Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.
A/N: Thank you for the reviews :-) Glad you are enjoying this. This episode really annoyed me too, the way the episode ended without Erin replying and then suddenly Jay and Erin were okay.
Annie's Answer Part Two
Previously
"Erin, babe you're not losing me. I'm not going anywhere." One of his hands is caressing my bare thigh and rubbing soothing patterns.
"I love you, I will always love you. You haven't nor will you ever lose that. More importantly, you do deserve my love. I'm sorry I made you cry." He presses a kiss to my cheek and then my forehead and I can hear the guilt in his words.
"Don't." I whisper and he freezes for a moment.
"Please don't apologise, you have done nothing wrong. I'm an idiot. You were looking out for me, but I didn't like what you found and so I blamed you. I just so desperately wanted to believe I had a dad who cared about me… maybe could love me. I just want a parent to love me… it's all I've ever wanted. It feels like I don't deserve love… I grew up with a mother whose idea of showing it was parading me in front of her sleazy and abusive boyfriends and a father who was no where to be found. So when the DNA test ripped away any chance of that I was so… heart broken. Why does this keep happening to me? Why does she keep hurting me like this? What did I do to deserve such pain?" I'm crying into his chest and Jay is stroking my hair.
"Oh baby. I'm so sorry. You do deserve love. You deserve more than you got from life and I will spend every day of my life showing you the love you deserve. I'll be more patient, I'm sorry."
"No, Jay. I'm sorry. I was just with Annie and she was telling me to move away, start a new life in another city and I said I couldn't. She asked me what is keeping me here… and it hit me. It's you, Jay. It's always been you." Jay relaxes beneath me when I utter his name, like he's relieved I wouldn't ever consider leaving him.
"I blamed you for breaking the fantasy, I wanted to live in it longer. But I know I'm better knowing the truth now rather than later… and you know what I realized?"
"What?" Jay asks in a quiet whisper.
"You're my fantasy. You and me, this is more than I ever dreamed off and I almost ruined that… almost broke it for good. I forced myself to reassess and I've realized that the healthiest relationship in my life, is with you. It's like I had a light bulb moment… I thought about who consistently has my best interests at heart, who has my safety as a top concern and who has always got my back during the highs and lows. It's you, Jay. So I'm going to try and let my guard down enough to let you in… to the extent in which you have been asking."
Jays eyes are sparkling blue and the joy on his face obvious as he pulls me in for a sweet kiss.
"Thank you, baby. I will always put you first. You are my top concern." All anger has left Jay's voice and body and the love shining in his eyes makes my heart swell.
"The prospect of sharing my life with you gets me through these dark days, Jay. I'm sorry I make you questions that, but I promise I'm trying to be better. Working through my issues."
"That's all I want Erin, a life with you. I've already planned out our future together. I think about it all the time. I'm not going anywhere." Jay places a sweet kiss in my hair.
"I know you were looking out for me… this is Bunny's fault. Like always." I look into Jay's sweet eyes to try and stop more tears falling.
"I think you need to cut Bunny out of your life, she causes you too much pain. My heart breaks when you're in pain. I want to take it away." Jay tells me gently, bringing me closer.
"I think you're right about Bunny. She's no good for me… See? Once again you have my best interest at heart. You don't want me to kick her to the curb to make your life easier. But so I can stop getting hurt. I don't need to leave Chicago to get her out of my life; I can cut her out here. I've done it before. Besides, I have you. You're my family now."
"I'm so sorry for making you cry, I should have been here for you tonight. I knew what I was getting into, in terms of Bunny." He kisses me again, so much regret in his voice.
"Stop apologizing. I was a bitch to you today and it was uncalled for. I need to stop pushing you away. I try and I make progress then it's like I'm right back where I started…"
"You asked me to move in, you said I love you… you came home tonight to talk it out. This is what couples do Erin. You have come a long way, the old Erin would have stayed out partying or even just avoided me but you came home. Couples fight, babe. It doesn't mean we're over and it doesn't mean I stop loving you. Living together is a transition and there is going to be moments that are rocky. We will get through them together." He tells me sincerely looking into my stormy eyes.
"I'm still very sorry I took my anger out on you. I know I'm lucky to have you in my life Jay… you have shown me what real unconditional love is. I wish it didn't take sitting in a dive bar to realise I was pushing away my real family… pushing away the man I love with everything in me, when I should have held you closer. Leaned on you."
"Erin, stop it. I love you. I get it… I hate that this happened to you babe. And Bunny… well lets just say I'm going to have some words with her. She's going to stay the hell away from you from now on." His voice is serious and I can tell he's hiding some of his anger for my benefit. He pauses and looks at me.
"If you're ok with me telling Bunny to get fucked." I crack a smile.
"Yeah…" He presses a kiss to my lips.
"Sorry I was a jack ass when you got home… it was petty. Thank you for opening up to me." He presses a kiss to my nose.
"Stop. Thank you for comforting me and protecting me. I must look like a mess." I reach up to dry my cheeks.
"You're beautiful. You're always beautiful." Jay whispers with so much love and adoration that a few more tears slip past.
Our lips meet in another kiss, slow and passionate and us pouring our love into it.
He rolls us over so he's laying on top of me and trails kisses down my neck.
"You know… it was really hot today when you got all protective. Both with the coffee cup for the DNA test and now with telling Bunny to fuck off. Good guys are sexy…" I smirk up at him.
"I'm the only good guy for you." He places a kiss on my smirking lips.
"Of course. Always." He smiles a goofy smile back at me.
"I love you. I don't think I say it enough." I tell him again and his eyes are shining bright.
"I love you too. So much Erin Lindsay. Don't you ever forget it."
His lips crash against mine and we let the day's events drive us into a night of passion and love. Our bodies connect and the intensity and intimacy surpasses any other time.
This man is my family. He is my home, wherever he is that's where I belong.
I'm not going anywhere.
Jay is keeping me grounded. Right here.
A/N: I have an idea for a sequel. It will likely just be cute... it might not be up for a week or two though. I've got some other ideas and also a few prompts to get up. If you have left me one - I promise they are all coming! I've written the outlines and just need to go over them and fix them up.
Also, if you are reading 'What If' I have re written the next chapter three times and I just can't get it right. It's really frustrating but it's coming, I promise.
Out of the three prompts I'm working on - let me know which you would like to see first and I'll try and get it up tomorrow.
1. The unit doesn't know Erin and Jay are dating and a member see's them out on a date
2. The guys are at Jays and don't know they are dating and she comes over, Jay opens the door and she starts kissing him
3. No one knows about Jay and Erin and they don't hear their phone ringing when Hank is trying to get them to come in to work... he goes around to Erin's and pretty much catches them in the act.
Also, I'm sensing a pattern here.
If you sent me a prompt and it's not there, remind me because I likely forgot to write it down.
Let me know and I'll finish it ASAP and get it up.
If you can let me know your thoughts on this story too, I'm always interested in your opinions and what you thought. Also if there is something you wish could/did happen in the show.
Sorry the A/N was so long...