Romulus hadn't slept since the Oblivion Crisis, so he was naturally up before the innkeeper. Most of the patrons last night seemed to have been townsfolk, so there wasn't anyone else about to distract himself with. Being Rommy, he set about baking, because it beat staring into the fire all night, fighting laughter and trying not to remember other fires, other scenes filled with coal black and bright red.

Sam sauntered out looking, if not fresh as a daisy, at least less drunk. "I need a drink," he declared.

"Of course you do."

The Daedric Prince of Debauchery glanced at the door as if he could see through it. Rommy wouldn't be surprised at all to find out he could. He'd certainly been staring in its direction long enough. "What'cha making?" the seeming Breton asked.

"Scones. And jazbay tarts. And honey-nut treats. And-"

"I get it. Breakfast spread. Where's the mead?"

Rolling his eyes, Rommy handed him a fresh one from behind the counter. "You should be a Nord."

"Eh," the man said carelessly, wandering around with his drink. "Hey, they left their lute out here!"

"I think that was your bed partner's," Rommy said, grinning slightly. At least, until a horrid dissonance filled the air. He cringed, "If you don't know what you're doing, please don't try."

"Oh, what, and you do?"

Rommy shrugged. "I brought music to the world, remember?"

Sam shoved the lute at him. "Prove it."

"There is a bard in that room far prettier than me. You sure you don't want to watch her play?"

Sam stared at the door again. "I think she's asleep."

With a sigh, Rommy wiped his hands off on a towel, then took the lute, looking it over. It had been a long time since he played as himself. He hadn't had much interest in it as a human, but since becoming the Daedra that gave music to the world in the first place, his interest in it had waxed. Sitting at one of the chairs around the fire, he strummed it experimentally, then winced. The cold had warped it. Fixing it, he glanced at his brother in Daedric...Daedricness. "What did you have in mind?"

"How about that one song about the peasant girl married off to the ugly lord?"

"That is a soprano tune and I cannot hit it." Not without being hit where he'd rather not, anyway.

"A lullaby?"

"Just after dawn. Fitting for me, I suppose." Clearing his throat, he sang out softly a tune he used to sing his son. "Oh, there's something in my garden, and it's been there for a week. I tried to feed it crackers, but it only made it squeak. I tried to wash his scaly head but all he did was cry. So I guess I'll put him back to bed and sing him a lullabyyyy, a monster's lullaby.

"Yeah yeah, your mother eats toads. May you grow a fine wart on the tip of your nose. Ding-dong, the cat's in the well, so run and fetch another one…."

"You're going to drown the cat?" Sam asked, surprised.

"It's a nonsense song," Rommy replied with a little grin. "It's not supposed to make sense." Continuing on, he sang "Oh there's something in my garden, and it has a lovely nose. It has three heads, a wind-up body and twenty pairs of toes. Oh I'd call him Ken or M-" he faltered. "Martin, but he wouldn't understand. And although he smells a bit like trash, I think he is quite grand, yes indeed, oh I think he is quite grand."

"Yeah yeah, your mother eats toads. May you grow a fine wart on the tip of your nose. Ding-dong, the cat's in the well, so run and fetch another one…" A lilting soprano joined him for the chorus, as a still sleepy-eyed Telki shuffled in, staring hungrily at the honey-nut treats.

"Good morning," he said, shoving the lute behind him. "Did we wake you?"

"Not the way you think. Your baking woke me up. Can I have the honey-nut treats?" She tried her most wistful wishful expression. It usually worked, but she wasn't going to count it a done deal till she had the goodies in her hands.

Laughing, he motioned her to take what she wanted. "Who am I to refuse the cute kitty face? You can have whatever you want. I'd advise against taking that inebriated rascal, though."

Sam slid over. "Hello. I am the inebriated rascal. Please take me."

Telki laughed as she studied him over her carefully hoarded tray of honey-nut treats, nibbling on her first victim. "You look familiar, have we met before?"

"I'm not forgettable," he assured her. "You'd remember a night with me."

She looked him up and down. "I'll give you that one, but something..." Telki shook her head. "Maybe you just have 'one of those faces'. I'm sorry. Telki Tailkinker, Thane of Nine Holds." She slid a careful glance to Rommy. "Somewhat at your service." She bobbed a semi curtsy, since she had no hand free to offer. Honey-nut treats were serious business, as anyone who had heard her eat them could attest.

"Would you like to be Thane of me, too?"

Rommy tossed a muffin, hitting the other man in the head. "Behave. It's not even dawn, for Aedra's sake."

"It might be! The snow makes it really hard to tell."

Telki giggled around her bounty. Listening them, she could almost imagine she was back at the Trading Post. Poppa and his brother would bicker like that whenever he'd come to visit. "So, how long have you two been friends?"

They glanced at each other. "Feels like hundreds of years, honestly." Rommy returned to kneading dough. "I met him when I was...oh, a teenager, perhaps? He tricked me into stealing the clothing off an entire dinner party. I didn't know magic could be fun before that."

"Oh sweet mercies, can I hear that story? It sounds like a hoot!"

"No!" Rommy said at the same time Sam said, "Sure!"

"I will put Poison Immunity charms on all your clothes so you can't get drunk if you tell her," Rommy threatened, shaking a dough-laden fist.

"Then I'll drink naked," Sam replied with a smirk, not bothered in the least. He actually sounded like he was looking forward to it.

Romulus raised an eyebrow. "In this cold?"

Sam paused, glancing at Telki. "Ah…."

Telki raised her eyebrows expectantly. "Rommy, is there a tale he can tell me about you two?"

"Not if he knows what's good for him," the Imperial muttered, returning to his baking.

"Hmm, that's interesting. You seem so fond of each other, or does this go back to the 'Curious Box?" Telki put down her honey-nut treat. Her appetite seemed ready to desert her.

"Well, the one time, I was introducing him to my friends," Sam began. "And my sister, 'Mina, she thought he was really cute-" suddenly, the sound stopped. Sam's mouth still moved for a few words before he stopped, confused, then pouted at Romulus.

The Imperial glared at him, fist raised and shining with the Silence spell. "Stop. Your sister's a nightmare and she doesn't need to hear about it." In fact, she was actively involved in stopping it, but he didn't want her figuring it out. When Sam finally nodded, he released the spell.

Sam sighed. "You're pretty sexy when you do those forceful things, you know." Rommy just groaned.

The illusory music was impressive, but now, he'd somehow modified muffle to shut down talking? She had to adjust his mage prowess up a few notches, and it was already significantly up there, and she firmly reminded herself she Wasn't Touching the Curious Box. "Still have a ways to go to beat what that dreamwitch tried to pull on Erandur," Telki grimaced. "But that's not a story for breakfast."

Sam cackled as Rommy started beating his frustration into the dough. "Anyway," Sam continued, glancing sideways at Rommy, as if daring him to do something else that the Daedra would probably enjoy too much. "'Mina took a liking to him. So she started...sending him things. Through his people, mind. Made them all run to him for it to stop. He finally got fed up with her attention-seeking and goaded a bunch of Orcs into paying her a visit. She was not amused."

"Neither was I," Rommy said grimly, giving the dough a good punch.

Telki shook her head. "Wow, talk about coincidences. So, want to hear about a real nightmare?" Telki pointed her half nibbled treat at Rommy, shaking it. "And I blame you, Rom, bringing up Daedra last night. Erandur hadn't had a nightmare in ages 'til our conversation.

"So, young Dunmer, brains scrambled to a fair thee well to worship this Daedric nightfuel inducer, runs when he finally gets a chance from an Orc attack, and gets sent back in to take out her little thingymadoodle.

"And while he's doing the ceremony, would you believe she had the gall to hop in my head all 'Vaermina commands you?" Telki snorted. "Like I ever followed an order in my life. So I sent her packing. She was in my head, after all. My head, my rules."

Sam sat at the counter, propping his head on his hand. "How'd you unscramble his scrambles?"

"Well, after I got her out of my head by giving her her own nightmare, I, um," Telki blushed, thankful her fur covered it. " Well. Let's say I gave him a good memory to have of that place. But! I can't take all the credit for unscrambling him. Finding peace with Mara did a lot. I think I just, helped finalize the deal, as it were?"

Sam smiled happily. That was his new favorite story. He planned to tell it next family dinner he was invited to. Turning to Rommy, Sam said "It's amazing what demigods can do, isn't it?"

"I'm still halfway to beating you with a spatula."

"I'd like that."

"Which is why I'm not doing it."

"Hmm, is there any bacon around here? It's time I got my guys up." In front of Telki was a platter with nothing but empty skewers.

Sam waggled his eyebrows. "Can I watch you get them...up?"

"Down boy, I think you had too much vicarious fun as it was last night. Don't think I don't recognize the voice from the wall." Telki puttered through the cold storage until she found enough rashers of horker bacon to do. Now to find a skillet and she'd be in business.

Rommy shoved a basket of eggs at Sam. "Make yourself useful. And if you fry them in beer again I'll...I'll take you to the Temple of Mara and make you listen to sermons!"

"Make sure it's Briehl's turn. He's still learning and mumbles a lot. Extra painful." Telki offered. "Though, if you use the right sweet mead, the eggs actually come out pretty flavorful."

"Sweetheart, I know you mean well, but do not let this man give you anything involving alcohol," Rommy advised.

"Then just fry the eggs with the bacon. You'll at least win Gideon's undying devotion."

Thinking about it for a moment, the Breton said, "Will he give me something else? Devotion's not as fun as some other things I can think of."

"Get a signed permission slip from the rest of us first." Telki was prepping the bacon. She had found some savory herbs and was rubbing them in. She was still waiting to see someone at least try for the permission slip. It should be fun to watch at least. Sam looked like he might be the first.

Sanguine perked right up. "Rommy! You learned all that noble drafting crap! I need a permission slip!"

"Eggs first," Rommy replied firmly without looking up.

With the first whiff of bacon on the air, the first of Telki's boys stumbled out of their room. Gideon, with a massive case of bedhead and wearing nothing but his trousers, was still rubbing his eyes. He bounced off the doorjamb before finding his way into the kitchen. "Bacon?"

"It's cooking love. Good morning." Telki stretched to tiptoes, and Gideon still had to bend down. Momma Rainier grew them tall as trees. "Sleep well?"

Gideon gave her a half lidded smile, "Once someone let me sleep."

"You are impossible, drink your coffee." One could actually watch the individual synapses fire to life as he narrowed his eyes at both Sam and Rommy. It was clear something was bothering the big Nord.

The Imperial raised a single, eloquent eyebrow at the man. "Put your pants on backwards or something?" he asked, in a perfectly normal tone of voice.

"Trying to decide how to have this talk civilly. Diplomacy's Telki's job; mine is keeping her safe." Gideon neatly picked up a strip of bacon, and began chewing it, as Telki ladled the first share of eggs onto his plate. "That goes for her emotional well-being as well."

"Best wait until after breakfast for civility. I'm dangerous when covered with flour," Romulus said without batting an eye.

"I am fairly sure there is no time you are not dangerous, if you so choose."

Rommy's eyes flickered upward, regarding the man for a moment before returning to what he was working on. "Would you be helpful and get that jar of preserves from up there? Nords always put the sweet stuff on the highest shelves, and my little arms can't reach."

Gideon smiled around his bite, and complied. As long as he was being civil, Gideon would return the favor. It would help if he could pin down what unsettled him about Romulus. It wasn't a sense of evil...not even the drunkard did that, though, 'smarmy' did read off him in droves. He quickly returned to his plate, situated so he could watch both men.

Rommy opened the winter sealed jar with no trouble, carefully spooning out snowberry jam into the bits of dough before folding them over in a quick, intricate knot, obviously having done this many times. His fingers were light and quick, and Sam paused to watch him. "You always are so good with your hands," the drunk sighed happily.

"Shove it."

"With pleasure."

"You know what I mean," Rommy grumbled, by now so used to Sam's flirting he didn't even blush.

"And you know what I hope."

"I am not afraid to tell the girls to stop visiting."

Sam let out a whine much more suited to a toddler and pouted. "Two whole realms full of pretty girls, and you'd keep them all away?"

"Well, positive reinforcement isn't working."

"Fine. I'll just fantasize about Tsun here's happy trail." The Breton turned to sigh and stare at the Nord, not being discreet in the least.

It took Gideon a moment to clear the bacon out of his windpipe, thankful most of Sam's ogling was lost in tears and hacking.

"Realms? Rommy, just how high up the totem pole are you?" Telki nonchalantly popped Sam on the head. "Be nice, ogle after he finishes eating at least."

Sam caught her hand. "Have you finished eating?"

"Sam," Rommy called remonstratively, and in a voice that made it very clear he's used to giving orders and having them obeyed. Sam pouted again as Rommy turned to Telki, "I've never climbed a whaz-it pole in my life," he replied.

"Skaal expression; the most important figures were always at the top."

Erandur emerged then, looking more alert and a little more put together than Gideon, up to and including brushing his hair and putting a tunic on first. "Snowberry tarts and bacon? Is it my birthday?" Erandur took a seat next to Gideon, looking hopefully over to where the snowberries were disappearing into the oven.

"Nope, just Rommy's baking spree," Telki placed a full plate in front of him, and kissed him and Gideon both before turning back to fix Mercutio's plate.

Once again, Rommy and Sam found themselves the object of silent scrutiny, this time from Erandur. Rommy didn't react, just going about his baking before he burned something. Sam wasn't so intelligent. "So, Dunmer, I heard you defiled a shrine of Vaermina. She must be mad at you!"

"I suppose she is, as far as such a one cares about any of us mortals. I did consecrate Nightcaller Temple to Mara."

Sam's face screwed up slightly, as if he found this a debatable improvement, but the sight of it was quickly blocked by Rommy bringing over a plate of scones. "Forgive him, he's just hopelessly rude."

Telki laughed out loud and patted his shoulder as she passed. Her arrogant ass senses were tingling, and she had his plate on the table waiting for him the moment he showed in the doorway, picture perfect.

Before anyone could say anything, Sam slipped over to him. "Hello, I am a rude rascal. How can I be of service?"

Muttering, "I can't take him anywhere," Rommy moved on to see what was left of the bacon.

"Um, hi? By letting me get to my food, perhaps?"

Grabbing his arm and leading him over to where the others were sitting, Sam yelled "Rommy! How many permission slips can you make on short notice?"

"I'll make a blanket one if you quit asking," the Imperial replied, rolling his eyes and dragging a chair over.

Telki dished up the last two plates for Rommy and Sam. "Here boys, have at it."

"Thank you," Rommy replied, taking it courteously and tucking in with what was probably the most mannerly fashion anyone had ever tucked into breakfast. Sam kept dropping eggs onto his plate as the slippery things slid off his fork, since he wouldn't take his eyes off the quartette long enough to stab them properly.

"That works better if you actually pay attention to what you're doing, and not who you want to do, dear." Telki was smooth as silk as she finally ate her own share.

Looking down for perhaps a split second, the Breton partially memorized where everything was before looking back up again. This time, most of the food made it to his mouth. Rommy considered summoning a Scamp to feed him, but dismissed the idea, because Scamps were notoriously messy and would probably only make things worse.

"So, have we had 'The Talk' yet, or are we doing that after breakfast?" Mercutio asked. Telki could only shake her head. Rommy might have Sam as his cross to bear, but she had three of them, and there were times she swore Mercutio wasn't that far off from a Sam of her own. Well, at least he could feed himself, she amended.

"I'm still eating," Rommy put in, dabbing his mouth with a napkin, then wiping Sam's like a small child. Sam didn't appear to notice.

"Not only am I still eating, I fully intend to have a few of those snowberry tarts, if I may." Erandur nodded at Rommy.

"They need a few minutes," he informed the Dunmer.

"Ooh, just enough time for some quality snuggles." Telki situated herself on Gideon's lap, now that his plate was cleared, and propped her legs on Erandur, who casually caught them in a practiced move that immediately caressed the calves. Telki sighed in contentment.

Rommy watched this silently for a moment before returning to his food. Sam sighed enviously. "Rommy, why don't girls ever want to snuggle with me?"

"Because you smell like booze and have horns."

"You jest."

"Occasionally it happens." He wasn't, but...

Erandur's puzzled look was back, glancing between Rommy and Sam. "Are you two related?"

Rommy shrugged. "In a way. We might as well be brothers at this point, and-though my mother would disown me for it-I kind of think of him like one."

Sam shook his head. "But I would dearly love to get into his pants."

Rommy added, "Which is why we really, really confuse people."

"Well, you two bicker like brothers, anyway," observed Telki, who stopped and tilted her head for a moment. "Or an old married couple. Scary."

Sanguine gushed, putting his plate aside and pushing his way into Rommy's lap. "Sweetums!"

Romulus dumped him on the floor. "I am trying to eat here."

"Oh, so you'll let her sit on you, but not me?" Sam pouted from the floor.

"She is much prettier than you. And lighter," the Imperial replied without missing a beat.

Giving Telki a once-over, Sam leered, "I'll give you that one."

Telki glanced over to where Mercutio was systematically and fastidiously disappearing his breakfast. It wouldn't take him much longer. He glanced up long enough to send her a wink. She winked back, and settled herself against Gideon's bulk. Nords put off some serious body heat. She was comfy and toasty right where she was.

Examining them for a moment, eyes shaded, Romulus rose from his chair abruptly, putting his plate into the half-barrel of water to soak dishes in. "Excuse me," he said, giving them a little bow before heading out onto the porch.

Telki stared after him, chewing her bottom lip. "Is he okay?"

Sam shrugged. "You probably remind him of...Well, you aren't the first pretty girl with violet eyes he's met."

Telki scrunched her brows in thought. "I'm Khajiit, you'd think it'd take more than a similar eye color to set someone off like that. Should he be alone, or would going after him make it worse?"

"What set him off was probably all the gratuitous affection. I know it's affecting me," he added, waggling his brows.

"I'd hug you, but you'd probably grope me from here to Oblivion." Telki playfully stuck her tongue out at Sam, who stared at it, imagination working overtime. She glanced over at Mercutio, who was starting to look put out, so decided to play it off. Gideon hugged her a little tighter, and Erandur was squeezing her knees. Yeah, Her Boys were on high alert, time to save Sam from himself.

"Permission slip first, Sam."

"He'd probably lay me out in the snow if I went and asked for one just now," the Daedra replied, glancing at the door. Though his manner was relaxed, there was a hint of worry around his dark eyes.

"That's it. I'ma go check on him. You guys play nice. I mean it. Sam's mostly harmless. I think." Telki added as she swiftly went after Rommy, throwing the first cloak she passed over her shoulders.

Seeing Rommy staring blankly up at the sky, knee deep in snow set off every mothering instinct Telki possessed. She carefully wrapped her borrowed cloak around his shoulders. "Hey you."

He jumped, having not even realized she was there. The snow around him eddied in complicated almost-patterns for a moment before he collected himself. Looking down, he pulled at the cloak a little, like he was unfamiliar with them. "Don't you need this?"

"Well, you bein' such a gentleman and all, thought you might share it with me?"

Giving her a soft grin, he removed it and settled it back around her shoulders. "Probably not the best idea right now. I'll be back in a minute. Don't want to burn anything, after all."

"Only reason I came out was because I was worried about you. If you need an ear?"

Surprise flickered across his face. "You were worried about me? Why?"

"You're a sweet person, and I'd like to at least be friends." Telki shrugged. "You also set off my caretaker instincts six ways to Sundas, if your ego isn't too fragile to handle that little tidbit."

Giving a little chuckle, he rubbed the back of his neck ruefully. "I don't actually have that much of an ego. Odd, for my family, but...I don't." Dropping his hand, he smiled a bittersweet smile, eyes twinkling sadly. "Don't let me bother you, Telki. I'm just here trying to...forget, really. You make me remember, but it's the good bits. The ones I had mostly forgotten with everything that happened after."

"You see? That, that right there is what I'm talking about! I want to go find the warmest fluffiest blanket and wrap you up and feed you till you pop from contentment." One hand on her hip, and the other wagging a finger in his face, Telki's expression was caught somewhere between frustration and exasperation. "If it helps, you can tell me about it any time you like." Telki twitched her ears. "Aedra knows I have the ears for it."

He blinked, face going blank in surprise before laughing merrily, the air around them seeming brighter for it, as if a cloud had lifted. Turning to her, he summoned fire to both hands momentarily before cupping them over her ears. "Best not let them fall off due to cold, then," he teased.

The door slammed, making them jump and glance up at a furious Mercutio, both hands alight with flame, but not for earmuff purposes. "Just what do you think you're doing?" He sounded strong and in control, but Telki knew it was all fueled by hurt. Truly, of the three men, his trust was the most fragile. If she ever got her hands on the tart that hurt him, there wouldn't be enough left to send to Sithis.

"Back off, you entitled nobbish prick." Telki could honestly say she never saw such a vicious snarl on Mercutio's face, and he practically flew down the steps, fiery fists swinging for Rommy's face.

Not quite surprised but definitely pleased, Rommy stepped back, his arm deflecting the fellow Imperial's blow upward, ducking below the punch and moving back. Speaking of reminding him of the good old days…

Mercutio hadn't been training with Gideon for nothing, and even as Romulus moved back, Mercutio's footing was already in position to knock him off-balance. Rommy tumbled, rolling through the snow and putting himself out of the other Imperial's reach. Mercutio's fireball was already inbound. Eyes wide in surprise, he dodged again, narrowly missing a nasty facial burn. He crouched further away, smiling eerily. His hand twitched, tossing a Frost Rune on the ground behind his opponent. Mercutio just saw his enemy still on the ground, grinning at him. He kept flinging a steady stream of fireballs, never slowing down or giving Rommy time to plan, trying to overwhelm him. However, Rommy had been fighting before Mercutio's grandparents were conceived, and was used to thinking on his feet. Rommy waited, sheltered behind a round Ward, like they had in his youth. He never understood the wards in this province. What was the point if they were just a shield?

There was a momentary lull as the other mage collected his magicka, and Rommy threw both hands forward, fire and frost heading together towards his opponent's feet. Ice formed, melted and crystallized in a slick sheet between them. As Mercutio backed from the stream of his spells one foot came down just as the mirror-smooth ice formed beneath it. He slipped, stumbling right onto the rune. Ice magic exploded upwards around him, coating him in cold and slowing his movements. Seeing his opening, Rommy moved, laying him out flat in the snow with nothing more than his bare fist.

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Telki winced: She hated it when the Voice happened. It always felt like her jaw was going to come right off. Mercutio's return punch was already in progress when the ground rumbled under them, knocking them both flat. Romulus's was not a soft landing.

He shouted in surprise, falling down beside the other mage with a hand over his eye and cheek, both of which were swelling with bruise. It took him a moment to realize what had happened, and he laughed, hand falling back into the snow. Mercutio looked rather affronted at his laughter, until he got a look at a furious Telki and winced. His affronted ego would have to take a back seat.

"Are you two done? I cannot believe two grown, supposedly sensible men, are rolling around out here in the snow like a couple of half-wild heathens. And over what? Do tell. What were you even fighting about?" Telki wished the snow was a little more packed. Soft snow totally ruined the effect of a good toe tap.

Rommy laughed as he sat up, regarding her. "I never claimed to be sensible," he reminded her, wagging a finger at her. "And sometimes, not sensible people just want to rearrange someone's face. Or each other's faces, as the case may be." Glancing over at the other man, his grin widened, "Nice punch! That hurt like a daedra!"

Mercutio, officially confused, wasn't exactly sure what answer he could give that wouldn't further anger Telki. "Thanks, I think." He winced again. "Yours certainly isn't slacking. I'll probably have a shiner at least a week, if not two."

Rommy dusted the snow off himself, "Sam's actually a decent hand at Restoration, if he hasn't drunk the place dry while no one was keeping an eye on him."

Telki looked up to the porch, momentarily giving the two up as a lost cause. "Well, I would have said Erandur and Gideon were on the job, but apparently, my little whoopsie brought the cavalry out," and there they were, Gideon ready with shield, hammer, and full armor, while Erandur was ready with mace and fire bright hand.

Seeing her unhurt, Gideon slung his shield across his back, and hooked his hammer back on his belt. "What happened?"

"Take a wild guess." The disappointed look Telki slung over her shoulder at the pair would have been enough to curdle milk. As it was, Mercutio was doing his best to disappear into the snowdrifts at his feet.

"This gallant took issue with my hands being where he assumed they didn't belong," Rommy supplied, half hoping the Nord would make the same assumption.

Gideon raised his eyebrow at that. Either Mercutio misunderstood what he saw, or he simply hadn't let Telki handle matters her way. Either way, Merc just ensured himself a night in the doghouse. "I'm assuming everything is settled, and we can return inside?"

"Here Love, you look about frozen." Erandur had made his way down to Telki, and wrapped his own body-warmed cloak around the sodden cloak Telki was still wearing, letting her half melt into his warmth as he led her back inside, effectively distracting her from Mercutio and the mess.

As if someone had stabbed his posterior with a small fork, Rommy jerked up and cried, "The tarts!" and ran inside, darting as nimbly around them all as if he hadn't just been fighting in the snow and was still covered with it (though the moment he got inside his clothes began to steam out the water, remarkably like magic). Nearly sticking his head inside the oven, which smelled strongly of charred something, he reached in, a little white light flickering around him. "Ah, no, they're good!"

"Thank-hic!-goodness," Sam said, from where he lay on the counter, surrounded by three empty wine bottles and one in his hand. Yet another was pillowing his head.

"Oh sweet Aedra, someone killed a distillery. No, my mistake, it's just Sam." Telki shook out both cloaks, hanging them as close to the fire as she dared to let them dry out.

"Looking at all these bottles, he might have emptied a distillery." Erandur wrinkled nose. "How are you still alive?" Erandur shook his head in wonder as he sat back down at his plate, awaiting the promised tarts.

"Old family-hic!-secret," Sam revealed, laying one long finger along his nose, "Momma put meady milk in my-hic!-bottle."

"I would not be surprised if that were actually true," Rommy replied, scooting a tart onto Erandur's plate. He glanced at the cloaks and waved a hand at them, green light dancing around his fingers. They started steaming, green mist hovering over the cloth. Erandur raised his eyebrows at the easy command of magic.

"You're hurt!" Sam cried out, reaching listlessly for his friend. "You look all manly! Let me kiss it better."

"Ah, no, not while you're drunk off your tail, I don't think. How about I take care of it, hmm?" Telki had the one healing spell she knew alight in her hand.

Sam muttered to himself. "I don't have a tail...do I have a tail? She has a tail. I'd like to see her tail better…"

"I can do it," Rommy revealed, "I just kinda...missed it?"

Four pairs of eyes turned to him, with four matching expressions of incredulousness. "Missed it?" Erandur gently asked.

"Pain," he replied cheerfully. The looks didn't change, except to gain added confusion. "It's been a long time since someone was...brave enough to try to hit me."

"Don't I wish I had such an impressive reputation?" Telki huffed. "Instead, everyone seems to want to measure themselves against the 'mighty Dragonborn'. One reason I detest using Shouts, that and I always feel like I dislocate my jaw." Telki walked over to Rommy, poking his chest with her finger. "But the next time you want to spar, just say so! I'm sure any of the boys would be happy to exercise with you, without having to incite jealous rages." Telki turned her bright gaze on Mercutio. "Which we will be discussing at length, later. Don't think I forgot, boyo."

"Well," Rommy said, sitting next to the half-barrel full of dishes and holding a fire spell over them, a rune sinking down to hover over the surface of the water until it steamed, "it's always more fun when they want to actually take a piece out of you. That's why I love Skyrim so much; everything wants to take a piece out of you!" Reaching in to start scrubbing the dishes, he added, "People don't tend to challenge me anymore, not since...well, the last ruler of my provinces frequently sent people tumbling to their deaths from a great height when challenged."

Telki groaned, and dropped her head on Gideon's shoulder. "Are you perchance the last sane man in Skyrim?" Gideon chuckled and patted her head.

"Funny she should ask…" Sam muttered.

"I would be lying if I didn't admit to wanting to test my hammer against Romulus' skull a few times already myself."

"Really? Seriously? Oh sweet mothering maker!" Telki turned a calculating gaze on Romulus. "The more tidbits you drop, the more I'm tempted to open the Curious Box. That, or offer you asylum from whatever nonsense you've gotten yourself into. Place does not sound pleasant in the least."

Drying a plate and setting it aside, he replied, "The entire landscape has giant mushrooms. Such places are, well, not entirely unpleasant, but not pleasant, either."

"I didn't know there were any Human lead provinces in Morrowind." Erandur spoke. He was holding what Telki was sure was the fifth tart to make its way onto his plate. Mer had a sweet-tooth to rival her own.

"Oh, the Dunmer tolerate me," he declared cheerfully. "Well, at least no one has tried to murder me for a while. That...is actually what made me so bored, probably."

"Romulus, we have got to find you better hobbies. There're ways to stave off boredom without sacrificing life and limb. Promise you." Telki had started the tedious process of getting Gideon out of his armor. He could put it on faster than lightning, but getting it off always seemed to take forever.

Sam pawed the air in their direction. "I wanna-hic!-help!"

"Well, don't someone wish he'd stayed sober enough to help, then." Telki snarked, stumbling back with the weight of Gideon's pauldron.

"I do have other hobbies," Rommy protested, waving at Sam, "I keep him out of...some of the trouble he normally would have gotten into. I visit old friends. I...what else do I do? Find fun new things to do with old spells!" He'd banished four fish and a gecko from the washwater just in the course of the conversation, for one, but if they hadn't noticed he wasn't going to point it out. Then he'd have to explain how they got in there.

"I've noticed. By the by, you're teaching me that ward spell before you go." Telki was working the vambrace free of the endless buckles it seemed to have holding it on. "But apparently, if you're hunting fights just for the novelty of pain, something's off kilter."

"I am entirely off kilter," he said with dignity. "It is part of my charm."

"It would suit me just fine if you moderated your brand of off kilter to involve less self harm. M'kay?" came the whipcrack reply. The effectiveness was rather lessened by the sound of tail hitting the floor with a thud, and the rattle of a newly freed vambrace. "But I got it free!"

Rommy waved that off negligently. "You should worry less, Kitten. There was an arena in the town I grew up in. All the boys wanted to fight in it, myself included. And when I was older, I did. That's mostly what I missed."

"Your Adoring Fan?" Sam teased, clasping his hands to his chest like a swooning maiden.

A wry expression crossed the Imperial's handsome face. "I brought him with me, remember? For some reason, the man's still crazy about me."

"Arena fighting? Huh, that explains a lot. Still, what I said stands, I prefers me friends in one piece." Telki shook the vambrace at him for emphasis. "Though, if you just gotta, I'd prefered if you sparred with Gideon. He at least has healy spells on tap."

"Hey!" Erandur grabbed Mercutio's face to hold it still, still working on the massive shiner. Apparently, it was going to take a bit to heal.

"You've nobody to blame but yourself, you coulda learned, but you didna!" Telki tilted her head to study the blossoming bruise on Rommy's cheek. "So, are you going to get that, leave it, or let me fix it?"

He shrugged, still scrubbing a mixing bowl. His face started healing, apparently of its own accord.

"You're secretly a lost scion of the Original Septim line, admit it." Telki was only half joking. It was the only thing that seemed to fit all the clues. Why he was on the run, a family disappointment, knew so much about Daedra, and had one mothering mage talent.

Eyebrows shooting towards his hairline, he blurted, "Well, that's closer than anyone else has gotten. Still wrong, but closer."

"And look! I'm still alive!" Telki giggled. Behind her, Gideon and Erandur shared a look, shaking their heads. They hadn't puzzled him out yet, but they were fairly certain it wasn't anything as mundane as 'just' a lost royal. Mercutio was still sulking over the attention Telki was giving Rommy.

"Stay that way," Romulus advised with complete seriousness, pointing a fork at her.

"I fully intend to." Telki sniffed, as if that were obvious. "It's not like I go looking for trouble."

"You don't have to Dear, not when it so easily finds you on its own." Erandur didn't even look up from where he was healing Mercutio's face, so he missed Telki sticking her tongue out. He probably knew anyway. Gideon just chuckled and shook his head, stripping off the last of his armor.

Telki tossed her hand up to her forehead, an over-the-top expression of woe on her face, huge pleading eyes with suspicious crinkles at the corners beaming at Rommy. "Help me Romulus, it seems my men have turned on me!"

Sam rolled over on the counter and wrapped his arms around the trapped Mercutio. Rommy grinned and stood, "Can't have that," he declared, walking over and sweeping her into his arms before striding to the door. "You can have her back when you're ready to appreciate her!" he called to the men. Barely muffled giggles could be heard wafting from Rommy's chest area.

"Um, either of you care to help me out of here, so we can go collect our wife?" Mercutio felt rather like a fish in an octopus' grip, and he worried where those six extra hands were liable to wind up. As if some god of ill luck had caught the thought, they started to wander. "Quickly!" he yelped. Erandur chuckled; he didn't think Mercutio's voice went that high.

Meanwhile, Sam was doing his best impression of a starfish with an oyster, wrapping himself around the hapless mage, mumbling happily in his sleep around the occasional snore while Mercutio was coming unglued. He chanted "Bad touch, bad touch!" over and over, almost running it into a single repeated word, and Gideon wondered if he wouldn't have to get his magic gauntlets to pry Sam off him. The few other patrons around were staring at them in horrified fascination or amusement, as suited their natures.

The first attempts to pull Mercutio away threatened to bring Sam right off the counter. That didn't really seem to improve the situation, so they tried prying his arms from around Mercutio, who was getting more and more hysterical. Gideon finally decided 'Oblivion take it" and yanked the mage to him hard, pulling Sam right off the counter and onto the floor.

The drunken Breton sat up groggily, looking around like he didn't know where he was. "Where's the wench?" he demanded blurrily.

"If you meant Telki, I'll not stop Gideon from hammering some manners into your thick skull." Erandur answered.

Looking down at his hands as they opened and closed, he shook his head. "I don't think that was-hic!-the pretty cat lady. Felt kinda...flat chested, actually."

Mercutio yelped and hid behind Gideon's broad back. Gideon outright laughed, and even Erandur chuckled. "That was Mercutio, not a woman."

Weaving to his feet, the drunkard replied, "That explains it! I was grabbin' the wrong parts!" Lurching toward the pair, he tried to look alluring. "Let me try again…"

"No, I don't think so. It's time you go sleep some of that off." Erandur deftly turned the Breton towards his own room. "Besides, we've our own to tend to right now. I'm sure Romulus will be back in shortly."

Cuddling up to the Dunmer's arm, Sam sighed, "You can join me. Show me the benevolence of Mara, eh?"

"Sadly, I've other things to tend right now." Erandur worked to free his arm, why did he ever get within reach of the man?

That was the sight that greeted a pouting Telki, still in Rommy's arms as they made their chilly way back in the inn: There was Erandur, trying to pry Sam off his arm, Mercutio hiding behind Gideon's back, and Gideon wondering precisely what he should do now. He wasn't exactly looking to have a Sam leech on him, either.

Romulus took one look and started laughing so hard he had to lean against the wall for support, letting Telki slide down slowly. "No wonder they were taking so long!"

"Attack of the Sam?" Telki's lips were twitching.

Shaking his head, eyes glowing with mirth, Rommy called to the Priest, "Do you need some help?"

"I would be most appreciative, kind sir." Erandur's voice was slightly strained. How it stayed as level as it did while under Sam attack was a miracle known only to Mara.

Pushing himself off the wall, Rommy tapped the tip of Telki's nose and said quietly, "Don't go anywhere; they never did say they were ready to appreciate you," he reminded her, then strode over to the Dunmer and Breton. Honestly, were it not that the woman had been freezing without a cloak, he would have waited until they came outside to fetch her. "Come on, Sam," he said, hoisting the other man over his shoulder with no apparent issues and carrying him into their room. "Oh, look! Your bed mate's still here!" he crowed, depositing the Daedric Prince of Debauchery next to the scarecrow they had stolen. Sam cuddled up to it, beatific smile on his face.

"Daaarliiing…" he mumbled.

While Rommy dealt with his ...whatever exactly Sam was to him, Mercutio, Erandur, and Gideon had gathered around Telki, who was leaning nonchalantly against the doorjamb, smiling at them.

"Precisely what was all that about?" Gideon was right in front of her, arms folded and his no nonsense voice in full effect. Too bad Telki'd had plenty long enough to get used to it.

"You heard the man. You three don't appreciate me properly." Telki goaded. "So here I shall wait, until you three do." And that was Gideon's limit. Massive warm hands gripped her at the hips, and then slid slowly up her sides to pull her in close.

"Oh really?" Did she mention how much she loved the rumbly voice? Because she really loved the rumbly voice. "Perhaps I should show you right here, or perhaps our room would be a better place to show you exactly how much I appreciate you?"

"So you three do appreciate, me, then?" It was really hard to keep the laughter out of her voice.

"Minx, you know it." Telki felt Gideon growl low in his chest. It gave her the good kind of shivers. She cuddled to his chest: He was wearing his red velvet doublet, and she loved the feel of it under her cheek.

Rommy returned, giving them a once-over. "Did they prove their appreciation?" he asked Telki with feigned sternness.

"They've verbally reaffirmed their dedication to my well-being and happiness. Think that's enough for now?"

Still looking stern, he said, "Well, as long as you're happy."

Did he just give her that opening? He did. Was she going to take it? Oh Aedra above, but was she. Fluttering her long lashes, she all but purred from Gideon's chest, "Well, I could be happier, but someone's gonna have to put Sam in restraints."

For the first time, Rommy showed signs of nervousness. "Well, he actually really likes that, so I'd advise against it."

"Rommy," Telki decided to take mercy and spell it out for him. "I want quality time with my guys without worrying there'll be a Samteruption."

He sighed, rubbing his face, still looking slightly stressed. "That is one mighty big distraction you're-hold on." Looking up, he raised one hand and turned toward an empty piece of floor. A large, whirling orb appeared, frightening the other guests back into their rooms to peek around the doors. It seemed to be taking an awful long time to bring whatever was being conjured, and Rommy tapped his foot impatiently.

While Gideon didn't actively distrust Rommy, he wasn't taking any chances. He moved Telki and the other two behind him, hand resting on the hammer that he wore even with his most casual of clothes. Of course Erandur and Mercutio sandwiched Telki with nascent wards rippling in their hands like ethereal fountains, a huffed 'honestly' could be heard mixed in the sound of the Conjure. Gideon remained unruffled. "Weren't you the one that said careless mistakes can strike even the most practiced of mages?"

Finally, the bubble vanished, leaving a tall, statuesque woman that could have been an Altmer at first glance, until one saw the slitted golden eyes. She wore gold armor that matched her skin, more skimpy than practical, and a resigned expression. "Lord Sam again?" she asked without preamble.

Romulus's grin was ingratiating, and the daedra sighed. "Master, you can't keep doing this to me! I always get stuck with him! Do you know what he did to me last time?"

"Bruised your knuckles with his face?" Rommy guessed.

"Well, yes, but that's not the point!" she cried, stomping over to him. She was half a head taller than him, but blushed when he took her hand and rubbed the back of her fingers against his cheek.

"Goldie, I know you go through a lot for me. If he gets too troublesome just...drop him in the snow."

She paused, face still a lovely shade of orange with her blushes, and looked thoughtful. "Alright. As long as I have your permission." Taking her hand back, she strode into the room where Sam was sleeping. Only, apparently he wasn't, because he greeted her arrival with a glad cry, followed shortly by a loud smacking sound. The slap kind, not the kiss kind.

"Thank you, but we are going to have a very serious heart to heart later." It lost some of its punch, as she was making this announcement from Gideon's shoulder, as he wasted no time getting her to their room.

"Never look a gift Saint in the mouth," quipped Mercutio as he closed their door with a saucy wink.

Grinning, Rommy waved goodbye as the door closed, then settled himself to watch the fire, taking the opportunity to erase the memory of this little incident from every other patron in the inn. It was never any fun when they were all afraid of him. That done, he stared back into flames for a while, but they made him remember, so he materialized a cloak and headed out into the snow.

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Thank you for reading, guys! Don't worry, it's not over yet!

Little-Insomniac: Rommy needs to come with a warning label. Warning: Has smile, will flirt.

areslindragon: Why thank you. We try. ^_^