OK, chapters 5-8 coming. I've been playing the drinking game again to make this bearable so forgive any spelling mistakes etc. By the way, I have read the entire fanfic. COMPLIMENT MY POWERS OF ENDURANCE! I survived 44 chapters of pure underadulted BULLSHIT! Oh, I fixed the links to my FP stories thanks to StoicCrying, if anyone's interested, they're on my profile.
Chapter 5
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!
Even if Dumbledore had a headache he still wouldn't swear. Although maybe a hedache is something completely different and causes polite old men to become swearboxes.
I must be the biggest poser/prep out there because I'm writing an entire story to flame this "fanfic". May I mention that I like My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte and all the other "goffic" bands she mentions as well as shopping on argoth, theblackrose, gothiccatwalk, gothshop, grindstore AND loudclothing. Hell yeah, I AM A PREP!
And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"
OOC, anyone? This is like Max, the sex maniac, serial cheat and womanizer, suddenly decided that he doesn't want to have sex anymore.
"I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels.
When I sleep I either wear a baggy t-shirt or pyjamas. Apparently, Ebony sleeps in heels and a dress.
Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live'
The real Draco Malfoy is an arrogant prat. If he could sing, we'd all know by now. But it seems he's (OOCly) been hiding his light under a bushel
Chapter 6
The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.
How much do you want to bet that her top is a corset? I'm surprised she didn't describe it. Give the girl a hand everyone, she's learning...slowly.
Just checking but...doesn't her hair already have purple in it? Any why is she spray-painting it? Does she want flakes in it? Or maybe she means spray in hair dye? Head scratch.
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.
Hey, would you look at that. Hogwarts has a new menu. I guess Dumbledore changed it when he started swearing.
"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden.
What is with Americans and their ideas that English accents are sexy. Have you ever heard a Cockney accent? That's English too...
So Harry Potter had his scar aka his TRADEMARK taken away just like that? Did his bone structure change and reconstruct his face into Joel Madden's. And what's more, when did Joel Madden look like a "goff"?
He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.
Us, sickos? We're trying not to picture it here. Tara Gilesbie is girl. How would she know what an erection's like anyway?
"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.
Clearly no thought for the verb used. Nobody giggles when they admit their psychotic love for the taste of blood.
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!
You want tin good reviews. Well that could be hard seeing as reviews are actually made of binary computer numbers. I'm afraid you'll be waiting a very long time.
Evony may not be a Marie Sue but EBONY is a MARY SUE.
She's a BLOODY MARY SUE, get over it. Scrap her, scrap your story and start again.
Chapter 7
Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).
Wow, the immaturity of the author's note. She clearly put in the description of her jewellery just so that she could write the author's note.
We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………
There's nobody in his room? Couldn't someone walk in at anytime?
OOOOOOH! A dramatic "Then..." moment. Could it be leading up to another dismal sex scene.
We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)
Yes, dat is stupid. Why? Because "he put his boy's thingy in mine" doesn't make sense. It sounds like he put his "boy's thingy" also known as a penis into her "boy's thingy", thus making her a boy.
Also, don't write have sex as HAVE SEX like it's something daring that nobody else has ever done and nobody else will ever do. We aren't five years old anymore.
"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire!
Was it really necessary to mention the orgasm?
I was so angry.
No shit.
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
Shouldn't she have pushed him off her first or did she just leap out the bed and take him with her.
"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"
Do you know anyone gay? Are you gay? Do you/person you know have AIDS? 99% of you will say no. Point proven.
Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care
No, I don't know what actually. For all I know, he might have a giant eyeball.
Chapter 8
Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.
Surely, some professor would have noticed a naked goth running around with his huge penis hanging out for the world to see and dragged him back to his common room before telling him to cover it with a sock or something.
My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )
1) Since when could students change houses.
2) There's modifying a character slightly to suit your fanfic without making them OOC, there's modifying a character for a crackfic and then there's this...
3) DOES EVERYONE WEAR RED CONTACTS?
I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)
The story suddenly changes to Draco's POV with no indication. This is probably an attempt to make Draco look like a emotional, nice guy. The sad thing is, it didn't work.
"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.
Virility?
Next up is Chapters 9-12 which feature Crookshanks as a spell, Voldemort, guns and old English, more wrist slitting fun, Ebony in a band, OOC Dumbledore (well, OOC everyone), steak, pedophiles, Harry Potter and the Pentagram Star, everyone falling in love with Ebony and that's just for starters...