"The Sparrow?" repeated Dr. Leland. "Are you some sort of spin-off from the Penguin with the whole bird thing? Sorry to disappoint you, but he's in Blackgate, not here."
"I'm not interested in the Penguin," Sparrow retorted. "He's not even in my league. I'm interested in the Joker. He and I go way back."
"Yeah, how ya doing, toots – it's been an age!" said Joker, forcing a smile. "And you haven't aged a day! Still looking foxy as ever! How much did all that plastic surgery set you back?"
She grinned, approaching him and blowing a cloud of smoke into his face. Then she grabbed his hand, pressing it into her bosom. "You can feel how real they are, if you wanna," she murmured. "I'm a genuine kinda gal, J. You know that."
"I know nothing of the kind," snapped Joker, wrenching his hand away. "The last time we met, you were all about the lies and deceit and backstabbing…"
"It was just business, J – you know how it is," she replied, puffing on her cigarette. "Anyway, you shouldn't be sore just because you lost."
"I didn't lose!" snapped Joker. "And you lost too – Batsy captured us both together!"
"Yeah, but I busted outta the clink while you keep being brought back to this dump," retorted Sparrow.
"I'll thank you not to talk about my asylum like that," snapped Dr. Leland. "And where the hell are the guards?!" she demanded, looking around. "Someone just blows a hole in the wall and nobody comes running?! Has our security really become as terrible as this?!"
"No, I took care of the guards," murmured the Sparrow, taking another drag on her cigarette. "My men are holding the asylum hostage, and we're not leaving without the Joker."
"And what if I don't wanna go anywhere with a dame like you, toots?" snapped Joker.
"Tough," retorted Sparrow, blowing out another puff of smoke. "You're going to do what I want, and what I say. Just like everyone does."
She snapped her fingers. "I need an ashtray here!" she shouted. Nobody responded to the shout, and the Sparrow cast her cool, blue eyes along the inmates. "I said I need an ashtray here," she murmured, coldly. She snapped her fingers again. "You, with the hat! Come over here!"
Tetch tentatively approached her. "Take off the hat," she said, authoritatively. He obeyed. "Now turn it over," she commanded. He obeyed again, and she gently tapped the ash from her cigarette into it. "Now get outta my sight," she finished.
"Yes, ma'am," murmured Tetch, hurrying off.
Sparrow smiled at everyone's surprise. "See? Everyone does what I say," she murmured, blowing out another puff of smoke.
Joker snorted. "Well, it don't take a lot to intimidate the Hat Guy – he's used to dealing with children, after all."
"Well, admittedly some people need a little more persuasion," murmured Sparrow, grinning. She pulled out a gun. "This persuasive enough for you, J?" she asked, pointing it at him.
"…where were you keeping that?" asked Joker, slowly.
"You ain't taking Mr. J!" snapped Harley, throwing herself in front of him and glaring at Sparrow. "I ain't comfortable with your intentions toward him!"
Sparrow smiled coldly at Harley. "My intentions toward him, little girl?" she whispered, blowing a cloud of smoke into her face. "My intentions toward him are the same as they were when we first met. I want him to work for me."
"Mr. J don't work for no one," snapped Harley, disliking this woman more with each passing moment. "So why don't you take your gun and your cigarette and your…boobs outta here, Jessica Rabbit?"
"Harley, please, I can speak for myself," said Joker, shoving Harley out of the way to face off against Sparrow. "What she said," he snapped.
Sparrow grinned. "Well, ok, J, if you're sure," she murmured. "But I'm the kinda gal who don't take no for an answer, as you well know."
She puffed another cloud of smoke out. "If you change your mind, you can find me here," she said, reaching into her bosom and pulling out a card, which she slipped into his breast pocket. "And I'll be seeing you soon, I'm sure."
She winked at him. "Bye bye, little girl," she said, smiling at Harley as she turned away. "Oh, I'll be calling my boys off in thirty seconds, so you have until then to get outta here," she said, striding off.
"Look everyone, I know it's tempting to break out rather than play some football and go quietly back to your cells, but just think for a moment which will make you feel better in the end…" began Dr. Leland.
But she was talking to herself, since the other inmates had already climbed out through the hole in the wall and raced off. "Even I would choose that option," she sighed, tossing the ball over her shoulder and following the inmates out to freedom.
…
"So…this Sparrow woman…" began Harley, when she and the Joker were safely ensconced back in their hideout.
"I don't wanna talk about her, Harley," growled Joker, his arms folded across his chest. He had been moody and sullen since their escape, mostly because he was remembering the last time he had encountered the Sparrow.
She had led an unprecedentedly successful crime spree in Gotham, a spree that had outsmarted even Batman. The papers had dubbed her the 'Cleverest Criminal in Gotham,' which had understandably riled the Joker. He had determined to prove himself the superior criminal, but before he could put his plan into action, the Sparrow had sent an envoy offering him a job working for her. And to add insult to injury, when he had flatly refused, she had framed him for a lame crime – robbing a laundry and stealing some shirts - that had made him a laughing stock throughout the city.
Never one to take defeat lying down, the Joker quickly planned another daring, clever scheme to show the world who the real master criminal was, which unfortunately Batman had foiled. Before he could drag him back to Arkham, the Joker had been rescued by the Sparrow, who again repeated her offer of working for her. And when the Joker had again refused, she had taken him to a sawmill and tied him onto the moving saw. He was rescued this time by Batman, which had humiliated him even more – the Joker didn't consider himself a man in need of rescue, but in the space of twenty-four hours he had been rescued by a woman and his nemesis. Burning for revenge for this indignity, he had set up a scheme to entrap the Sparrow, and had nearly got away with it too, if not for that meddling Bat, who had captured them both and taken the Joker to Arkham, and the Sparrow to Blackgate. The Joker hadn't seen her from that day to this, and needless to say, it was not a reunion he had been looking forward to.
Harley was unaware of the Joker's history with the Sparrow, and that it was one of utter loathing and humiliation. And it was unlikely that any woman would take kindly to a gorgeous woman with a mysterious history blatantly flirting with her boyfriend. So her nagging insecurity was not unfounded, but unfortunately, the Joker did not take kindly to being interrogated by anyone. And rather than assert that he had absolutely no romantic interest in the Sparrow, the Joker flatly refused to talk about it, since the memory was still painful, which only increased Harley's paranoia.
Neither of them being reasonable individuals, Harley's constant questioning and Joker's determined silence resulted in a shouting match between the two, and then Harley started crying, Joker started yelling, Harley screamed back, and then he kicked her out, declaring that he never wanted to see her again.
"Yeah, good riddance, you ungrateful jerk!" shrieked Harley, standing up and rubbing her bottom where she had landed. "Go off with your gorgeous girlfriend! Who needs ya?!"
"Not me, you useless waste of space!" shouted Joker, throwing her bag after her. Harley ducked to avoid it hitting her in the face. "I'm happy to be rid of clinging, demanding, uppity dames! I'm a single man, and I don't need any kinda worthless women working for me or working for them! From now on, it's no women for the Joker! You hear me?! No women!"
"Bats will be happy to hear it!" shrieked Harley, as Joker slammed the door in her face. "Jerk," she muttered, turning and heading off into the streets of Gotham alone. She had only walked for about ten feet when she turned back, gazing longingly at the door. "I miss him already," she sighed, heading off into the night.