Standing in that doorway with Augustus' arms wrapped around me was just the best feeling ever. It was if when he died my human qualities had too and I'd just been reunited with him and them. Loving him was my favourite thing to do and I had not been able to do my favourite thing for two long, cancerous years.
Okay so I guess I did leave people in the dark; Isaac, kaitlyn, Lidewij... So for the time being I'm going to pretend you're them and elaborate on my rather usual (for a cancer patient) yet rather unusual story. (for a totally normal teenager)
After Gus died, I shrivelled into the old Hazel. Depressed, boring, ordinary. I watched America's next top model over and over, I poked around on facebook, I slept, I wept. I'm not going to sugar coat this- I'm not going to give cancer any pizazz because it's an illness and it cannot have traits. It's simply a thing that cannot be helped. So anyway, I just reverted into my former self before Gus; my parents realised and they insisted I try hard to get better and I promised to try as hard as I could. But in the end I broke my promise and I kinda wanted to die, even though I was selfish, I wanted to die to stop the hurt. I just didn't have the energy. I got sick again and the doctors said they didn't think I'd heal this time and they were right. When it was the last time I was checking into hospital and my nurse asked me on a scale of 1-10 how I'd rate my pain... I said 1 because compared to losing Gus, it was nothing. After 6 days in hospital I knew it was the day and I said goodbye and I died. Nothing extra ordinary really.
Now I'm laying with Gus in his room, playing around with his hair as he rests on my lap, writing this all down. Because it just so happens everything is almost perfect. Alaska young seems to think Isaac will be joining us soon. We'd better make the most of the quietness.
Hazel Grace Lancaster, signing out.