanted to leave my information in a folder to see if when the baby turned 18 she could find me if she chose to. I chose not to. I wanted her to have the best life possible but never come back to find me. It was the road that I wanted to take.

November 10th, 2004

I woke up that morning with the worst back pains a woman could feel. I was in tears and I was pretty sure I was having contractions at least every 5 minutes. I had pain the day before but I felt all I needed was some rest. I woke my mom up to tell her that I thought I was in labor. She took me to the hospital and on the way my water had broken. When we arrived at the hospital they hooked me up to the monitor where I could hear my baby's heartbeat fill the room. I had been checked more times than I liked but I was well over 6 cm dilated when I arrived. Things were going fast. I got there in time to get the epidural and within 4 hours of my arrival I was fully dilated and ready to push. I had never been so scared in my life. The adoption agency was called to tell the adoptive couple that they would have their baby girl in the next 24 hours. I pushed and pushed. My mom holding my hand and coaching me through the painful process made things easier. "Come on, Nat," she said. "You're almost there. You can do this."

"It hurts so much, Mom," I said. It was like a pain I never felt before. I let out a scream as I felt the worst burning sensation. I couldn't help but feel the tears burn my eyes.

"You're crowning," said the doctor. "Do you want to see?"

"No. I don't want to see. I don't want to see the baby at all," I said. I had no intention of seeing my baby. I didn't want to see her. I wanted to deliver her and them take her away. I wanted no part of seeing the baby.

"Okay," said the doctor. He continued to tell me when to push as my mother held my hand. She wouldn't look either. She kept her eyes on me. She didn't want to see her granddaughter be born and then taken away so quickly. She broke down and looked when the doctor said, "The head is out. She is beautiful."

"Oh she really is beautiful," said my mother before I was told to push again.

I pushed a couple more times and before I knew it the baby's cries filled the room and the doctor said, "It's a girl!"

"She is beautiful," said my mother as she cried. "She's so beautiful, Natalie. Look at her."

"No, mom, I don't want to look at her," I said.

"Don't you want to see how beautiful she is?"

"No, I don't," I said. I was determined not to look but the nurse handed me my baby girl after she was cleaned up and her cord was cut. I couldn't help but cry when I looked at my baby girl. She was beautiful. She was absolutely beautiful. She had a chubby little face, pink rosey cheeks, the biggest pink lips that I knew she had inherited from John. She had John's mouth there was no denying. Her perfect little nose that she had inherited from me although it was still shaped like a button and those beautiful eyes blue as can be. She was so beautiful. She had brown fuzzy hair. She had her perfect little ears, all ten fingers and all ten toes. She stopped crying as I held her in my arms. She cooed and made her soft little baby noises. I felt the tears roll down my cheek. "She's so beautiful," I said as I looked at her. "You're really beautiful. Welcome to the world," I said before kissing her forehead.

The nurses and doctors never took her away. In fact they kept her with me. I was feeding her a bottle as the lady from the adoption agency came in to talk to me and for me to sign papers. "Natalie, the adoptive parents are out in the waiting room. It's time to sign the papers," she said. I handed my mom my baby girl and there was a pain in my heart. I didn't know what I was feeling. I had an instant sadness as the lady made her way over to my bed with the papers. She laid them down on the table before she wheeled it over to me. "Okay, Natalie, once you sign these papers you are terminating your rights as this little girl's parents and giving her over to the agency for her to be adopted. You do however have 30 days if you should change your mind. Do you know the birth father?"

"No, I don't know the identity of the father," I said. I had to say that in order to sign the papers otherwise they would have to find John and ask him if he agreed to the adoption or if he wanted to keep the baby.

"All right, Natalie, just read over the papers and sign right here," she said pointing to the line.

"Okay," I said. I read over the papers. I read over them several times. I started to sign my name. I looked over to my mom feeding the baby and looked at my beautiful baby girl. "I can't do this," I said.

"You can't do what, Honey?" asked my mother.

"Give my baby away. I can't give her away, Mom."

"Natalie, I thought we discussed this. I thought we realized this would be better for all of us."

"Yeah we did but I can't do this. I don't want to do it. Tell the adoptive couple I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"Wait a minute, Natalie, a baby is a big responsibility. You still have school to finish. This would be the best thing for you. You're never going to be able to raise the baby on your own."

"I can try," I said, "Mom, I can do this. I don't want to give her away. If it gets too hard I can put her up for adoption but I want to try. I want to be her mother. I love her so much. I want to be her mother." I couldn't give her away. I felt bonded to her. I grew her inside of me for 9 months, I heard her heartbeat, felt her movements and brought her into the world. I couldn't give her up. I felt horrible for the couple waiting in the waiting room for my baby but I couldn't just give her away. I just couldn't. The feeling is hard to describe. I guess you could say I felt like a mother. I felt like mother lion being separated from my cub. I couldn't do it.

"Natalie, are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Mom. I don't want to do this. I can't."

"All right, Natalie, if you are sure this is what you want to do."

"It is. I want to do this," I said. "I'm sorry. Tell the couple I'm sorry. I can't give her away."

"Are you sure, Natalie," asked the lady from the agency.

"I'm sure," I said.

"I can't force you but if it gets too hard you know where to find me," she said as she took the papers. "Good luck. I will break the news to the couple."

"Tell them I am so sorry," I said.

"I will," she said before grabbing her things and leaving the room.

My mom walked over to the bed and handed me my baby girl. "Hi," I said with a smile. She was sound asleep and she looked so peaceful. "Look, Mom, she looks like an angel."

"She does," said my mom. "Natalie, are you sure about this?"

"I am, Mom."

"All right, so if you're keeping her she needs a name. What are you going to name her?"

"Angelina Kate," I said. "She looks like an Angelina," I said with a smile.

"Yes she does," said my mother.

I had absolutely nothing for Angelina. I had no place for her to sleep, no bottles, no clothes. I had nothing. While I was in the hospital my mom went out and bought me everything I needed for her. I was so grateful for everything my mom did for me. A couple days later we were dismissed from the hospital and my mom kept trying to get me to get her father involved but I told her I would not do that. It was just Angelina and me. Once I was out of the hospital I looked for potential jobs outside of Mass. I eventually found a job in Hershey, PA that would bring enough money in to pay for rent, utilities and give me enough money to take care of Angelina. In a matter of three weeks Angelina and I were on our way to our new home in Hershey. I never regretted my decision for keeping her. I feel bad for what I did to the couple waiting to adopt her but after everything I just couldn't give her up. I finished courses online to get my business degree and ended up getting an even better job in Hershey as a manager at a local hotel. It got the bills paid so I couldn't complain. I never even reached out to John to tell him about Angelina. I thought about it many times but every time I saw him on RAW or Smackdown I just couldn't ruin his happiness. Things were better this way. Angelina and I would get along just fine.

*A/N: So what did you think? Please review and thank-you for reading.