Where Do We Go From Here?

By: nightwatchman2009

A/N: Thanks for the reviews…and I noticed some people have put this story on their story alert thing or their favorite list so it must mean that some people must be enjoying this. I thank you all for that!! I hope you like Chapter 2. Keep reviewing and let me know how you feel so I'll know what to change or whether I should even keep writing this one. I'm thinking this might be a 5 chapter story…however that may change.

Chapter 2: Lack of Words

Buffy avoided the look Faith was giving her after Spike went downstairs. Since they had 'saved the world again' Faith had been in and out of Sunnydale. Because, being Faith, she had a hard time settling down anywhere for too long, especially with her inclination toward trouble. Lately, she had come to stay and help with the new slayers.

"Is it a little chilly in here or is it just me, B?" Faith asked.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm not discussing this, Faith," Buffy replied.

But Faith wasn't giving up that easily. As she dug her spoon into the cookies n' cream goodness she continued: "So, he dies for you—"

"He didn't die for me, he died to save the world," Buffy said curtly. "And stop eating all the ice cream."

Faith ignored the latter. Instead she looked up at Buffy and smirked. "You know he did it for you, B. And hell, you two were pretty tight there toward the end, don't think I don't know this stuff. And he walks in and you don't say anything? God B, from what I hear you used to bang him for a lot less," she said in her blunt manner.

Buffy felt her face heat up a bit. Of course no one knows how to keep their mouths shut around here, she thought to herself. She looked to Faith. "Hey, stop trying to be all…insightful…it's creepy," Buffy walked toward the stairs to get away from the conversation.

Faith hopped off the counter, abandoning the ice cream. "If it were me, I'd be down there having me some fun right about now."

Buffy glanced at the sleeping slayers. "See that's where you and I are different, Faith," she whispered before ascending the stairs. Faith trailed after her.

"You know, maybe if you took the stick out of your ass you'd be a lot better off," Faith continued.

Buffy made it to her bedroom and turned to Faith. "Goodnight, Faith," she entered the room and shut the door in Faith's face.

Buffy went and sat on the edge of her bed and cupped her head in her hands. Her world was spinning like a haywire merry-go-round and she just wanted it to stop. What she needed was time to think, time to process, but she could tell she wasn't going to get much of that. Tomorrow was Saturday, Willow would come from college, Xander wasn't working, and Giles would undoubtedly come by too…then what would happen? Well they'd all look to see her reaction of course.

Then there was Spike. He needed to know where she stood most of all. He made as if he was just going to stay out of the way and let her make her own decision but she know him well enough to know he must be burning to know how she felt.

"Buffy?"

She looked up to see Dawn opening the door a crack, a sliver of light shown in the room. "Can I come in?" she asked hopefully.

Buffy knew that letting her in would be a mistake but she resigned herself to more questions. She knew it must be a shock for Dawn too. "Fine."

Dawn shut the door behind her before crossing the room to sit beside Buffy. Dawn leaned her head against her sister's shoulder; Buffy wrapped an arm around Dawn and hugged her closer. "So…where was he all this time?"

"With Angel."

"You seemed so surprised," Dawn said.

"Well...of course I was, weren't you?" Buffy asked.

Dawn pulled away letting Buffy's arm drop, she faced her older sister. "You are glad he's alive, right?" she asked.

Just as Buffy had predicted, the questions she didn't want to answer were coming. "Dawn, what kind of question is that? Of course I'm gland he's alive, he shouldn't…he shouldn't have had to die…" Buffy trailed off, memories of the weeks that followed his death resurfaced. Memories of her grief.

"So…you're glad he came here then?" Dawn didn't wait for an answer. "You guys can be together now."

Buffy felt herself pale. You invited her in…now you have to answer her, she thought. "I…I don't even know what I want to say to him yet, Dawnie…I don't know," Buffy couldn't bear to hear the hopefulness in Dawn's voice. "You should get back to bed."

"But you love him!" Dawn exclaimed. "And he loves you still! Why does it have to be so complicated?"

"Dawn, I don't want to talk about it," Buffy said warningly.

"But—"

"Dawn, bed! Now!" Buffy snapped, she couldn't listen to this anymore.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Buffy. I can't believe that even now you're still trying to find reasons not to be with him," Dawn stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

Buffy lay back on the bed and sighed; she stared up at the ceiling trying to work through it all. Why was it so easy for everyone else to accept this? Dawn was so happy and hopeful and Faith just acted like it was an ordinary occurrence for a dead person to walk through the door. Both seemed shocked that Buffy had nothing to say to him. What was she supposed to say? How could she describe what she felt? Was there some kind of script she was supposed to read from that would make it all easier? Was it going to be the general consensus among all her friends that she and Spike should be together? No…she could always rely on Xander to raise objection…maybe even Giles too.

Why was it so hard for her? Dawn had such a simple view of it all but how could it not be complicated?

--

It was all a big mistake. Spike sat on the cot with his back against the wall about an hour after he'd left Buffy upstairs. Too many thoughts flit through his head like a swarm of gnats that he couldn't get away from. The main refrain of his thoughts was that he shouldn't have come. It was obvious this was too much for her. She'd already moved on and he should've left well enough alone.

He cursed his stupid, bloody soul. Maybe if he didn't have it he could try to be indifferent about this whole thing. But he knew that was a lie. He'd felt for her long before the soul. If there was a way to get high on a person then she was his high. She had somehow worked her way into his very core and wedged herself there, never to be moved again. Before the soul, there had even been times where he had been willing to die for her. A vampire, willing to die for a human. Spike snorted at the thought. Well wasn't he just a walking paradox? God, she was in so deep. Way too deep…and for the undead life of him he couldn't get her out.

He could hear the basement door open with a soft creak. He listened as it closed and footsteps slowly descended the stairs. It was Buffy. He stood up as she walked towards him and halted about two feet way.

"Look, Buffy I—"

"No," she said looking up at him fiercely. "If anyone gets to talk it's me."

That was fair enough, he decided. He tried not to be too disappointed that she didn't come down here with a happier look. "Of course."

"Why did you do this? Why are you here?" Buffy began in an angry rant. "What made you think I wanted you here?"

Spike just listened and took it. She had every right to be angry; he knew it, even though he wished so desperately that she wasn't. However, the more she spoke the more tears filled her eyes. Spike looked at her perplexed. Were they tears of anger?

"…and you just show up five months later, out of the blue like this? What g-gives you…the r-right to waltz in here and…and," she was shaking, tears coursing down her face. She put her hands over her face and let out a sob. Spike watched her shoulders shake. The sight pierced his unbeating heart.

He wished he had the answers to her questions. But sometimes it seemed that even he couldn't come up with the words that could express all that he felt.

"Buffy, I'm sorry…" he said unsure of himself. "I can leave…right now in fact." He reached to grab his leather jacket off the bed. A mistake was all this was.

A hand gripped his arm that reached for the jacket. Spike's breath caught. "No," she said softly. He closed his eyes savoring that word from her. He turned to her and she looked up at him, the vulnerability in her eyes killed him, a Slayer should never look that way. "I'm sorry. Don't leave…"

"Don't apologize, Slayer," he said. She stepped forward into his arms, laying her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. Her familiar scent washed over him. Her warmth enveloped him.

"I'm glad you're here," she said.

Those four words meant the world to him. This wasn't a mistake.

--

Buffy hated feeling vulnerable...but somehow it felt okay to be vulnerable with him. For that moment she could just forget about the millions of questions and things she could say and instead just relax. She knew when she went up to bed her mind would be buzzing with questions: What would this all mean? What would happen next for them? But as she stood there in his arms she didn't think of that. For the moment just having him back and alive was all that mattered. No questions. No thoughts. Just the two of them.

--

That concludes chapter 2. Hopefully I can have chapter three up for you guys soon. Characters like Willow and Xander will be brought into the mix as well next chapter. So thanks for reading!!