I have to say, I'm kinda surprised by the number of positive feedback for this story. This goes without saying but thanks to all of you that left a review!
Anyways, I've got about two or three more chapters planned for this nutty thing. Of course, if a lot of you want me to, I guess I could add in a few alternate scenes or whatnot. We'll just have to see how things turn out by then.
Also, be sure to vote for your favorite random pairing of the month on my profile page. I'm sure you can find at least one weird pairing that you know.
Hope you continue to enjoy the mayhem!
Ch 2: Settling In… Sort Of
"… so throwing a bunch of humans against the force field had no effect? Hmm… Guess we'll have to think of something else then. Alright, you're free to go."
With a small bzzt sound, the Zert messenger left Viridi's office. The goddess in question was currently sitting at the head of a large, wooden conference desk as she aimlessly tapped a pen on her head while pondering about what to do next.
As far as offices went, Viridi's was definitely one of the more… interesting ones. The whole room seemed to be shaped from a giant tree whose branches extended overhead to form several majestic arcs. A series of wooden columns lined the sides of the room along with several colorful flower bushes. The back of the room was fitted with numerous tinted windows that made the incoming sunlight glow with a bright orange, giving the impression of a sunset. All in all, the place seemed like something straight out of a fantasy novel.
Normally, there would have been at least one or two of Viridi's commanders in the room as well as a few high-ranking troops but it was still early on in the morning so the place was completely empty except for one very tired goddess. Having spent the better part of her morning trying out various ways to break through Palutena's barrier without any results, Viridi was ready to call it quits and get some breakfast. However, just as she was putting away the written reports in front of her, the door to her office suddenly burst open as Pit practically tumbled inside.
"Oh geez, what are you doing here?" Viridi asked in an annoyed voice as she watched the angel trying to recover from his sprint to the office. "I thought you'd be the type to wake up only when it was time for lunch."
After finally catching his breath, Pit walked up to the goddess and faced her with a very serious look.
"Okay, first off, I'd like to say that the bed you gave me wasn't very comfortable," Pit declared indignantly. "I barely got any sleep because of all the lumps on the mattress. Secondly, there's a Skreetle who keeps wandering into my room. I'm pretty sure it used to live inside the closet before I moved in and now it thinks I'm invading its territory. All that aside though… WHY DOESN'T THIS PLACE HAVE WI-FI?"
Viridi simply gave a frustrated sigh at this and continued to put away the reports before answering.
"Listen princess, we don't have any other mattresses or rooms so you'll just have to make do with what you have. As for the Wi-Fi issue, whose fault do you think that is?"
"What? Are you saying that I'm the cause of this problem?"
"Of course I mean that you dummy," Viridi answered coldly as she stood up and made her way to the filing cabinets at the back of the room. "Remember the Reset Bomb Depot from three years ago? That's where we kept all of our servers and routers before you decided to go Nutski on the place."
"Oh… Umm… I… didn't know that…"
"Gee that's a big surprise," Viridi muttered as she put the reports into the appropriate cabinets. "Anyways, after that little fiasco, we never managed to find the time to get the Wi-Fi back to this place. Luckily, Arlon managed to hook up a broadband connection so if you really need to use the internet, head over to the PC room I showed you yesterday."
"Umm… that's okay," Pit answered sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. "I just wanted to play some Light Vs. Dark during my free time."
"Right. Well, I'm off to get some breakfast so why don't you go and find someone else to bother for the rest of the day?"
After checking that all the reports were in the right place, Viridi closed the cabinet and began heading towards the door. Just before exiting though, she turned around and gave Pit a rather unsettling grin.
"Speaking of the Reset Bomb Depot, you'll be glad to know that you're no longer at the top of my To-Kill list. Of course, that doesn't mean you're off the list completely so I'd watch my back if I were you."
With that final comment, the Goddess of Nature left the office laughing as Pit began praying to some imaginary god that she wasn't being serious.
xxx
Not wanting to run into Viridi at the cafeteria, Pit decided to spend some time exploring the sanctuary before getting something to eat himself. Unfortunately the only rooms he managed to run across within the first several minutes of wandering were a library, a gym, and a shrine dedicated to Viridi herself. As expected, none of these places really grabbed Pit's attention. Just as he decided to head towards the PC room, a large door with a bright neon sign caught his eye. Upon further inspection, he saw that the place was the game's room that Viridi had told him about during yesterday's tour. With nothing better to do, Pit decided to head inside.
Out of all the places within the sanctuary that the angel had seen so far, the game's room was definitely the largest of them all. Easily as big as the main courtyard of Skyworld, the place was filled with practically every form of entertainment possible. Gigantic TVs with every known Nintendo console, rows after rows of pool tables, a gigantic array of arcade cabinets, a bowling alley, the place had it all. Pit even thought he saw some Sony and Microsoft consoles near the back corner but decided it was just his imagination. As one might imagine, Pit was very impressed by what he saw.
As he walked through the enormous room trying to decide on what to play, Pit spotted a familiar face playing Super Smash Bros. Melee with a currently-green Jitterthug at the GameCube area.
"Hey, it's Arlon!" Pit cheerfully declared as he made his way towards him. "I never thought I'd see you at a place like this!"
Instead of responding, the butler-like commander chose to keep his focus on the game. As Pit watched from the back, Arlon quickly made Falco dair spike Fox into oblivion, winning him the match. As the results screen came up, the Jitterthug gave a frustrated growl before handing over several hearts to Arlon.
"Pleasure doing business with you, good sir," Arlon calmly commented as he pocketed the hearts. "Perhaps next time, you'll think twice before underestimating my pillaring skills."
Giving one last growl, the Jitterthug flipped his face upside down and angrily stormed out of the room as his body turned bright red. As Pit tried to make sense of this rather bizarre scene, Arlon rose up and turned to finally greet the angel.
"Ah, if it isn't the young master Pit," Arlon said with a small bow. "I apologize for not responding to you earlier but as you saw I was quite preoccupied with my current task."
"Er… it's nice to see you too," Pit answered uncertainly. "Anyways, I'm guessing you're wondering why I'm here and…"
"Mistress Viridi has already informed me of the current situation," Arlon interrupted with a wave of his hand. "As such, your presence here was, to be quite frank, expected. However, I must admit that I am a bit surprised to see you up and about at this time of the hour."
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Pit pouted with his arms crossed. "I can get up early when I want to you know."
"So it would seem. Anywho, I suppose you came here looking for some form of entertainment. If that is the case, perhaps you would be interested in partaking in a match against me?"
"You mean in Melee?"
"Of course. That is, unless the young master wishes to cross swords with me in an actual duel once more."
"Umm… I'd rather not," Pit quickly replied as he took up the controller that the Jitterthug had left behind. "Melee is just fine."
"Very well," Arlon said as he sat back down and picked up his controller. "I must warn you however that I take this game very seriously."
"Heh, no problems there," Pit answered confidently. "Back in Skyworld, I was always first place whenever we held a tournament."
"Is that so? Hmm… then might I suggest that we engage in a friendly little bet?"
"What kind of bet?"
"Perhaps the loser might buy the victor their morning meal? I have yet to partake in my breakfast and from that feral sound coming from your stomach, I'm assuming that you have yet to do so either."
"Oh, you heard that?" Pit asked with an embarrassed smile. "Well, I am getting a bit hungry so that sounds like a good idea. Alright, time to score me some free breakfast!"
"Your enthusiasm is much noted," Arlon commented as the two of them made their way to the character selection screen. "Seeing as how you claim to be a master at this particular game, I suppose I have no choice but to play as Falco once more."
"Heh. I've beaten that bird more times than I can count. Alright, I'm going to play as Kirby, my sixth cousin twice removed!"
"An… interesting choice. Anywho, we'll be playing with a standard set-up then: No items, three stock, Final Destination only. I assume the young master has no objections?"
"Bring it on!"
"Very well. As a certain famous plumber would say: Here we go!"
With that, the two began their epic duel that would echo across history for untold generations. Songs would be written about the greatness that was about to unfold. Gods and humans alike would look back to this day as the single most important duel in all of existence. This was truly the Melee to end all Melees… or at least it might have been if there had actually been a game to watch. Exactly fifty-four seconds later, the two of them were back at the results screen with Pit staring at the screen in disbelief.
"Umm… er… I was… just warming up…" Pit said in a lame attempt to hide his embarrassment.
Arlon remained silent for a moment before deciding to speak.
"Tell me Master Pit. Do you happen to know what wavedashing is?"
"A wave-what?"
"Oh dear," Arlon said with a sigh. "At the very least, please inform me that you understand the notion of L-canceling and DI."
"Is that some kind of disease?"
Arlon had to use almost every ounce of his willpower not to facepalm at Pit's comment. After taking a deep breath, the commander took up the controller once again as he set up another match.
"It seems I shall have to play with a few handicaps to allow for some form of challenge to even remotely exist. I suppose there's no option but for me to play as Pichu with a 50% initial damage factor. Perhaps then you might stand a chance."
Just as Pit was about to open his mouth to complain, he remembered just how quickly Falco had kicked Kirby off the map in the previous match. Deciding that it was probably a good idea to accept the handicap, Pit grudgingly took up his controller and selected Kirby once more.
"Everything seems to be in order," as Arlon checked to make sure everything was ready. "This is it. May the best player win!"
"I won't lose this time!" Pit yelled out more to himself than anything. "Prepare to receive a healthy dose of butt-kicking!"
…and one minute and fourteen seconds later, the two were back at the results screen.
"Umm… best 3 out of 5?"
xxx
Meanwhile, at the cafeteria…
"Ahh… this is the life…" Viridi commented peacefully as she took another sip of her tea. Having just finished an entire plate of scrambled idol eggs and some toast, the goddess was in quite a good mood. The fact that Pit wasn't currently pestering her also added to the positive outlook of her day.
"Too bad the Wish Seed was a fake," Viridi commented as she finished her tea. "I would've loved to have wished for everyday to be as peaceful as it is right now. No work, no humans, no annoying God of the Underworld, and certainly no dweebs. It doesn't get much better than this."
As Viridi put down her cup, she noticed that several of the tea leaves at the bottom were lying in an interesting position. Deciding to have a little fun, the goddess decided to read her own fortune.
"Well, let's see what the day has in store for me," Viridi said to herself as she took a good look at the leaves. "Hmm… that's quite an interesting clump over there. That obviously stands for… an approaching danger. Gee, that's promising. Oh well, let's see if I can find anything more specific about it. Umm… two leaves over a folded third. Obviously stands for a lack of intelligence. But what does it all mean?"
After a few more minutes of looking, Viridi was finally able to figure out exactly what the tea leaves were saying. However, her annoyed look made it obvious that she didn't like what she had found.
"Beware of the approaching dweeb," Viridi recited angrily as she put the cup back down. "His pestering shall know no bounds and will threaten to consume your sanity. Also, the lottery numbers you chose yesterday will not match. Better luck next time…"
As soon as she said this, Arlon and the aforementioned dweeb suddenly walked into the cafeteria. For whatever reason, the angel seemed to be in a bad mood as he paid an unusually large amount of hearts to the cashier before heading over to food tables with Arlon.
"Oh come on," Viridi said to herself as she tried not to be seen by either of them. "Can't a goddess enjoy a peaceful morning by herself for once?"
Unfortunately for her, Arlon immediately spotted her and headed over after grabbing a few muffins and a cup of coffee. To make matters worse, Pit decided to follow along and approached her as well (after piling his plate with everything he could grab of course).
"Good morning Mistress Viridi," Arlon said with his complementary bow before sitting down across from her. "I hope your finding this day to be quite as enjoyable as I am."
"Well I was before you dragged along that idiot with you," Viridi muttered darkly as Pit sat down next to her with his mountain of food.
"Huh? Did you say something?" the said idiot asked as he picked up his fork.
"Nothing. Anyways, I was just about to leave so…"
"Oh yes, I almost forgot," Arlon interrupted, stopping Viridi from making her hasty escape. "I received a message from Lady Phosphora on my way here. She asked me to inform you that she may have found a way to break through Palutena's force field."
"Wha…?" Pit suddenly exclaimed with his mouth full of food.
"Ugh. Didn't anyone teach you to keep your mouth closed while eating?" Viridi shot at Pit before turning her attention back to Arlon. "Anyways, did she include the specifics in her message?"
"Indeed," Arlon said as he pulled out his phone and handed it over to the goddess. "I have only glanced through it but I believe her method might be effective."
Viridi quickly grabbed the phone while Pit kept trying to sneak a peek from her side. Remembering her fortune about the dweeb's constant pestering, Viridi made it a point to roughly kick the angel a good ten feet away from her before reading the message. After a few seconds, Viridi handed the phone back to Arlon with a smile on her face.
"Heh. Leave it to Phosphora to come up with a crazy idea like that. Alright, we'll try out this idea tonight so don't plan anything important."
"Hey, what exactly is the plan?" Pit asked loudly as he made his way back to the table. "If there's a way to get to Lady Palutena, I want in as well!"
"Oh, don't worry," Viridi said with a sly grin as she got up from the table. "Phosphora's personally asked for you to be brought along for this particular operation. For your sake, I hope you're a lot more durable than you look. If not, then there might be one less angel at this sanctuary by tomorrow morning."
With that ominous note, the Goddess of Nature left the room while laughing like an utter maniac.
"Er… she was just joking about my possible death, right?" Pit asked Arlon in a worried tone.
"That I cannot say," Arlon replied indifferently after taking a sip of his coffee. "However, I feel it is fair to advise you to check up on your health insurance before partaking in tonight's mission."
"Great… That makes me feel so much better…"
"You're welcome."
"I was being sarcastic!" Pit shouted out before burying his head in his hands. "Oh man… this isn't going to end well for me is it?"
"That is very likely."
"Any chance you can tell Viridi that I can't make it to tonight's mission because of a sudden cold?"
"Absolutely not."
After a long silence, Pit slowly got up and began walking towards the exit.
"May I ask where you're going Master Pit?" Arlon asked with a small smile on his face as he picked up one of his muffins.
"I'm going to go write my will now," Pit replied with his comical teary-eyed face. "I'm sure Magnus will like the weapons I leave behind for him."
With that, Pit sulked back to his Skreetle-infested room, leaving Arlon to enjoy his free breakfast.