Thank you all SO MUCH for the wonderful reviews and encouragement! I'm excited to be writing this story for all of your (and my) enjoyment. As always, I hope to update this frequently so as to not keep you in too much suspense. I still have to finish my other story, Limericks and Lovin', so look for an update on that soon as well. Happy reading!
Warning: Rated M for language and adult content.
When I was regularly blowing up Ranger's megabucks vehicles, he would tell me that they were easy to replace. And that I, on the other hand, was not replaceable. So when Scooby Danielson went FTA and took a flamethrower to my new Range Rover SUV in a fit of rage, melting both my purse with takedown goodies and Samantha's baby seat, Ranger's facial expression hinted that a part of him wished I would have gone up in flames with my car this time.
"Babe," he gritted out, once the wrecker had retreated with the Range Rover's skeleton and the last fire truck had roared away. "I was counting on you to have that vehicle for at least a year or two."
My shoulders sagged and I hung my head miserably. "I'm sorry, Ranger. I'm still hell on your cars AND your men." I glanced at what I'd managed to salvage from my charred SUV: a cell phone charger. And the cell phone that it charged was toast. I was so pathetic.
"Dayna had to prescribe anti-anxiety medication for several of the guys because tailing after you and Lula on skips is making them nuts. I wish the two of you would just consider my offer of full-time office positions."
"No can do," I informed him. "We've been through this before, Ranger. I'm not a corporate monkey. I can't push papers all day and stare at a computer screen until glaucoma sets in. And I don't think Lula will go for any of that, either. She's too…hands-on, you know what I mean?"
"Unfortunately, yes. And so do several of my employees." Ranger kissed my forehead and gazed down into my eyes. His voice became softer when he spoke again. "But you're my wife. And the mother of my child."
"Speaking of our daughter, does Ella have her or is she with your mother?" I asked Ranger.
"Ella. Since I had to leave in an emergency, she jumped at the chance to watch Samantha."
"Good. Because last time you let Lester have her, and I swear the other day I heard a little tiny "fuck" come out of her mouth when she dropped her bowl of strained peas on the kitchen tile."
"You must have been hearing things, babe. Dayna's been working on cleaning up his filthy mouth."
"I'll just bet she has," I muttered. "They've been married a month. I'm surprised she hasn't invented new ones to teach him yet."
"Do you need a car for today?"
Clearly. But I found myself saying, "That's okay. I'll just ride along with Lula."
Lula drummed her fingertips on the steering wheel of her Firebird in time to Tupac's bass. I was, of course, riding shotgun and calmly enduring the vibrations that the music was causing in my teeth. I noticed that my eye twitch wasn't quite so bad this time, so that was progress, right? She motored down Hamilton, away from the bonds office.
"First, we'll get us some food. Then we'll get us a Spellman."
"I'm not sure old Roger will be feeling friendly at this time of day," I told her.
"Hell. Friendly my ass. He'd better be feelin' real friendly, or else he'll be forced to become ass buddies with my stun gun."
I glanced around the Firebird. "Why haven't you taken up Tank's offer of a new car?"
"What, one of them big-ass fancy-pants SUVs? Can't rocket around in those things. No ma'am. I need speed. I need zooming ability. I need Dolby."
"You wouldn't have to worry about cramming filthy skips into your backseat. Or three-day-old corpses into your trunk," I pointed out, referring to poor unfortunate Elliott Harp and his death ride through the bowels of downtown Trenton.
"Nope. This here Firebird is just fine for Lula."
"Maybe get a bigger seatbelt then," I gritted out. The shoulder harness was cutting into Lula's basketball boobs, squishing them through the middle and making them ooze out from around the strap's edges. "Isn't that shoulder strap too tight?"
"Come to think of it, yeah. I have to pull extra hard to get it to buckle." Lula unsnapped the seatbelt and it whipped back into its position by the door, and her boobs sprang out into their original shapes. She let out a sigh of relief and did some heavy breathing.
"I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but your chest looks…heftier than usual."
"It must be this new bra I recently bought," Lula replied. "I had to get something with a little more support. Seems like the girls have been a little achy lately."
"Yeah?"
"It's probably on account of I've been eating so much chocolate and drinking so much caffeine. You're supposed to be a little achy when you eat a lot of chocolate and drink lots of soda."
"What kind of soda have you been drinking?" I asked her. "Because Coke and Dr. Pepper are loaded with caffeine."
"Nope. Sprite." Lula shook a gallon-sized Big Gulp of soda and ice at me and took a healthy sip.
"Sprite is caffeine-free," I told her. "And last I checked Starbursts are not chocolate."
"They might as well be," Lula huffed. "They're just as addicting."
A thought popped into my head. "Lula, are you pregnant?" I asked.
Lula continued to huff and puff. "Sweet Lord. Hail Mary. Mother of God." Lula rocketed the Firebird into the drive-thru lane at Cluck-in-a-Bucket. "I need grease. I need fries. I need pie. I need that greasy, salty, fried motherfucking bird right now."
"I thought you and Tank were trying to get pregnant," I said. The thought of Lula raising a child with that mouth caused tendrils of panic to curl in my stomach. The kid's vocabulary would be more creative than Sally Sweet's on a school bus ride through hell.
"Lord on the cross, it might be true. That old son of a bitch just might have impregnated me with his spawn! Wait'll I get my hands –
"Can I take your order?" a metallic Cluck voice rang out from the loudspeaker.
"Yes, you sure as hell can! Give me a number three, extra crispy, extra greasy. I want an extra fries, two Clucky apple pies, and a super-size Sprite." Lula turned to me. "What about you?"
I sighed. No sense on confusing the drive-thru kid any further. "Just tell him to double that."
"What makes you so sure Tank and I are having a baby?" Lula demanded around a mouthful of Clucky apple pie. We were parked stealthily in the lot behind Kan Klean, where Roger Spellman worked as a dry cleaner for the larger-than-life Macaroni clan. Food wrappers covered every inch of the Firebird's front cabin.
"I'm just saying. Before I found out I was pregnant with Samantha, I had an awful time with finding a bra that fit. Every single one of them was painful to wear. And Ranger noticed I was more…sensitive." I crammed a few fries into my mouth and chewed.
"Don't be talkin' about Batman-lovin'. I'll get them hot flashes again."
"While we're on the subject, what's 'The Big Bang' all about?" I asked her before taking a sip of my gallon-sized Sprite.
"If I tell you, I'll have to kill you." Lula crumpled up the wrappers surrounding her and stuffed them into a paper bag. Scary thing was, I believed her. Probably after finding out what 'The Big Bang' was I'd more than likely wish I was dead, anyway.
"Are you late?" I asked her. "I mean, period-wise?"
Lula stopped to think for a second. "Actually, yeah." She ticked off her fingers as if she was counting. "Three days."
Yikes. I was suddenly galvanized into action. "Let's hit the Walgreens on South Broad. We're getting you a pregnancy test. Spellman can wait."
Lula fired up the engine and we blasted down Hamilton. She squealed into the drug store parking lot on two wheels and hauled me inside with her. We frantically searched the store for the "feminine" aisle.
"Over here," she called to me. I dashed over to where she was standing and together we faced the daunting task of which test kit brand to choose.
"This one promises results in a clear, easy-to-read format," I pointed out, holding up a pink and white box. "And it comes with a bonus test in case you pee on the stick wrong or accidentally drop it into the toilet." Lula snatched the box from my hand.
"I'll take it." She carted the box to the register and ignored the morbidly-curious stares of the three people who'd gotten in line behind her. When she'd paid for the test kit, we ran back to the Firebird and rocketed towards the bonds office.
"What the hell is going on?" Connie demanded, looking up from the paint job she'd been doing on her nails when Lula and I stormed into the office like paratroopers invading the Soviet Union. Connie'd painted her nails crimson blood red. A vampire's and whack-job Joyce Barnhardt's ultimate wet-dream come true. Lula dashed one of the test sticks into the bonds office's bathroom and slammed the door behind her. I tucked the bonus test stick into my purse, in case of a future pregnancy emergency. You never knew with the kinds of friends I had.
"Tank and Lula might be reproducing," I informed her. I took a seat in one of the guest chairs facing Connie's desk. "Frightening."
"I'll say." Connie blew on her top coat. "I thought they were trying, though."
"They are. Lula's just a little freaked out about it, that's all. She wasn't expecting to get pregnant so quickly after having those fertility tests done." I snagged a doughnut from the box on Connie's desk and watched as powdered sugar sifted onto my red t-shirt. Oh, well. I looked on as Connie proceeded to shellac her lips with a color so similar to blood that I wondered if the lipstick was manufactured by the American Red Cross. It seemed to match her nails exactly.
"You know, if you were twenty years younger you could have auditioned for Jersey Shore and made it on there," I said to her.
"Pffft," Connie scoffed. "Those kids give New Jersey...and Italians...a bad rap. That show is nutso." Connie stuck the tube of lipstick into her top desk drawer and waved me off.
I didn't believe her for a second. "So...which one of them would you be?"
Connie grimaced and looked embarrassed. "Snooki," she said finally.
"I figured."
A loud war whoop rang out from behind the closed bathroom door and Lula burst out then, wearing a grin the size of Argentina. "This motherfucker's positive!" she hollered, punching her fist into the air with joy. "I knew it! Steph was right! I'm finally knocked up!" Lula waved the positive test stick in Connie's and my faces to prove it. "I didn't even have to wait the three minutes!"
"Congratulations," I exclaimed, swooping Lula into a tight hug. Connie joined us and we all began jumping up and down.
"I've gotta tell my Tankie," Lula cried. She dug around in her giant shag-fur shoulder bag for her cell phone and managed to get Tank on the line at RangeMan Control. She put him on speakerphone.
"Brown Bear," she exclaimed. "Guess what, baby. We're pregnant!"
"Oh my God!" Tank hollered. He put his hand over the phone receiver and I assumed turned to the guys who were in Control with him. "Lula's pregnant!" Several muffled whoops and hollers and whistles were heard in the background. Tank came back on the speakerphone. "Ram and Bobby and Hector are going wild over here."
"Good," Lula exclaimed. "Because I was sort of freaking out earlier, too. But not no more. Are you excited?"
"Of course I am! I can't believe it. I'm going to be a father!" More whooping and whistling.
"I'll see you in a few hours, Brown Bear. Love you!" She snapped her phone shut and flopped happily onto the fake brown leather couch across from Connie's desk. She rooted around in her shocking-green fun fur shoulder bag and emerged with a tube of Blistex. "I'd better start eating better. No more Tastykakes and Sprite and shitloads of candy." Because all those sweets sounded to me like a diabetic's nightmare, and her developing fetus might end up being born with several cavities and a fetish for Willy Wonka memorabilia.
"Better yet, how about no more Cluck-in-a-Bucket?" I said, glancing at her handbag. "And by the way, which Muppet did you kill in order to make that purse?"
"What? That's protein! And electrolytes! The baby's gonna need all that."
Electrolytes? "Lula, how about if you just eat what your doctor tells you to eat? I think that would probably be best."
"I hope he tells me that Clucky apple pies are essential for expectant moms-to-be."
"Doubtful."
The glass door to the bonds office swung open and Ranger strode in, holding Samantha and wearing a huge smile. Well, huge for Ranger.
"There's my girl," I cooed, going over to them and lifting Sam out of his arms. He leaned down and kissed me quickly before removing his sunglasses. I covered Samantha with loud, smacking kisses and carried her over to say hello to Connie.
"Batman," Lula exclaimed, jumping up off the couch and making a mad dash for Ranger. "Guess what!"
Ranger's smile widened. "I know. I just spoke to Tank. Congratulations." Ranger kissed Lula on the cheek and threw an arm around her shoulders.
"Lula's worried that her doctor won't let her eat Cluck-in-a-Bucket now," I told Ranger, coming to stand next to them.
"What a tragic loss," he lamented. "You know what I heard the latest food fad is? Salad. Salad with lots of folic acid and grilled protein-y chicken chunks. And whole grains."
"Hunh," Lula said. She looked thoughtful. "Salad."
Connie was bouncing Samantha up and down on her knee. "Looks like Sammie here is gonna have a little playmate soon."
"She's going to love that. She loves being with other babies. You should see her at that Mommy-and-Me class I take her to every Tuesday. She's already got boy babies hitting on her," I said.
"That's strange. Santos doesn't have any sons," Ranger joked.
"Thank God for that."
"Don't forget, dinner tomorrow night with him and Dayna. Rossini's at eight. I've got my mom watching Sam for us." Ranger leafed through a couple stacks of files that Vinnie had left out for RangeMan to work on. I took Samantha from Connie and broke off a tiny piece of doughnut to give to her.
"Steph," Ranger began.
"Oh, come on, Ranger. Just a little bite." I popped the tiny piece of powdered doughnut into Samantha's waiting mouth and watched as her little eyelashes fluttered shut in sheer satisfaction at the yummy treat mommy had just given her. Some of the powder from the doughnut bite sifted onto Samantha's red onesie and little denim skirt. Oh, well. Like mother, like daughter. Ranger was just going to have to deal with it.
"Everything sounds so good," Dayna exclaimed. "I'm starving." I watched her blue-green eyes go wide over the top of her giant Rossini's menu. She sounded like she hadn't eaten in weeks.
"Santos, are you feeding her?" I asked Lester. He was eyeing Dayna like a hawk, frowning. She was doing a great job at ignoring him, too.
Lester scoffed and turned to Ranger and I. "Yeah," he said. "Believe me, she's eating. Baby, you remember that sub you ate for lunch today? The one you went and picked up from Mike the Greek's deli? And were supposed to split with me?"
"Yeah? What about it?"
"What happened to my half?"
Dayna slammed her glass of ice water down so hard that some of it spilled over the edges onto the white linen tablecloth. "Lester, I told you," she exclaimed angrily. "I was practically attacked by that raccoon down in the underground garage! I had to give it something!" Dayna turned to Ranger. "You really should do something about the raccoon problem down there, Ranger."
I glanced at Ranger just in time to see that he was turning deep red from holding in laughter. When he regained control, he spoke. "I'm sure there aren't any raccoons down there." He picked up his ice water and took a sip.
"Nope," Lester agreed. "There aren't. And it gets better. Cal was manning the guard gate this afternoon and he saw you pull in after running to Mike the Greek's. He told me that you got out of your car, removed a foot-long sub and about a gallon of soda, and marched into the elevator to head up to your office."
Dayna blushed furiously and frowned. "Well, I think Cal needs to see me for a vision examination."
"I think you need to see yourself for an eating disorder," Lester exclaimed. "You spent almost an entire week's worth of my pay at Giovichinni's yesterday! What the hell did you buy?"
"Groceries. I'm so glad you have me all figured out, Lester." Dayna gave him a fake smile and snottily took a sip of her ice water.
"I had to eat a Hot Pocket for lunch today." Lester looked annoyed.
Dayna feigned horror. "Oh, Jesus, NO! A hot pocket! And you're not still full?"
While I was listening to Dayna explain herself to her man, a weird thought suddenly popped into my head. I tried to shake it out, but it kept nagging at me. My mind was busy juggling the idea back and forth when the waiter finally approached our table to take our orders.
"Would you care to hear our specials for the evening?" he asked us, flipping to a clean page on his little order-taking pad. Ranger handed over his menu and grimaced. This was the first time in a very, very long time that there has been any kind of an argument or scuffle between Dayna and Lester. At least that Ranger and I knew of. Then again, their RangeMan suite is three floors below ours. Thank God for small favors. It was rumored that their sex life was of grandiose proportions.
"No, thank you," Ranger said. He looked around at the rest of us. "Are we ready to order?"
Lester handed over his menu and opened his mouth to speak, but Dayna spoke first. "I'd like the fettuccini Alfredo, extra fettuccini, extra Alfredo. Maybe you can add some shrimp to that. I'd like a Caesar salad with the dressing on the side, a half-dozen garlic rolls, and…I'll think about what I'd like for dessert while I'm eating." She smiled innocently at the waiter and handed him her menu.
Ranger and Lester and I gaped at Dayna. Now, I can pack away almost as much food as the St. Louis Rams before a big game. But hearing Dayna's order made me nauseous. And that rogue eye twitch was back.
The waiter was still writing down what Dayna had requested. He looked over his little tablet, raised his eyebrows, and turned to meet Lester's embarrassed gaze. "Um…I'll just have the chicken parmesan," he said to the waiter. "And water's fine."
No one spoke until the waiter had left, after taking mine and Ranger's orders. Lester, as usual, was the first to break the silence. "Sweetie," he began cautiously, turning to his wife. "Are you sure you're going to be able to eat all of that?"
Dayna fidgeted in her seat and toyed with the spaghetti straps of her black cocktail dress. "That did seem like a lot of food," she said finally. "Maybe I'll tell him to hold the shrimp."
"And the salad, and the rolls…" muttered Lester. Luckily for him, Dayna didn't hear that last comment because she was busy scanning the dessert menu for some type of cheesecake or tiramisu. If she had heard him, Lester probably would have had to ride back to Haywood with Ranger and I.
I nudged Ranger and mouthed, "Do you think so?" to him. He discreetly pointed to his abdomen to clarify and then he nodded. Yep. Something strange was going on with Dayna Marrero-Santos. And I suspected I knew exactly what it was.
"So, your parents are coming to visit in a few weeks," I said to her. Dayna nodded and sipped her ice water. "That should be fun."
"Yeah, they haven't been to New Jersey in years. Lester and I will probably take them around to some places. They want to go to the Jersey shore, and to New York City. So we'll see."
"I'm just glad they like me," Lester said. "I was worried there for awhile, before the wedding."
Dayna pulled Lester's hand up to her lips and kissed it. "Baby, they love you. I told you they would."
"Santos is good with parents," Ranger spoke up. "He's got a gift."
Lester beamed. "And I didn't even have to tell them I'm distantly related to Jennifer Lopez."
Ranger was mid-sip when Lester said that, and nearly choked on his water. "You're still doing that, Santos? You maniac. Your cousin Jennifer's maiden name was Ramirez before she married Javi. And I hate to break it to you, but there are thousands of people in this world named Jennifer Lopez."
"Whatever, bitch. I'm related to Jennifer Lopez. Doesn't matter that it's not the right one. Who are you related to?"
"I'm actually related to Ricardo Carlos Manoso. That guy you used to work for." Ranger smirked.
"I have nothing even close to a response to say back to that."
When the food came, we all dug right in. The tension lifted and we ate and laughed and ate some more. Towards the end of the meal, my cell phone rang from inside my shoulder bag. I stuck my head inside and rooted around in the bottom, trying to locate the ringing to make it stop. My eyes fell on a white plastic-wrapped package lying near my phone. What the…damn! It was Lula's bonus pregnancy test. I stared at the test kit for so long that the phone's ringing had stopped by then, but I was still staring. I suddenly got an idea, but I wasn't sure how crazy it would turn out to be unless I went for it.
"Babe?" Ranger's voice broke me out of my stupor. I snapped my head out of my purse and met the curious eyes of everyone else at the table.
"Sorry," I said. "I – I must have been daydreaming." I clutched my shoulder bag to my chest and glanced at Dayna's plate of fettuccini. Surely she'd be done with her dinner by now. She had eaten most of the shrimp Alfredo, some of the salad, and a garlic roll. She looked a little green.
"I think I'll excuse myself for a minute or two," Dayna said. Bingo. She pushed her chair back and prepared to stand.
"You okay, baby?" Lester asked her.
Dayna nodded. "Nature's calling, that's all." She stood up and placed her linen napkin next to her plate. It was now or never. I quickly got to my feet with my shoulder bag still clutched to my chest.
"I'll go with you," I exclaimed. I took Dayna by her arm and dragged her into the ladies' room across the restaurant, ignoring the curious stares of our guys behind us. When we were both safely locked inside, I set my shoulder bag on the counter and turned to face Dayna.
"Steph, you're scaring me," Dayna said warily. "Why are your eyes so wide?"
"In my shoulder bag is a pregnancy test," I informed her quietly. "I think you should take it."
Dayna laughed out loud and it echoed in the tiny, ostentatiously-tiled restroom. "What are you talking about? Why do you think I'm pregnant? I'm on the pill."
"Well, because of all the eating and the cravings and generally alternating between being snotty and normal," I said. "Look, it couldn't hurt. If you aren't, then you aren't. If so, then you get the added bonus of telling Santos right before he fucks your brains out tonight. He'll have a stroke!" I clasped my hands together with barely-controlled glee.
Dayna looked thoughtful. "I'm next to positive he'd be happy," she said. "We just weren't planning to have a baby so soon, though. But what do I do if I am, Steph? I don't know the first thing about kids! I have no nieces or nephews; I'm an only child…"
"You'll be fine. You're a nurse, for crying out loud. You have to know something about children," I pointed out.
"The only thing I know is that I hated my pediatrics rotation in nursing school. And it wasn't because of the kids: it was because of their dumbass parents."
Strange, because I knew exactly what she meant and I was no nurse. "The guys'll be wondering what's taking us so long, so just do the test. It won't take long." I grabbed my shoulder bag and removed the test kit.
Sighing, Dayna took it into the largest bathroom stall with her and locked herself in. "I hope I'm doing this right," she called to me. "I've never taken one of these before. I mean, I've given them to my patients to take, but I've never actually seen them using it."
"Never had a boyfriend?" I ventured. I found that hard to believe. She was sex on legs.
"Of course I have, Steph. Although not many. Lester's the only guy I've been with…unprotected."
Hunh. "That's probably really smart of you." Damn. I wish I'd have thought of that. I'd taken countless pregnancy tests when Morelli and I were dating and even a few panicky ones while I was married to The Dick. None with Ranger, though. Probably because on some level I wanted him to get me pregnant. It was a weird, erotic thought. I shivered.
Dayna was silent for a couple of minutes and then I heard her begin to go on the stick. "Crap," she exclaimed after a few seconds.
"Pee on yourself?"
"Yeah."
I waited while she cleaned herself up and flushed the toilet. The stall door opened and Dayna wiggled out, carrying the test stick.
"I'm afraid to look at it," she said. She handed it to me with shaky hands before heading to the sink to wash them. Stephanie Plum-Manoso, Pregnancy Test Protagonist.
I set the stick on the counter and covered it with a paper towel. "We'll wait the three minutes," I told her. "Just to be safe." Dayna dried her hands and leaned up against the wall. Ten seconds of deafening silence passed.
"Can we just check it now, Steph? I can't wait any longer."
The test stick was still covered with the paper towel. I whipped the towel off and my heart flipped inside my chest when I saw two pink lines, shining bright and clear from the test stick's results window. It confirmed my doomed fate that my precious baby daughter might someday be hit on by Lester Santos's possible future playboy of a son.
I couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face. Dayna stared at me with her eyebrows furrowed and a weird smile. "Is that test…positive?"
"Yep. Positive as hell."
Dayna blew out a sigh and, with a huge wavering smile, reached for me tearfully. We squeezed the living daylights out of each other for a few seconds and I felt the waterworks spring into my eyes.
"I have no idea what to think right now, but only a small part of me is actually scared. The rest of me is...excited." Dayna raised her eyebrows and blotted a couple of gray tears out of the corners of her mascaraed eyes with a tissue.
"You'll be fine. Lester'll be an awesome dad. You guys will be great parents."
"Thanks, Steph," Dayna said, tearfully folding me back into another hug. "Can you believe it? Me and Lula. Our babies might be born in the same month! The guys'll be really happy."
"I know they will," I told her. "How are you going to tell Lester?"
Dayna sighed thoughtfully. "I seriously have no idea."
Dayna and I composed ourselves before heading back to the table. We put on fresh mascara and applied lip gloss. We fluffed our hair. Our waiter had cleared the plates and had packaged Dayna's leftover garlic rolls in a take-out container. Lester's eyes lit up when he saw his wife approach the table, and Ranger's eyes took on a bedroom quality when I took my seat next to him.
"Babe," he mumbled, sliding his arm across the back of my chair and leaning in close to me. "Ready to go?"
"Yeah," I said, a little more breathless than I'd intended to sound. "Did you settle the bill?"
Ranger nodded. "Let's get out of here."
Lester helped Dayna out of her chair and she and I exchanged giddy little smiles. Together, we all walked out to the parking lot and stood around in the cool nighttime air.
"Well, that was fun," I told everybody.
"We should do this kind of stuff more often," Dayna spoke up. We all nodded and agreed. Just then, Lester's cell phone rang from his pocket and he pulled it out to answer it.
"Santos...what?...you're kidding…that's awesome, man! Congratulations!" Lester put his hand over the iPhone's mouthpiece. "Bobby and Ana are having a baby!" He turned his attention back to Bobby on the other line. "How far along is she…you'll find out Monday?...that's great, dawg. We're all happy for you guys...Dayna, Steph, Ranger...Vegas?...dude, just think it over first…call me if anything. Peace." Lester hung up and grinned.
"Brown's going to be a father?" Ranger questioned incredulously. "And Tank. Jesus. Two-thirds of my right-hand crew will be ankle-deep in fucking diapers eight months from now." He hugged me to his side and the scent of his Bulgari nearly drew me to my knees on the concrete.
"Three thirds," Dayna blurted out. Everyone stopped cold. She clapped a hand over her mouth and her eyes flew open wide. The silence was deafening and nobody moved. Lester finally found his legs and stalked over to where Dayna stood and took her face in both of his hands. He gazed deep into her eyes for several seconds before speaking.
"What did you say?" he demanded quietly. My breath hitched in my throat and I felt Ranger tighten his grip on my waist in anticipation of Lester's reaction. Was he going to be angry? I prayed not. Lester wasn't that type of guy. My breathing ceased and all I could think about was how frightened Dayna must have been feeling at that exact moment.
"I'm pregnant," she whispered to him, on a shaky breath.
Time stood still. Crickets chirped. The world seemed to stop turning. And Dayna Marrero-Santos had just told her husband of one month that she was expecting their baby just minutes after finding out for herself.
"Lester, say something," Dayna quietly pleaded to him, near tears, glancing back at Ranger and I.
Then slowly, slowly, a smile of gargantuan proportions spread across Lester's face and reached his eyes. "I love you."
Dayna let out a small sob of happiness, and Lester crushed her to his front and pressed his lips to hers. Ranger immediately strode over to Lester and yanked him into a hug, and I gathered Dayna into my arms and squeezed her tightly before releasing her back to Lester.
"You guys," I sniffled. What was with all my crying tonight? "This is so great!" I felt Ranger come up behind me and wrap me in his arms.
"I almost feel left out," Ranger said with a hint of a smile.
"You guys already have a baby," Lester pointed out. "Give somebody else a chance to be in the parenting hot seat." He hugged Dayna to him and started to rub her still-flat belly.
"How are you feeling about all this so far?" I asked Dayna, figuring I already knew the answer since she'd told me in the bathroom earlier.
"Scared, nervous, excited, all of the above." She laughed. "I was more worried about how this one would take it, though." She gestured towards Les.
"Why, baby? I can't believe you even thought I wouldn't be happy about this. I'm just a little bit surprised, that's all." Lester kissed Dayna's temple.
"I know what you mean. It's so soon after our wedding, Les. We haven't even started paying that off yet!"
"Hey. That's what credit cards are for," Lester said. He looked Dayna in the eye again. "Baby, I have never been happier in my life. I'm going to be here for you through everything. Okay?"
"Okay." Dayna leaned up and kissed him. "Thank you. I love you, too."
I was starting to get a toothache from all the sugary sweetness going on between them. "Well, I guess we'd better let you guys go…celebrate," I said to Lester.
"I'd better be careful not to get her pregnant again," Lester said, with a wicked grin.
"Um…Les?" I said. "Scientifically impossible."
He shook his head. "I know. I don't know what I was thinking."
"Bye, you guys. Congratulations!" I yelled after them, as Lester loaded Dayna into his Escalade and tore out of the Rossini's parking lot. I turned to Ranger. His bedroom eyes were back and his evil smile was a force to be reckoned with. He led me over to his black Denali and helped me into the passenger's seat before climbing behind the wheel.
Before he started the truck, Ranger turned to me and took my face in his hands. "Are you handling this all okay, babe?" He stroked his thumb across my cheek and studied me with eyes so dark they were like pools of black ink.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I told him. "I think it's pretty interesting that three of your men found out that they were going to be fathers within a span of two days, that's all."
Ranger chuckled lightly. "There was something in the water that night, I guess. Maybe they all got pregnant on the night of Dayna and Lester's wedding reception," he joked. "The floor we were on was pretty busy that evening."
"No," I scoffed. "That's not scientifically possible. Besides, I'm the only one out of the four of us girls who didn't get pregnant. Why am I excluded from this?"
"Would you like me to change that?" Ranger grumbled against my lips. God, yes I wanted him to change that. Wait. Did I? Were we ready for another one? I wasn't sure. And what was with me being "scientifically correct" on everything tonight? I was starting to sound like Bill Nye the fucking Science Guy.
It took me a second to regain my composure after the lip lock Ranger had just laid on me. He chuckled again when he saw that I was fighting yet another mental battle and started the SUV.
"She's out," I said, quietly shutting the door to Samantha's nursery, the baby monitor in my hand. Ranger met me in the hall and swept me into his arms before hauling me into our bedroom.
"I'd like to show you a few things, babe." Ranger removed the baby monitor from my iron grip and gently placed it on his nightstand. Taking my hand, he led me over to where our large king-sized bed was situated along the far wall, facing the door. He motioned for me to climb on top of the covers and then he moved to hover over me.
"Like what?" I asked breathlessly. I drank in the dips and curves of his naked, glorious chest and torso and unconsciously licked my lips. Sometimes I had to pinch myself when I couldn't quite comprehend what a gorgeous, perfect male species I'd managed to marry and reproduce with.
Ranger gave me an almost-smile and dropped a sweet, gentle kiss on my cheek. "Like…how beautiful you look when I do this," he mumbled. When he said this, he brushed his calloused thumb across my nipple and planted a hot, open-mouthed kiss just below my ear. Sweet melting sensations coursed through me and a flash of fire swept across my innermost place. I whimpered.
I snapped out of it. "I would need a mirror. Besides, I'm due to get my period any second, Ranger," I told him huskily. "I'm like...clockwork." Damn Mother Nature!
"Querida...you know that doesn't bother me." Ranger continued to torture my breast with his warm lips until the involuntary rocking of my hips against his caught my attention.
"I know, but -
"Babe. Just relax, and let me show you how much I love you and how blessed I feel that you've chosen me as your husband." Ranger did something to my pulse point with his tongue that scrambled my neurons and shut down all logical thought for the rest of the evening.
Things kind of unraveled from there. Sane, angelic Stephanie should have blushed at the idea of all those naughty Ranger thoughts that were running through her head. Wicked Stephanie didn't care much for thoughts. Wicked Stephanie wanted some action. I rolled Ranger over onto his back and straddled his lean hips, reveling in the way his fingertips dug into my soft hips and loving the whispered oaths in Spanish under his breath as I sank down onto his massive length. Tonight, like every other night, was all about us.
I would never, ever get tired of this man. Each evening, he lit a fire under his every caress and swept a path of annihilation across my body with his tongue and hands. And each evening, I reminded him how beautiful he made me feel and how much I loved him, and how much it meant that he chose me as his wife. Every time I hear our daughter's little voice, or listen to her little cries, I'm reminded that Ranger was the only man that I'd ever truly and deeply loved enough to have children with. And a life with.
Ranger raked his hand through my curls and brought my face down to his. "You are so beautiful," he mumbled against my lips. "I wish I could see you like this, with me inside you, every second of every day for the rest of my life." Something about his voice caused a flush of pleasure to roll over my body and I ground down onto him harder. I touched his tongue with mine and felt him surge deeper inside of me. The wave rose up and crested, carrying me higher and higher until it crashed to shore and I came, screaming his name into his neck and grasping the bedsheets in my fists as if they were my one and only salvation. The clenching paroxysms of my slick inner walls brought Ranger to orgasm and I felt him convulse beneath me, gasping my name as he brought his lips to press against mine once more.
Extreme tiredness took us over then, and I quickly threw on a super-absorbent pad and some granny panties before crawling between the sheets with Ranger and immediately falling asleep.
When I got up the next morning, Ranger was snoring lightly on his side, his short mussed hair sticking up in all directions. I tiptoed into the bathroom, expecting the worst. It was always a blood-bath on the mornings I woke up with my period. After skulking over to the sink, I bent down to the cabinet for a clean pad and had to hold my aching boobs so they wouldn't jiggle around too much. Ugh, I felt terrible.
I pulled off the granny panties and expected to find my usual heavy flow. Staring back at me was the pristine white cotton pad, completely untouched and looking as though I'd just put it on.
Hunh. That's strange.
Sorry this chapter was so long, but it had to be! I guess I'm feeling long-winded lately. For those of you who haven't seen the MTV show Jersey Shore, and are wondering who Snooki is, Google her. She reminds me of a young Connie.
Keep those reviews coming, guys!